Chapter 1: January 7th, 1998, 11:41PM
A/N: This is the 7th deleted story in my Restoration Series list, all replacing works from the same user, who I am leaving anonymous. It was first uploaded on December 19, 2011 and deleted like all the others in (approximately) December 2016. At least, that's when I found out the stories were gone. Well, for a little while I was totally bummed- actually, I still am. But pretty soon I realized I could remember the titles and basic plots of 4, 5, and pretty soon all 8 of these deleted stories.
And it gave me the idea- why not just take what I can remember, what I can recover, and just rewrite each of the deleted stories myself? I set up Word documents and started taking notes to that effect, and the 8-part Zero Day Restoration Series was born. Each one of the stories in this series has involved hours of work. Rebuilding and rewriting a deleted story that you have no original copy of is hard, way harder than just writing an all-new story on your own. Ultimately I was able to recover about 4,251 words from the original story; since it was 12,799 words total last time around, I recovered something like 1/4th of the original story.
This story, as you can tell from the description, was originally meant to be more than 24 chapters and go beyond the final entry date of April 22, 2000. Since the story was up on this site for about 5 years and was never written past Chapter 24, I have decided to rewrite it through to Chapter 24 and leave it there. Out of the 8 deleted stories, this was the best. I'm glad to have begun the process of bringing it back.
Warning: Mentions of depression and suicide (and later plans to kill a bunch of people, of course).
The camera shook slightly as it was turned on and Calvin moved away from it, sitting back on his bed. His blue eyes shone with the glareof the camera, but he didn't make any move to speak just yet, instead opting to continue to sit on his bed. Calvin stayed that way for one minute. His lips parted as he moved to speak and then his brow furrowed and he closed his mouth again. For several seconds Calvin stayed silent, and then he started to speak.
"Somehow I almost believed people when they say that high school is supposed to be the best years of your life. I think maybe I did believe them at one point, but, if I did, it wasn't for that long. I've always felt like I can see through people's bullshit and- yeah, high school being that great? Is some bullshit if I ever heard any. I wanna burn the place down. I hate it there."
The blond teen sat up and started to move a hand toward the camera, maybe thinking of adjusting how it was positioned or even turning it off, but then he looked away from the camera and instead looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom, leaning back on his hands a bit.
"I'll say it again: I hate high school." He sat there for several seconds, thinking. "Andre agrees I think, but we don't really talk about it. We're good friends but we did only meet in September so we don't really talk about things so serious- most of the time." Another pause, this one lasting half a minute. "That isn't something you just talk to somebody about, hating high school. You're supposed to… like it. Go to football games. Go to the Prom. Give a shit about school spirit. It's… it's bad enough if you don't do those things, but when you fantasize about seeing the place burn down sometimes… yeah. You don't just share that with anybody."
The boy ran his hands through his blond hair, sighing slightly as he stared into the lens of the video camera. "I guess Andre might agree if I told him. Maybe I should. I might. I dunno. I think he might turn out to be a really good friend, but, I've thought that before." Calvin shot a wry, slightly bitter grin at the camera. "Serves me right for wanting to trust people, huh?"
Looking off in a direction, Calvin tapped the palms of his hands against his thighs and drew in a breath and let it out slowly. He appeared anxious and looked past the camera toward his door, as if checking to make sure he had no uninvited listeners.
"I thought about killing myself the other day, but I chickened out. I got my belt and set it up on the bar in my closet, the one all the coat hangers go on, you know. Stuck my neck through it, but I had to kick the chair out from under me. Instead I just stood there and eventually took my neck out and took the belt down and went to bed." He paused again. "I don't know… whether to be glad or disappointed in myself for not having the balls."
Another pause, this one lasting a minute and a half.
"I've thought about why I didn't do it, and I think I know what it is. I didn't want to kill myself like everybody else does. I didn't want to just die like everybody else goes and dies."
Calvin fell silent yet again, staring at the floor of his room, arms resting on his thighs. He sighed, his shoulders slumping visibly. "I'm so not into this, I swear. Sometimes it's like I think I'm going somewhere, or I'm about to go somewhere, whether I want to or not." He sighed. "I don't know to where, but the feeling is familiar. I've been feeling like this for years- especially once I started middle school. I don't want to say I feel like I'm falling into some pit of darkness and nothing but it… I don't know how else to say it. Sometimes I just feel like I don't care if I live or die or what."
The blond stared up at the ceiling, shrugging. "But I guess that's not really true either. I mean, I get up every day, I take care of myself. Everybody around me thinks I'm fine. I can act like it. I just don't feel like it underneath."
Calvin shifted his gaze, looking directly into the camera lens.
"Know what I mean?"
The blond stared into the lens for a couple of moments, almost as if expecting an answer. After a few seconds he nodded, as if response to some reply that only he could hear, then reached toward the camera and turned it off.
A/N: Below I have all of the words I was able to recover for Chapter 1 from the original story. I have woven all of it into my Chapter 1 for this reconstituted story, doing as much as possible to bring it back as it was.
A/N: These are supposed to be "video diaries" of Calvin because I'm curious about the boy who is shown as quiet and shy until the last 15 minutes when he's taunting his victims and what exactly was the cause of that to be released.
Warnings: Mentions of depression and suicide (and later plans to kill a bunch of people, of course)
His blue eyes shone with the glare of the camera, but he didn't make any move to speak just yet, instead opting to continue to sit on his bed.
His lips parted as he moved to speak and then his brows furrowed, closing his mouth.
Somehow I almost believed people when they say that high school is**supposed to be the best years of your life.
Blue eyes opened and he lowered his head to once again stare into the camera lens ...
Calvin shot a wry, slightly bitter grin at the camera.
The camera shook slightly as it was turned on and Calvin moved away from it, sitting back on his bed.
looked away from the camera and instead looked up at the ceiling of his bedroom, leaning back on his hands a bit.
"But I guess that's not really true either.
"Andre agrees I think, but we don't really talk about it.
We're good friends but we did only meet in September so we don't really**talk about things so serious- most of the time.
The boy ran his hands through his blond hair, sighing slightly as he stared into the lens of the video camera.
Looking off in a direction, Calvin tapped the palms of his hands against his thighs
"I thought about killing myself the other day, but I chickened out.
I didn't want to just kill myself like everybody else does.
"I don't know to where, but this feeling is familiar. I've been feeling**like this for years—especially once I started middle school.
I don't want to say I feel like I'm falling into some pit of darkness and nothing but it ...
"Know what I mean?"
The blond stared into the lens for a couple of moments, almost as if expecting an answer.