You Learn
My first Joan of Arcadia fic!!!!! Yey!!!! I finally finished the first chapter!!!! Set somewhere after 'The Devil Made Me Do It' - when Adam isn't talking to Joan once she smashed Ascension. Hope it all goes well, tell me if I have done anything wrong PLEASE?!?
You love you learn,
You cry you learn,
You lose you learn,
You bleed you learn,
You scream you learn.'
Alanis Morrisette - Queen of bitching bout guys!
Her world was falling down around her feet as she knew it.
Joan Girardi wandered the early morning main street - her usual route to school, though today the journey seemed so much slower as the same thought kept running through her head, constantly reminding her of the reason she was in a funk.
'Adam hates me', she muttered silently, feeling her throat constrict as the truth came to her verbally aswell as mentally.
It had been like that for what seemed like an eternity. Though it had been only a few weeks after she had totally trashed Ascension and their friendship with it, Joan could hardly remember the last time the teen had even smiled at her. That dazzling smile that supplied Joan's entire being with light and hope that there was possibly a heaven on Earth.
Kicking a coke can left rolling on the pavement with the toe of her dark boot Joan reminded herself of the cold truth. That light was gone. Adam hated her, there was no denying it. She saw the deep sadness and anger that lingered in his stare whenever she approached him. No amount of apologising would ever bring back his warm and comforting gaze, his charming smile or the friendship they once had together. It was gone. There was no more light. Only darkness.
Continuing to head slowly down the street Joan could distantly see Arcadia High looming in the distance, it's towering presence overwhelming her with dread of what the day would bring. All the things she wished to God she could stop and make right for only a minute, just to be at peace with herself. And Adam.
"You think too much, you know that?" a voice asked from behind Joan.
Turning instantly in surprise, the dark haired girl's eyes met with a familiar woman's. dressed in sports wear and pumping her arms with odd purple grips, the blonde woman stepped up to face Joan straight on. The knowing look in her eyes hinted at something more than just being able to read Joan's face and emotions evident all over it.
"Sorry, I forgot that you're omniscient", Joan replied sadly.
"Don't worry about it. And I know exactly how you feel. Adam may be upset but he doesn't hate you. Just bear that in mind," the blonde said pacing on the spot and raising her knees and arms in unision to an unheard beat.
"How can you be so sure?" Joan asked without thinking, then looking up into the blonde's eyes she realised they'd just been over that subject. Noticing the amusedly raised eyebrow Joan brought the palm of her hand up to her forehead. Closing her eyes she continued, "right. I forgot."
"Come on, you're going to be late for school," the blonde said, pumping her legs harder and indicating for Joan to follow. Walking at a reasonable pace, the two continued toward Arcadia High, an awkward silence settled over Joan as thoughts flooded her mind.
Halting mid - stride, Joan turned to the woman, obviously confused and upset with herself. "Okay. I know you know everything and all, and I know I'm not allowed any huge pointers, but could you at least give me any hints on how I could prove to Adam that what I did was for his own good? That I just want us to be friends again? And don't give me any crap on how it would be cheating, I don't care anymore'. Defiantly stamping her foot in frustration, Joan seemed more angry at herself than anything.
"Joan," the blonde assured her, "just go to school. That's all you have to do. Oh, and do you have your mobile on you?"
Nodding in even more confusion, Joan watched as the woman picked up her pace. As she sped away she reminded the teen, calling over her shoulder, "just go to school!"
At a complete loss, Joan was unsure how to react. Her eyes became wide with disillusion and her bottom lip fell slightly. Why was this so hard? Why couldn't everything be simple the way it used to be before -
Before she knew Adam.
Before she moved to Arcadia.
Before she talked to God on a regular basis.
Talking a step to her left Joan stepped out into the middle of the street, her mind blissfully unaware as the car came screeching towards her.
How had things gotten so screwed up? Ever since November 3 years ago Adam Rove's life and the lives of others around him had changed dramatically. Before then he had been funny and talked openly to people other than Grace and now Joan.
Joan...
The vivid image flashed before his eyes again: Ascension, the chair, Joan's destructive power, the look in her eyes.
