QueenBitch15 has logged on.
Obi1: Did I do something wrong?
QueenBitch15: what?
Obi1: You logged off rather quickly last night.
Obi1: And you made a point of ignoring me all day at school.
Obi1: Did I say something to offend you?
Asajj didn't have to scroll back through the chat log to see what he was talking about. What she didn't know was why she had even added Kenobi to her friends list in the first place. There had been an instant animosity between them ever since she'd first met him in the hallway at school. He'd stopped a group of juniors when they kept making comments about her hairstyle. She couldn't have cared less at the time what they thought, but Kenobi had jumped in and played hero anyway. That innocent act of kindness had immediately earned him a place on her shit list. She didn't need to be defended, least of all by someone like him.
She'd thought she'd made that abundantly clear to him as the weeks went on and she found herself further ostracized by both students and teachers. The number of fights she'd gotten into only made matters worse. She didn't care. She'd rather be left alone anyway. But Kenobi had insisted on trying to be her friend. And damn him, it was working...slowly.
It may not have been a completely healthy friendship, but the same could have been said of her relationship to her foster brother, Durge. Besides, it was better than nothing in a way.
What Kenobi was referring to now, however, was what he had said in their last chat. Asajj had completely shaved her head earlier in the week as the weather started to turn hot (sometimes hair was more trouble than it was worth). The teasing from other students had returned in force at the change. She pretended she didn't care, but deep down it had begun to gnaw at her. She had vented that frustration to Kenobi over the relative safety of the Internet (it was easier to say some things when hiding behind a computer screen), angrily asking why a girl couldn't change her look without being ridiculed for it.
Kenobi had responded with something she had never expected: I think you look beautiful with or without hair.
She had logged off immediately. Only her father, her real father, had ever used that word to describe her. No one else seemed to share his belief that she was pretty. Everyone else only saw a weird wannabe-Goth chick with an attitude problem. Everyone except Kenobi, apparently. She didn't know how to handle something like that from anyone, least of all from someone near her age.
QueenBitch15: no. I'm not mad at you
Obi1: Then why the cold shoulder?
QueenBitch15: I just had a lot on my mind
Obi1: Ah.
Obi1: Anything you want to talk about?
QueenBitch15: no
Asajj in fact had a lot of questions for him, but there was no way in hell she'd ever ask them. She didn't want to know the answers to some of them, anyway.
Obi1: Ok.
Obi1: You might feel better if you get it out of your system.
Obi1: And I don't judge
QueenBitch15: there's nothing to talk about
QueenBitch15: so drop it
He didn't reply immediately. An irrational twinge of fear went through her chest. Had she finally pushed him away for good? Wait, what did she care? Wasn't that what she wanted anyway, to be left alone by everyone and everything?
Obi1: Do you want me to let you go?
She let out a long breath. Even through text he managed to sound hurt while still thinking more about her feelings. Damn guilt-tripping.
QueenBitch15: no, it's ok
Her fingers hesitated on the keyboard, then started typing.
QueenBitch15: sry abt that
QueenBitch15: its just
She stopped. Just what? She couldn't tell him that his calling her 'beautiful' had hit her more than she wanted to admit. She'd spent the past year building up her defenses against people for a reason, but he seemed to have a knack for breaking through them despite how hard she tried to keep him and others like him out. What made it even worse was how easily he made her feel guilty whenever she deflected his attempts to be nice to her. It was infuriating. He was infuriating.
Obi1: Would you like to get some ice cream?
She paused. What was he playing at?
QueenBitch15: what?
Obi1: I know you like ice cream.
Obi1: We can get some at Dex's. He stays open til 10 tonight.
Asajj wanted nothing more than to log off right then and there. He was not asking her on a date. No. NO.
QueenBitch15: won't your jedi friends have a problem if they see you with me?
Obi1: They're all at the football game.
So was Durge (he was the star linebacker), and Dooku was teaching a late class. But he didn't need to know that.
Obi1: So it would just be you and me.
Obi1: And Rocky Road, of course.
How did he know that was her favorite?
QueenBitch15: that doesn't quite answer my question
Obi1: I don't care about being seen in public with you, Asajj.
Obi1: I'm not ashamed of you.
Once again he managed to stun her to immobility. What exactly was he getting at? Her first instinct was that this was some setup, some Carrie-esque trick to humiliate her once her defenses were down. But she reminded herself that this was Kenobi. Even if he was annoying, he was nothing if not honest to a fault. He'd come to her defense (unwanted as it had been) on her first day, and had defended her ever since, if the stories she'd overheard in the halls had any truth to them.
