From the state of Rhode Island, in a small town named Quahog, the Griffin family was enjoying a particularly quiet day. And by quiet, that means none of the Griffins have actually destroyed anything of value yet. Anyway, Lois Griffin was sitting in the living room, wondering how the hell did his husband become such a dummy, Brian and Stewie were playing with one of Stewie's inventions that will eventually end up horribly wrong, Chris Griffin was cowering about in his room, wondering he's going to change his clothes without awaking the dreaded evil monkey, and Meg Griffin was in her room, doing... well whatever Meg likes to do in her spare time, it's not most likely not even important or interesting in the slightest anyway.
Finally, we have the head of the household(or he likes to think he is), Peter Griffin himself, sitting in the kitchen, watching something on a laptop. He was actually watching some laxative prank video that was recommended to him from his son, Chris. He thought he would get his father to laugh, but judging from the look on his eyes, it was clear to see that he was clearly annoyed.
"Well, that was 12 minutes of my life I just wasted. Nothing funny even happened. It was nothing but talking about boring stuff for ten minutes, and I saw a girl on the toilet for about 30 seconds. There wasn't even a farting sound, let alone the poop, they were yelling too loud for me to hear anything. And the cameraman hyped it up, too! If I knew it was gonna be like this, then I'd rather watch the new Mayweather fight.", Peter ranted, as a cutaway gag about Floyd Mayweather beating up some random homeless bum ensured.
"And that's not even the worst thing, this crap somehow managed to get two million views in a month! If uninteresting garbage like this can get two million views, then I wonder how much the real thing would get?", Peter asked himself. Just then, he had a rare streak of intelligence. He has an exceptional camera, he has a full bottle of Ex-Lax, and an unsuspecting woman in Lois Griffin. "Oh, Peter, you sly devil, you. I've wanted to make a viral video, too.", Peter said to himself as he skipped over to his bedroom so he could grab his new high-grade camera. "He he he he he he he", Peter did his classic giggle as he skipped back to the kitchen. "Hello, Internet, this is Peter Griffin, and I'm doing a laxative prank, and not like the fake ones you usually see. I'm not gonna talk over everything, and I will show you the woman on the toilet. It's gonna be like Dumb and Dumber, except ten times better. In fact, I'm done talking, let me just show ya what I got.", Peter said, as he went through one drawer and grabbed a full, unused bottle of Ex-Lax.
Then, he went through the refrigerator, and grabbed a tall glass and Lois' favorite red wine, and proceeded to mix a majority of Ex-Lax with the red wine all on camera. "He he he he he he. This is gonna be even better than the time I was on the Impractical Jokers.", Peter chuckled to himself, as a cutaway gag consisting of Peter doing some terrible prank that ended up severely injuring the Impractical Jokers crew. Anyway, carrying the spiked drink and the camera, Peter walked over to the living room and saw his wife, Lois, dozing off on the couch. "Psst, hey, Lois. Hey, Lois, wake up!", Peter loudly whispered in Lois' ear.
"Huh?! What the hell?! I wasn't sleeping during the day like an old lady!", Lois exclaimed, jumping up from her slumber. "He he he. Hey, Lois, you want something to drink?", Peter asked. "Oh, I do, Peter, thank you. And it's my favorite drink, too.", Lois said, as she took the drink and started sipping from the glass. "Oh, and you're enjoying that new camera I bought you a couple weeks ago?", Lois asked. "Yep, been thinking of making some new home movies for awhile now.", Peter replied, lying through his teeth. "Aw, that's sweet of you. Hey, Peter, wanna sit with me for a bit?", Lois asked, while giving Peter a short kiss on the cheek. "I was gonna do that anyway, so yeah.", Peter replied, as he sat down with Lois, waiting for the laxative to take effect.
For about a half hour, Lois had completely downed her spiked beverage, and watch a satirized version of a Bill Maher episode in which Jordan Peterson appeared. "I don't know why, but this Jordan guy reminds of me Brian when he talks about his novels.", Peter said, utterly confused. "Yeah, he sounds the type of psuedo-intellectual douchebag who would tear up over reading his own writing.". Lois replied. "I agree, I agree. Hey, Lois, you feelin' alright?", Peter asked, sounding a little impatient. "Uh, yeah, I'm not feeling any different than I did five minutes ago. I don't know why you keep... "GRRRRRR" "Oh.", Lois grumbled, as her stomach rumbled.
