Smoke and Mirrors
Title: Smoke and Mirrors (1/1)
Author: Starbuck
Rating: R
Summary: Mulder and Scully have recurring dreams as it seems that their partnership is about to end.
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah. They belong to you know who. Don't rub it in.
Archive: With the direct permission of the author only.

Midnight
Mulder's Apartment
4/1/00

"Scully! Where are you? Scully! Can you hear me?"
Mulder ran along the dark corridor with no doors, no lights, and no people. He had no recollection of how he had gotten there. He knew he must find her. He knew she was here. He felt her. Just like he always did when she needed him. Mulder slid his hands across the stark, white walls searching for any entryway. Any sign that she was close by. Mulder could feel the dampness in the air just as if he was in a musty cell block. Yet, it revealed no clue to him as to where he was. Gave no hints as to where Scully could be, or where he should even begin to look for her. Mulder's heart raced with desperation. A desire and fear so entwined that he did not no where one feeling began or where the other ended. All he knew is that he must not stop searching. He must never give up.
Mulder finally found a latch in the wall. Though he could not see any visible signs of a door he lifted the brass handle. At first he pulled on it gently. When it resisted, he put both of his hands on it and pulled with a strength that would rival ten men.
"C'mon Mulder, open the damn door!"
As if the door had heard his plea, it suddenly peeled open revealing a small room. The room had no windows or closets that he could see. However, in the corner of the room was a beautiful brass bed. It was covered in white linen sheets and sprinkled with red rose petals. The antique table to the left had a lit kerosene lamp. Beside the lamp was a picture frame. Mulder stepped in the door cautiously. Ever so carefully he tread upon the hardwood floor. Trying hard not to make the boards creak. The FBI agent in him was ever present. His training was always there to help him when all reason had been lost.
Mulder walked up to the table and stood before it. He looked down at the photo. His eyes blinking hard against reality. He lifted the frame and placed it under the glow of the lamp to get a better look. He already knew before he even entered the room what the photo would show him. As he stood there, with the delicate frame in his now trembling hand, Mulder let out a gut wrenching scream that echoed throughout the corridors from which he had just came through.

2 AM
Mulder's Apartment

Mulder awoke screaming in terror. Yet, as soon as he opened his eyes he could not recall exactly what had happened. He rubbed his eyes and noticed that he had tears on his face. Whatever happened to him so devastated him that he had cried.
"What the hell is wrong with me?"

Midnight
Scully's Apartment
Scully found herself sitting in a strange room. In the corner was a roll top desk with a lock. Scully carefully approached the desk but curiosity won out. She tried to open the desk but the lock prevented her from lifting the top. She turned around to scan the room for a key. Out of the corner of her eye she say it laying on the table next to the large brass bed in the room's center. She walked over to the table, picked up the key, and held in in her palm. She looked back over to the desk. "Well, what do I have to lose?"
Scully returned to the desk and placed the key inside the small lock at the base of the desk. She slowly turned the key to the left until she heard the characteristic click of the lock. She placed both hands on the handle of the roll top and began to lift upwards.
Scully looked inside the desk and saw several items laying in front of her. All of them appeared meaningless to her at first glance. An old picture frame covered in dust, an antique watch on a chain, and a book. She picked up the small book and dusted off the front. She then saw the word "Journal" written in gold across the cover.
"I wonder who this belongs to?"
She carefully opened the journal to see a very familiar name written in the inside.
Fox William Mulder
"I never knew Mulder kept a journal. He doesn't seem the type."
She couldn't help but open to the first entry. She began to tremble as she read the first words.

April 18, 1810

Dear Dana,

I decided to write this journal when you left me. I cannot understand why you had to go but I find myself here alone wondering where you are and if you are okay. Your mother tells me that you are doing well in England. For that I am grateful.
Part of me wishes you would return to me. Without you in my life there is no meaning. Not a single breath of happiness has left me since you boarded that ship........

Scully closed the cover of the journal. "1810? This doesn't make any sense. What the hell is going on here?
It was then that the panic began as Scully realized that she wasn't in her own room or her own time. She picked up the picture frame and wiped away the thin layer of dust that covered it.
"Oh my God...." She gasped in shock.
In Scully's hands was a photo of Scully and Mulder as they would have looked two hundred years ago. It was then that the thought to look at herself in the mirror that was next to the dresser first occurred to her. As she turned to see her reflection she began to cry. She wanted to go home. She wanted Mulder to find her and save her like he had done endless times before.
"Mulder.....please....Mulder....where are you? You have to help me get out of here. Mulder. How did this happen? Why did this happen?

