I am tainted. I know I am.
Ever since I was met by him when he was going around in his goddamn limo, I knew I was tainted.
I was doing really well out there in the streets. I was comfortable. I could be myself.
And…it all changed.
I met L.
No, no…that's not my point. You see, people have a way of having premonitions.
I got one.
I had a feeling that this was my big break, yet when things wouldn't get any better everything crashed down…thanks to someone.
It's someone who I've learned to hate quite a lot.
Don't get me wrong. I didn't start out hating him.
In reality, I liked him. It goes against the grain, yes, but I can care less.
That guy was Near, also known as Nate Rivers. He's probably an albino. And a snobbish one at that.
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That day…I was sitting on my bed, reading a fat-ass book that was old as dirt. A blizzard raged outside, and anyone with a single neuron would know that it would be a death wish to be out there right now.
Mr. Wammy, or Watari, as L calls him, opened the door suddenly for some reason. Out of boredom and plain curiosity, I ran downstairs and…I saw him.
His freakish white hair and clothes blended with the snow very well. His eyes, though…his eyes… They are empty, soulless, and could burn through you like the little coal tidbits they were.
"Ah, Mello! Please welcome Near, our newest addition to the House," Mr. Wammy shooed him in and let him warm a bit by the fire. "Don't be shy. Tell us a bit about yourself."
This 'Near', though remained stoic and replied curtly, "It would be my duty to keep secrets, sir, like you informed me a minute ago." At that moment, I knew that this guy was special. In a very bad way.
Mr. Wammy, though, looked proud, and turned to me. "Since you entered the House, no one's replied like that before or after, until today. Bravo."
That was the first thing he stole—Mr. Wammy's affection for me. That wasn't so bad, right? The guy could drop dead any minute now…
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Our yearly assessments came around. Near was here for about a week. All he did was play with his dolls, breaking them and gluing them back together. I studied, unlike him.
And…when the scores came by, I missed first place by ONE MOTHERFUCKING POINT.
And who claimed first place? Of course, little, prissy, 'I'm-too-good-for-studying-and-honest-work' Near.
That was the second thing he stole from me. That night, I shut myself in a cupboard and cried myself to sleep.
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It was New Year's, and everyone was excited, happy, and full of joy. I crunched on my candy bar, also content. The test score still bothered me, though.
Matt and I were watching the fireworks. He was third place now, since he too got bumped down. We were friends, and he really just played with his new PSP, not bothering to look at the gunpowder art.
Near came by wearing a big, fluffed up white coat. Of course, it had to be white…
"Hello, Matt. Greetings, Mello."
That made my blood boil, and I was about to retort when Matt paused his game and smiled at the little twerp. "Yo, Near, wazzup? Are you out here to enjoy the fireworks?"
Near gave a small nod, and tried to warm his now-pink nose. "I don't see the point in these though…"
Matt smiled some more, stuck his PSP into his pocket, and started dragging Near by the forearm. "C'mon, then. I'll teach you how to truly enjoy the festivities."
They were not seen again until two hours later, both flushed yet smiling, or in Matt's case, grinning.
Near stole dear item number three—my best friend. That made me hit the cold stone wall repeatedly until my hands were bloody and the wall dented. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! Why does he have to do that?!"
Matt later tried to bandage my hands, yet I pushed him away, blood and all. To this day his vest has those marks.
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The things that Near stole made me sick to my stomach. Does he do nothing but cheat and steal?!
These things were put aside as L made a quick visit to us. I do not hide that I really admire him and love him. The difference this time is that he called for both Near and me.
When we arrived, L was sitting in his usual stance, and had a spoon dangling from his mouth. Apparently, the cheesecake was long gone and now all that was left was the poor, lonely spoon.
Near stood straight up to him. "Hello, L," he said calmly. My eyes popped open. How could he treat L with such disrespect?!
L seemed not to mind, and replied, "Good evening to you as well." Then, he turned to me, and said, "Mello, you must be tired after a day of intense studying. Here," he handed a box of specially imported Belgian chocolate to me. "Take this, and enjoy it back at your dorm."
My anger boiled over. Afraid that I would explode with L nearby, I muttered a 'thank you, sir,' and darted out of the room.
After setting down the box of chocolate, I let out a strangled, alien moan. Tears flowed like never before. I knew what he meant. 'Go away so I can spend time with Near.'
Near had stolen my idol. My admired one. My love.
My mind blank, I closed my eyes, and jumped out of the fourth story window into the desolate street below.
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I woke up. What a buzz kill.
I was in the infirmary, with bandages all over me and a cast over my left arm.
