Note to Readers: As much as I would love to serenade you with sarcasm, I'm not. I really don't have it in me right now to ramble on about random things, so I'm keeping it short. Here's what you need to know: This piece is an odd double Oneshotey sort of thing of romance, humor, pain, and hairballs. Yes, hairballs. Characters are: Snape (who rocks), McGonagall (fun-killer), Filch (ew), and well, you'll see. (No, it is not the Easterm Bunny, I'm sorry.) Let's just call it a twisted little love square. Please review. Enjoy,. Not in that order, though.
Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own.
A Heart Untamed
Minerva McGongall stood patiently at the door of Argus Filch, hesitating before knocking upon the intimidatingly towering door. She, as well as the most of the entire student and staff body, was well aware of his present psychological state. After a moment's thought, she finally knocked upon his quarters.
"WHAT?!" came a thunderous roar from inside.
"Argus," Minerva replied through the thick, wooden door, "May I have a word with you?"
"I'm busy."
Minerva glanced down at the cobblestone floor and smoothed out the folds creased into her cloudy grey dress beneath her robes. "Its... concerning Mrs. Norris."
Hurried, manic footsteps resonated from behind the door, the galloping sound of one foot madly impacting upon the ground after the other, growing louder and louder by the second. Suddenly, the heavy door swung open and walied by it's old rusted hinges until it revealed a particularly distraught-looking Filch. His wild, lamp-like silver eyes met Minerva's. "Come in, please, come in."
Minerva nodded and stepped into the chambers out of the corridors chilling icy reach and closed the door behind her. Straightening her ebony hat, she gazed around the room. It was, indeed, a tad bit shabby, with dust so thick it much resembled snow, but she didn't mind.
After her entry, the anxious man turned to her, "You said you 'ave somethin to tell me 'bout my Mrs. Norris?" He ran his hand through his thinning, graying brown hair.
"You 'aven't seen her 'ave you? She's been gone for three days now." Filch nervously paced the floor, "An' I've looked ev'rywher she might be-"
Stepping before him, Minerva took his thin bony hands. "You may be best to choose to sit to listen to what I am about to tell you, Argus."
Fear shot through the old man's eyes. He sat down to a rickety wooden set in the corn as the dust it upon it floated down to the floor. "She- she 'asn't been hurt, 'as she?"
Minerva moved another chair beside his. "No, Argus, Mrs. Norris is in perfectly good health, but... well, you see..."
"Yes? Yes?"
"Well, you girls talk, Argus, and how Norrie, Crookshanks and I all have our little luncheons..." she explained. "The other day we were all chatting over catnip and..." Minerva paused. "... And she says it's over. You and her, that is."
Filch's eyes began to tear. "But- but-" he stammered.
Minerva drew in closer, "Oh, I know..."
"BUT I THOUGHT WE WERE HAPPY!!!" he sobbed into his hands.
""Oh, Argus, Mrs. Norris was happy. However, feelings tend to change, and especially after that whole tabby ordeal at the pet shop in Diagon Alley... She just as though it is time for the both of you to move on with your lives."
Looking up from his hands, Filch began to weep, "But I can change!"
"I understand," Minerva cooed placing a hand upon his scrawny shoulder, "I really do, but you see... there is someone else."
"Someone else?" he sniffled. Minerva nodded. "It isn't that- that American shorthair from 'osmeade, is it?"
She looked into his puffy pink eyes. "No, it isn't the shorthair. It's someone completely, completely different, believe me. However, she very clearly instructed me to leave his identity anonymous."
There was a moment's silence. "Alright," he finally said whilst wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "As long as Mrs. Norris is 'appy, I guess... It's jus' that..." Filch sniffled, "She left without her mousey!" Reaching into his holy trouser pocket, he fished out a ragged stuffed cat toy, which highly wreaked of catnip, amougst other things.
"I gave it to her for our first year... together!" he choked.
"Oh come now, Argus," Minerva comforted him. "Mrs. Norris would want you to move on, to meet new people, to be happy." She leaned in closer, "and remember my dear, if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I am always availible."
