A/N- SO! This is a bit of a strange story for me, as it started out as "hm, that seems like an ending…. But… that's too goddamn depressing for me to end it on". So, you can read each chapter as the end of the story; chapter one could be the whole story, chapter one plus chapter two could be the whole story, or chapter one plus two plus three could be the whole story. If you want the happy ending, you have to read all three. The first two endings are both "Why Would You DO That?!" 's.

Isn't Healthy

John knows it isn't healthy for him to keep doing this. He hasn't left 221B, and he hasn't gotten a new flatmate. He has cleaned out the fridge, however, but only once the body parts had begun to rot. He hasn't packed away Sherlock's outerwear from where they hang beside the door. He hasn't cleared the clutter from the countertops, nor has he picked the bits of errant clothing from the couch or moved the slippers from outside the bathroom door.

To do so would be admitting that Sherlock was…

He's already said it twice. And saying or thinking something three times will make it real. And John will do anything to keep it from being real.

He still makes two cups of tea. He still sits in his seat and never in Sherlock's spot. He still has the cigarettes hidden in the skull.

He still talks to Sherlock.

John's mind will trick him and he'll hear the violin being tortured from the living area. He'll shout at Sherlock to keep the damn noise down, ask him what the instrument had done to deserve such abuse.

He will hear the doorbell and then Sherlock will shout at it from deep between his ears. Lestrade won't have heard it, and he never comments on how little the flat has changed. He knows that people all have their ways of coping—or lying to themselves. Mrs. Hudson merely clucks and pours out a week's worth of ice cold and partially evaporated cups of tea from the counter.

John will hear Sherlock moan about being bored late at night as he lays awake in his own bed. He'll tell Sherlock to go to sleep and listen with a breaking heart for any kind of response. The Sherlock in his mind offers commentary on the crap tele shows every night. The Sherlock in his mind comments on people he passes on the street.

Diabetic. Just came into money. Calls his mummy every night.

But John never sees him; except for when he passes St. Barts. John sees his coat flapping in the wind as his dearest friend plummets to the ground. John sees Sherlock's flailing arms grappling with the air as he falls. Every time John sees St. Barts, he see's Sherlock jum-Fall.

Sees him Fall.

But he doesn't see him anywhere else.

John knows it isn't healthy. Knows that running from the truth isn't the best thing to do, but he can't. help. himself.

So when John arrives home from the surgery and finds Sherlock lounging limp-limbed on the couch, he concludes with little extra thought that he has finally driven himself mad. Playing house alone for three years it only makes sense that his insanity would create him a Sherlock to see, as well as to hear.

But John cannot bear to see his hand pass through Sherlock's image, so he doesn't touch him. He doesn't run to Sherlock and collapse across the man's body to weep. He doesn't give in to the brief flare of urge to clock the man across his face.

John just makes his normal two cups of tea.

A/N- head to chapter two!