Author: TammyC
Title: Driving Me Batty
Rating: (G to NC-17) PG
Spoilers/Warnings: Twelve Sharp (possible)
Usual disclaimers. I do not own characters.
I did raid my diary/blog for this one, changed it a bit to fit Plum world.
I sat up in bed, clutching the blanket to my chest. Somehow I knew I was not alone. Adjusted to the darkness, my eyes scanned the room for Ranger, my usual middle-of-the-night visitor. My ears strained for any tell-tale noise. Nothing. I let out a sigh and lay back down. Must have been another bad dream. Then I saw it. It was large, creepy, and flew silently over my bed. OMIGOD, a bat!
Squealing, I yanked the coveres up over my head. My heart was pounding, and I was breathing heavily. What to do, what to do. I couldn't stay where I was. I mean, bats have very large teeth and have been known to eat people through blankets. I had to come up with a plan.
The lack of air eventually drove me back out from under the covers. Counting one...two...three...I hit the floor running and flipped on the light. The bat flew at me and circled my head. Round and round I spun, my hands waving in the air, yelling four letter words. I headed for the front door as quickly as I could, flipping over the loveseat and landeding with an "oof!" on the floor. Dang, I forgot I'd rearranged my furniture earlier. Safely outside in the hallway, I slammed the door behind me.
I looked down, and discovered that I was wearing only my nightshirt. Great. I couldn't exactly go anywhere like that. Where do I have clothes? Think, Steph, think. Ugh. My bedroom. I creaked opened the front door and peeked my head in. Good, no bat from Hell coming to get me. Quickly, I tip toed to the kitchen. My gun was out of bullets, but I needed a weapon. Arming myself with a flyswatter, I hurried into the bedroom for my sweatpants. I was welcomed by a dive-bombing bat. More spinning in place, more screaming, more four letter words. At least I had the fly swatter this time, so I didn't have to hit it with my hands again.
Sweatpants tucked under one arm, I headed out of the apartment. The cold air hit my legs, and I remembered to put my pants on. I fished the keys to Big Blue out of my pants pocket. I my purse was in the house with my money and my cell phone. At this hour, I couldn't really go anywhere. And I really didn't want to go to the Rangeman building. I was already a comedy relief on their books. Explaining this was not something I really wanted to do. I reclined the seat and tried to drift off to sleep. I decided to think about it in the morning. Then I got started to feel cold. Really cold. I realized I couldn't sleep there, it was getting so cold. Now what do I do? It was the middle of the friggin night! Okay, think, think, think.
Sighing, I started the engine and headed to Lula's. Maybe I'd be a joke at the bond's office in the morning, but at least not at Rangeman offices. I hoped.
After the third knock, he opened the door. He was huge, black, and he was wearing only his underwear. My jaw dropped open. Thank God didn't sleep in the nude! He placed one huge finger under my chin and closed my mouth. Lula peeked out from behind Tank and blinked at me expectantly. I explained about the bat situation and waited for their response. Wordlessly, they motioned me towards the couch.
"Oh, thank you thank you thank you," I said as a pillow and a blanket were tossed at me. "Hey, and, um, would you mind keeping this, like, quiet at work? Pretty please?"
They both just smiled before heading back to Lula's bedroom. As the door closed, I heard two very loud laughs. One high and shrieking, the other low and bellowing. Crap.
Morning came too soon. Ranger was squatting on the floor in front of me, the corners of his mouth twitching. Maybe he wasn't really laughing. Maybe he hadn't heard about the bat. Maybe he was just glad to see me. Looking at my flyswatter, a wide grin spread across his face. Great.
"Babe."
I handed Ranger the flyswatter as he entered my apartment. He looked at the flyswatter, then at me, and shook his head in disbelief.
Minutes later, he returned from his mission. "No bats, no spiders, no boogie men," he said. "It must have flown back out your bathroom window. I closed it."
"Whew!" I said. "Thanks for your help."
Ranger nodded. A man of few words.