It was a day for new beginnings.
The weather was warm and refreshing, with the sun resting at its zenith high above the ocean in a cloudless, bright blue sky. The wind whispered throughout the crowd gathered along the wharf leaving the pleasant scent of salt water in its wake. Seagulls called to one another incessantly from the sky, swooping to pick up discarded food from the docks. Throughout the concourse came murmuring sounds of people speaking, children laughing and the reverberation of waves gently hitting against the embankment. The attitude of expectation flowed through the launching pier as men, women and children anticipated the beginning of a new life in a new country. It was if the wooden boards beneath their feet vibrated with renewed promise.
Rose stood alone on the pier, apart from the milling crowds in Southampton clutching a large valise.
She stood among the milling crowds waiting to board an ocean liner to start a new life. She was staring out over the rippling water, waiting for the whistle to blow when from the corner of her eye, out of the depths of the sea; she caught a sight so familiar and wrong. Rose spun to look at the huge behemoth standing alone at the other end of the pier.
The ship sat forlorn with dirty dark smudges trailing down its once vibrant exterior, almost as if it sailed through a cloud of coal dust. Somehow, someway, it was docked at the pier and not at the bottom of the ocean where it came to rest that fateful April night.
Rose felt tendrils of coldness invade her body as the blood rushed from her face and limbs. Before she realized what was happening, Rose was running towards it, unknowingly desperate to board that ship. The valise was gone from her hands, forgotten in the melee. Her hat flew off as she pushed her way through the crowd that stood between her and the vessel once known as the ship of dreams. Pins came undone as her hair caught on baggage and people who would not or could not get out of the way. Rose barely gave the pain a second thought as the shiny red curls spiraled down her back, so great was her need to board that steamship.
The porter standing at the gangplank vaguely looked familiar to her. Rose's confusion and disorientation was so great at first she did not notice the shabby and frayed condition of his once sparkling uniform. "Please," she begged as she fought to catch her breath. Her hand clasped her over her heart as she held the other out imploringly. "Let me board." She gasped air for her burning lungs. "Just for a moment, please, I have to find somebody." 'This is absurd, it must be a dream, but I do not care if it is a dream!' She thought petulantly. Even if it was a hallucination the demon memories of that awful night must, at some point have to be exorcised.
The man nodded his head solemnly, as if he read her thoughts and let her pass. She ran up the gangplank and through the hallways not noticing the cobwebs or dust that stirred in her passing. Up the grand staircase with the once beautiful woodwork now dull and decayed. Rushing out through the double doors onto the promenade deck with naked holes that felt like eyes for windows. Was this a ghost ship? Rose was no longer sure she cared. She was strangely not surprised to see no other living person throughout her manic flight. She slowed; her hands grasping the banister for balance as she stumbled down the stairs to the forepart of the ship.
Surrounding the ship was a great gray mist, blocking off her view of the horizon and the pier. She could see a small portion of the calm sea, as if invisible hands were holding the mist at bay away from the wreckage of Titanic. Her footsteps echoed hollowly through the heavy silence of the ship. Gone from view were the dock, and the comfort of the milling crowd. Rose felt abandoned and utterly alone. So many emotions came rushing forward to explode in her memory as she slowly walked to the bow.
Rose was so sure he would be here, as he was waiting once before. Her head was bent; her body slumped in despair as she approached the steel railing. She solemnly knelt at the bow, not paying any mind to dirt and decay and placed her head in her hands. She closed her eyes as wild thoughts whirled angrily around her mind. Is Jack somewhere on this ghost ship? Is he a ghost also? Would he be waiting for her?
Please, she prayed silently to a God that she had given up hope on, let him be here.
If this was a dream, why could she feel the soreness of her skin where her hair was caught and pulled? How was it she could she feel the salt scented breeze as it brushed the long strands across her face? Rose was afraid to pinch herself; she did not want to wake until she was sure Jack was not aboard this ship.
She stood up slowly and placed her hands on the cold metal railing. Memories of another time danced behind her closed eyes. Without standing on the bottom rung she threw her arms out horizontally. "I'm flying," she whispered. Rose recalled the wind rushing through her hair and her scarf trailing behind them, the feeling of exhilaration as she finally allowed herself to be free.
Suddenly, Rose could sense him behind her, his rough hands sliding into her own. She could smell his scent, conte crayon, salt and sunshine. His hair was tickling her cheek as he inclined his head towards hers to place a feather soft kiss on her cheek. His body felt warm and alive as he leaned into her back. "Oh Jack," she whispered as she opened her eyes.
The spell was broken and Rose stood alone.
He was here. Somewhere aboard this ship, he was here. A thrill of frightened anticipation touched her spine. She had to find him, frantically needed to find him. Rose began to run feverishly towards the stern of the ship. The railings began to deteriorate as she raced by them. She remembered the last time she ran down this promenade, only wanting to get off the slave ship taking her home in imaginary chains. She was desperate not to leave this time; she had to stay with Jack.
No matter the consequences.
The stern of the ship approached to fast. The Union Jack, in tatters, hung lifelessly off the rusted and crumbling flagpole. Rose slammed into the railing, reacting with horror as she pulled her rusticle dust covered hands away. She stared at them, her eyes as wide as saucers as she looked towards the stern. Stalagmites were growing off the railing at an alarming rate.
