The rain fell, and with it came my tears.
The emotions were churning, and I was supposed to say, "I'm sorry." But that phrase eluded my lips and as I stared into his orbs I found myself unable to pull away. The charismatic stare he gave me, the powerful gaze he held on me, it made my heart beat wildly and uncontrollably. My cries pierced the night, the silence of the dark and I felt myself shatter crazily.
It was odd, that I had initiated the separation, but he was the only one tearing my heart in two.
I looked down, once I had finally torn my gaze away from his glowing eyes and breathed. But I made the mistake of proudly tilting my head and found myself once again lost.
The emotions of the heart were dangerous weren't they? I thought that I was protecting my own, very fragile heart. By closing myself up, and not showing my emotions, only pretending to love him, I was only trying not to hurt myself.
But oh, how I killed myself instead.
And maybe him as well in the process. I would never know.
You swore you would protect me, and I believed you. I promised I would love you but I doubted myself. In the board of love, we cast the dice and held our breath. My eyes, I imagined they were glimmering with emotion. I wouldn't know.
Im breathing in your
skin tonight,
Quiet is my loudest
cry,
Wouldn't want to wake
the eyes that make me melt inside.
And if it's healthier
to leave you be,
May a sickness come
and set me free,
Kill me while I still
believe that you were meant for me.
You breathed out carefully, quietly and stepped forward. You embraced me with your warm embrace and leant your head on mine. I didn't want to move, I didn't want everything to change.
But I didn't want to be wrong either. I didn't want you to leave, because I wanted to leave you. You made me doubt my emotions, you made me distrust myself. You were gone and a stranger to me. A familiar stranger.
You were a bottle of contradictions weren't you? When I first met you, you were a gentleman. When you married me, you became a monster. When you loved me, you were the most amazing in the world. But when you loved me too much, you turned into something detestable. When I loved you, you were an angel. When I wouldn't talk to you, you became the devil.
When I left… You dragged me back and gave me brutal memories. When I stayed, I created my own painful memories. You told me your love was free, that there were no conditions. But why do I feel, all the time, that I'm only staying with you because I have to? Your love may be unconditional, but my affection as every string possible attached.
I had my eyes closed so tight till, while I held your memory in my mind.
All those nights that
we kissed,
All the nights that I
missed.
Why do we fall in
love,
When love will only
tear us apart?
And God, say it isn't so. Because it would hurt a lot more to leave you if you loved me still. Because you have to know, that I don't love you anymore. Far from it. What I think of you know, isn't worth you knowing, because who knows what you would do to me then?
I tried to hard to let go of you. I was trying now as well. But it didn't get any easier, and I didn't get any better at it. You're a heartbreaker, and I'm the heartmender. But this time I broke your heart… Were you trying to mend mine?
I felt lonely. And disappointed. And among the other thousand emotions I was feeling, was shame.
It was unbelievable. And unwanted. I turned, to walk away from his figure and then I heard it once. Twice. And three times, in his deep, husky voice. "You're broken us. I'm not going to try finding us."
And my voice found it's identity and loud and ringing came, "No. You slaughtered me Syaoran. I don't care just how much you love me, and I have to say that by the time I wanted to break us, 'us' was already gone. You shouldn't try finding us, because half of it doesn't want to be found."
Hating shades of grey,
Shifting through the
disarray.
Can I find enough of
me to make you stay?
Cuz I'm broken inside,
Pieces of me.
I was praying for anything to just take me away from the destruction and chaos of my mind. I was wishing for emancipation and I was just hoping that after all of this, he would still love me.
It was selfish, because it meant I still wanted that hold on him, I wanted to grasp it and hold it, clutch it tightly in my small fists. And in the back of my mind, it was screaming, 'HOLD ON TO HIM!' but this was the same part of my body which told me to say yes.
And this was just another love story gone wrong. It wasn't what I had wanted, but then again, I had gotten too many things from life to be able to peacefully long for love.
It was the definition of weakness, it was the downfall of our love.
It had started as a game, and ended with a game. And in the end, we both lost to each other.
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A.N: …So. Very short I got inspired… By Suyin!! 3 3 God they are my favourite pairing… My sexy oppa-sshi and my pretty unni/jie . It originally wasn't going to be a Cardcaptor thing… But then I decided it didn't fit… Please leave a review, I'd love to know if you liked it/hated it. Anything is fine with me.
Disclaimer. I don't own Syaoran. I don't own the songs used… Um Yellowcard, VI3 and Camilla own them.