The Cauldron
Chapter One-The Absurd Opening Chapter
Disclaimer:I DONT OWN ANYTHING X-Men Evolution except my obsession for it! Please, don't think silly thoughts like that...Now on with the craziness!
It all started as an average day at the institute…wait, who am I kidding? Theres never a normal day THERE.
Where was I? -reads sentence above this one- Oh, right.
Anyway, it's a bright sunny day at the Xavier Institute. Suddenly, Scott's convertible roared onto the estate.
"HEY JEAN!" Scott shouted to Jean even though she was right beside him. "MAKE THIS POP A DOUBLE WHEELIE!"
Jean laughed, and used her telekinesis to make the car's front end to go up a bit. They cheered wildly.
They're easily entertained, aren't they?
"Hey, I'm actually the smart one!" Jean yelled at MystiqueFan0126.
Hey, whatever. I'm writing this fiction, and I can make you do whatever I WANT! MUA HAHAHAHAHA!
" Dumb fanfiction writers…" Jean cursed under her breath. Of course, Scott being the dumb driver that he is, he rolls over a rock and the entire convertible flips backwards and proceeds to crush their heads.
"Hey! That's not very nice!" Scott whined.
God. Fine. Jean, who is of course the smarter of the two, had used her telekinesis to protect their heads just in time. She carefully put the car back onto the road with all four wheels on the ground. Scott moved forward until he reached a place where he could park. He immediately jumped out of the car.
"WHOOOOOOOO WEEKEND!" He cheered. "I LOVE PARTIES THAT NEVER END AND……uh…..TWINS!" Scott cheered again.
Pietro and Wanda subsequently moved out of the country.
Scott began to casually walk towards the Mansion's front entrance, leaving Jean rudely behind in his car.
"Idiot…" Jean mumbled to herself. She picked up Scott's backpack and yelled to him. "Scott! You forgot your homework!"
Sorry jean, but that isn't going to work.
Scott kept walking towards the mansion, either not hearing Jean or simply ignoring her.
Jean groaned in a frustrated way and used her telekinesis to drag Scott back to her.
"What?" Scott asked like an idiot.
"If I'm stuck doing homework, then you are too!" She said before throwing into his face and walking away, smiling to herself.
Good job, Jean.
"Thank you." Jean looked even happier.
Scott decided to walk into the house anyways.
Jean took to staring at the green trees on the lot. She saw a shadow jump.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed.
-slaps forehead- Jean, you don't scream yet.
"Oh." Jean said blankly. She looked back into the bushes.
"Kitty, if you're scaring the dogs again then I'll shove Frosted Flakes up your nose…again!" Jean threatened. Wait…what was that supposed to mean? I don't want to know…
Jean stuck her head in through the bushes, looking for whatever had jumped.
God, has jean EVER seen a horror moving before?
Another jumping shadow.
"Evan? Since when have you gotten powers to jump?" Jean called out stupidly. She looked at a bush that was rustling. She ripped it out with her telekinesis.
Jean, you're paying for that. Xavier told her telepathically.
Toad was revealed behind the bush.
"Aw, hey, that wasn't nice! Now I'm going to beat you with my Kung-Fu Toadness!" Toad told her before leaping into action…straight into a tree.
And I thought Jean wasn't bright…
A branch fell down and conked him on the head.
"And yes, I'll have fries with that….." Toad mumbled for a minute as his head swayed. He shook his head quickly and regained his bearings. He looked back from jean, to the branch, back to Jean, then back to the branch.
"OH!" he exclaimed.
And THIS is why I have only written Mystique fanfictions.
"Hehe, 'cause I'm smart." Mystique sniggered from somewhere not in the scene.
Where was I? Oh yeah.
Toad picked up the branch and tried to look menacingly at Jean.
"Toad, what're you doing?" Jean sighed. Toad tripped her with the tree branch. She landed hard and whined.
"You never said I was going to do my own stunts!" Jean whined.
I never said a lot of things…now NO talking to the author.
"Toad, what is your PROBLEM!" jean asked angrily.
"I'm gonna like, not be a worm any more to Magneto, yo!" He explained, trying to spin the stick in his hands, but only succeeding in smacking himself in the face.
"Uh…you were never a worm to him…just an ugly toad." Jean pointed out.
