I stare ahead blankly as rain drips from the ends of my hair and into my eyes, blurring my vision. It helps, you know. It makes everything seem out of focus, so you can pretend that life is a dream for just a little bit longer. No, not a dream, a nightmare. That way I can tell myself that I can wake up from this horror film where I'm the antagonist. Sometime, I can almost believe myself. I can almost imagine that I'll wake up, and she'll be there blushing madly in that cute way and trying to make me get out of her bed. But it never works completely. It's just another lie. This is reality, and I'll never hold her again.
My rain-soaked clothes cling to my skin, drenching my body. I know I should be freezing. It's been days since I've eaten anything, but who's caring? I haven't been able to feel anything since she left. It all goes right through me, accentuating this numbness that haunts me. I'm hollow, empty now. Only she knew me, and my true self died with her.
I didn't know what I was doing. Was I sleeping? Was I awake? I didn't know. I could feel myself, twisting from side to side. I felt so weak. I didn't have enough energy to keep moving, but I couldn't stop. What was this deafening ring that pierced my mind like a dagger? It pained me, and I felt it force my arms to lurch forward.
Suddenly, everything stopped. The ringing silenced, and a sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach as the darkness was lifted from my eyes. I felt a pair of arms encircle me and looked to see Amu's face just centimeters from my own. But something was wrong. There was no blush on my cheeks, no hint of embarrassment. Her face was paper white, it's former liveliness drained from sight. The only sign of life left was in her eyes, which glowed sadly. But even they were beginning to lose their light.
"I-Ikuto…" Her lips trembled as she whispered the words. "I-I forgive you." She forced out the last few syllables before closing her eyes. The dread in my heart mounted as I watched a single tear roll down from the corner of her eye, staining her bloodless cheek.
"Amu," What was wrong with her? Why did my heart feel like it was about to be ripped apart? "W-wha…" She gasped sharply before I could voice my question. And then, she tumbled towards the ground.
"AMU!" I cried, reaching out to catch her. Still, she plummeted to the gravel, revealing the cuts and slashes that adorned her body. I stared at her, horrified. Who had done this? I slowly looked at my outstretched hand, and horror washed over me. In it, I held my bloodstained violin. It was then my heart shattered into a million pieces. I fell to my knees, not hearing the violin as it shattered against the hard floor beside me. I didn't hear the shouts and screams of those around me, didn't hear the satisfied laughs of those whose side I was supposed to be on. My ears met a stone cold silence, and all I could see was her lifeless face before me. She carried a soft expression. She could have been sleeping if she wasn't so pale. I gently pulled her to me, keeping my eyes only on her innocent complexion. I drew my face near hers and brushed away her tear with my lips. I closed my eyes as it's saltiness tinged the tip of my tongue. With my eyes closed, I could think better. But her image was engraved in my mind. I saw her smiling, a rosy complexion about her, eyes twinkling with joy. What had just happened, it couldn't be possible. This wasn't true, that she was dead. I couldn't have killed her! Once I opened my eyes, everything would just dissolve into a horrible dream, is all. Just a dream that wouldn't couldn't ever come true. In reality, I'd never left her room, I promised myself. Dread filled my heart as I opened my eyes.
"No, Amu," I whispered softly. I pulled her limp frame to my chest and buried my face in her hair. "This time…" I managed to choke out. I clenched my teeth harshly as I clutched her to my heart in desperation. "This time, I was supposed to protect you."
I'm sitting in out teacup from the amusement park. I know I shouldn't, counting the memories just does you worse in the end. But I can't help it anymore, I can't keep from remembering her. I gently brush my fingers against the spot where she'd sat at, almost as if I hope to absorb some of her through it. My hand comes away wet; the rain water has begun to collect in puddles along the floor and seats. As I look up, the rain falls directly onto my face. It's coming down heavier now, much like this burden in my heart that I can't get rid of. The rain does me good. Only when I'm in it can I let the tears fall. When your in it, who's to say that tears aren't raindrops? I inhale slowly, my breath shaking. Have I been crying this entire time? My head falls to the chair, her chair. Water flows down my face as I try to swallow this lump in my throat that just won't go away, but the pain only grows worse.
"Amu," I whisper hoarsely, pressing my cheek against the seat. Caressing it one last time with the tips of my fingers, I leap away from the amusement park and into the bitter darkness of the night.