The Quest of the Mary-Sue
A/N: This is my first Mary-sue (well, mock Mary-sue), so don't be too hard on me if I put something that does not seem to fit the Mary-Sue character.
Chapter 1: You're from Where?
It was beautiful, wonderful, glorious, lovely day. The sun shown overhead, beaming down on the frolicking hobbits of the shire. The air was neither hot nor humid. It was just right. Hobbit children ran this way and that, content in their mindless games that seemed to consist of nothing more then running around in circles.
Frodo Baggins and Samwise Gamgee sat on the front lawn of Bag End. Frodo was currently trying to get high on a frighteningly large sack of pipe weed (don't try this at home, kiddies!). Sam was too busy planting a flower to notice.
Little did they know that something evil, more evil then Sauron himself, was on its way. They had no idea that a day like this was ideal for the arrival of one of the world's most terrible creatures.
So when a cliché flash of light lit up the sky and something fell from it, the residents of the Shire did not run away screaming. Poor, poor hobbits.
"What do you suppose that was, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked, standing up and inadvertently crushing the flower he had just planted. The poor, poor little flower.
"Don't know. Maybe lightning." The older hobbit replied, hoping that Sam would leave it at that. He was going for a record, and then Pippin would owe him two baskets of mushrooms, if he could remember all of this by tomorrow.
"I don't think so, Mr. Frodo." Sam persisted. Frodo sighed and allowed Sam to pull him off the ground and led in the direction the thing had fallen.
They arrived a few minutes later, and were surprised at what they saw. Sam had been expecting something not alive, preferably something edible. Yet the creature sitting on the ground was alive, and probably only marginally edible.
It was a girl, but not just any ordinary hobbit lass. The girl sat on a soft patch of grass, next to a beautiful flowering tree. The sunlight shown on her as she sat surrounded by flowers, birds, squirrels, bunnies, and leaping deer. Frodo felt the urge to gag at the author's unnecessarily cheesy description. But she wasn't done yet.
Her eyes were of a deep violet, and her hair was raven black, flowing down her back and around her face like water. She wore a long flowing robe of the deepest red. Her hair caught the sunlight as she looked up and she seemed to glow. She was the most beautiful girl anyone could ask for. A songbird flew down and perched on her shoulder, and then began to sing sweetly. Frodo did gag, his stomach upset by the cheesyness of it all.
"Greetings, Frodo Baggins. Greetings, Samwise Gamgee." She said, and her voice was as smooth as silk.
"How do you know our names?" Sam, for all that he was Frodo's best friend, was oblivious to the fact that said friend was currently puking loudly in the bushes.
"I know many things, Samwise." She said, giving him a dazzling smile.
"I'm sure you do." Frodo said, wiping his mouth on the back of his sleeve. "Okay, you've seen what fell out of the sky, so let's go." Frodo hoped the stranger wouldn't follow. There was something about her. Half of him wanted to find a pointy stick and poke her brains out with it. The other half wanted to write mushy, badly rhyming, and romantic poems, serenade her, and propose marriage all at the same time. Yes, there was defiantly something odd about her. After a moment's thought, his sensible side won over and he went in search of a pointy stick.
"But, Mr. Frodo, we have to make sure she's alright!" Sam protested, his good manners refusing to desert him. He looked at his friend with the Puppy Dog Eyes of Doom (©).
"She looks fine to me." Frodo said, trying not to be moved to pity.
Despite his complaints, Frodo soon found himself back at Bag End, sitting with the strange girl, while Sam poured tea. How in the heck had this happened? I mean, seriously, we were just standing outside somewhere and now were inside a house. And he never did find that pointy stick.
"So where are you from?" He asked, not really caring.
"I am from a far away world, that no one in Middle Earth has heard of. I was sent here for a very important reason, which I will not discuss yet. You have quite an adventure ahead of you, Frodo Baggins." She said in an important voice.
"Fascinating." Frodo said, turning slightly green. Just when he thought he would throw up again, he heard the front door open. Finally!
"Frodo, my lad!" Bilbo said, smiling, but it disappeared when he saw the strange, but extremely beautiful girl with hair the color of midnight, skin as white as snow, and eyes the color of emeralds. "Haven't seen any big people wandering around the Shire in years. Where did you find this one?" He asked.
"She fell out of the sky, and Sam insisted we bring her back here." Frodo replied. He silently cursed the author for all the needless descriptions.
"Well, does she need a place to stay for the night?" Bilbo asked, fingering something in his pocket momentarily. The beautiful vision looked sternly at him.
"You will have to let it go soon, Bilbo Baggins. You know that it cannot be yours forever. He will find it soon." She said dramatically. The room seemed to darken as she spoke.
Bilbo raised an eyebrow at her. "Right. Whatever you say. So, do you need a place to stay for the night?"
"Yes. That would be most appreciated." She said, and the lighting returned to normal.
"That's happened before! Do you suppose she knows Mr. Gandalf?" Sam asked Frodo, as Bilbo led their guest to one of the spare rooms.
"Maybe Gandalf would turn her into something more tolerable. Like a fly, or a dragon." Frodo mumbled under his breath. At least when the wizard got here, he might know a way to send her back to wherever she came from.