Stupid Dumbledore. Stupid, stupid Dumbledore and his ruddy "experiments." Why did he choose to do this now? I mean—of all the time he's been headmaster, why now? Why did he really have to do this my final year at Hogwarts? To peeve me? Eh? Is that what he's after?
"Alright, Dumbledore? You've done it! You've got me all riled up! Now you can stop all this madness, if you please!" I shouted to the air.
Jen gave me a look. "Er, Lily? The headmaster isn't even here…"
I threw her a glare. "I know he's not here, Jen! That is why I am yelling at him! Because I would probably be expelled if I yelled at him to his face!" Honestly! She calls herself my best friend of ten years? Pssh. She should be ashamed. She should renounce her title.
"Well considering he's absolute nutters, I wouldn't put it past him to burst out into song or something if you yelled at him in person," Mary said from beside me. She grabbed the handle of her broom and flew speedily in the direction of Marlene's Quaffle.
Did I mention why I was so angry?
I, Lily Evans, Muggle rights activist, magical environmentalist galore, and Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was perched atop a broom.
A broom.
Above the ground.
Really high up above the ground.
I screamed in my head so loudly that I could actually hear it resonate in the pitch around me. I didn't know what the bloody hell I was doing! I couldn't fly! I was so terrified, and both my hands grasping the broom's handle so tightly, that my knuckles were turning white, and I could actually hear the broom gasping for breath.
And Dumbledore was expecting me, apparently, to lead my year in what he called "Operation Fire Dragon." What the HADES does that even mean? I wouldn't know. I didn't bother asking. I was too shocked to say much of anything. Potter had to "Wingardium Leviosa!" me out of the Headmaster's office I was so completely dumbstruck. Whenever he brought it up I would freeze to the spot. So he stopped bringing it up, and for a while I thought perhaps "Operation Fire Dragon" was just a dream.
I'd been very mistaken, however, for when Potter briefed the prefects about Dumbledore's latest grand idea at our meeting last Wednesday night, I couldn't blink for a whole hour.
You see, what made "Operation Fire Dragon" so very unnerving was that it involved flying. Which might sound like fun at first. But you would be wrong.
Dumbledore wanted us to "flex [our] creative, intellectual, and physical muscles," and so thought that he'd make flying and everything to do with flying a required course needed for graduation. The School Governors weren't jumping up and down for joy at the idea (which I very much applaud), so they let him do this as an experiment. Though, if the class is actually approved, I'll need it to graduate. Naturally, every Seventh Year was there with me, having the times of their lives.
Bastards.
Oh sure, it's lots of fun riding around, throwing Quaffles, beating Bludgers, and not worrying that if you fall off your broom you will fall to your death!
"Miss Evans!" a loud voice said, piercing through my thoughts.
I whipped my head around to find the source of the voice, only to end up whipping my broom wildly around with me, and found myself nose to nose with Madam Hooch. "AH!" I screamed in surprise. Then—mistake. I let go of the handle for just one second to clap my hand over my mouth because I realized how ridiculous I sounded, and then my broom thought it would be nice to dip violently a few feet.
There was no use for my hand at that point, anymore. I was screaming freely.
"Control your broom, Ms. Evans!" I heard Madam Hooch say vaguely through my whirling of doom.
"AAAARRRGGGHHH!" was all I could say in response. I was going to die. I was for certain going to die. Oh, look! There's the ground. Hmm. It's getting rather closer. . . .
I shut my eyes tightly, ready to hit the ground. Well, about as ready as you can get, anyway. As I clutched onto the handle for dear life, though, I somehow managed to pull it up at the last moment of my Dive of Death towards the Very Deadly Ground.
I flew towards Madam Hooch, jerking to the left every so often, and hovered in front of her. "Yes, Madam Hooch?" I said, my voice shaking.
She didn't answer. That's when I realized that it was all too quiet. Checking my surroundings, I found that I had captured the attention of every student on the pitch. Wonderful. After a few moments, Hooch finally cleared her throat and said, "Alright, everyone! Back to what you were doing! I need to speak to Ms. Evans privately!"