Matt sat by my bedside, playing Tekken with the volume off. Well, someone's pretending to be considerate.
I tried to sit up, to rip the needles from my arm. That didn't work. The medicine proved to be too numbing. A sudden flame of pain whipped through my body, and I slouched into the pillows once more.
"Ah, Mello, you're up," Matt remarked, and put away his beloved game. "Sheesh, what was that about? You get a box of chocolate and jump out the window?" His expression looked bored and curious, but no concern. Unlike his expression with that cursed Near.
I hissed under my breath. What else would I have to steal from? I feigned a look of surprise. "Oh, look, it's Matt. Why are you here?" My voice betrayed me, though, and everything came out monotone.
Matt snorted, and then a look of worry crossed his face. "Mels, what's wrong with you lately? If you continue like this, then you'd end up dead. No joke." I stared at my limp hands in my lap. How could he understand this?!
I simply said whatever that came to my mind. Like I can control myself right now anyways. "You wouldn't know. Everything's gone. Stolen. By Near. Even you! L, Mr. Wammy, my status, you, you, you!!! Stolen! GONE!" It had turned to a shrill scream at the end.
He simply stared and left. "Hope you feel better, Mels. The Novocain must be getting to you." The door's sound was as empty as my heart.
Tears once again streamed down my face, and I thought back to the day I met L, when I had that premonition. How I dreaded it and how I still dread it today.
Suddenly, the door silently opened. My head snapped up, and I stared. And stared. It was Near, coming to see insignificant old me.
"Hello, Mello. How're you doing?" He asked softly, and sat down in the chair next to my bed. I was still weak, so the most I could do was threaten him. Emptily. "Get the fuck out. What'd you come to steal this time?!"
Near frowned, then smirked, which was so unlike him. "Well, someone's being a grouch. And you know the rules—grouches deserve punishment." He slipped onto my bed, and whispered into my ear. "Very, very harsh punishment."
Words like 'revolting' and 'unsanitary' ran through my head. Then...unholy. I was raised as a Catholic, and sure as hell was hot was I against…this. I scowled, and then whispered a silent prayer. "Holy Mother, please, forgive this sin, as I was taken apart from my will."
Near heard it, and whispered into my ear, "Since when were you holy? Because right now, you're anything but that,"
Near locked the door and snapped the curtain shut.
The metal bedpost rattled as I shuddered.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
When I regained my senses, Near was gone.
I cleaned up the mess quickly by throwing the sheets into the fireplace, and ran into the shower, ripping away the IVs, bandages, and cast. The pain in my arm was nothing compared to my mental agony.
Near stole from me once again.
He stole my virtue. My innocence. My last connection to sanity.
After cleaning up, I came outside again and redid everything. I even stole sheets from a nearby bed.
That petty theft wasn't even close to what Near stole this time.
I stabbed myself again and again in the veins with the IV. The blood didn't bother me.
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AN: (I'm a teenager. I don't necessarily like to write lemons, nor do I know how to. If anyone's so kind as to instruct me, I shall be happy to accept the offer.)
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I've been pretty down since that.
The anger.
The shame.
The agonizing memory.
It's all too much.
I took the anger out on other people at Wammy's. Soon, the once-peaceful student with platinum gold hair was ripping out other students' throat. Matt, however, was more lenient, and stayed with me. It still hurts, though, to think he's abandoned me for that little bitch Near.
And needless to say, I felt strangely attached to Near as well. The way he twirled his hair, the way he sat, and his strange little accent that sounded somewhat like a cross between French and American, and his snowy white appearance.
What an innocent-looking little robber.
I managed to keep those thoughts at bay. Kira was out on the loose, and Wammy's house was to try to put in as much as possible. I was no exception. L's favor was too important to abandon.
And then…that faithful day.
L died.
"What do you mean?!" I had screamed out loud that day at Roger. He didn't scold me. "L has died," he repeated mournfully.
I cried tears of blood as I scratched at my eyes. L was dead, L was dead…that phrase rang in my head over and over.
Near found me and hugged me close. I did not push him away.
I needed as much comfort as I could get right now. I also didn't mind that it was that damn thief giving it. I was too lenient with him then. As I am now.
I left Wammy's that night. And I took nothing with me.
I left enough of me to overwhelm even that Near if he were to pick up the things.
Near stole my heart. My compassion. My soul.
And this time, I did not mind. Although he also stole my picture…
That I did mind. Quite a lot.
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"Yo, Mel! Look what I found this time!" Matt hollered over the various video games and spy monitors.
"It better not be some of your video game shit…" I mumbled, but I had a pretty good idea what it was.
