"J'aime toi, et je suis..."
Kaneki inwardly groaned. /Why did I agree to this again?/
THREE HOURS EARLIER
"Kaneki!" Touka walked into the coffee shop, waving an envelope. "Check it out,Kaneki. Tsukiyama promised that he'd leave you alone. In exchange, he wants...wait...here's the list." Touka unraveled a huge paper. "Condition 1: I want your jacket. Condition 2: a lot of your blood. Condition 3: I get to eat anyone else. Condition 4: Touka leaves me alone and stops being annoying. Condition 5: Kaneki must recieve French lessons from me every day...I'm sorry, Kaneki. There were actually six conditions, but I managed to get out of the "kiss kaneki" one. But I'm really, really sorry...do you want me to come with you to these French lessons?"
"I'll pass," sighed Kaneki. "Thanks anyway. I guess it'll be good if I learn another language anyway. Now I can communicate with crazy cannibal French ghouls..."
"You just described Tsukiyama," said Touka, amused. "If he tries to eat you in these, uhm, French lessons, then I'll kill him, I swear."
"Thanks." Kaneki smiled gratefully. "You're the best help, Touka."
And THAT was why Kaneki was at a desk, learning how to conjugate être and avoir.
"Just remember it like this, Kaneki!" said Tsukiyama loudly. "Je suis, tu es, il est, elle est, nous sommes vous êtes ils sont is être! Isn't that easy? If you want to say "you are a snail", you would say "tu es un escargot!"
/Tsukiyama, how do you say, "I honstly do not give a shit"?/
"Kanekiiiiiiiii, are you listeninggggggggg? Don't you want to learn how to read French books? You know, there are some really good French books..."
Kaneki's attention was caught. "How do you read French?"
Tsukiyama grinned. "Well..."
"So that's pronounced aaa?" said Kaneki. "It's so confusing...what does it mean?"
"...what do you mean, what does it mean?! It's a letter of the English alphabet which also applies to French..."
Kaneki gronaed. "I don't get it, damnit! Just eat me, already! This is just torture. I'd rather be eaten..."
Tsukiyama looked up. "You sure about that?"
"What? No! That was a joke! Keep teaching me French!"
"Are you sure?" Tsukiyama's voice was low and Kaneki shivered.
"Don't. Eat some other ghoul..."
"You tasted the best, though..."
"That's creepy."
Tsukiyama closed his eyes. "I can hardly even remember what you taste like, though!" His voice was whiny.
Kaneki felt his face heat up. "That doesn't mean you need a reminder! I'm not some experiment, or something for you to test on!"
"Je t'aime."
"Stop screwing around with me." Kaneki sat back, and drank from the coffee he'd brought with him. "I don't know French and you're so annoying about everything. Stop it!"
"Vous êtes tellement ennuyeux, Kaneki," said Tsukiyama, his voice practically a whisper at this point.
"Aren't you supposed to be teaching me what that stuff means?" said Kaneki, bored.
Tsukiyama ignored him. "Y'know," said Tsukiyama thoughtfully. "Touka didn't agree to my sixth condition."
"Oh, dear jesus," muttered Kaneki, trying to scoot away.
"Kaneki?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR DAMN OBSESSION WITH ME?" Kaneki finally exploded. "Leave me alone, leave me the fuck alone! I don't want your stupid French lessons, or your riddles, and I'm sick of dealing with your idiocy! Just go to hell already, Tsukiyama!"
Tsukiyama's mouth opened started to laugh. "Ha! Ha. I win."
"What?"
"I got you to show me what you really feel." Tsukiyama grinned slyly. "It's my turn now."
"What are you-"
Tsukiyama grabbed Kaneki's wrist, and pulled him closer, taking in the scent. "So goddamn-good..." he groaned. "Damn it, Kaneki, what the hell is up with that scent..."
"What the-Okay, phone, phone, where's my phone-hey, that's my phone! Stop twirling my phone on your finger! You're gonna break it and I need Touka to rescue-nothing."
"You can't go now," said Tsukiyama. "I won't let anyone else..."
"Phone, phone..." muttered Kaneki. "Where's my phone...murder attempt at 9:00 pm...Japanese time...French cannibal ghoul...I need my phone..."
"Shut up! You're here for French lessons, remember?"
Kaneki nervously looked around. /He needed a phone./
"Stop IGNORING ME." Tsukiyama dragged Kaneki forward and kissed him.
Kaneki stood, paralyzed. /Okay, what the hell was going on?/
He could hardly breathe, he could hardly kiss back. His mouth was dry, waiting to see what'd happen.
/What WAS happening?/
Tsukiyama closed his eyes moaned slightly. "Je t'aime," he whispered into Kaneki's mouth.