I've rediscovered Spotify recently and that in turn led me to discover an acoustic cover of Backstreet Boys "As long as you love me" which allowed me to focus on the words. They fit perfectly for a story idea so here we are! Enjoy!
None of the characters are mine, no matter how much I want them to be!
Credit to the Backstreet Boys for their song and Sleeping at Last for their amazing cover.
Loneliness has always been a friend of mine
I'm leavin' my life in your hands
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind
Risking it all in a glance
And how you got me blind is still a mystery
I can't get you out of my head
As long as you're here with me
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
what you did
As long as you love me
I was on a late-night flight back to Newark. I'd spent the last 6 weeks in the ass end of beyond trying to assist in negotiations between to rebel factions who were both ultimately wanted to same result but had violently different ways of trying to obtain their end games. I was exhausted but it was hardly the worst mission I'd been on.
I'd been trying to sleep but I could only think of one thing. One person. My babe. She'd come to me and told me her and the cop were off again after their usual arguments about babe's life choices. But that was 4 days before I left and we hadn't really had time to talk about it. Rumour was that babe had been spending all her time with my men and Morelli was off fucking some other cop who worked the front desk at another station.
I smiled at the thought of Steph being in my building, training with my men and sleeping in my bed.
My mind drifted to some of the stupidest things I'd ever said to her.
"I love you but in my own way. My love comes with a condom not a ring. Go back to Morelli and try to fix things"
The worst being telling her to go fix it with Morelli after we'd spend that one fateful night together. So fucking stupid! How was she ever supposed to know how I felt about her if I never showed her. I may have showed her in my own way by giving her cars and endless resources but she needed to be told. Openly and honestly.
I'd always kept people at an arm's length. Loneliness has always been a friend of mine. I had my brothers at Rangeman and my actual family but I'd never let any woman in to my heart. I'd been so blindsided by how I felt about this woman. For her to sit in front of me in that diner and not show an ounce of fear, no matter how much I tried to scare her in to rethinking her life choices. She had balls and I loved it. Her wild hair, her ice blue eyes and her unwavering ability to get her man no matter what was thrown at her, or who tried to throw her. And not just her skips but her family. Her mother and sister were so judgemental, Morelli treated her like some ho' he could pick up and drop whenever he felt like. Her gran was insane but to her credit, supported Steph no matter what she got herself in to. I had no idea about her father. He was a puzzle to me that I'd never quite figured out.
Lester had told me Steph had improved no end with her training and had worked her ass off to get better at her job. He'd laid in to me when I told him how I'd treated her and reminded me that the best way to keep her safe was to train her and take her in to my inner circle. The closer she was, the less chance I had of my enemies getting to her.
I sighed. I knew exactly what I needed to do.
Every little thing that you have said and done
Feels like it's deep within me
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run
It seems like we're meant to be
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
what you did
As long as you love me
I lay in my thinking position on Ranger's bed. About 6 weeks ago, another argument with Morelli about my lifestyle choices had led to me come to the solid conclusion we were definitely over and there was no going back. I tried. I don't want to be lonely but I can't make it work with him anymore. One night with Ranger and not only has he kept his promise and ruined me for all other men, he's totally stolen my heart. I genuinely can't imagine being with anyone else.
So here I was laying here, thinking of all the things Ranger had ever said to me.
"I love you but in my own way. My love comes with a condom not a ring. Go back to Morelli and try to fix things"
They stung me and tears now stung my eyes. He did love me. I knew he did. He didn't have to tell me because he showed me every single day. Replacement cars when mine blew up, picking me up and dusting me off after bad takedowns, checking my apartment to make sure I was safe, always offering me extra work when I needed the money. He never judged, never questioned, never told me off. He just nodded, called me "Babe" and let me carry on.
I'd been spending a lot of time at Rangeman since Ranger had been in the wind. He'd gone about 4 days after me and Morelli called it quits. The day after he left, I'd gotten caught up in a nasty mess chasing a skip and ended up in the emergency room being cleaned up. I'd had enough of being the victim. Things needed to change so I'd taken myself off to Rangeman, sat down with Tank, Bobby and Lester and we drew up a training plan.
It had all been going so well, but today was not a good day for me.
I'd spent this morning doing searches and had been on a shout this afternoon, but I'd struggled to keep my head in the game. I needed to talk to someone.
I sat at with Tank in the breakout area and told him everything.
