The Love of Comrades
-by J.P. D'Osty-Fernandez
-dedicated to those earthly angels who sacrifice and suffer to protect the innocent from the evil, and, as ever, to Diane Neal, the wonderful young actress who brings Casey Novak to life.
Standard Disclaimer: The SVU characters belong to Dick Wolf. All the other characters are mine.
Plink. Plink! PLINK! PLINK! PLINK!
The closer Cragen walked to the batting cage, the louder the sound of the bat sending balls flying into the wide blue yonder. This was not merely the Doppler Effect in action. No, there was a certain fury with which the bat made each connection.
"Glad I'm not one of those baseballs!"
Casey lowered her bat and turned to face Cragen. She tilted the visor of her helmet slightly upwards to have a better view of him. When she did that, the light of the sun made her wince, but just briefly. Cragen caught this.
"You should be!" responded Casey, lowering her visor.
"Light aggravate your headache? Always did that to me the morning after. But I could never stand the noise either."
Casey had turned back to face the oncoming balls.
"The noise?"
"Yeah, the noise! I could hear you hitting away from the parking lot. Almost sounds like a pile driver to me, and I'm not even hung over. I can't imagine what it must…"
PLINK!
"You'll find, Captain—"
PLINK!
"that when someone wants something badly enough—"
PLINK!
"they'll put up with about anything to get it!"
PLINK!
"Interesting explanation, Counselor. Is that why you were ready to throw away your career over this cockamamie subpoena?"
PLINK!
"It wasn't cockamamie at all!"
PLINK!
"I asked you to cooperate—"
PLINK!
"I asked you nicely—"
PLINK!
"You refused—"
PLINK!
"So, I had to do it the hard way!"
PLINK!
"And how's that working for you?"
Casey swung and missed. She lowered her bat and turned to face Cragen.
"Some misses, some hits…"
Casey removed her helmet.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" asked Cragen.
"That was the thirty-second ball."
"So?"
"The Bata II only handles 32-ball feeds."
"I thought it was 34?"
"34 softballs. I play for keeps."
"Do you?"
Cragen was looking Casey directly in the eye. Casey was glaring at him.
"Because getting stone drunk after Liz Donnelly—"
"That's JUDGE Donnelly to you, Captain!"
Cragen ignored Casey's interruption.
"After she stepped in and quashed your subpoena…well, that doesn't sound much like a winner to me!"
"The game's not over."
"Really? And how many victims won't get justice because you're so wrapped up in this little 'game' to get me?"
"Dammit, Captain!" exclaimed Casey, hurling her helmet to the ground where it impacted with a dull but pronounced thud, "Don't you turn this around on me! You KNOW I need Liv's testimony to put Moira DiGuelmo's murderer away! YOU are the one who's refusing to tell me where Liv is or produce her!"
This did not appear to have any effect on Cragen.
"And all the other cases besides Moira DiGuelmo…"
"Oh, DON'T even THINK of going there, CAPTAIN! You know damn well that I have been carrying my full load—and then some—after Liv disappeared."
Cragen sighed and looked down.
"That you have, Casey, that you have. I can't argue with you there!"
Casey saw a certain sadness come over Cragen's face. She interpreted this as resignation on his part.
"Look, why don't we discuss this in the shade?"
Casey pointed to the bench behind Cragen, where she had left her bag. Then, she bent down, picked up her helmet and shook the dust off of it.
When both of them were seated, Casey unzipped her bag, pulled out a water bottle, uncapped it, and drank several gulps.
"Ahh…that hits the spot!"
"I hope that's not vodka…"
Casey glared at Cragen again.
"If you think it's vodka, then arrest me for having an open container…"
Casey turned away from Cragen and leaned back against the wall.
"Otherwise just leave me the hell alone!"
"I can't do that, Casey! Even if that is just water, I can't do that!"
Casey took another few gulps from her water bottle. Then, the significance of the nature of Cragen's response dawned on her. "Even if that is just water…" he had said. He had made no move to verify Casey's statement. He was willing to take what she said at face value. Was he trying to set her up, to create an incident where he could later say he caught her with what he would say was an "open container" and let her go, thus creating political capital with which blackmail her into collaborating with him, or into silence? No, Cragen knew that Casey was far too clever to allow herself to be caught in such a crude attempt. There had to be something more…
"You can't leave me alone about one time I go on a bender…but you won't get me Liv to testify against Gene Peerot, which is why I got smashed in the first place…There's something I'm not getting here…"
"I doubt this is the first time you've gone on a bender. Remember when Judge Donnelly had to dismiss the first case against Doug Waverly and Nick Pratt? She found you in a bar getting ready to drown your sorrows."
"Yes…she did," acknowledged Casey, "But you finding out about me getting drunk a couple of times doesn't make me an alcoholic!"
"I hope you're right, Casey. Because…this…job of ours…you know, there are many times I am close to falling off the wagon…to getting smashed and then starting a disturbance like you did last night before Donnelly pulled you away…"
"Did you ever think we would both be better off if you just told me where Liv is instead of projecting your issues on to me, Captain?" interrupted Casey "Did that ever occur to you?"
Cragen looked down.
"It's more than that, Casey. It's more than just Peerot…isn't it?"
Casey stood up, an angry glare in her eyes. Cragen stood up to meet her, eyeball to eyeball.
"Alright, CAPTAIN! If that's the way you want it…since you opened the door, let's get a few things out in the open, shall we?
"You remember the DNA on Haley Kerns' underwear? Do you remember when I asked you if you checked it, and you said 'You advised me not to, so I didn't!' "
"Yes, that's true!"
