Disclaimer: We acknowledge that we don't own Criminal Minds

Chapter 1

Reid loitered outside the technical analyst's office, deliberately stalling the conversation he had rehearsed several times in his head. He walked in; the room was empty.

He decided to sit down in her plush, custom-tailored chair and wait. Feeling bored, Reid looked around the room for something to interest him, his eyes finally focussing on the screen in front of him. When he saw what was on it, he felt quite confused. He leaned in closer to see if he was seeing what he thought he was seeing. On the large screen listed a few withdrawals from the FBI's bank account:

Geronimo's Bogus Spectacles $1, 700, 083.27

Simon's Superhero Garments $853.25

Colin's Cool Chairs $1,300.99

Rein leaned in even closer and questioned the quality of his glasses. In one abrupt motion, the screens blacked out. A figure appeared in the screen's reflection like something out of a horror movie. Reid let out a noise like a strangled cat; the figure behind didn't even flinch.

"You know I'll have to kill you now," Garcia hissed.

"I-is this a joke?" Reid stuttered. Maybe Garcia was suffering from a psychotic episode; why did he always have to deal with the crazies?

"The only joke is the fact that you think I'm joking."

"What does that even mean?" Reid spluttered, whirling around to face her.

He caught sight the sight of the rifle in Garcia's hands and panicked. "Where did you get that from?"

Garcia stroked the rifle in a seductive motion. "It's a wonder what Morgan will do for me when I call him my 'Chocolate Adonis.'" She slipped into a daydream.

Reid noticed her trance and edged towards the door. Reid mentally cursed Morgan for giving her the gun but also praised the fact that thoughts of him had distracted Garcia. He slipped out of the room, squeaking as he accidentally slammed the door.

An unmistakable growl could be heard from the other side.

Like a rabbit, Reid sped to the bullpen to try find the team. Suddenly the recent budget crisis the BAU were facing didn't seem nearly as mysterious and strange as before.

"We can't afford toilet paper," Morgan complained. "We need to use disposable cloths instead."

"Disposable?" Rossi scoffed. "Didn't you hear - they ran out of money for those too. We have to use reusable ones now."

"No," Morgan whimpered uncharacteristically. "Please, no."

Hotch emerged from the bathroom, one hand holding his nose and the other holding a pair of tongs; a smudged cloth was clamped in them.

"Who didn't clean their reusable cloth properly?" He grimaced.

"Stop complaining," JJ snapped. "You think you have it bad? We ran out of money for tampons. We now need to think of creative alternatives; corkscrews are the most popular."

"Sweet Jesus," Morgan muttered, earning himself glares from both females.

"Hotch, we don't even have detergent anymore - we have to use cheap shampoo instead. Then we have to use the left over soap suds for showering" Emily said.

"We don't have showers here," Rossi pointed out.

"You think I can afford my water bills?" Emily asked, her volume increasing dangerously. "My own cat died of starvation, for Christ's sake!"

"Not Sergio," JJ cried.

By this point Reid had reached the team, waving his arms about like an adolescent cheerleader. "G-guys-oomph."

Garcia had caught up to Reid and hit him on the head with the rifle.

The team spun around but didn't catch sight of Reid who was now sprawled on the ground, unconscious. Their eyebrows inquired for an explanation of the strange sound.

"Uh" Garcia said, smiling sheepishly at them. "I guess I shouldn't have eaten that last donut."

"Donuts!" Emily exclaimed. "How can you even afford those things. They're like $2.50 each!" she sighed dreamily. "I remember the days when I could eat a donut with my coffee."

At the word 'coffee' Reid woke up.

"Coffee," he rasped.

Garcia hastily smashed the rifle onto his head a second time.

"What the -?" JJ shot her an odd look. "What the hell are you hitting?"

Garcia stepped in front of Reid. "Nothing" she said, trying to look innocent.

"Why do you have a gun?" Hotch demanded. Garcia's eyes widened comically and she gulped.

"Uh...well..."

"It's not a real gun" Morgan quickly defended. He didn't want Hotch to know that he had given her a gun. "Its a toy one. We play with it all the time. See?"

Morgan, thinking the safety was on, grabbed the gun, aimed it at the roof and pulled the trigger. A bullet flew through the overhead lightbulb.

Everyone stared. They didn't have long to stare at Morgan though because it seemed the one lightbulb had caused a chain reaction and wasn't long until the room was plunged into darkness.

"Goddammit," someone who sounded suspiciously like Strauss shouted. "We don't have the money for an electrician."

The sound of a maniacal laugh filled the room. The voice sounded suspiciously like Garcia's.

"What is that?" JJ asked, sounding alarmed.

The sound of heavy panting filled the alarmed room.

"Rossi!" cried every person in the room; except of course for Rossi who cried "Erin!"

There was a soft thump and the sound of something being dragged across the room. The panting followed it.

"Now that definitely wasn't me" Rossi said.

"Can anyone see what's going on?" Hotch asked, attempting to squint through the darkness in the room.

There was the sound of a door opening nearby.

"Sounds like a trap door" Morgan observed.

"Don't be silly" JJ laughed. "How could we ever afford a trapdoor?"

Garcia pulled Reid down the trapdoor.

"Coffee" he moaned in his sleep.

When it came to the last few steps, Garcia chucked Reid with all her might (which was a lot).

Reid went falling down the staircase, landing with a sickening crunch.

The last thing Reid saw before he woke were several disheveled, familiar women reaching out towards him.