The Noble House of Black
Cry
daydream11
for ladylucius of LiveJournal
Written July 10, 2009
The bed lowered on one side, and Andromeda groggily opened her eyes. A dark shadow loomed over her, tall and smelling of lemons, before it settled down beside her. Andromeda rolled over to the opposite end, granting Bellatrix room on the large bed. Her sister burrowed under the thick comforter, leaving only her black curls visible.
Andromeda lifted the comforter and disappeared under it herself. Bellatrix moved onto her side, turned away. All Andromeda could see was her back, and she cuddled the other witch, one arm around her body, her hand stroking Bellatrix's squishy stomach. Bellatrix breathed a sigh of satisfaction and snuggled closer, her body yielding to Andromeda's uncomplaining embrace.
Bellatrix took Andromeda's hand and guided it to her own left one, to the heavy ring that now adorned her finger. Hot, itchy tears spilled down her cheeks as she sobbed, keeping her gasps muffled. A silent movement in one direction and a Silencing Charm allowed Bellatrix to scream, her voice shaky and helpless. Andromeda massaged Bellatrix, encouraged her to please, let it all out, allowing her to vent herself into a dreamless sleep, better than what any draught could offer her. Andromeda kissed the sticky trails the tears had left behind and permitted herself the luxury of falling asleep.
She considered staying up all night in case Bellatrix needed her, but Bella would understand if she didn't, understand that she, too, required rest. (She would, right?)
Andromeda woke up alone the following morning, Bellatrix gone from her bed sometime during the night and leaving no obvious sign that she had been there at all. Andromeda sighed, doing her best to reel in the feelings of abandonment that decided to visit her at that moment. She reached under her and flipped the pillow to the cooler side, stopping abruptly when she noticed the streaks of old face paint that adorned it. Sitting up, she clutched the pillow to her chest, heaving dry cries that left her empty and rejected. Without forming an actual thought in her head about it, Andromeda knew that something between her and Bellatrix had undeniably, irrevocably, completely changed. So she did nothing.
On Bella's wedding day, Andromeda stood beside her, the default maid of honor. The two hadn't talked since that night, that final moment of weakness from the eldest Black daughter, but Andromeda still had duties to attend to, traditions that rivalries didn't precede. Bellatrix had done more than ignore her that day: she had denied her entire existence. (To ignore is to acknowledge, and if one isn't acknowledged once can't be ignored. Wonderful Slytherin logic they both could easily understand.) Andromeda had spent the entire day, from morning to early evening, hiding her feelings of betrayal. The last glance Andromeda ever had from her sister – the very last, thrown from a dark bride in tasteful bridal robes, every inch of her proud and invulnerable – was one of contempt.
This is your fault, it said.
Or maybe that was Andromeda's conscience speaking, the part that told her that she had utterly failed her eldest sister.
Beside Bellatrix's tomb, Andromeda decided that there was little she could have done, if only because her sister would not have let her. Stubbornly, she added that Bellatrix was too arrogant to give anybody the chance to help her, that she would have brushed off every attempt and claimed that she was doing just fine, thank you very much.
But… but… and Andromeda genuinely wished that she could keep this realization away, this sickening understanding that Bella would have done all that, yes, and it was absolutely true that Bella handled her marriage well on her own, but Andromeda had also never tried to support her sister. Suddenly, after almost three decades of not comprehending this vital part of her deceased sister, she understood: Andromeda had never tried to help, had never fought for her sister and let her know that she, Andromeda, was on her, Bellatrix's side, and really, that's all that Bella had wanted.
It was all that Bellatrix had needed, Andromeda's trying and fighting. Because – now Andromeda understood, so quickly that it left her dizzy – Bella had known there was no way out, not any that she deemed as a worthy exchange for a life of disgrace. Bellatrix had only wanted the assurance that she wasn't alone, that somebody was on her side. Andromeda had simply let her go with no words spoken, and because Bellatrix believed – now it became so clear! – that Andromeda had not cared, and Bella had never trusted her or anyone else again. Andromeda now knew this, and it left her weak.
More than failed, then. Wronged.
Andromeda owed Bellatrix an apology.
Author's Note: "Cry" is one of the first Harry Potter fanfics I've ever written; I only read the books this past spring. This series consists of fifteen one-shots and drabbles that are related in that when I wrote the series, each fic led to the next, even though I didn't write them in order. As always, everything related to Harry Potter belongs to J. K. Rowling.