Note: This is the revised edition of Pathetic/Ironic. I'm sitting at the computer at 2:00 am because I can't go to bed until the fruitcake finishes cooking, since it needs to be wrapped sherry the minute it cools. Therefore, I am bored. Since I have recently discovered that bolds and italics now show up without the use of an html document, I figure I shall take advantage of the opportunity to make the formatting prettier, and change the mistakes in the fic. This was my first one ever, and I'm rather fond of it, despite the fact that the structure is off, and it generally makes no sense whatsoever. That, combined with the fact that I hate having something posted with obvious errors in it (despite the fact that this will probably never be read) pisses me off, so I am making a couple of fixes.

Disclaimer: I think you've all already guessed this but I don't own demon diary. Well, I do in my own little world, but - as the doctors have all pointed out - this is not reality. /Sighs morosely/

Warnings: In case you're incredibly dense, this is a shounen-ai fic. So, guess what: guys like guys. If you don't like it, don't read it. You're free to flame me my writing sucks - 'cuz I really want to know if that's the case - but I warn you now I will not respond well to some homophobic idiot going on a rant about how wrong it is. The warning is right there. If you have a problem then run far, far away. Right now. I may not be responsible for my actions.

A/N: Alright, voila my first ever fanfic. It's completely pointless but the idea popped into my head so I wrote it. There are actually two parts to this. The second is titled Raenef and it's in his POV. This one's in Eclipse's BTW. Anyway if I get some positive reviews (who am I kidding, if I get 1 person who likes this I'll probably put the next part up) I'll post that soon but it's in the process of being typed up right now. You have to understand that they sorta go together (complementy or whatever) so this really isn't complete without the second half. But try and give it a chance ... please ... /Makes huge puppy-dog eyes/

Pathetic/Ironic

Part 1: Eclipse

I love you.

Ironic, ne?

Although, pathetic may be a more suitable description.

I, Eclipse, a demon of the third order, fourth ranking in all of existence, am in love ...

With you.

Raenef.

Gomen ne, I meant Lord Raenef.

Yes.

Pathetic is definitely more suitable.

I've gone through all the stages (yes, I do know about those).

I tried denial.

Guess how well that went.

I tried anger.

That lasted for all of two seconds before you looked up at me with those adorable puppy-dog eyes ...

I gave up on that as well.

Do you see what you've done to me?

I can't even be angry with you anymore - and I was very good at that.

Not to mention the fact that I just used the word adorable.

In a sentence.

About you.

... Good Lord.

I'm not entirely sure about what came after anger. That point in time is slightly jumbled in my mind; a miasma of thoughts and emotions.

I couldn't be angry with you.

I tried.

Lord knows how I tried – but it didn't seem to take.

Without my anger I had nothing ... except for you.

And it seemed that was enough.

That thought scared me more than anything else ever has.

Ah, fear, that's what must have followed.

And I was afraid-

Terrified out of my mind

... Or whatever was left of it.

But, I worked through all of this

Slowly.

Very, very, slowly.

I'm almost certain that I was seriously contemplating suicide at one point in time.

But I couldn't do it ...

Because that would mean leaving you.

I'm returning to pathetic; it's just such a good word.

Of course, I'm not used to being it.

... I'll have to get over that.

I think I'm at acceptance now.

I know I love you, I've admitted that at least.

Progress, ne?

The question is, can I say it out loud, even if you're not here?

I suppose I could try.

I open my mouth ...

No sound.

I open it again ...

Still nothing.

Third time's the charm ...

I may be here a while.

"I love you."

There.

I said it.

It tastes strange on my tongue – bittersweet, like dark chocolate.

Unfamiliar, yet ...

Comfortable?

No. Comforting.

Now this is strange.

Comforting is not a word I use in my vocabulary. Especially not in association with ...

Love.

Then again, up until recently, love wasn't a part of my vocabulary either-

Or adorable for that matter.

Pathetic.

I need to find a new word.

A/N: Okay. I'm finished and it's like twelve and I think my cookies are done (long story) so I'm calling it quits. All I have to say is:

Cookies: "Please, please, please, pleasereview. Without reviews my life will have no meaning and I may die." /Groveling on hands and knees/

Raenef: "Umm" /Comes up and whispers in her ear/

Cookies: /Looks indignant/ "How dare you suggest that?! I am not a drama queen!!!"