A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. -Jim Morrison

Will McKenzie had a longtime secret crush on his best friend and roommate, Simon Cooper. He was good at hiding it, and it wasn't an all-consuming crush. After all, Will considered himself straight. He liked girls - he hoped to have sex with one some day. And there weren't any other guys that Will fancied, it was only Simon.

He could live with it. He'd already lived for several years listening to Simon talk about nothing but Carli. Will could happily admire Simon from afar, sometimes have a wank while thinking about him, and never ever let Simon know what was really in his head.

He had it all under control. Really.

Simon Cooper wasn't sure exactly when he became aware that Will had a crush on him, but by the time it dawned on him, he wasn't surprised, so he must have subconsciously been aware of it for a while.

If Will had fancied Jay, Jay would have dropped Will as a friend and made a million gay-panic jokes along the way. If Will had fancied Neil, Neil never would have even been able to figure it out. Simon decided to just go with it, it was a little flattering after all. He was happy enough to pretend he didn't notice anything. Until one day when he wanted to see what would happen if he flirted with Will.

Simon knew it totally made him an asshole, to tease his friend this way, and he didn't really know why he did it. Maybe he felt a little flattered when he'd intentionally walk around their shared room naked after a shower, pretending he couldn't find pants, but really knowing Will was trying hard not to look at him. Simon could flirt with Carli and get rebuffed a million times. But when he'd smile and lay a hand on Will's arm, he'd see Will flush and look at him with pupils dilating, and Simon's self esteem got a little boost.

Since they'd started uni, Simon made a decision to stop treating Will like such shit. It was easier to do away from the influence of Jay and Neil. From the day they met, Will had been Jay's punching bag, and while Simon used to feel kind of bad about that, he had to admit the amount of shit Will would take from Jay was absolutely hilarious. Making this decision to be nicer to his friend and not take the piss just because Will carried a briefcase (My God, why did he still carry that thing, even in uni?) made Simon feel very grown up. He was the better, more mature Simon.

He hoped Carli would notice.

Simon didn't miss Jay and Neil at all. He and Will had gone most of first term without seeing them, without emailing them, and only occasionally seeing what they were up to on Facebook. Simon didn't know about Will, but he never really even thought about the other two. Rudge Park seemed like a lifetime away, even if he was rooming with Will and still seeing Carli most days.

So when Neil sent Simon a text letting him know that he and Jay were coming to visit Saturday night, and that Simon and Will had better find the best party, he wasn't exactly thrilled. He said to Will, "Jay and Neil are coming on Saturday. They want us to find a party."

Will looked slightly put out. If Simon hadn't thought much about Jay and Neil since starting uni, Will had outright tried to forget them. "Oh great," Will said sarcastically. "A party with all new people for Jay to make uncomfortable."

"Ah, come on." Simon said lightly. "He's not that bad."

Will huffed, "You know he is."

Simon shrugged. "He only acts like such a tit because his dad is a shitstain of a human."

"My dad left me," Will reminded Simon. "And I don't act like that."

"No," Simon conceded, not wanting to talk about Will's own issues with being left by his dad. Because what good would that do? "Still, Jay may be awful and Neil as dumb as a brick, but they always find a good time, yeah?" Will still didn't see why they couldn't just take Jay and Neil to the pub like he and Simon usually did on the weekends.

Jay must have had a very drunken idea of a good time, because when he and Neil walked into Will and Simon's room early Saturday afternoon, he began pulling liquor bottles from his tote one by one. Will, who was doing schoolwork on his laptop ("On a Saturday?" was the first thing Jay had asked, "You fucking knob.") looked up. "You're only here one night," he pointed out. "You don't need a swimming pool's worth of liquor."

Jay made a face, "This is for the birds we'll meet. Get 'em drunk, right?"

"There will be drunk girls at the party," Will pointed out. Simon had sniffed around and managed to wrangle information and an invitation to a party off campus. "And what do you think you're going to do if you meet a girl? Bring her back here? Simon and I live here and I don't want you getting sloppy with a girl on my floor."

