Disclaimer: I am not Queen or J.K. Rowling and I have no idea which corner of my idle brain came up with this. I come up with this whole thing a while ago and it's been playing in my head like a broken record but music video style. I dunno if it'll make any sense, but hopefully, if I publish it, it'll stop haunting me!!
Enjoy the randomness!
Summary: James is depressed because he's (yet again) been rejected by Lily Evans. Sirius wants to cheer his best mate up, but doesn't know what to do until Remus informs him that, in fact, Lily has admitted that she liked James. Sirius then decides to complete one of his most devious "Get Lily and James Together" ideas yet…
Key For The Song Parts:
bold font -- Sirius
normal -- font James
italics font -- Chorus only
underlined italics -- Chorus and James
underlined -- Remus
Sirius' Masterplan
It was barely past noon when James entered the Great Hall and slumped into a seat at the Gryffindor table opposite Sirius and Remus. Both of the latter were relatively surprised when their friend sat down, let his head slam onto the table and covered his head with his arms. James was very rarely this defeated.
"Are you okay, Prongs?" asked Remus. James shook his head "no" without lifting it. Remus and Sirius shared a concerned look.
"I'm giving up." said James in a strained voice from underneath his "shelter", "I can't take it anymore."
He was, of course, talking of the marvelous "Lily-hunt". James had loved her since... well no one could remember the exact date, but it was a while ago. Lily had never loved him back. Actually, she just brushed him off or rejected him every time he tried to ask her out.
"But, I thought…" began Sirius.
"It's not worth it. I just cause myself damage every time."
"But you can't just give up!" blurted Sirius. James didn't respond for a good moment during which both of his friends got more and more worried.
"I…" said James. Then, in a whirl of movement, he looked up at them. They saw just how sad he was. He had obviously cried (and tried to hide it).
"I love her, okay?" said James, a bit too loudly before slumping back into his "shelter", "…but she obviously doesn't love me back. The year's almost over. After that, I may never see her again and I'll just have to bear with it."
This was true. It was mid-April of their seventh year.
"I guess they'll never be together." thought Sirius sadly to himself. He had always hoped Lily would come around and go out (and fall in love) with James.
Briskly, Remus got up and walked away.
"What the -? MOONY!" said Sirius, but Remus kept on walking.
"Its okay, Prongs. I'll fix this!" thought Sirius.
Sirius sat in the Gryffindor common room, alone at one of the small tables. Around him, crumpled up bits of parchment littered the table and floor and a nearly-empty ink well sat poised on the table, ink splattered on it's surroundings.
"Padfoot, you can't tell me you're actually studying." said a familiar voice from behind.
"Well, Sir Ditcher-Of-Friends-In-Need Moony, I'm trying to find a way to help Prongs."
"Where is he anyway?" said Remus, sitting down.
"Up in the dormitory. Been there most of the afternoon. He's really depressed this time."
"Well, Padfoot, could I tell you a secret?"
Perking up a bit, Sirius said, "Oh! What?"
"Lily likes James."
"WHAT?!" yelled Sirius, bolting upright. A few heads turned.
"Sirius!" hissed Remus as Sirius sat back down.
"Well, sor-ry." responded Sirius, "But, Prongs doesn't know that and he said he was giving up on Lily!! This is bad…. wait. How did you find this out?"
"I have my sources." said Remus with a sly grin.
"Tell."
"Fine. Gaby told me."
"Lily's friend?"
"Yeah. Lily told her about how she felt for James. Even though she had promised not to tell anyone, Gaby overheard what happened in the Great Hall at noon and thought she should tell us at least." said Remus in hushed tones.
"Well, good night, Moony." said Sirius, getting up again.
"What?!"
"I've got work to do, but I can't do anything without my beauty sleep."
"And heaven knows you need a lot of it." said Remus under his breath.
"I heard that, you!" yelled Sirius, pointing at Remus.
Sirius was whispering to Remus when James came over to the Gryffindor table, looking exhausted and depressed.
"What's going on?" said James as Sirius suddenly stopped talking as soon as he sat down.
"Nothing." said Sirius in a… trying-to-sound-innocent tone.
"Whatever."
"WHAT?!" said Sirius, "Why don't you care about how I am so obviously keeping something from you?"
James did not respond by instead stared dismally into his porridge.
"Why doesn't he care??" whined Sirius to Remus. Remus shrugged.
"Okay. Prongs, there is something seriously wrong with you and I am going to fix it!" declared Sirius before getting up and preparing to march out the Great Hall, "…but first I'm going to finish my bacon."
Stuffing the bacon into his mouth, he proudly marched off, out of the Great Hall, leaving Remus to stare quizzically at his disappearing form and James to stir his porridge.
"Okay, everything's ready." said Sirius to himself later that morning (A/n: This is Saturday), "I just hope Remus does his part otherwise this whole thing's gonna be messed up."
Flashback
"Remus, I've got it!" said Sirius as he sat down next to Remus in the Great Hall.
"What?" asked Remus.
"A way to get Lily and James together." whispered Sirius.
"Yeah, and?"
"Well, I need you to help me."
"Do not involve me in your stupid plans."