2 AM
Scully's Apartment

Scully tossed and turned in her bed muttering Mulder's name over and over. Suddenly she leaped up from her bed. Sweat covered her face and body. She reached for the glass of water that she had placed on her bedside table and drank a large amount of the liquid.
Scully then tried to recall what had awoken her from her sleep. As hard as she tried she could not remember the dream. She got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom to wash her face. As she did, she glanced up at the mirror in front of her. She looked at her reflection. She vaguely attached some significance to a mirror but brushed the connection aside. She returned to bed and crawled back underneath the covers. Suddenly, the thought of sleep terrified her.

8 AM
Mulder and Scully's office

Scully walked into the office to see Mulder sitting behind his desk. Not an unusual sight except that this time his head was down on the desk top much like a child taking a nap in pre-school would have done.
"Mulder, are you okay?"
"Didn't sleep very well last night I guess."
"Anything the matter?"
"No."
Mulder picked up a case file and began looking through the pages of case notes. He just couldn't look at her. So much had changed since she had lied to him about heading off with Smoking Man. He knew she had her reasons. He understood that on some level. He also knew that he had done the same thing to her on more than one occasion. Why did it bother him so much then? It was hypocritical of him to judge her this way. Yet, he couldn't help but think that her actions severed some balance they had all these years. It was as if they didn't know each other any more. Or maybe, they never really knew each other that well to begin with.
Scully sat down at her desk and looked over at her partner. She knew that he was still hurting from what she had done. He couldn't look at her that night and her couldn't look at her now. She felt helpless.
She also began to feel anger.
"Mulder?"
"Yeah?"
"Look at me."
"Why?"
"I said....look at me."
Mulder put down the file and looked over to Scully. "What is this all about Scully?"
"You know what this is about Mulder. We need to talk about it."
"Why? So you can tell me all the numerous reasons that it was okay for you to lie to me. That I deserved it. I don't want to hear 'Mulder, you've done it to me' either."
"It's the truth Mulder."
"Truth. Interesting choice of words Scully. I was always searching for that, my whole damned life I looked for the truth. Finally, I find out what happened to my sister. I think that I can rest. That I don't have to beat my head against the wall any more and then you go off and lie to me. And not just any old lie Scully. You lied big time. What am I suppose to think?"
"I had to lie Mulder. He said that..."
"No, don't even go there Scully."
"You need to hear this Mulder."
"Do I? I don't think I do. I don't need to hear any of it Scully." Mulder stood up from his desk and began to select several files from his desk to put in his briefcase.
"We're not finished Mulder."
"On the contrary Scully. We are finished. More so than you know."
Scully tried to think of something she could say to make him understand but the words were not there. All she could do was watch as his shadow disappeared from the ground when he walked away.

Midnight
Mulder's Apartment
4/2/00

Mulder was once again in the room with the brass bed. He reaches for the small frame sitting on the bedside table. As he looks at the picture frame the previous sensation of terror is replaced by anguish. He looks at the photo. It is Scully and the Smoking Man sitting on the edge of a dock. He notices that there is something different about the photo and isn't quite sure why he had missed it the last time he was looking at it. It is then that he notices the clothing. The period was distinctive. It was from the 1800's. Scully was wearing a long dress with a petticoat. The Smoking Man was wearing a long black duster. Mulder, disgusted, puts the photo back on the table.
Mulder sat down on the edge of the large bed and wept. He felt so betrayed yet he didn't totally understand where this was coming from. It was just a photo after all. This was just a dream, or so he told himself. He could not wrap his mind around the events that were now occurring. He felt as if Scully needed him. That she was hurt and in pain. However, he still did not know where or how to find her in this place.
Mulder wiped the tears from his face and decided that this was pointless. He had to do something. But what? Mulder scanned the room for clues. It was at that moment that he discovered the desk. The top was open. "Was it like that before?", he whispered out loud as if he was not alone. Mulder rose from the bed and walked up to the desk. He noted the items within it carefully. A watch, another picture frame, and a book.
Mulder looked over the picture frame first. It had been wiped clean recently. The photo this time was of him and Scully dressed the same as the other photo. They were back in the 1800's. They looked happy, content with being together. Mulder touched Scully's cheek and wished she was here with him. Together they would be able to make sense of all of this.
Mulder put the photo where he found it and picked up the book. He opened the cover. It shocked him to see his own name inside the cover. It was definitely his handwriting. "I was never here before. How can this be?"
Mulder flipped through the pages and realized it was a journal. He opened it to the date marked June 12, 1811.