"Well, looks like it's time for my daily snack.", Peter announced, as he started getting up. "No, Peter, that wasn't your stomach, that was mine's.", Lois replied. "Oh, then it's time for your daily snack?", Peter asked. "Uh, no, Peter. "GRRRRRRRRR" I already ate a while go." Lois retorted, as her stomach kept bubbling loudly. "Then why is your stomach doing that?", Peter asked, like a curious kid. "Maybe it's the wine. I did drink it a little faster than usual.", Lois replied, while rubbing her abdomen. "You know, when my stomach's growling like that, a good fart or two solves it.", Peter said. "No, I'm not gonna fart, because I know if I do-"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" "UUGGGHHHH!"
"FRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT"
"Ha ha! I knew you was gonna fart! Now you can't complain when I do one!", Peter cheered, as Lois let out a loud and raspy fart that had left somewhat foul odor in the air. "Wait, Peter! It's not what you- "BRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPTPTPTPT" "Oh, my God, that smells!", Lois exclaimed in digust, as Peter made a longer and louder fart as if to compete the one that Lois made. It was also about five times stinkier than Lois' as well. "How's that, Lois? Can you top that?", Peter said, filled with confidence. "Peter, I'm not farting because I'm in a competition. I'm farting because I- "GRRRRRGRGRGRRR-PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTBTTBTTBTTBTBTBTTTT" Lois couldn't finish what she was saying, as she pushed more loud and smelly gas, that was considerably more wet than the first one. "That was nice. That was nice. But can you fart to a musical tone?!" "BRRRRT-BRRRRTRRT-BRRRRT-BRRRRTRTT-BRRRRTTT-FRRRRTRTRT-FRRRRRTRTRT" Peter was somehow able to fart exactly to the tune of "Shave And A Haircut, Two Bits."
It was at this point, that Lois made the decision to beat Peter at his own idiotic games. "Alright, Peter! You want a fart?! I'll give the loudest and smelliest gas I can give you, then!", Lois yelled. "Hell, yeah! That's what I'm talking about!", Peter responded. "Okay, here we go! HHHNNNNGGGG"
"PHHHHUUUURRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT-SPLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRTTTT"
"OH, GOD!", Lois cried, as she blew a superbly wet fart that crossed the line into defecation, as she suddenly squirted a moderate load of watery crap into her pink panties. Through some miracle, she was to clench her ass tightly enough to prevent more diarrhea from trickling from out of her butthole, although her legs were trembling something fierce. Peter, as usual, was none the wiser about what was going on right in front of him. "Wow, Lois! That was so awesome! I honestly don't know if I can outdo that one, but I'll try.", Peter said. "Never mind that, Peter. Could you please move out the way? I gotta go to the bathroom.", Lois said as calm as she could. "What're you talking about? I haven't had my turn yet.", Peter replied, trying to gain the strength for another massive fart.
"Yes, I know, but that'll have to- "SPRRRRRRRRRRRRRT" "Oh, Lord! Peter, GET THE HELL OUTTA MY WAY!", Lois yelled, as she had another squirt of liquid shit into her underwear, and she bolted past Peter, making him fall onto the couch, as she ran up to stairs up to the bathroom, clenching her ass even tighter and using her hands for added support. "Jeez, Lois, you could've just ask me nicely. It's like you drank a bunch of Ex-Lax or something.", Peter said to himself. "Ohhhhhhhhh! Right." Fortunately, his brain was functioning better than usual today.
Meanwhile, Lois was desperately fumbling around with the zipper. "COME ON, COME ON, COME ON!" Despite holding back an ocean of watery diarrhea in her ass, she was still able to clench her bowels hard enough to make it to the bathroom. Thankfully for her, she was able to control her zipper and pull down her pants and very soiled panties down to the ground. "OH, YES! Oh, God, please don't burn!", Lois cried, as she slammed her butt onto the toilet. "Hhhhhhhmmmmmmm..."
"CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKLKLKLKLKL-SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRTRTRTRT" "CRAAAALKKLKLKLLK-PLOP-PLOP-SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTRTRTRTRTRRTT" "SPLASH-SPLASH-FRRRRRRRRRTRT-SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRTRTRTRTTRT"
"AAAAAAAAAAAH... HAAAAAAAAAA... PANT-PANT-PANT", Lois was moaning in ecstasy after her massive bowel movement. She pushed out an elongated brown log that started spiraling for a bit, before the consistency of her excrement shifted into thick and mushy diarrhea gushing into the toilet bowl. After that, Lois had squirted out two heavy torrents of pulpy, watery diarrhea out of her fine aged ass. "FRRRRRRRRRRRT-SPLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRTRTRTRTRT" "PANT-PANT. It smells so awful, but yet feels so good!", Lois exclaimed, as she tried to fan the odors away as thick brown watery sludge kept spewing out of her plump milf tushy.