"WHATEVER!" Toad said. He jumped into the air and tried to smack Jean with the branch, which was pretty pointless because Jean merely stopped him with telekinesis.
"WE ALL HAVE TO PROVE OURSELVES, YOOOOOO!" Toad screamed.
"WHAT DRUGS ARE YOU ON!" Jean screamed equally as loud. Toad was about to swing the branch like a baseball bat when jean took it with telekinesis and snapped it in half.
"Muahahahahaha. Evilness." Jean laughed cruelly as Toad looked sadly over his broken stick.
"Can't beat me THAT easy, yo!" He jumped off a tree, only losing one shoe, and tried to attack Jean again, his theme music blaring in the background. Jean used her telekinesis one last time to throw Toad down a well.
"YOU ONLY HATE ME 'CUZ OF MY THEME MUSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!" Toad screamed as he fell down the well. There was a loud splash. "Hmm….it's not that bad down here, actually…" He said to himself.
"Toad?" Jean called down the well. She heard a whirring behind her as Toad's theme music died away. She saw a huge shiny something behind a big bush. As she walked over to investigate, she muttered to herself, "I don't see why I don't get any theme music, me being Jean and all…" She went around the bush to find a huge, shiny metal ball.
"OOOOH SHINY!" Jean cooed, taking a closer look. It opened up, fresh steam pouring out. She stepped ever closer, until large tentacles slithered out and pulled her in.
"AVENGE MEEEEEEEEE!" She screamed as it flew away with her in it. Toad finally pulled himself out of the well, being afraid of the dark without his Elmo nightlight. He saw Jean's pod fly away.
"Wait! No! Don't take Jean! She's too beautiful! Why couldn't it of been me instead! MEEEEEEEEEEEE!" He screamed out into the silence, his voice echoing. Apparently, no one heard him…what ARE those X-Men, deaf?
----------------------------------------------------------------
In sunny Hawaii…or wherever the heck Alex is in this episode….
Alex Masters was laying on his belly on his surfboard, slowly crawling along the water. Waves rolled and one hit him in the face, giving him a nice taste of salt and….was that…? Alex didn't want to know.
"Eww…what'd you just make me taste?" Alex spat into the water at hearing MystiqueFan0126 had made him taste something gross.
OK, None of you characters can talk back anymore, ok? If I can tell that to Jean, I can say it to you!
Two boys stood on the banks of the shore, searching the water in front of them for their friend Alex.
"Dude, where's Alex?" The first said.
"Dude, where's Alex's surfboard?" The other said.
"Dude, where's my car?" Ashton Kutcher said for no apparent reason and will never ever ever appear in a fanfiction of mine for as long as I live.
"Do you see Alex?" The second asked the first boy.
"Nah. Oh, well. We tried." The first said, even though Alex was practically right in front of them.
"Wanna go play foosball?" The second asked the first boy.
"Sure!" The two boys ran off without even giving a second thought about Alex.
Alex rolled along a little further and turned over so he was laying on his back.
"God, I can't stop thinking about how good I look!" He said to himself. He looked into the water and stared at his reflection momentarily, then rolled over again to stare at the sun, although that's a very stupid thing to do.
"Oh yeah, there's also that thing about how my brother died….but still…I look sooooooo great!" He told himself. He rubbed his face with his golden hands.
Suddenly, he heard faint music. No…it couldn't be!
Duh, nuh, nuh, nuh nuh, nuh nuh nuh…
The Jaws music.
"Oh God no! I'm too young to die!" He yelped. His surfboard was nudged a bit. His breathing increased. "IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE END!" He screamed. Suddenly his whole board was knocked over, and he was thrown into the salty sea. He pulled himself up and clamped himself onto his surfboard, wiggling his feet a whole lot with his increasing panic.
Yeah, wiggling your legs like a fish is gonna make the shark go away…
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Alex screamed like a girl as he wildly looked around for the shark. It was swimming like a bullet right at him. Suddenly he was pulled under water, amazingly without any injury from the shark's teeth. He turned to face the shark that was coming fast.
He stuck his hands out in front of him, as if saying, "Here, my hands are the tastiest." The shark was about to bite off his hands when they glowed red and pushed the shark away.
"Huh…" Alex gurgled. The shark turned around and charged back at him.