"Chill," Simon said to Will, clapping him on the shoulder. "It's not like he's actually going to get lucky this time. Neil, on the other hand…."

"Fuck off," Jay said. "I've been drowning in trim since you bastards have left."

"Yeah?" Simon asked. "Name one."

"You wouldn't know any of 'em," Jay immediately answered. "Two of them at once when we I went to Caravan Club again with my mum and dad."

Will guffawed, "We know that's not true."

"Yeah, well how wet's your cock been getting, college boy? You even gotten close to any clunge?"

"No," Will said. "But at least I'm not bullshitting about it."

"Ah," Jay waved him off, "I can tell when someone's jealous."

Will snorted, but didn't argue the point further.

Will and Simon took Neil and Jay to their favorite pub for dinner before heading back to the room to pre-drink before the party. Simon invited Carli and her two roommates, Emma and May, to drink with them.

The nearly unimaginable amount of liquor Jay had brought was opened and shots were poured for all. Will, in an attempt to deal with Jay's shit toward him and his really awful skills hitting on both Emma and May, lost count of how many shots he'd taken. And he wound up lying on the bed, drunkenly slipping between being awake and spinning and being just on the edge of passing out.

He could vaguely hear the conversation going on around him, loud and full of laughter, but was mostly unaware of what was being said, until Carli said, "Well, what about you, Will?"

Will struggled to sit up, his head spinning, "Wha' about me?"

"If you had to sleep with someone in this room, who would it be?"

Will looked critically around the room, evaluating his options. Drunkenly deciding that honesty would be the best policy answered, "Simon."

A deadly silence followed.

Finally Jay crowed, "I fucking knew it! You're as bent as Neil's dad."

"He is not!" Neil said. When everyone turned to look at him, he corrected, "My dad. Not Will. Will's definitely bent."

"I'm not bent," Will insisted.

"You just said you wanted to shag Simon," Jay pointed out. "That seems pretty gay to me."

"I dinnit say I wanted to shag Simon," Will argued. "I said of all the people in the room, Simon's the one I would shag if I was forced to choose."

"No difference."

Will made an impatient noise in the back of his throat and swung his legs off the edge of the bed so he was sitting facing the others who were looking back at him, with eyes wide. He tried his best to explain, despite how much he'd had to drink, "I can't say Carli, because Si's been in love with her forever and he'd be pissed if I said her, right? I don't even know Emma and May and I don't want to shag someone I don't know. Jay's a fucking tit, and I don't want him, and Neil has a history of STD's, so he's out." (Emma, who'd been getting getting closer to Neil all evening, gave him a side-eye and wrinkled her nose and scooted away from him) "So that leaves Simon as the only logical option."

There was another silence. Finally Jay let out a loud laugh, "But that's not logical at all! It's way more logical to just choose one of the girls. Unless you're bent." He turned to Simon, "What do you think about this, Si?"

Simon's face was flushed bright red, and he shrugged. Will cringed to himself. He shouldn't have answered the way he had. Probably he'd just ruined a friendship - the best one he'd ever had- over a stupid crush and answering this stupid question. He should have just said either Emma or May. "I-" Simon broke off. "It's fine. Will's just drunk."

"Very drunk," Will stressed.

"Drunk and bent," Jay said, nudging Simon in the side and he started singing. "Will and Simon, sitting in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G."

Simon rolled his eyes, "We aren't fucking." He stood up, "This is stupid, let's go to the party."

The others stood up, but Will lay back down on his bed and closed his eyes. "I'm not going. I'm bout to pass the fuck out."

After another silence, where Will could feel the others gazing at him, Simon finally said. "Suit yourself."

While the others were at the party, Will lay in the fetal position on his bed trying to mentally prepare himself for having to face Simon, having to talk to Simon, having to fucking live with Simon. Maybe it'd be better to try and get placed with another roommate.

