Invisible
This was originally going to be a one-shot fic, but I might decide to make it longer. Enjoy!
I first saw him across the street from me. My breath was taken away the second I laid eyes on him, but I knew that nothing would come of it. Nothing ever did and I didn't expect anything to. There was something different about him though, different from any guy I had ever knew. To him though, I was simply invisible.
What are you doing tonight, I asked myself. Oh, nothing…the same old thing happened every night. I usually found some alley to sleep in, unless I could pay to stay at the girls' lodging house. I didn't usually have the money though. They were very strict about paying the dues for staying the night.
Him though, he probably hung out with his friends, laughing and joking throughout the night. I didn't have any friends. No one understood me at all, so I was basically left alone in the world. I imagined all the jokes that he would tell, how much fun he would be having…but he didn't even know me. Even if he did, he would never recognize me a second time. I was sure of that.
I was alone most of the time, trying so hard to ignore the empty feeling within my heart, and my stomach. New York was a cruel place to live, especially when you were only a girl. Dreams? I don't have any. They died a long time ago, around the time that everything that I knew got destroyed. I had no future, I had no past. I would go so far as to say I have no present. Every moment was the same, dark and cold, nothing more. There was no cloud and with no cloud, there came no silver lining. There was nothing, just pure darkness that swallowed everything around you until there's only emptiness left in your heart.
You noticing me would be like a distant thought. I wouldn't be able to believe it or even acknowledge that it was there. I saw you laughing across the street that day and even though I couldn't hear it, I imagined that I could. It would be pure and beautiful, enough to turn a bad day around in an instant, at least in my world. What could I do to make you see that I was alive? That I was standing only a little distance away? Nothing, I suppose. I could only do nothing.
I wondered what it would be like to watch you in your room at night. I knew you weren't rich. You were a newsie and made the most honest living that you knew how, even if it involved a little lying. I knew where the lodging house was…it was just down the block from the girls' lodging house. Would I ever have a chance to become more than just a shadow to you? Maybe you would see me, love me? If only I were invisible, just so I could see you live your life. Wait, I already was invisible…at least to you.
A few weeks later, I learned your name. It was quite by accident that I managed to run into you. You apologized…the first time I had heard you speak. Then your friend called you over.
"Hey Mush," he called out, "Come on, everyone's meeting at Tibby's now."
"Be right there," you called back, totally forgetting about the girl you had knocked to the ground. You stood to your feet and walked off. I stared after you, knowing a little more about you after all. I couldn't even catch the eye of one newsie? I couldn't catch anyone's eye.
A few days after that, I saw you again. You were in the crowd, but I caught a glimpse of you before you disappeared into the mass of people. I gathered up what courage I had left and called out to you…by name. I saw you pause for a second, looking around, before continuing on your way. I could just barely hear your footsteps moving away from me. Maybe, if I knew what went on in your mind…your hopes, your dreams. Maybe then you'd pay attention to the plain looking girl at your feet.
But no, I was nothing more than a shadow, blending into the darkness. I disappeared within the blackness of the alleyways, always standing behind you, but still you don't notice. I was in your shadow, but you couldn't see me. Nobody could. Oh, if only I was invisible, this would be over. It would all come to a halt. Wait, I already was invisible. I had almost forgotten.
Note: Hope you liked this fic. I wrote this one day when I was bored. Tell me if you want me to continue. Don't get the wrong idea by this story. It's really a song fic. It's sung by Clay Aiken. I tried to follow along the best I could to the lyrics. Anyway, review please!