Oh great. She just had to throw my name in there! Now anyone who didn't know that it was me flailing wildly through the air towards certain doom whilst doing a fantastic impression of Janis Joplin, would have my name and my broom-flying incompetence spread around the school by dinner!
Much to my surprise, the tumult resumed as it had been before my near death experience.
A knot formed in my throat as I thought how horribly I'd just humiliated myself. How absolutely ridiculous I must have looked, falling through the sky, screaming like a maniac. Oh, Merlin. I don't even want to think about it!
But it can't have been that bad, right?
No! My peers will understand it's nothing to laugh about! I nearly crashed into the ground! I nearly died! Right? It was a near death experience after all. (Even if I'm the only one calling it that.) But they won't hold this against me! They simply can't! I was seriously almost eaten by the ground!
Hooch suddenly cleared her throat again. "Right," she said. "Now, Ms. Evans, before I go on, I can have the whole pitch Obliviated if you want."
My eyes popped out of their sockets. Or maybe it was that bad… Curses!
"O-obliviated?" I stammered.
"Yes, Obliviated, Ms. Evans. I can have their memory of your dive erased forever," she rejoined. "In fact, I will do it personally—if you wish."
Oh Merlin. She wasn't joking. "Was it really that bad?" I asked after a pause.
The flying professor, whom I'd known since First Year when she told me flying was like riding a bicycle and then forgot to mention that it was only a metaphor, looked me directly in the eye and said, "Yes."
I gulped. Here she was, though, evidently attempting to protect my pride. Could I take the embarrassment that was sure to come? Good Godric! If only I hadn't been so jumpy when she'd called my name!
"Wait, what was it that you wanted to tell me before?" I asked, recalling the events leading up to my near death experience.
She gave a little cough and jerked her head meaningfully to my right. I looked—carefully this time—behind me and glimpsed Frank Longbottom scribbling furiously on a pad of parchment.
Just what I needed.
"Mr. Longbottom is here to cover Operation Fire Dragon for his zine. He wanted an interview with you," Hooch said.
I nodded, thinking fast. "I'll be right back!" I called to Hooch. Cautiously, I tipped my handle slightly downwards, and made a wide circle around Hooch before arriving in front of the journalist sure to be describing in enthusiastic detail how I'd just flung myself towards the ground like a crazed monkey.
"Hey, Longbottom," I said casually, once I'd steadied my broom.
He looked up at me and beamed. "That dive you just made? Bloody brilliant! How'd you learn the Wronski Defensive Feint so well?"
I blinked up at him. "What?" I said in a monotone reflective of the state of my brain. What was he going on about?
"Your flying skills! They're pretty amazing. I've got to be honest, Evans. I've been told you were about as natural on a broom as a snow storm in August. I didn't know they were just being ironic!"
I opened my mouth to say something, couldn't figure out what, and shut up again.
Frank was too busy rambling anyway to notice my moment as a gaping fish. "I wasn't sure I could find an interesting angle for this story, but now I think I've actually got one!"
He beamed at me again. "Erm—" I started. I was about to say, "Erm, you've got a very interesting angle indeed," when the Marauders showed up, their arms pumping through the air as though they were worshipping something.
And they were all giving me frightening conspiratorial grins. I tried to smile back, but I might have looked like someone who didn't know how to smile in front of a camera. They were creeping me out, with all their arm waving and evil grins!
Wait. Are they—?
No.
Worshipping—me?
"I didn't know you had it in you, Evans!" said Sirius Black, grey eyes winking. Huh? "I've got to admit, though, I'm quite put out I didn't think of doing it myself."
Potter was smirking at me, his bronze skin glowing in the sunlight. "I know you told me not to pull any stunts while we were out here today, Lily, but I didn't know it was because you wanted all the attention for yourself," he teased.
Remus bumped me in the shoulder playfully. "Bit of a secret athlete are we, Lily?" he said.
If I was a fish before, I'd turned into a basilisk with a dislocated jaw.
