It's not that you hide the fact that you once cut yourself. It's just that's your history and your private life, and well you have a private life for a reason. No one at work knows, not even John Heaton, though with the looks he sometimes gives you, you have a feeling that he know's. How he would you're not sure, but still you think he does.
Stone wasn't the person that you would want to find out first, you know he won't tell anyone, but still you're not comfortable with him knowing, even though you said it was a 'friend' he saw through it for the lie it was.
He doesn't bring it up that night at the pub, or in the next week, but something tells you that he will bring it up. So much so that you are now knocking on the Sgt's office door and praying that no other Sgt is there. For once you're in luck and it's only Stone in the office.
"Diane what can I do for you?" He asks putting aside the report he was reading.
"Sarge, about our conversation last week" you start, before falling silent.
"About the friend of yours who used to self-harm?" he asks looking at you. The look in his face confirms his believe that it was a friend about as much as he believes in Santa Claus.
"Yes" You say, taking a breath, before continuing.
"I would be grateful if you never mentioned it again, its past history, definitely history and it's my personal life, so I would not like it getting around the nick."
"I would never say anything to anyone about it Diane, it's your private life, you decide who it gets shared with'
You look at him and that last niggle of doubt that he will tell someone disappears. You decide then and there that he can be trusted so you nod at him.
"Well then, thankyou Sarge, it's time I head home night"
"Night Diane" he says and you turn for the door, just before you get there, he speaks up.
"If you ever feel the need to return to past habits, I am here to talk."
You turn and look at him. For a moment you don't say anything, but then you find the words that you want to say.
"Thank you Sarge, but it won't be needed."
When you get home that night, before you jump in the shower, you look at your arms and legs, you trace the marks that are forever ingrained on your body and you remember the time when this was your only release. Looking up into the mirror your eyes land on the razor and you breathe a sigh of relief thast these days you don't need to resort to that to find release. You have other ways to deal with all those emotions that occasionally threaten to overwhelm you.
Stepping into the shower you send up a prayer of thanks that you were able to get past those times and become the person that you are today.