It wasn't much later when the door opened quietly. Will opened one eye and saw that it was Simon. "You awake?" he asked Will.

"Yeah," Will answered miserably.

Simon perched on the edge of Will's bed and Will rolled over so he was on his back. "Jay's an asshole," he said after a few moments silence.

"I know," Will said.

"I don't care if you're a little bit...you know."

"A little gay?" Will asked.

"Yeah," Simon said. "You are, right?"

Will shrugged. "No. I like girls."

"Oh," Simon looked down at his legs. "But do you also like guys?"

Will sighed and let the question hang in the air for a while before answering, "I don't know. Maybe." Or maybe just one guy, he thought to himself.

"Either way, I don't care." Simon reassured him.

Will grunted in response, unsure if Simon wanted him to thank him.

Simon sighed and jiggled his leg a little. "Can you sit up?" he asked Will. "Are you too drunk to sit up?"

Will sat up, "I can sit."

"Good," Simon said, and he leaned over and pressed his lips to Will's.

Simon's eyes were closed, but even so he could tell that Will's eyes were wide open and his back was rigid. Will didn't kiss back. Will didn't even breathe. And yet, Simon kept his lips on Will's until finally Simon felt him relax, felt a small sigh from his nose, and Will kissed back.

Simon decided to push it a little further and opened his mouth a little. Will took full advantage of that to deepen the kiss and swipe his tongue through Simon's mouth. Simon was shocked, because he'd assumed Will, being a little nerdy and inexperienced, would be a sloppy kisser. But this? This was amazing. Will's kissing was the perfect blend of soft and warm, and it sent a jolt of electricity right into Simon's gut.

They kissed like that for several minutes, but when Simon reached up to the back of Will's neck to pull him closer, Will pulled back and broke the kiss. He held his hand up to his mouth, "What the hell was that?"

"What?" Simon looked shocked that Will would be anything but thrilled to have kissed him, "It was just a kiss."

"Why'd you do that?" Will demanded.

"I don't know I thought you-"

"You thought I'd want it?" Will asked, shocked. "I don't want this at all." He stood up and began pacing, stumbling a little in his continued drunkenness. "This will just fuck it all up. We can never be friends again and this may surprise you, Si, but I don't make friends very easily."

"It doesn't have to change anything," Simon said.

Will gave Simon a look, "Don't be a moron. Of course it would." Will grabbed his towel off the hook and his shower caddy. "I'm going to take a shower and when I come back, I'm going to sleep," and he stumbled out of the room toward the communal bathroom.

He turned the shower on, stepped in and immediately began wanking.

Back in the room, Simon was still sitting on the edge of Will's bed, the dawning realization about how much he liked kissing Will hitting him. He pulled his own cock out, and without even moving to his own bed, jerked off to the thought of Will, the first time he jerked off without thinking about Carli in years.

Jay made it back to their room sometime that night, though Neil went home with a girl. Will and Simon avoided eye contact over breakfast, and Jay was thankfully too hungover to notice anything strange between the two.

Neil made it back to their room by noon, and he and Jay left shortly after, but not before Jay asked innocently, "Hey Will. Do you think Neil's dad is gay?"

"Of course I do," Will answered. "Because he is."

"See?" Jay said. "It takes one to know one."

The awkwardness in the room was oppressive once Jay and Neil were gone. Will had his nose buried in his laptop, researching on the school's website to figure out how to be assigned a new roommate. Simon was restlessly moving around, grabbing books only to put them down, turning on the telly only to change a few channels and turn it off again, and finally gathering laundry only to throw it in his hamper but not actually wash it.

"This is stupid," he finally said to Will.

Will looked up, "Is it?"

"Yes," Simon insisted. "It is. If you want we can forget it ever happened."

"It happened," Will reminded him. "You kissed me."

"You liked it."

"So did you," Will countered.