"Planning to catch the Snitch, too, eh?" Pettigrew said, laughing.
I stared at him blankly before catching on. I closed my mouth right up, and felt the warmth rise in my cheeks as everyone laughed. I didn't know what to think! What the hell was going on?!
Potter stopped laughing and gave me a strange look. "What do you mean, 'what's going on'? You're a star!" Oops. Evidently, I'd said that out loud…
"More than that! You're my new idol, Evans," Black quipped. Then he gave me a triumphant grin. "I knew you had a little Marauder in you! You just had to let it out!"
"Can I use that as a direct quote?" Longbottom asked, turning to Black.
Potter turned to me, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "So how does it feel to break the rules and cause a scene?"
"Er…" I responded smartly. I was saved from continuing my very intelligent speech when my friends decided to grace us with their presence.
"Oh my God, Lily! Are you okay?! That was some fall!" Jen said, grasping my elbows tightly. It was her way of giving me a hug without obliging me to let go of the broom handle. I gave her a warm smile, silently transmitting happy and positive thoughts to her for her act of kindness.
Then I noticed Remus was giving Jen a confused look.
"Fall? What are you talking about? That was beautiful flying! An artful mastery of the Wronski Feint technique!" Potter exclaimed, apparently affronted.
No way. It was with great self-control that I managed to keep my mouth from unhinging again.
"Not to mention the timing," Remus added.
Black chuckled. "I can't believe you had the bollocks to pull that off just after Hooch yelled at Nott to—what was it she said, Wormtail?"
Pettigrew grinned at the memory. "I believe she used the phrase, 'cease your ill-maneuvered antics at once.'"
Frank ripped to the next sheet of parchment rather violently as he said, "Could you say that one more time?"
"What was Nott doing, exactly?" Mary asked us, lifting an eyebrow. I feigned indifference and pretended I hadn't heard her question. It wasn't like I could give a satisfying answer.
Marlene snorted. "Didn't you see? It made me almost fall off my broom from laughter!"
At the blank look on Mary's face, Potter started to explain. "Nott was being all manly, showing off to his mates and such. So he's trying his own broom at the Feint—"
"And of course he's utter shite," cut in Black.
"—yeah, I'll give you that," Potter said, laughing. "Anyway, so he's trying to dive towards the ground in the way of the Wronski, loses total control, and just crashes into one of the hoops—"
"Because he's utter shite," Pettigrew repeated, smirking.
Potter chuckled. "Yes. And the scream he emitted!"
Remus joined in on the laughter. "It was as though a very spoiled toddler's most precious toy had been ripped from their arms, and then told to go to their room."
I couldn't help but laugh a little at the comparison. Wait a second! I'd heard that scream! Just after I'd yelled at Dumbledore…
"And then you go and do a perfect impression of him—" Black started.
"—Scream and all—" Pettigrew threw in.
Black barked with laughter. "The look on Nott's face was priceless!"
I pretended to look rather pleased with myself. Mary and Marlene had joined in the Marauders' laughter. Only Jen seemed to doubt their story.
She had her eyebrows raised at me, as though she knew such a stunt was simply out of character for me. Well, I suppose everyone knew that, which is why it's come as such a surprise.
But if I'm being congratulated instead of humiliated for my fall, there's really no harm in letting them think I did the Wronski Defensive on purpose! Right? So why, then, did Madam Hooch suggest she Obliviate everyone?
I excused myself from my new fan club (I shook my head and grinned slightly at the thought), and went to find out for myself. As I flew around carefully, I caught sight of Madam Hooch's deep purple robes. I steadied myself for a moment, and prepared to fly in her direction. I was a bit wobbly on the broom, but I felt like perhaps I was starting to finally get the hang of it. I leaned forward slightly and the broom accelerated evenly. I leaned slightly to my left and found, to my surprise, that my broom followed.
Sweet Merlin!
Had it really always been this easy?