Dear Dana,

It has been over a year now since you have been gone. I had hoped that you would have returned from England by now. Your mother wrote to me last week and told me that you have met someone and are planning to marry in the spring. Although I am happy for you, I ache deep inside my heart. I have never stopped loving you Dana. I think of you everyday. Each time I see a child smile I see you there. Holding their small hand to make sure no harm is done to them.
I know my anger and my pride drove you away. I have no one to blame for this torment but my own self-pitying heart. You tried so many times to undo the imaginary wrong I had created in my mind. I was foolish not to trust you. I deserve what has happened to me. Just as I deserve the hell that I now am living without you.
My life has become a world of smoke and mirrors. I am trapped here in this room unable to go out into the real world. How could I ever forgive myself?

3 AM
Mulder's Apartment

Mulder again woke from his dream unsure of what had happened. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Think Mulder, think", he muttered to himself. Like a mental slap it occurred to him. "I've got to go see Scully." He jumped up out of bed and grabbed a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. He haphazardly threw them on and began to look for shoes. Finally he found his running sneakers and put them on, not bothering to tie the laces. He reached for his jacket and keys and ran out the apartment door.

3 AM
Scully's Apartment

Scully was dreaming the same dream Mulder had moments before. She was in the small room, standing at the desk, reading from the journal as she had before. Tired, she put down the book and decided to lay down on the rose covered bed.
As she lay there she heard a familiar sound coming from outside the room. It was a man's voice. Not any man, it was Mulder. There was no mistaking it. The words, however, were inaudible. She called out to him. "Mulder, I'm here. I'm in here!" Again she heard him yell back to her though she could not make out the message. She sprang from the bed and ran to the closest wall. She pounded her fists against the wall and shouted to him. "Mulder I need you. Please, Mulder, get me out of here."
"Scully, wake up!"
"Mulder, I am up. I am awake."
He said it again "Scully, wake up and open the door."
"There is no door Mulder."
"Wake up....wake up Scully....." Over and over the message repeated.

3:30 AM
Mulder pounded as hard as he could on the door. Why isn't she waking up? "C'mon Scully I need to talk to you. It's important. Scully, wake up!"

Inside, Scully snapped to reality with a sharp breath. She heard a pounding sound coming from he front door. It was followed by the sound of Mulder's voice calling out to her from outside her apartment.
"I'm coming Mulder...just a minute." Scully grabbed her robe from the bathroom and threw it over her shoulders as she ran for the door. She opened the door to see a disheveled Mulder standing before her, face red and moist with sweat.
"Mulder, what's the matter? I didn't hear the pager go off. Is it the case? Did something happen?"
"Scully, we need to talk."
"C'mon in." Scully was still half asleep and the current events were confusing her even more. "So, what's the big emergency Mulder? After our discussion this morning I didn't think you had anything left to say to me. What changed?"
"Scully, I was angry. No, that is an understatement. I was furious. I knew that it was hypocritical of me to feel that way but I did. I couldn't help it. You always told me everything. You never held back. I counted on that. I needed that to balance all the crazy things that happen to me. When you took off and didn't tell me what was really going on it threw that balance off."
"I didn't have a choice Mulder."
"I know that now. It still hurts that you didn't tell me what was going on. I was so scared that he was going to hurt you to get to me. It wouldn't be the first time he has tried to do that you know."
"I wore a wire Mulder."
"You wore a wire?"
"Yes, I sent you the tapes but I guess they had been intercepted. He must have discovered the wire when I fell asleep. I woke up wearing different clothing. I didn't think he saw the wire but he must have because that is the only explanation I can come up with."
"You sent me the tapes?"
"I knew that you would worry Mulder." Scully paused and took a deep breath. "I counted on you not buying my family emergency story. I figured you would call my mother to check up on me. It was the only way I could think of to let you know that something was up."
Mulder and Scully sat in the darkness saying nothing. Mulder listened to the sound of Scully's breath as it rose and fell. He was comforted by it.
"Mulder, why did you come here tonight? This could have waited until the morning."
"I have been having this strange dream all week Scully. It was so odd. Tonight I finally was able to remember it when I woke up."
"What was it about?"
"It was about you. I was trying to find you. I ended up in this room with a rose covered bed and pictures of us from the 1800's. The worst was the journal. It was written by meThere was also a journal that appeared to have been written by me. I had written about you leaving me to marry some loser in England. When I woke up I knew I needed to see you."
"Oh my God."
"What? What's the matter?"
"Mulder I have had that dream."
"You had the same dream I did?"
"Sort of, it was slightly different from yours. But yeah, it was almost the same exact thing."
"Weird."
"Weird? That is all you are going to say? No, 'It sounds like an X-Files'?"
"Nope."
"You feeling all right Mulder?"
"Better than ever.You see Scully our dreams were trying to tell us something."
"Tell me oh wise one."
"They were telling us that we are meant to be together in this life. Maybe in a past life our souls weren't able to do that because our pride got in the way. This time they wanted to get it right."
"So, you're telling me we're soul mates?"
"Yep, that's right."
"Well, if it had to be anyone Mulder I'd want it to be you."
Mulder smiled and gave Scully a light kiss. "Do you think it would be okay if I stay here for the rest of the night?"
"Yeah, it is the least I could do for my soul mate."