"The tone of your voice, you made it sound like I actually ENJOYED having to advise Melinda not to share that DNA with you and Liv!"
"Counselor, it would be nice, once in a while, to see you playing on our side instead of being so stuck up on the letter of the law!"
"I'M 'stuck up on the letter of the law?' I saved you and Liv from a major civil suit. And do you remember Derek Lord and Jaimie Hoskins last spring? Who was it again who told me I would be on my own if things went south?"
"Only after you accused me of trying to look good in front of my bosses!"
This hit Casey like a bucket of cold water, stopping her dead in her tracks.
Cragen pressed on.
"I have to fend off the COMPSTAT gurus and all the legions of House Mice from One Police Plaza who want me to simply write up every sexual assault, every time a woman or child is raped and left for dead, as a 'Dis-Con' just so they can tell the Mayor 'Crime is down, Sir!'
"I have to keep these vultures happy AND actually DO some police work and get these scumbags off the streets so they don't rape and kill again…and all I get for it is the insinuation that all I care about is 'looking good in front of my bosses!' "
Casey looked down. A long, tense silence overtook the two of them.
"I'm…sorry I said that, Captain…it was…that case…it got to me…"
Casey collapsed backwards onto the bench. Cragen, the anger now dissipated from him, rushed forward as if to catch her. He stopped when he saw Casey had steadied herself on the bench and was in no danger of falling.
Casey crossed her arms and brought her legs up, tucking her bended knees between her arms and her face. Slowly, she began to rock back and forth.
"I…had…a fiancé…who was like Jaimie Hoskins…I abandoned him…"
Cragen sat next to Casey.
"Now…karma is catching up with me…first I lost Alex…then, I lost Liv…now I'm losing you…and Elliot, it's only a matter of time…"
Casey looked up, brushing the tears from her face. Cragen put a hand on her forearm. Casey did not push it away.
"I guess it's my karma to lose those I love most dearly…"
"Casey, you haven't lost ANY of us! Alex is still working for the DA. If Elliot knew you were in such pain, he would be here right next to us. And you sure haven't lost me!"
Casey looked deep into Cragen's eyes. There was much anxiety in hers.
"Even after…my attempted subpoena?"
"Yes, even after you attempted subpoena!"
Casey looked into Cragen's eyes for a moment longer. Then she grabbed him in a powerful bear hug. Cragen reciprocated, albeit with less force. It seemed that their embrace lasted forever…
"Thank you, Captain…"
"Thank you, Casey…"
Eventually, they released each other and sat in silence for a few minutes.
"But, Casey," began Cragen "I have to say I'm concerned about the fact that, when you say 'those you love most dearly,' you immediately refer to people on this job of ours…"
"Why?"
"Well…when one of my Detectives gets so wrapped up in this job, when they don't have a family to go home to…that's not a good sign."
"Oh, I have family…I have my brothers and their kids, I have my Uncle Jimmy who I love dearly,
"But you know, Captain, it's just not the same…I mean people who don't do what we do day in and day out…it's like…well, they just don't understand…and I can't find the right way, the right words to explain it to them.
"Take Alex. When I started out in the DA's office, she was my best friend there. But…since she's been back, and especially now that she is getting married…she's changed…or maybe it's me that has changed…
"But, with Elliot and Liv and you, I don't have to explain. We understand each other without having to talk about it. We're here, and everyone else isn't. Does that…sorta make sense?"
"It makes a lot of sense, Casey. In fact, it tells me why you went and tried to get a subpoena…Liv disappeared from your life all of a sudden, you felt threatened, and so you lashed out."
A look of deep remorse came across Casey's eyes. She put her hand on Cragen's forearm.
"Captain…I am so sorry…"
Cragen reached up and put his hand on Casey's.
"And I'm sorry to have put you in that position in the first place…"
Cragen gave Casey's hand a squeeze.
"And I think I can do something to make up for that…I'm not supposed to say this just yet, but I'm going to be telling Elliot and Munch and Fin tomorrow…"
Casey's eyes brightened.
"Liv has been seconded to another investigation, in which she will have to go deep undercover for some time."
Casey exhaled, absorbing what Cragen just told her, a perplexed look on her face.
"That's hardly reassuring…" she began, "But, then again, Liv is a trained and experienced Officer, which means she has a chance of walking out of this one…"
Casey's eye muscles contracted.
"But why the stonewalling up to this point?"
"We had to give her time to completely disappear, to blend in. All traces of her identity as Detective Liv Benson had to be swept away."
Casey pondered this. Then she raised her eyebrows in understanding and appreciation.
"It sure has a creepy sound to it, 'sweeping away all traces of her identity.' But, if it makes things safer for Liv…well, that makes sense."
"I'm glad you see that." commented Cragen. "What are you going to do about Gene Peerot, though?"
"Oh, I'll think of something!"
For the first time that afternoon, Cragen could see the traces of a smile on Casey's face, a hint of the mischief, the cleverness…
"I'm sure you will…But Casey…"
"Yah?"
"About last night…I am willing to take your word that that was an exception…but as your friend, I have to tell you it concerns me…"
"I appreciate your concern, and I will try not to let that happen again. It might not be easy, but I will try…"
"I am happy to hear you say that. When I was at that stage, I didn't see anything wrong, much less try to stop…
"I believe that you will try not to let it go that far…but if you find that you can't stop yourself…PLEASE come to me."
Cragen offered his hand. Casey took it and gripped it tightly.
"Thank you, Captain! I'm glad to know you have my back."