I smiled to myself. I felt suddenly exhilarated. I led my broom to the right, then to the left, and to the right again, zigzagging my way through an intense game of bludger cricket. I was so enthralled, I nearly forgot to duck as a speeding bludger came right towards me. Dodging it just in time, I bobbed up again, feeling invincible on my broom. Spotting Madam Hooch up ahead, I sped up to meet her, a gleaming look of triumph on my face.
The whole world seemed to be in agreement with me today—even if I mucked something up, as I had earlier, it would put everything right. The sun was shining on my face, the wind was in my hair, and I was unstoppable. I was one with the universe. I am he as you are he as you are me as we are all together. Or however it is that tripped out Beatles song goes. Nothing could ruin my mood. Nothing would ruin my mood. I was sure of it. Now if only I could understand why Madam Hooch thought it would be best to Obliviate everyone, then I would be truly hap—
"You bloody hypocrite!" came a shrill voice from behind me. "Always have to be showing off, don't you?"
—py.
What in Merlin's name? Way to ruin the moment! But, who was showing off? I looked around to see if I could spot any "bloody hypocrites" doing some acrobatic tricks they weren't supposed to be doing.
"Oi! Turn around you great big flaming head! I'm talking to you!" the annoying voice said again.
I looked around, but I didn't see anyone with their hair on fire doing flips and turns in the air. Nor were there any redheads that I could make out.
Wait.
I have red hair.
Is that shrill nuisance talking to me?
And calling ME A—a—hypocrite?!
I repeat: WHAT IN MERLIN'S NAME?
Turning around to face the offender, I was practically seething at the accusation of being a show-off. I kept my cool, though. Whoever was bashing me, literally behind my back, didn't deserve it, however.
And what do you know? It was Bellatrix Black there to come ruin my world. I supposed I was wrong before about being one with the universe. Perhaps I had been feeling a little too at one with it, and it felt it should teach me not to be so cocky? Well, lesson learned, Universe! I shut my eyes tightly, concentrating all of my energy on one hopeful thought: Take me out of this gigantic airy classroom, Universe, before Bella takes me out with her nasty, illegal wandwork!
I popped an eye open.
…Nothing happened.
Bugger.
Bella was still there, looking as horrible as ever. A nasty sneer curled her lips, revealing only that she would have serious wrinkles around her mouth in about twenty years. "Did you think you could get away with it just because you're Head Girl, Evans?"
Good Godric. "What are you on about, Black?" I asked as coldly as I could.
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't give me that, Evans. You know exactly what I'm on about."
"Sorry, no," I said, shrugging.
She leaned forwards on her broom and suddenly she was right in my face. I flew backwards with a jolt. She smirked, looking satisfied. "You should be more careful about who you decide to humiliate next time, Lily," she said contemptuously. "Because you're really going to regret you ever messed with Nott."
I raised an eyebrow at her. Sure, I might have looked cool on the outside, but inside, I was freaking out. What was I supposed to say? "No, no, Bella, you misunderstand. I wasn't messing with Nott. I actually just lost total control of my broom like the idiot klutz that I am, and somehow managed nott, hahaha, forgive the pun, to splatter onto the ground. Funny coincidence about Nott, though, huh?" Um, NOOO. First off, she wouldn't believe me. And second, if she did believe me, I might as well hand my entrails to her on a silver platter, because the damage she could do with such a humiliating story was unthinkable.
"Am I really?" I said finally.
She gritted her teeth and through them she whispered, "When you least expect it, you little Muggle-born shite."
"Oh, I'm the shite, am I, Black?" I yelled.
Bella growled, drawing out her wand.
Sliding mine down my sleeve and into my wand hand, I continued, "Because of my heritage? Because my parents aren't wizards? Or is it because for the life of you, you can't understand why someone of my blood has more talent in her little finger than you will ever even dream of?"
Our wands were facing, Bella looking venomous. I could imagine I held a similar expression. A flash of purple came between us, and it took me a moment to recognize it as Madam Hooch. "Ms. Evans! Ms. Black! Wands down, for Merlin's sake! I will not have a duel in the middle of your recreational period! Ten points from both your houses!"