3 days later......
Mulder and Scully's Office

"Package for Agent Mulder."
"Thanks, put it on my desk."
Scully looked at the brown envelope and then back to Mulder. "Aren't you going to open that?"
"Yes." Mulder sat there quietly filling out some mindless form that someone somewhere in the FBI thought was necessary in order to acquire a simple box of paper clips and staples.
"Can I open it?"
"No."
"C'mon Mulder. You know how much I hate that."
"That's why I am doing it."
"You rat bastard."
"Sure. Go ahead and call me names. I'll make you wait longer."
"Fine. It's probably something for a case anyway. Who would send you anything anyway?"
"Okay, okay. I'll open it."
Mulder picked up the letter opener and began to open the package. Halfway through he stopped to look at the front of the package. "No return address. Wonder who it's from."
"Maybe there is a note inside."
Mulder finished cutting the package open and dumped the contents on the top of his desk. It revealed a small cassette tape with no letter saying what it was or who it was from. "Well, I guess we'll just have to play it."
Mulder grabbed the small cassette player next to his desk and put the tape in. "Here goes nothing."

The problem is Dana that you know how you feel about Mulder but you just don't want to admit it to yourself...you're in love with him......

"Scully? Is that who I think it is?"
"The Smoking Man."

Mulder and Scully sat in silence in his office for several moments before Mulder finally realized what was said on the tape.

"You're in love with me?"
"I didn't say that Mulder."
"You didn't deny it either. There is almost a hour of tape on here and as far as I can tell that was the last thing you said for fifty or sixty miles at least."
"Mulder, why are you going nuts over this? I just didn't feel like adding fuel to his fire so I said nothing."
"Why would he bother to send this? What purpose does it serve?"
"He said he wanted to atone for his past sins since he has a short time to live. Well, he did then. If he used the cure then I suppose that would change things considerably."
"Scully, maybe this is indirectly related to your dreams."
"My dreams? How so?"
"You told me you couldn't find a way out of the room. That you were waiting for me to find you."
"That's true but I don't understand how that relates to this tape."
"Don't you see Scully...we're both afraid of losing each other. But it's our fear that is really keeping us apart." Mulder reached out and took Scully's hand " Look, I love you. I have always known that but I have been afraid for years of telling that to you because I thought you would leave the FBI if I did."
"Mulder I don't know how to answer that."
"Tell me what you wanted to say to him when he said that you loved me."
"I...I would have said 'Yes, I love Mulder.' That is what I would have said to him."
"Really?"
"Really Mulder. I was afraid that if I told you how I felt you would be too scared of losing me to some case. I didn't, and still don't ever want our 'relationship' to undermine the work we do here Mulder. It's too important."
"It wouldn't."
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"We're just too damned good that's all."
Mulder leaned over and gave Scully a kiss on her hand. "It's the best I can do for now. Wouldn't want the powers that be to get upset."
"So now what Mulder?"
"We take this one day at a time."
"That simple huh?"
"Nothing is ever simple with us Scully." Mulder began to laugh.
"What's so funny?"
"I was just wondering if we should send him a thank you card."
Scully and Mulder both grinned at each other and simultaneously they said....."Nah!"

THE END
Sweet dreams everyone.....