Simon went quiet for a moment. "Yeah," he admitted. "I really did."

"See?" Will asked. "We won't forget it. I'm going to see if I can find a new roommate."

"What?" Simon asked. "Don't be stupid." Will ignored him and buried his nose deeper into his laptop. "Will," Simon shouted. "Listen to me."

"What?" Will shouted back.

"If we both liked it, there's nothing to be awkward about. If we both liked it, we should just ….do it again." Simon held his breath. All he'd been thinking about since last night was getting another chance to kiss Will.

"Do it again?" Will asked. "That'd be even stupider than having done it the first time."

"But was it really stupid?" Simon pressed.

"Yes. It was monumentally stupid. Because…" Will drifted off. "Look, not to get all sentimental or whatever, but you're my best friend. And I'd rather have you as a friend who I never kiss even if I want to sometimes, than get to kiss you and have our entire friendship go to hell."

"You're a good kisser," Simon said. "I really want to try that again."

"You were really drunk last night," Will said. "You don't know that I'm a good kisser." Despite saying that, Simon smirked to see a pleased flush cross Will's face at being called a good kisser.

Simon crossed the room and stood in front of Will's desk chair. He shut Will's laptop, "You aren't finding a new roommate. We're roommates and we're staying that way."

Will stood up and faced Simon, "I don't want it to get weird," he said quietly, as he and Simon took a small step toward one another.

"It won't," Simon promised as he closed the space between them and pulled Will in for a tentative kiss.

It was different this time. The intent last night had been drunk and needy, but today they were sober and careful, as though they knew they were balancing on a precipice between being friends (or more than that) and never speaking to each other again.

But as the kiss deepened, they forgot their initial tentativeness and moved closer to each other so their bodies were pressed together. Finally, lips still connected, they moved as one, Simon leading and Will walking backward, to Will's bed where they collapsed together.

Simon began unbuttoning Will's shirt, "Why do you always have to wear these button-up shirts?" he asked, frustrated as his shaking fingers struggled to undo the buttons.

"I'll help," Will answered, and he was much smoother about getting the shirt undone. While he did that, Simon pulled his own shirt over his head. Will got his shirt, and the crisp white undershirt off and was lying on his back. Simon was on all fours over top of him, and leaned down to continue kissing.

Simon didn't want to lay down all the way. He was hard and had mixed feelings about Will feeling how turned on he was. So he hovered above his best friend, trying to keep space between their pelvises.

Will had other ideas though, and he hooked his leg around Simon's waist and pulled him down so their bodies were pressed together. Any misgivings Simon had were quickly forgotten about when he felt Will's erection pressed firmly against his own. Simon gasped, "Jesus," when Will bucked his hips and thrust several times.

Will reached between them and started unzipping Simon's jeans. The bed was small and he fumbled and banged his elbow on the wall next to the bed. Finally Simon stood up to remove his own trousers. While he did that, Will took his own off, and folded them neatly and lay them on the floor.

They were both in their pants - Will in boxer shorts and Simon in boxer briefs. Will noticed Simon glance down at the erection in his boxers and saw a momentary look of panic on his face, as though he was having second thoughts about intimacy with another guy. Will scooted over as far as he could toward the wall. "Lay here," he patted the bed next to him.

Simon lay down next to Will, and Will began stroking his own cock. He didn't even take his boxers off all the way, just nudged them down so that his cock and balls were out. Will figured if Simon was thinking twice about what they were doing, that mutual masturbation might ease him in, so he wouldn't have to touch another guy's dick.

It worked. Will could feel Simon relax beside him, as he worked his own underwear down and began stroking. Will was left-handed, Simon right-handed. As they stroked together, Will let the fingers on his right hand grasp Simon's fingers on his left. Will felt the familiar build-up, and as his balls tightened, he squeezed Simon's hand and called out, "Simon!" as he came on his stomach.

Simon followed less than a minute later, also squeezing Will's hand for support. He made a sort of breathy choking sound in his throat as he came.