"She started it!" we said in unison. My eyes narrowed at her and I heard her hissing. I suppose Slytherin suits her.
Madam Hooch gave us both reproving looks. "It is obvious the two of you have differences that need settling. You may do so tonight in detention."
I gaped at her. "But, Madam Hooch!" I started. I was just going to ask her to Obliviate everyone! If I had just told her to do it in the first place, instead of basking in my undeserved glory, none of this would have happened!
"I'll hear none of it, Ms. Evans. You have caused quite the stir this morning. I would have expected more of our Head Girl," she answered. Ouch. She'd said it, though. I should not have drawn my wand when I did. But I was just so angry! How was I supposed to keep my "Head Girl cool" with Bella throwing such nasty bait at me, calling me "Muggle-born shite"? That's a horrible thing to say!
Madam Hooch shooed Bella away, and off Bella flew, but not before subtly dragging her forefinger across her throat as she passed me by. My jaw clenched. I was more than angry; I was fuming. I turned to Madam Hooch and exclaimed, "Don't you know what she said to me? She called me 'Muggle-born shite!'"
Madam Hooch's eyebrows rose dramatically. "I understand. But a Head Girl cannot go around throwing hexes at whomever she pleases—"
I frowned. "It's not whomever I please! I was merely defending myself! She got out her wand first! Was I just supposed to sit there on my broom like a sitting diricawl?"
"My mistake, Ms. Evans. A Head Girl cannot go around throwing hexes, whatever the reason. It sets a bad example for all the other students. It is simply not acceptable. I can revoke your detention, considering no hexes were thrown, however, and that you pulled your wand out purely out of defense."
"Thank you!" I said, slightly self-righteous. I crossed my arms across my chest and was so angry I did not realize I was still flying without having both my hands on the handle.
Madam Hooch put a hand up. "However, if I revoke your detention, I must pay the same mercy to your peer."
I groaned, placing my head exasperatedly in my hands. "Why?"
She went on to explain something or other about fairness, neutrality, and how nothing really did happen, so any evidence I had that made Bella the villain in the story could not be taken into consideration because we were being punished for drawing our wands, blah blah blah. The sky is blue. The grass is green. James Potter is "in love" with me. And a whole lot of other empty truths. Eventually she got to her point. "Therefore do you, or do you not, Ms. Evans, wish for me to revoke both yours and Ms. Black's detention?"
I nodded begrudgingly.
"Alright," Madam Hooch said. "I'll have Ms. Black know you were courteous enough to let her off today." She was about to leave, but I called after her. She turned expectedly towards me, a knowing smile on her face.
"Is this why you told me I should probably have everyone Obliviated?" I asked, with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I really wanted it to be another reason. Anything, actually. Like, if everyone knew about my fall, they would suddenly turn into pixies. Or that I would wake up with technicolor teeth, blinding complete strangers with as little effort as a smile. Or even that my fall and my miracle Wronski Defensive Feint had somehow changed the core physical laws of the universe, causing gravity to exist no longer, and the Earth to simultaneously implode and explode.
Instead, she nodded. "Unfortunately, Ms. Evans," she started, after a few more groans from me, "too much time has passed, and too many people have already left the pitch. This makes completing my previous plan impossible. I am afraid there will be no Obliviating today, and you will just have to live with the consequences."
I mentally stabbed myself in the gut. How fantastic was this bit of news? She left me to my miserable self, and I slowly flew my way back to my friends.
"Bloody well done, that!" some strange boy said to me, patting me on the back as I passed him. A whole lot of his mates joined in on it.
I was well depressed, and no amount of "What talent! What humor! What genius!" could get me out of this foul mood.
Bellatrix Black and her Slytherin cronies were going to have me fed to the giant squid for humiliating Nott. The irony was cruel. I had humiliated myself, only to find out everyone thought it was a sarcastic throwback to Nott's "ill-maneuvered antics."
What cruel fate is this?! This is exactly why I didn't want "Operation Fire Dragon" to start!
Bloody hell.