"Little girl, Ranger is totally and utterly in love with you. With all his heart and soul. I've honestly never seen him happier than when he thinks about you, or more angry than when you're hurt or in trouble. But his life is dangerous and he means it when he says his life doesn't lend itself to relationships. You attract your own danger and he can protect you but he doesn't want to add to that. He's also done some very questionable things in his time. He's had to kill people, torture people for information, turn his back on friends and family, all for his job and he's attracted a lot of unwanted attention from the decisions he's made and the actions he's taken. If you let him in, you have to be willing to take on all of it. All of him. The good and the bad. He's going to want to keep you safe and that might mean putting you in lockdown, no matter how much you might hate it. But if you're in love with him and would accept him no matter what you may learn about him, then he'll love you forever"
I listened to Tank intently. My heart swelled when he told me Ranger loved me, and dropped when he told me everything Ranger had done and been through. Not because I was scared of him, or couldn't accept it, but because he was carrying all of that with him every day. I understood why he wanted to protect me all the time. The job is chosen was dangerous enough without adding in his danger as well. I attracted crazy people all the time and I'd be making myself a target if I became his. But I also knew and had known since that first day in the diner that I loved him with every inch of my body, heart, mind and soul. His presence consumed me and I honestly couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else.
It sounds bad when I think of how many times I'd gone back to Morelli. I'd never gone back because I loved him though. And I don't really think he loved me either. Not in that way anyway. We loved the familiar comfortableness that comes with knowing someone your whole life. We were like each other's back up plan. And it wasn't healthy. We knew so much about each other that we also knew how to push buttons and hurt each other when we wanted to. It was toxic.
When Tank has finished, he looked to me for a response. I didn't care what he'd done, where he was from or if he was on the run all the time. I'd stick by him for the rest of my life. I just nodded and told him I knew what I needed to do. And he knew what I meant.
As soon as Ranger was back I was going to lay my heart on the line to him.
Ranger POV
Tank met me on the 5th floor after I got back.
"Ranger. Wasn't expecting you back today"
"We managed to get a last-minute deal on the table. Not the best solution to their problems but it should keep the peace for a while"
"Good to know"
I nodded. It was well past midnight and I was exhausted. I knew Steph was in my bed and all I could think about was getting to her.
"Steph?'
"In bed. She's been through a lot today"
"She ok?"
"Yeah man. She'll be fine. But….well, I'll let her explain"
I got back in the elevator and pressed 7.
What the hell was Tank talking about? I needed the damn elevator to move faster so I could check on my babe.
When I let myself in, I noticed all the lights were off except the dim glow of the television.
I went over to the couch and she was laying on her side under the blanket. I stood watching her and she stirred.
"Ranger. I knew you were back. I could feel it"
"Babe. Why aren't you in bed? Are you ok? Tank said you've had a rough day"
"I'm fine. Just couldn't sleep. All I could think about was…."
I raised my eyebrow.
"You. All I could think about was you"
I lifted her legs and let out a sigh as I sat down, placing her legs back on my knees. I was just going to tell her. Now was a good a time as any.
"Babe. I've been trying to hide how I feel about you. I've said some really nasty things and honestly wouldn't blame you if you didn't want me in your life in anymore. But every time you look in to my eyes, you see past everything I've ever done in my past and just see me. I've never met anyone like you and I can't imagine having anyone else standing by my side except you. It's always been you. It will always be you and as long as you love me, I'll always love you"
I watched as tears glistened in her eyes. I was waiting for rejection.
"Ranger. Carlos. You don't know how long I've waited for you to tell me how you feel. I'm ok. I sat down with Tank today and told him how I felt about you but I didn't know what to do anymore because you never seemed to want to let me in. I'd always felt scared to tell you what was in my heart in case you pushed me away again, so I just did my best to hide it from you. He said that you had done a lot in your past and it had attracted a lot of enemies and that you were scared that if I was in your life, I'd be an easy target. He said that there were bound to be times I'd be infuriated by your need to keep my safe but that you were only doing it because you loved me. I understand that your past lays heavy on your shoulders, but you're right, I don't see that when I look at you. I see an incredible man who has done so much good in the world that as long as you love me, we can do anything. It's always been you Carlos"
We both sat there in silence for a second before we realised this had been the most honest we'd ever been with each other. I loved her and she loved me.
She didn't care who I was, where I'd come from or what I'd done, she'd always be mine.
I've tried to hide it so that no one knows
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes
What you did and where you're coming from
Well I don't care, as long as you love me
as long as you love me
I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you love me
Who you are
Where you're from
what you did
As long as you love me