"CRAAAAAAAACKKKLKLKLKL-SPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT" "I wonder what give me the runs anyway. "SPLAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRT" "Ahhhhhhh! The only logical thing I can come up with is the dinner we ate last night must've been a bad batch. "BRRRRAAAAPPPPPTPTPTTPPT-CRAAAAAACKLKLKLKLK-SPLASH-SPLASH-SPLOOOOOORRRTRTRTRTRT" "Maybe Peter's right, I should start trying out new recipes and stuff. I just wish he wasn't so harsh about it.", Lois said, as she expelled out several waves of runny diarrhea from her motherly booty. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" "OH, GOD!"
"SPLRRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTT"
"HHHHHAAAAAHHHHH! PANT-PANT-PANT", Lois had nothing but guttural moans of pleasure as seemingly urinated pure liquid shit out of her messy, but still juicy derriere. "SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRT" "Oh, my, I better keep it quiet! I might scare the kids. Or worse, some pervert might be watching.", Lois said, with her ass still spewing brown water into the toilet. Unfortunately, Lois was being watching as she was having the worse case of the Hersey Squirts on the crapper, although it wasn't Glenn Quagmire, it was none other than Peter Griffin. Because Lois was so desperate to void her bowels in the toilet, she left the door right open, and Peter was able to secretly record her having diarrhea without her noticing.
"You see, that's how you do a laxative prank right here, no boring talk, no joking around, just a good ol' number two. ("SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRTRTRTRTRT" "OHHHHHHHH!") "Oh, you hear that right there?", Peter whispered to the camera, as he saw Lois suffering on the toilet, with her sexy ass acting like a broken chocolate water fountain. "Hope it's explosive diarrhea, though. ("SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRTRTRTRTT" "AHHHHHHHHH!") We can't afford that situation happening again.", Peter mumbled, as a cutaway gag consisting of Peter Griffin having literal explosive diarrhea ensued.
Anyway... "SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPLPLPLOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRT" "OHHHHHHHHH!", Lois moaned loudly, grasping the sides of the toilet as she kept squirting thick brown water out her curvy bubble butt. "Whoa, that is way hotter than I thought. Maybe I can get Lois to have sex with me after this.", Peter thought to himself, as he found himself getting around by the sounds Lois' butt was making. "SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRTRTRTRTRT" "Oh, I feel so dirty for enjoying this, but I feel so relieved! It's like that one time I... that one time I... "SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRTRTRTRT" "Ah, I can't think of what this reminds me of!", Lois said, unable to set up a cutaway gag due to her round bottom uncontrollably jetting out watery diarrhea.
"OH! Oh, come on! Really, Lois?!", Peter angrily said, bursting into the bathroom, exposing himself from his hiding place. "SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTT" "AHHHH! What the hell are you doing here, Peter?!", Lois exclaimed, as a torrent of watery crap gushed out of her. "Are you kidding me, Lois?! I've set up perfect cutaway gags when I was damn near bleeding to death, but you can't do it because I gave you a bunch of laxatives with your red wine!", Peter ranted, still recording. "SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRTRTRTRT" "Wait a minute, did you spike my drink?!", Lois asked. "Well, yeah, obviously.", Peter replied. "Well, why would you- "SPLRRTRTRTRLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRT" "Ngh, do that?!", Lois questioned as she crapped out more watery brown sludge.
"Well, I wanted to make a video, and before you ask, no, Quagmire didn't pay me to do this, I just wanted to make an ACTUAL laxative video that would go viral.", Peter explained. "SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRT" "How much did you get?", Lois asked. "Well, pretty everything for the past half-hour.", Peter said, happy with himself. "Well, you're gonna have to make a video about something else, "SPLLLLLLLLLAAAAAARRRRRT" because you're NOT gonna upload this!", Lois exclaimed, highly pissed off, while pissing toxic brown water out of her ass.
"Oh, okay, that's fine. I won't upload this... If you can catch the camera first!", Peter said, as he started playing a game of cat-and-mouse for the camera with Lois, which was somewhat similar when Joe wanted Peter's license after he crashed the family car. However, Lois couldn't find a weapon that she could jab at the massive mound of flesh that's known as Peter's stomach, and she eventually grown tired and lost the game.
"Aw, come on, Lois, you gotta learn to laugh at yourself sometimes. Look at me, I'm laughing at me laughing at you! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", Peter started guffawing. It was then, that Lois attempted to take advantage, and leaped off the toilet to try to take the camera. "ERRGGGGHHHHH! OWWWW!" Unfortunately, Lois failed, as Peter noticed at the last second, and backed up just enough for Lois to fall face-first onto the floor, with her milf ass hanging up in the air. Then, suddenly...
"SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRTRTRTRTRT"
Lois' well-shaped bottom had become something of a fire hydrant, as without warning, she squirted out an enormous waterfall mushy brown excrement that made an arc like a rainbow and splashed and splattered inside and all over the bath tub, and left small puddles of liquid shit on the floor. Lois was absolutely appalled and disgusted by what she had done to the bathroom. However, Peter had a completely different reaction. He was able to record the whole thing, and he had the same look on his face like he did when he saw Lois for the very first time. "Wow, this was just... Astounding. I knew staying in this marriage for more than 20 years was worth it.", Peter said in a very calm, yet wondering tone.
"GODDAMNIT, PETER! You are gonna delete that video NOW, or I'll... or I'll... "SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRTRTRT" "Take a dump all over your Surfin' Bird records!", Lois yelled, as she plopped herself back onto the toilet, so that she could let thick mushy brown water continue to violently trickle out of her bodacious butt. "Fine, go ahead, do it. I don't need 'em anyway. I know what to use the Youtubes anyway." "Okay, then if you don't delete the video, "SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRTRTRTRTT" "Then I won't do that special sex thing tonight.", Lois said with a very sly smile. "Whoa, wait a minute, you mean where you rub your butt all up on my manhood?", Peter asked, sounding a little frightful. "Yeah, if you don't delete the video "SPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT" "Then I won't do that sex thing.", Lois confirmed.
"Alright, alright, alright! I'll delete the video, okay?! I'm sorry, Lois! I just wanted to be like those Paul brothers!", Peter exclaimed, as he frantically stopped the camera from recording. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now get out of here, Peter, and delete the video before I change my mind.", Lois replied. "You got it!", Peter said, as he bolted out of the bathroom. "Wow, he's sure quick for a fat man. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" "Ugh, let's get this finished already!", Lois said, as her stomach started rumbling loudly. "HHNNNGGGG!"
"SPLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTRTRTRTRTRTTT"
"SPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRTRTRTRT-SPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLlllllllllplplplplrrrrrrrrrtttt"
"AHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm finally done!", Lois sighed full of relief, as she squirted a few monstrous streams of mushy liquid shit that splashed loudly into the toilet. Then, she had a final stream of thick brown water dribble out of her plump milf bottom. "Man, I feel so weak, but I gotta clean this up quickly.", Lois said, as she cleaned her dirty ass and flushed the toilet at a quickened pace, and she almost immediately started cleaning the liquid crap that was sprayed all over the tub and walls.
1 Day LaterIn the early mornings of a brand new day, Lois Griffin was walking up the stairs. She had heard one of her sons, Chris Griffin, laughing in his room for some time now, and she started wondering what was so damn humorous. "Hey, Chris, what's so funny? I've been hearing you laugh it up for awhile now.", Lois said, lightly knocking on Chris' door. "Oh, I'm just a new prank video! It's SO much better than the other ones! Ha ha ha ha ha!", Chris answered, as he resumed giggling. "Hm, I kinda like prank videos. I wonder who's the poor sap being... WHAT THE?!", Lois exclaimed, as she opened the door, and saw that the poor sap being pranked was none other than Lois Griffin. She just stood there in utter shock, seeing herself explode on the toilet. She had even seen that the video had gained above a million views in mere hours. "Hey, Mom, the woman in the video kinda looks you, and the guy holding the camera kinda sounds like Dad.", Chris said, between laughter.
"Uh... yeah... um.. that's interesting. Well, I'll be back on my way now.", Lois said with no emotion as she slowly back out of the room and closed the door. However, as soon as the door closed, she was filled with blinding rage, as she stomped over to their bedroom, found Peter still sleeping in his bed, and slapped him on his face as hard as she could. "PETER! I thought I told to delete that fucking video!", Lois screamed.
"Huh?! Uh! What?! What's going on?!", Peter exclaimed, still feeling groggy. "What's going on?! I just woke up to find out that you not only not deleted that prank video, but you even uploaded it on Youtube!", Lois yelled. "What? I thought I erased it.", Peter replied. "Does this LOOK like it was erased to you?!", Lois said, as she showed him the video. "Wow, it's gotten over a million views, that's pretty damn cool- OWWWW!", Peter yelped in pain, as Lois slapped him again. "How could you embarrass me like that?!", Lois asked. "What?! I did delete it, I swear! I took the camera, got it to the computer, hooked it up, pushed a few buttons, clicked upload, and it took me it would erase it in 15 minutes, so I just left it!", Peter explained.
"What?! Upload means putting it on Youtube, you retard!", Lois cried, feeling like she was about to go insane. "Well, I just thought that was how the new generation says delete! Honest!", Peter said, putting a hand on his heart. As angry as Lois was and much as she wanted to smack Peter again, her fury was replaced with exasperation and total disappointment in herself. You shouldn't let a dumb man do your dirty work, or in this case, erase your dirty work, after all.
THE END