It's been a long time since I left Wammy's.
Good memories and nightmares.*
I drifted over to Matt to see what was going on. He held up a small slip of paper. "Here's the address. I broke all the firewalls. Hope you get in there, man."
I grabbed the jacket with the fur hood I usually wore. A moment later the rev of a motorcycle broke the silence, and I was gone.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
*(Recognize that? It was the last line Mello said in the beginning of Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases!)
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
When I got to the address, I did notice a bunch of guards standing there. It wasn't safe to barge in, even if the firewalls were broken. Only so much could be done from a computer monitor. I'm going to decide to wait.
Meanwhile, I paid a visit to the Mafia.
"Mello! Come in," Rod Ross himself greeted me. I nodded and slipped inside the dark and damp room. As usual, the leader (or rather, the poser…) had several ladies swooning around him. Stupid prostitutes…if they only knew.
I sat down on the leather couch, and I heard it move noiselessly. "Gosh, Mello, you're anorexic…" I heard Miller, a really stupid guy, whisper.
A moment later my gun was pointed at him. "Care to repeat that, Miller?" I asked, venom dripping off my words. "N-no, of course not!" He quickly shut up and resumed doing whatever he was. I could care less.
"So what do we have here?" I asked, not bothering to look at the monitors. 'Jack' turned his laptop around so I may have a better view.
This is what happens all the time here.
Although Near had not intended to, he's stealing the precious time that is slipping pretty darn fast away from my hourglass. My time is limited. I know that.
He's stealing my life.
…I didn't know until later.
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I happened to meet up with Halle once more.
…She was taking a shower. And trying to seduce me. Funny…women never had the charm for me.
With some persuasion and my buddy the gun, I managed to convince her to take me to the SPK HQ. "Throw away your gun!" Commander Rester ordered.
And there was Near, amidst a swamp of toys. He looked so helpless, so defenseless. No different from before. He just grew taller by a fraction. "Mello, I presume you want your photo back," he said, and handed it to me. About time he returned one of the things he stole.
"Near…it would displease me greatly if I do not give something in return," I said. Now that I think about it, heck, why did I do that?! I mean, come on. He stole the photo from me, and I'm giving something to him. For what, I asked myself? That I didn't know. I still don't know.
"The notebook…it's a shinigami's notebook. A god of death. And…if you possess the notebook, you can see it." I said, staring deeply into his eyes. They were voids of darkness, as usual. They swallowed all the things that stare into them.
And, unexpectedly, Near agreed with me. "I believe what he said."
"And also, there are two fake rules within the notebook. I shall not tell you what they are. I believe you can figure those out on your own," I said.
"Which of us will get to Kira first…" I started, smirking.
"Is a race," Near finished, also smiling a bit despite himself.
"I'll be waiting for you at the finish line," I said, and with a turn, I left. A few moments later, I arrived back at the small apartment I shared with Matt.
"Hey, Mel. Did you get the photo?" he asked, bored as hell since I made him watch several monitors and took away his favorite one—his PSP. "Yeah, I did. Shut up and keep watch," I literally barked out, and plopped down on the couch to join him in the task.
No joke, Matt was right. Several hours of this and you'll start conversing with the wall.
Or…you can reflect on your oh so pitiful life. And that was exactly what I did. This time, it appears as if Near stole nothing. I overlooked a small detail and rested with peace that night, thinking that the damn albino kid was done thieving.
He just happened to steal my will and resolve. It's not that obvious at first. ---------------------------------------------------------------------
"Matt…I'm sorry…I never thought you would die…" I said, inwardly sobbing. Matt was a true friend, despite being dragged from me all those years ago. I was at the wheel of a truck, with a Kira in haul behind me. Kiyomi Takada lay shivering in her underwear with a blanket over her.
That Near…I can't believe it…He's gotten one step ahead of me yet again. He's PLANNING TO KILL HIMSELF AS WELL! I didn't allow that, and…I don't know why. There was no logical solution to the decision. It was driven by something else. Love?…Ew, fuck no. What the hell is love anyways?!
I stopped a bit on the side of the road, seeing the church where I was supposed to meet Matt. He never did make it. And who was to blame? ME. The big, idiotic Russian whose ego cost him his best friend.
Oh, I should've never stopped there. As soon as I stopped and put the car into park, I felt a sharp, gripping pain that twisted my insides out.
It was my heart, wrenching whatever life I had left out of me.
As the pain was subsiding and my body was growing heavier, I had one last thought.
That damn albino…He's going to have a hard time stealing from me now.
He stole the last thing I had to my name—my life.
I'm going to miss him.