I wrote this for aceftepicw ages ago and I've just now decided to post it.
7:33 pm
Rachel feels sick. The restaurant is beautiful, the food and the service are wonderful, but somewhere deep down in the confines of her stomach she feels ill. It's not a pregnancy scare; God no, Rachel Berry is a contraception advocate. No, the sickness in her gut is being fuelled by the guilt in her heart.
Across the table Kurt and Blaine sit close and talk intimately as they wait for their meal. To her left Rachel feels Jesse's comforting warmth as he presses his fingers gently against the dip in her spine. She looks at him them, hoping to rid herself of that feeling, that shame. It doesn't work. Jesse gives her that smile; beautiful and heart stopping, perfect teeth lining together for her, a simple way to let her know how much he loves her. It's that smile that used to make her breathing pick up, it still does. It makes her feel warm all over; it puts butterflies in her stomach and music in her heart. Rachel feels sick.
Tonight is supposed a celebration, a joyful occasion. After tedious auditions Kurt had finally landed a starring role in a show he'd been with since workshops; it was slated to be a huge hit. They were all working, they had all made it, they were all happy. Except, no matter how much Rachel loves the feel of Jesse lips pressing chastely to her neck, her shoulder (loving and comforting), no matter how cute Blaine and Kurt were being across the table (all light kisses and playful teasing) Rachel knows sometime later tonight, or maybe early tomorrow morning it's Blaine's lips that will be pressed against her neck, his name she'll be panting out. Blaine catches her eye across the table, maybe he feels a little sick too.
Rachel turns to Jesse again; she's assaulted by too blue eyes and a winning smile (she loves that smile). She presses her lips against his, trying to express all the love all the happiness she can because it's real, it is, the way she feels about Jesse; the way hearing his key in the door the same time every night makes her heart skip a beat. "Oh, my man I love him so." Jesse kisses back, eager and perfect, gentle and passionate, in love, in love. "I love you", she more feels than hears against her neck (the guilt builds in her stomach).
The waitress returns. Blaine checks his watch before the plates even reach the table.
Rachel feels sick.
"I love you too."