"I wonder…" Alex thought. He concentrated hard, and sure enough, a huge beam of red plasma shot out of palms and blasted the shark. It quickly swam away in the other direction, smoking like a cooked salmon.
Alex swam up quickly to the surface and floated for a moment, this red glow on his hands. He gasped for air then stared at his hands, glowing with red plasma.
"Ewww…I've got like, red snot on my hands." He giggled to himself, and swam to shore.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Logan walked into Cerebro to find Xavier sitting there.
"What do you want, Baldy?" Logan growled. Xavier glared at Logan.
"How many times have I told you NOT to call me that?" Xavier asked Logan. He turned back to his computer. "Dumb cat…" he mumbled to himself.
"Hey, I heard that!" Logan said.
"Whatever. Just listen. Cerebro has found a new mutant whose amazingness powers have only just started." Xavier explained, smiling happily.
Logan looked confused.
"Er…so?" He asked.
Xavier sighed. "His name is Alex Masters, used to be known as Alex Summers." Xavier explained.
"So?" Logan asked again.
"So he's Scott's brother." Xavier said.
"So?" Logan asked yet again.
"So his brother survived the plane crash." Xavier groaned.
"So?" Logan annoyingly asked again.
"So…well, Logan, I don't really know how to make it any clearer (1)…whatever. We're going to Hawaii, ok? Pack your bags, 'cause I think that jerk Magnus will be trying to get him…curse that man who can't lose a game of Scrabble…(2)" Xavier wheeled off –past Logan. Logan starred at the huge computer screen that held a picture of Alex.
"Ooh, he's a lot cuter than Scott. Scott's like a butt but uglier." Logan shuddered and walked out of the room.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, back in Hawaii…
Alex sat on the beach, his wet suit covered in sand that he knew he would never get off. He lay on his back and stared at his hands; the glow was gone now.
"Aww, the red snot left and now all I got was this stupid burning. Curse you, fate!" Alex cried into the silence. He laid don and closed his eyes until he felt a shadow fall on him.
"Okay, pause, but how do you FEEL a shadow fall on you? It's a shadow!" Alex asked.
You can because I said so, now NO TALKING BACK!
"I know how you're feeling Alex…I felt it myself when I went through it." The shadow said.
"AHHHH STALKER!" Alex screamed once again like a girl.
"Why am I recruiting him again? He screams like a girl." Magneto considered this for a moment, and then realized that Sabertooth screams like a girl too. "Oh, right, ultra powerness, ah yes." He looks back at Alex. "No, I am not stalking you., I simply know." He told him.
"Whoa, where'd you come from!" Alex asked. He noticed how much clothes Magneto is wearing. "Uh, dude, this IS Hawaii, why're you wearing gloves and everything?" Alex asked. Magneto ignored him.
"I have just arrived…to see you, you cute boy you!" Magneto cooed, then recovered himself. "Because you see, I know…" He began, but Alex stood up and interrupted him.
"No, you DON'T know, so THERE!" Alex yelled as he turned around. "God, creepiness."
"Your bones are burning, and your hands have a toothache…or something along those lines, and your head has a HEADACHE!" Magneto said with amazing accuracy. Alex stopped to listen.
"I can give you relief…" Magneto said.
"Uh, sorry, but I don't need more Tylenol, thanks." Alex said.
"No, you blonde moron!" Magneto mumbled. "I mean, no, I can give you permanent relief and answers…you'll never have to feel pain ever again!" Magneto said.
"Wait…are you some kind of doctor or something to give me that much of an offer?" Alex asked.
"No, but I DID sleep at a Holiday Inn Express last night JUST to see you. I AM MAGNETO, and I have come to offer you…Sanctuary…" Magneto answered.
Alex thought for a moment. Magneto outstretched his hand.
"Wait, why should I trust you?" Alex asked.
"Because of three reasons:" Magneto lifted up one finger. "I have a cape, which means I CAN"T be evil." He lifted up a second. "I can fly, which ALSO makes me not evil, and" he lifted up a third finger. "My voice echoes like this craziness. You hear that? That's pure Magneto-ness." Magneto explained.
"Okay!" Alex agreed, taking Magneto's hand.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(1)- This was in Family Guy...funny stuff.
(2)-Read Duki's Insane and Politcally Incorrect X-Men Evo show to find the answer to this...
Sorry…I just don't like Jean. Read and Review!