The sea was once again claiming Titanic.
Rose absently wiped her hands on her skirt, spinning as she screamed Jack's name. There was not much time left, she could feel it. "Please let me see you Jack!" She sobbed, her throat threatening to close as she cried his name.
The voice that spoke behind her made her jump and catch her breath.
"I thought I could do it, Rose."
She turned to see him sitting on a barnacle-covered bench. He was leaning forward, staring out over the vast ocean, with his elbows resting on his knees. He turned to her now, his blue eyes looking intensely into her own. Rose swallowed hard with relief as she bit back hot tears.
"I thought I could bring you here to see you, see how life was treating you. Maybe to make sure you don't forget that I'm here waiting for you." He looked down at his hands as he folded them against his knees.
"Oh Jack," Rose gulped hard as the tears overflowed and slowly found their way down her cheeks. She began to walk towards him, but he held up his hand to ward her back.
"No Rose," he whispered harshly. "I can't. I'm not strong enough."
He looked at her with pain filled eyes. "You don't belong here. Not yet."
"I want to be with you Jack, I miss you so much." Rose sobbed as she stretched out her hand, willing him to take it in his own.
Jack stood up slowly and walked over to her. He placed his cold hands on her cheeks and lowered his lips to hers. "I love you so much Rose," he whispered against her lips. He gently, cautiously kissed her, allowing it to deepen as their combined passion took command. Rose felt her knees go weak and her insides quiver at his long denied touch. She clutched him tightly to her, praying he would never let her go. Jack broke the kiss only long enough to look down deeply into her eyes. "But someone else will love you, too. Someone else will need your strength and determination more than I do right now. As much as I want to, I can't keep you here."
He hugged her fiercely to him, as he did that last night as the stern was raised out of the water.
"Rose, what you are doing to yourself, I can't sit back and allow it to happen. I can not have it on my conscious."
"I don't know what you are talking about." Rose looked up at him as her mind refused to register the significance of his words. Jack held her at arms length, staring straight into her eyes. "Rose, I need you to live."
"Jack, you mustn't ever let me go!" Rose cried as she denied the truth and buried her face into his homespun muslin shirt. She could see her tearstains dampening the fabric. She held him so tightly she was sure they would melt into one. She searched his face desperately. "You jump, I jump, right?"
Jack raised his head to rest his chin on her hair. "Oh Rose, not this time. Remember all the things we said we were going to do? Do you remember Rose? Do them. Go ride a horse like a man on the beach and draw portraits on the boardwalk for a dime. Be an actress in the moving pictures. Rose, just please," his voice faltered, "Rose, damn it, live."
Time ceased to exist as she felt his tears on her hair. He pulled back and wiped her tears from her face. "Rose promise me. You promised me before, but promise me again that you will live.
"Live a full and happy life, have lots of babies. When your time comes, we'll be able to spend eternity talking about it, okay? I want you to be able to tell me about all the adventures you've had in your life. I want you to make your life count, Rose. I'll be waiting for you. That's my promise to you. I'll be waiting for you at the clock, like before, I promise."
"I'll never let you go, Jack. You shall always be in my heart," she pressed her face to his chest and swore she heard his heart beating.
"That's the only place I want to be, Rose." He looked down at her sadly. "It's time for me to go."
Rose looked up at him, her eyes filled with desperation. "No Jack! Just when I found you, I have to lose you again?" She cried, a faint thread of hysteria rising in her voice.
"I will always be with you, Rose. I'll never be far, I promise." He kissed her one more time and held her close to his heart. "Come Josephine, in my flying machine and it's up she goes, up she goes..." He sang softly in her ear.
Jack let her go and began to walk away. He turned once and bowed to her deeply, tipping an imaginary hat towards her. "Until we meet again, my lady." He blew her a final kiss, which she caught in her hand and laid over her heart.
He was gone as mysteriously as he arrived.
Alone again, Rose stood on the decayed deck. Her anguish peaked to shatter the last shreds of her control as a raw and primitive grief overwhelmed her. "Jack..." she whispered as her knees gave way and she crumpled to the rotting planking. Her heart felt as if it were going to burst with fear and longing.
She curled herself tight into a cocoon and sobbed, not feeling the warm brush of a hand against her silky hair. She was oblivious to the thick mist which had threatened to overtake the ship earlier rolling over the steel railings, curling around Rose like a piece of gossamer silk.
When she awoke the next morning, she found herself lying in bed with sunshine streaming across her face. She was still curled in ball with her hand clutched over her heart. Her red-rimmed eyes were swollen from crying, her muscles tight from the restraining position she slept in. She rubbed her eyes with fisted hands as she swung her legs over the side of the small, barren bed.
Rose stood on shaky legs and gasped, her hands flying to cover her mouth. Across the room stood a full-length mirror. In her reflection she could see the imprint of her hands in the red rusticle dust stains on her shift.
"I'll never let go Jack." Rose whispered tearfully as she stared at the blemish, so bright against the whiteness of her shift. "I'll never let go..."