Filch, wide-eyes, moved his chair aback a meter or so from the woman. "Wh-what are you tryin t'say?"
A slight, but devilish smirk spread across Minerva's lips as she drug her seat next to him once again. "Oh, nothing, nothing at all... I just find it... " she whispered devishly, "that I am single, and you are single..."
A bolt of horror struck through Filch's body like an electric shock as he bolted upright. "You don't mean to tell me yer-"
"- Madly in love with you, Argus," she grinned. She rose from her seat, slowly approaching him almost as if waiting to pounce as a sudden shriek of terror was reported to have erupted from the castle.
Neither Argus Filch or Minerva McGonagall made an appearence at that evening's dinner, nor have not been seen since.
Deep in the heart of the dungeons of Hogwarts, a small muffled knock came to the door of Severus Snape. The professor, who had been lying atop the black velvet blanket upon his bed, turned from reading his copy of the latest Danielle Steel novel (which, quite frankly, he was enjoying, so there).
He was, however, incredibly irked by the fact that someone had the nerve to pester him even at eleven o'clock in the evening. "Enter," he drawled.
No reply.
Several moments later, the knock sounded again, resonating throughout the dungeon's frigid, stone halls. "You may enter," Severus called again, this time, louder than he had before.
Yet a minute later, the same noise soon reappeared. Tossing his book to the side, Severus rose from the bed to fetch his wand, truly feeling sorry for whomever was outside.
He pulled the weighty door open, allowing the grim shadows of the corridor to pour into his dim-lit room. Severus gazed into the darkness, searching meticulously to find his latest victim, though there was none to be found. Confused, he looked again, knowing there had to have been someone knocking; however, his efforts all proved in vain. There was no one to be seen and no sound to have heard until...
"Meow."
Severus looked down to the small figure in the sitting in the doorframe as its warm little yellow eyes. It was Mrs. Norris.
The swoon feline drew four paws nearer to Severus, releasing a stiff rat from her teeth to his feet. He, however, was not taken.
Severus bent down to the starry-eyed ca and lifted her by the scruff of the neck until they met at eye level.
Mrs. Norris beamed and purred, even despite the riled expression
engraved into Severus's pale face.''Listen, hairball,'' Severus stated flatly.''For the past three days you have plagued me with your presence, yet every time I have resisted the urge to hex you into the next dimension."
Mrs.Norris's glow suddenly ceased.
"To be blunt, Mrs.Norris,''Severus continued, ''I am not at all amused by your absurd and agitating behavior and I demand
that you leave me alone.''
Mrs.Norris's eyes grew dull, then glassy.
"No," Severus shot back, "no, don't even continue with the sad little kitty eyes. It work work, anyway. The point is cat, that you will refrain from this ridiculousness... now. Do you understand me?"
"Meow."
"And if I find so much as another mouse at my doorstep, I guarentee I will relieve you of a life."
Mrs. Norris nodded silently, looking both torn and forsaken. Leaning forward from Severus's tight grasp, her sandpaper tongue grazed across his cheek.
Severus's face scrunched up in digust. "Never. Again." he warned. He lowered Mrs. Norris to the cold, damp floor. "Now leave."
Head hung low, she turned from her love and began on her journey through teh castle to find somewhere to settle in for the nnight. She was alone, all alone, never again to see the man whom she desired so desperately.
"And cat!" Severus's voice stabbed out into the darkness. "I expect to see you tomorrow afternoon at five o'clock for detention. Sharp. Don't be late."
And suddenly, Mrs, Norris's luck had changed! Granted, it was detention, and true, he had absolutely no interest in her what-so-ever, but she could change that, right? A purr here and a pat there, he couldn't be that difficult to win over. The old man wasn't.
With a reborn sense os hope and newfound determination, Mrs. Norris dissapeared quietly out of the dungeons to await (and plot for) her next redezvous with the man of her dreams.
-Fin-
Author's Note: Alright, now you're done. Here's the regular endnote in a nutshell: Weird, yes. Disturbing, indeed. Revised, it will be. Reviews, feel free to.