Harry Potter was just an ordinary wizard boy, with no special talent
at all. Somehow this boy managed to trick me when he was young, not even a
toddler. I was the king of the wizards, and the lord of the dance. My reign
of terror was unparalleled by any other conquering force, for I was the
beginning and the end. I was THE Dark Lord, Cuddles... I mean Voldemort! As
my power became legend, I felt that it was necessary to put an end to all
those who defied me, the most prominent being James and Lily Potter.
One day, after I had my tea and crumpets, I decided that my mission should be completed, so I climbed into my beat up Ford Pinto and drove it through the Mediterranean ocean to England. Upon arriving in London, I sought out the residence of the Potters. As night fell I finally discovered their quaint little home. Looking back on the situation, I should have known where it would be because it was located next to the world's leading child labor factory of Microsoft. The Potters loved child labor and were never seen far from it.
Strolling up the walkway to their home, I began to get excited because finally my authority would go unrivaled in the world of man. Killing James was of no consequence to me, as I was full of power and might. Walking through the house, I finally found where Lily was, in their new baby's room. As I entered the room, I was almost filled with compassion for the baby, whom I knew would soon be motherless, until it saw me and gave me the finger. That was the last straw. I immediately killed Lily, and set out to destroy the young Harry. My plan backfired. For some reason the spell was void against the power of "love" in such a way as to repel off the target and fall upon the one who speaks the spell.
For many years I have been trying to recover from that night. Finally, after trying to defeat Harry for these past five years, I will succeed....
* * * * *
I flew to Hogwarts on my flying pig the next day and was delighted at what I saw. Harry Potter was out in the open with no defense. It seemed he was walking to some sort of gay Quidditch game, so he could show off some more with his dumb broom. Descending from my pig, I landed in the middle of the stadium. The cheers of the children went silent as I drew my wand. Pointing it at that old and crusty trickster, I struck down Dumbledore before he could say a few words. Next, I killed the rest of the faculty, but was too consumed to notice that Harry and his friends had snuck up behind me. Turning around, I saw them as it was too late...for them. Thinking I was above cheating, Harry tore away my wand from my hands, and smiled triumphantly. That is when I threw off my robe, raised my tommy gun, and killed all of those motherfucking kids. Every last one of them fell to my superiority. As I stood over Harry's dead body, I sighed and told him, "That's for flipping me off!" Now I could continue my reign of error and destroy all things good.
JUST KIDDING!
*I did not create these characters, I just killed them, sort of.
One day, after I had my tea and crumpets, I decided that my mission should be completed, so I climbed into my beat up Ford Pinto and drove it through the Mediterranean ocean to England. Upon arriving in London, I sought out the residence of the Potters. As night fell I finally discovered their quaint little home. Looking back on the situation, I should have known where it would be because it was located next to the world's leading child labor factory of Microsoft. The Potters loved child labor and were never seen far from it.
Strolling up the walkway to their home, I began to get excited because finally my authority would go unrivaled in the world of man. Killing James was of no consequence to me, as I was full of power and might. Walking through the house, I finally found where Lily was, in their new baby's room. As I entered the room, I was almost filled with compassion for the baby, whom I knew would soon be motherless, until it saw me and gave me the finger. That was the last straw. I immediately killed Lily, and set out to destroy the young Harry. My plan backfired. For some reason the spell was void against the power of "love" in such a way as to repel off the target and fall upon the one who speaks the spell.
For many years I have been trying to recover from that night. Finally, after trying to defeat Harry for these past five years, I will succeed....
* * * * *
I flew to Hogwarts on my flying pig the next day and was delighted at what I saw. Harry Potter was out in the open with no defense. It seemed he was walking to some sort of gay Quidditch game, so he could show off some more with his dumb broom. Descending from my pig, I landed in the middle of the stadium. The cheers of the children went silent as I drew my wand. Pointing it at that old and crusty trickster, I struck down Dumbledore before he could say a few words. Next, I killed the rest of the faculty, but was too consumed to notice that Harry and his friends had snuck up behind me. Turning around, I saw them as it was too late...for them. Thinking I was above cheating, Harry tore away my wand from my hands, and smiled triumphantly. That is when I threw off my robe, raised my tommy gun, and killed all of those motherfucking kids. Every last one of them fell to my superiority. As I stood over Harry's dead body, I sighed and told him, "That's for flipping me off!" Now I could continue my reign of error and destroy all things good.
JUST KIDDING!
*I did not create these characters, I just killed them, sort of.