They lay side by side, breathing hard, and still holding hands. Finally, Will kicked off his boxers and used them to wipe the come off his front. He started to hand them to Simon, before making the decision to roll on his side and wipe Simon up for him. Simon looked surprised, and maybe a bit pleased, at the intimacy brought on by being wiped up by Will.

"That was…" Will began, as he pulled down the covers, got under them and covered himself and Simon up.

"Yeah," Simon agreed, not even knowing what Will was going to say. He cuddled into Will's side and planted a small kiss on his shoulder.

It surprised Will that things didn't change all that much between him and Simon. They continued to go to their separate classes, they continued to eat most meals together, and even hung out at the same pub with the same people on evenings and weekends. All that was still the same, but now they were snogging almost every night.

Before they'd go to sleep, one would go to the other's bed and they'd kiss and make out, and jerk each other off. They still hadn't progressed beyond mutual masturbation, which was fine with Will. He didn't think even making out with Simon would ever get old. Though he did harbor fantasies of sucking Simon off. Simon, in the best mood he'd been in a while, was really open with Will. "No butt stuff," he said. "This is great, but I don't want you near my arsehole and I don't fancy doing anything to yours."

Will readily agreed to that, even though yet another of his fantasies was to have Simon over top of him fucking him into the mattress.

Several weeks went by and one day, Simon received a text from Carli. "Carli wants to go get a coffee," he said, surprised, to Will. He quirked a sideways grin, "She said she hasn't seen me around in a while."

Will flushed. Carli hadn't seen Simon around, because he'd been too busy making out with Will. Will worried that now that Simon wasn't paying her attention, Carli might decide she liked Simon after all, and that would be it for Will and Simon. "Are you going?" he asked.

"Yeah, why not?" He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "Don't wait up," he waggled his eyebrows in Will's general direction, before loping out the door.

"I won't," Will answered quietly as he scowled at the door that had just closed behind Simon.

Will spent the next two hours pretending to do classwork, but really trying to sort out his feelings. He didn't own Simon, he couldn't very well tell Simon not to go out for a coffee with Carli. But he couldn't deny his jealousy. If he and Simon had never kissed, he could probably manage to be happy for his friend that the girl he'd loved for so long was showing an interest. But stupid fucking Jay and his stupid fucking question about who Will would like to fuck started something that made it impossible for Will to feel at all happy for Simon.

When Simon returned, Will plastered a smile on his face. "So. How was it?"

Simon shrugged as he pulled his wallet and keys from his pocket and placed them on the dresser. "Dunno. It was OK."

"What'd you do?"

"Had a coffee. Talked a little." He turned around, saw the fake smile on Will's face and he cocked his head. "My God, Will. Are you jealous?"

"What?" Will's voice rose an octave, a tell-tale sign he was lying. "Of course not."

"I didn't even kiss her," Simon assured him.

"Of course."

Simon sat on his bed, facing Will. "But I could have, right? We aren't boyfriends, you and I. We're just two friends who are...you know, messing about."

Will snorted, "I know." Messing about?

Simon nodded. "All right. Just making sure you're clear on that. Because this," he waved his hands between the two, "is a casual thing. I like making out with you, but as far as, like, a relationship goes, I'm looking for a girl. No offense."

"None taken," Will lied.

Simon stared at Will for a few moments, trying to get a read on him, before changing the subject. "Anyway, I think Carli was starved for attention. I haven't been paying much to her these past few weeks."

"But she didn't want a snog?" Will asked, keeping his voice even.

Simon shrugged again and leaned back on his hands. "I probably could have gotten a snog out of it," he admitted. "But I wanted to come back here more."

Will flushed, pleased.

"But we're still just friends," Simon reiterated.

"Sure," Will agreed, as he got up from his desk chair and made his way to Simon's bed. "Friends and roommates, and…." he interrupted his thought for a kiss.