"All you've got to do is make sure that Lily goes to the Great Hall at precisely 10:30 later this morning."
"Okay. Sounds easy enough, but what do I tell her?"
"Just make something up."
"You know I'm no good at lying."
"Well, tell her the truth then. I don't care."
"What is the truth anyway?"
"That James is going to give up on her if she doesn't hurry and get to the Great Hall by 10:30."
"How am I supposed to explain how I know she likes him?"
"Just avoid that part of it."
"Like I said: I'm horrible a lying!"
"Leaving something out isn't lying. It's just not saying the whole truth."
"But-"
"Shush. James is coming."
"Fine."
End Flashback
According to his calculations, it was 10:20. He had told James to meet him in the Great Hall at 10:20.
"Where is he??" said Sirius. (Remember: He is talking to himself)
As if on cue, James walked in right then.
"Hi-ya, Prongs!" said Sirius joyfully.
"Hey." said James in a dull voice.
(A/n: Okay. This is the part where things get very wacky and unrealistic, but you're going to have to bear with me. The bold type is Sirius. The italics is the Chorus, which includes most of the student body of Hogwarts who happen to be in the Great Hall at this time. The normal type is James and the underlined italics is the Chorus and James. The regular underlined is Remus (he has one line). When it says "XxX", you get to see what's going on somewhere else in the castle at the same time. I hope it's not too confusing. Why do they all decide to break out in song? I don't know, but that's the glory of fan fiction!! Onward!)
A piano appears out of nowhere and Sirius sits in front of it.
"Sirius. What are you doing?" said James, again in a dull voice.
Can (anybodyyyy find meeee somebody toooo loooooove?)
-Sirius starts playing piano.-
XxX Outside in the Transfiguration Courtyard XxX
"Lily?" asked Remus.
"Yeah, Remus?" said Lily, looking up from her book with a smile.
"It's… James."
Lily looked stunned and worried.
"You've got to get to the Great Hall… now." continued Remus.
Lily nodded and ran off. Remus stood there thinking that was easy before running towards to the Great Hall as well.
"What could have Sirius cooked up?" he thought.
XxXxXxX
OuOuOuuu
Each morning I get up I die a little,
Can barely stand on my feet.
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry. (and cry)
Lord, what you're doing to me? (Yeah a yeah)
I have to spend all my years in believing you,
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, (somebody) ooh somebody, (somebody)
Can anybody find meee somebody to looove?
Yeah.
XxX Corridor XxX
Lily was running as fast as she could and she really didn't know why. Why was she so worried? Since when did she care what happened to James? Why did she feel so obligated to going to the Great Hall?
Maybe it was because of the way Remus looked when he told her to go. Maybe it was more… Maybe it was because she loved James.
"Gasp."
No, no, no, no, no. It couldn't be that. What a stupid thing to think!
And yet…
XxXxXxX
I work hard (he works hard) everyday of my life.
I work till I ache my bones.
At the end, (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own.
I get down (down) on my knees. (knees)
And I start to pray. (praise the Lord!)
'Til the tears run down from my eyes! (OuOuOuuu)
Lord! Somebody, (somebody) ooh somebody, (please)
Can anybody find meee somebody to looooooooooooooo-oh-ove?
(He wants help.)
Every day (everyday)- I try and I try and I tryyyy -
But everybody wants to put me down. (ooooouuu…)
They say I'm goin' crazy! (…uuuuu)
They say I got a lot of water in my brain! (aaaahhh)
Got no common sense!
I (he's) got nobody left to belieeeeeeve!
(Yeah - yeah yeah yeah)
-Sirius throws James a guitar and James starts playing the guitar solo. Peter plays drums while Sirius continues to play the piano.-
(OuOuOuuuuu!!) Ooh!
Somebody, (somebody)
Can anybody find meeee soooomebody to loooooooooooooo-uh-uh-ove?
(Anybody find me someone to love)
Feel like I got no rhythm.
I just keep losing my beat. (you just keep losing and losing)
I'm OK, I'm alright. (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat! (yeah a yeah)
I just gotta get out (OuOuuu) of this prison cell!
Someday I'm gonna be free. Looooord!
Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to love,
Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to love,
Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to love,
Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to love, love, love,
Find me somebody to love, find me somebody to love. (Ouuuuu!)
Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody.
Find me somebody, find me somebody to love
-Lily bursts into the Great Hall. James, immersed in the song, doesn't notice her presence. On the side, Sirius grins in victory.-
Can anybody find me somebody tooooo loooooooooove!!
-"Lily?" said James, eyes as wide as saucers, finally realizing that she had been there.
"James…"
They walked slowly towards each other as the rest of the students continue to sing/chant.
Remus enters and makes his way over to Sirius on the side.-
Find me somebody to love.
Find me somebody to love. (OOOOOUU!)
Find me somebody to love. (Find me somebody, somebody, somebody to love)
Find me find me find me find me
Find me somebody to love.
Somebody to loooooove
Find me somebody to love. (OOOOOUU!!)
Find me somebody to loooooooooooove!
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love, love, love, love, LOOOVEE!!
-Enter kissing scene between Lily and James, 'kay?-
"Find me, find me, find me." continued Sirius.
"Just stop." said Remus.
FIN