Its not easy being a thief

I don't own Hellsing/Familiar of Zero

Oneshot/Challenge

Matilda smiled as she walked down the path leading from the Westwood village deeper into the surrounding forest. It was too long since she last came home...

Her good mood suddenly turned sour as she placed her hand on the bag hanging by her side. The money she managed to gather for Tiffania wasn't as much as she planed on acquiring. The selling of the Staff of Destruction would have made sure they had enough coin for at least a year but that plan was thoroughly foiled.

The green haired woman clenched her fist in frustration, even thinking about that brat that the Vallière girl summoned made her blood boil. She underestimated the kid once, she wont do the same mistake again, though too be fair nobody took the dark haired boy serious. All he ever did was act as a servant for the spoiled girl.

There was that duel he had against the fourth son of the Gramont family but she never thought that his strange dental floos would cut through her earth golem as they did to the noble fops bronze puppets.

Her musing came to a stop as a small wooden cottage revealed itself through the trees, the forest making way to a small clearing in the middle of the woods.

Then the sound of wood being split reached her ears.

Is Tiffania cutting wood? though Matilda as she went around the house to where the woodshed was located.

Turning around the corner she came to a stop and narrowed her eyes. Instead of her half-sister a stranger raised the axes and split the wood log into two.

Her hand instantly was on her wand, but didn't reveal it just yet.

The white haired man only glanced at her but didn't say a word before he took another log and continued to turn it into firewood...something that he was doing for a while judging by the huge stack of neatly ordered firewood in the shed.

"Now this is a surprise" she said with a fake smile "I don't believe we met? What's your name?"

The stranger remained silent and continued to chop the wood.

"Didn't you hear me?" said Matilda with a bit more force behind her words.

The man finally stopped what he was doing and picked up some of the chopped wood before he started to walk toward her.

Matilda pulled her wand and pointed it at the stranger "Stop right there and answer my questions" she commanded.

The man ignored her.

"Very well, if that's the way you want to play" said the woman as she gathered her willpower and created a medium sized earth golem.

"Guten Tag" came a voice from behind her.

The green haired woman jumped back in surprise, to sneak upon her the infamous Fouquet wasn't something done easily.

She instantly pointed her wand at the blond boy that was standing in front of her...A Germanian? And are those cat ears?

"Who are you?" asked the thief.

The blonds smile widened "Ah! Where are my manners!" said the boy as he bowed before her "My name is Schrödinger" he then turned to the white haired man that was now standing, waiting for them to finish their chat "And zat is ze Captain, he doesn't speak so I do most of ze talking here Fräulein Matilda."

Her eye twitched as she observed the strange duo...she had a really bad feeling about those two "Where is Tiffania?"

"Inside ze cabin" said the catboy, his smirk never leaving his face.

The green haired woman called out to her half-sister and waited for a response from the house. After a minute or two the door opened and Tiffania walked out of the house.

As soon as she saw Matilda she smiled and ran closer to her, giving her a big hug.

"Matilda! Its so good to see you!" said the half-elf happily.

The green haired woman felt relieved that Tiffania was apparently in good health. She then returned her gaze to the two unknowns "And who are they?"

The blond woman poked her fingers "I..I got a little lonely without you here, so I tried to use that spell you taught me to summon some company."

A spell I taught her? The Summon Familiar spell? The thief blinked "You mean you summoned the two of them?" normally she would say that there was never a person summoned by the spell and that she probably made a mistake somewhere...but considering what she learned in Tristain recently...

Tiffania shook her head "I only summoned the Captain, Schrödinger appeared on his own after a few days. He has the ability to be anywhere so he decided to stay with the Captain."

"I see..." at least I think I do...

Tiffania suddenly started to pull on Matildas arm "Its so good that you are back! And just in time for lunch!"

The green haired woman smiled at the childish behavior of her half sister, she then turned to the other two 'guests'.

So the big guy is a familiar, like the Gandálfr...and Tiffa is a Void mage, interesting.

The Captain silently moved past them and carried the firewood inside the house, though he did have to bend down to fit through the door. Truly she had never met such a tall person before.

"So I take it he takes care of the physical work, what is your job here?" inquired the thief from the catboy.

"Job?" asked the confused pink eyed blond.

It seems that I found a freeloader then a thought occurred to her "You can be anywhere yes?"

The smirking boy disappeared from view and appeared beside her holding what appeared to be the crown of the Tristanian Royal family "Ja, normally ze Major used me as a messenger but since ze Butler killed Alucard, and Integra shot ze Major I have been, lets say unemployed."

Integra?...where have I heard that name before...no matter, if I can convince the kid to join me in my heists we will never again have money problems. And having someone who will keep Tiffa company and would talk with her wouldn't hurt, especially if the Captain is really a mute.

"Well, lets go inside for now, would be a waste if the food went cold" she said, but the catboy was already gone.

I have a feeling the brat will be a headache though the thief as she went to the entrance, and as soon as she entered through the door she saw what was bugging her until now.

Tiffania was playing with Schrödingers ears, ears...neither the kid nor the Captain were panicking about Tiffania being a half elf!

How strange, then again cat ears aren't normal either...thought Matilda as she started too plan her next big heist.

END

A/N:

It was either this or Louise opens a portal that brings Millennium zeppelins before they reach London to Halkeginia.

Also Alucard is great, but personally I think it would be better if he didn't come back after absorbing Schrödinger (best ninja ever, appears behind you and stabs you with his knife, and if that doesn't work he brings something that will, the same way he can transport TV's he could bring perhaps a Holy Hand Grenade).

Though I would love to see Schro react to Louise with her cat cosplay.

Louise gets 'young' Walter as a familiar, I know he isn't as good as Saito but she will endure.