Shoving his hands further into his hoody pockets, Adam bowed his head against the cold wind blasting him in the face. It had come out of nowhere, as if God had a thing against him. It seemed that nearly everyone had a thing against him, but there were a few people who didn't. People who acted as if Adam was a normal kid, going through life and banging his head whenever he came up against something. Grace Polk, his father Carl, Mrs. Girardi...
Girardi...
Why was it that whatever he thought about all his thoughts led back to Joan, which led to Ascension, which led to the fight, which inevitably led to Adam's current situation. No matter how many times Joan came to him begging for forgiveness he would never forget the look on her face as she turned around in the hall to face him standing on the stairs, simply watching her destroy his best creation completely devoted to his mother. In the second that he saw the image replay again for the millionth time, Adam realised it wasn't only the statue that was breaking. It was his heart too.
In those few weeks before the art show he'd been getting to know Joan better and better as the days passed. He knew there was something about her that Grace or any other girl in Arcadia High would never fully be able to comprehend. She was special.
Especially to him.
That day he had missed her tryouts to become a cheerleader he'd found himself becoming more and more like his old self - opening his true, hidden self up to her. She'd been confused at first, but amused that he had gone to all that trouble to make her a miniature cheerleader model. That had pleased him. She had smiled and touched his arm, reminding him of an old feeling he thought had died the same day his mother had. But she had rekindled that flame, unknowingly bringing him high up into the air to soar through the clouds high above everyone else's' heads.
Then came Ascension and his fall back to Earth.
She'd hurt him beyond words. Nothing could change the fact that she had destroyed a key part of him, cutting out his heart and stomping on it as if it were made out of the same materials Adam used to build his art.
So when Adam turned onto the main street leading to school and saw her equally lost he had no idea of what to do with himself. She was walking aimlessly towards the high school, until a woman came up to her and managed to touch a particularly painful nerve in her. All Adam could do was stop and stare at her.
He didn't know what to do. Should he carry on walking and pretend he hadn't seen her or go and confront his emotions. Tell her the reasons for his anger and frustration at her. Make her feel even more guilty for what she did.
But watching her look so lost did nothing to ease his mind.
Turning quickly towards the school, Adam hid his eyes behind the grey material of his hood, hoping she hadn't seen him and maybe hide her form so he wouldn't change his mind.
But it was to no avail. No sooner had he taken a step forward did he turn back to face her, a sad frustration building inside him. The look in her eyes tore at him just as the look she had given him as she attacked Ascension.
Pulling his head back determinedly, he decided to put this disagreement right and attempt to reconcile with Joan. He was going to tell her why he was so mad.
Looking to his left he watched for traffic so he could cross over to her. But before he could take two steps away from the curb did he hear the loud sound of tyres grating against metal and smell the distinctly foul stench of burning rubber in the air. Then he saw it. The car. Joan. She had begun to cross and the car was still speeding, right towards her. His eyes flying towards hers he saw that she seemed unaware of anything other than her own world.
The next few events happened in slow motion in Adam's eyes. He remembered him calling out to her, but his voice seemed slow and slurred. Her heard rose up slowly to fix eyes with his, hope and disbelief clouding their normal chestnut colour. But it was too late. Only then did she notice the fear in his eyes that she looked away to her right at the car mere metres away.
In a split second he made his decision. Finding his courage, Adam threw his bag to one side, not caring about whether he would ever see it again. Joan was in trouble and he was going to help. Leaping away from the curb his footfalls seemed to drag on forever. He didn't seem to be getting anywhere fast. Stretching his legs and pumping his arms like the athletes he saw on tv Adam managed to reach Joan. Grasping her by the arms he shoved her out of the way just before the car hit him squarely in the legs, sending the teen flying backwards through the air a few feet and skidding to a halt on his side.
He'd managed to save Joan and that was all that mattered.
Feeling a wave of darkness threatening to fall over him, Joan's beautiful face appeared in his line of vision a moment later. Her eyes were full of tears as she cried his name helplessly, cradling his head.
Though Adam knew the car had hit him, he felt no pain but knew better than to attempt to stand. Focusing his eyes as best as they would allow, he whispered to Joan in a croaky and unsteady voice, a slight smile gracing his lips, "Jane", before he could no longer see her face. The darkness overwhelmeded him and blocking out all other senses as he drifted away from Joan's arms.
I did it! Whaddaya think? Please tell me - I want to know if I should do more!