Obi1: Are you still there? If I've overstepped my bounds
QueenBitch15: no no I'm here
QueenBitch15: I'm probably gonna regret this but
QueenBitch15: meet there in ten minutes?
Obi1: That's perfect.
Obi1: See you there :)
Asajj was at the ice cream shop ten minutes later. Kenobi was already there...with two cups of ice cream on the table. She didn't know how to react to that. Part of her wanted to turn around and just admit that this had been a mistake. His smile and wave in her direction made any chance of sneaking away impossible, however. She ducked her head further into her hoodie and walked to the table.
"I'm glad you made it," he said with that disgusting cheerfulness. "I hope you don't mind that I ordered for you."
Asajj looked down at the mountain of Rocky Road, blue plastic spoon sticking out of it like a monument. She shot him a glance under her hood. "How did you know my favorite flavor?"
He didn't seem phased by her suspicious tone. He just kept smiling. "Lucky guess."
She didn't believe him for an instant, but it wasn't worth making a scene. Instead, she just took her spoon and started eating. "So," she said between spoonfuls, "why did you ask me here?"
He shrugged. "You said you'd had a rough day, and in my experience ice cream always makes even the worst day a little better."
She rolled her eyes in response. "Are you always so upbeat, Kenobi?"
"It's better than being dour all the time, isn't it?"
Was that a jab at her? There was a reason for her bad attitude. It wasn't a choice. It was her coping mechanism. Not that she would tell him and give him more ammunition with which to pity her. Her tenuous hold on her anger began slipping. "So what do you expect to get out of this? A medal for taking pity on poor, friendless Asajj?"
She immediately regretted her words when she saw the hurt in his blue eyes. But she couldn't take them back now. She averted her gaze and focused on her ice cream, though with less enthusiasm. "I don't expect anything, Asajj," he said softly, his own spoon pushing the remainder of vanilla and caramel around in his cup. "I just wanted to spend some time with you."
Her spoon stopped halfway back to her cup. "Why?" The word was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
"Are you always so suspicious, Asajj?" The sudden lightness of his tone and the sound of his slight laugh made her bite back another remark she would have regretted. This time, she had to force down a small smile. "By the way, why are you wearing that hoodie? It's a little warm for it, don't you think?"
She froze again. "I'm...cold-natured." Why was she hesitating?
Kenobi leaned forward so only she could hear his next words. "Is this because of the teasing about your new hairstyle?" She reflexively ducked her head. She refused to admit it aloud, but she had become rather self-conscious about it. At least with her sideshave she still had hair. That was edgy. That was cool to some kids. But a completely bald girl? Bald by choice? That was just fucked up. There must be something wrong with her to do that. No girl in her right mind would willingly mutilate herself like that.
Asajj jumped when she felt a warm hand close around hers. "Don't let the misguided opinions of others make you feel bad about yourself." She didn't stop him when he raised his other hand to push her hood back. She was absolutely riveted by the intensity in his eyes and his voice. "They can only hurt you if you let them, so don't listen to them. Like I said last night: I think you look fine no matter what you have on your head."
And just like that his spell was broken. He'd said it again. Heat bloomed on her cheeks as a fuzziness sprouted in her belly. She wasn't angry, but the sensations were most disturbing. Was it embarrassment?
In the end it didn't even matter. The raucous laughter that came bursting through the door put all thought of Kenobi and his words out of her head. It was a group of kids from school, including the Fett quintuplets and the Skywalker punk. Asajj yanked her hand away from Kenobi's and raised her hood. She tried to disappear into it; not because she was afraid of the loud bunch, but because if they decided to antagonize her her temper would only get the better of her and lead to yet another brawl. And she wasn't stupid enough to think she could take on so many at once. She sank into her chair and tried to ignore everyone and everything except her ice cream.
"Hey, Obi-Wan!" Skywalker called out. "We didn't see you at the game. Where'd you go?" Asajj could feel his eyes on her, trying to peek under the hood to see who she was without being obvious about it.
"Anakin, you know I don't like football," Kenobi replied with a sigh, as if they'd had this conversation many times before. "I decided my evening would be better spent with a friend than watching kids getting stomped into the dirt by Durge." Asajj hesitated at the word 'friend', but grinned at the mention of Durge; her foster brother got a little too much enjoyment out of running over opposing players to be popular with everyone.
"You should have been there," Rex said as he approached, a cone of chocolate chip in his hand. "It was brilliant!"
Rex's brother Cody stepped up next. "Kinda sad for the other team, though. They never stood a chance."
"Obi-Wan," Anakin said, his voice leveling out and becoming more serious. "Aren't you going to introduce your friend?" He leaned closer to Asajj. She leaned back. "You don't go to Coruscant High, do you?"
Another Fett (Asajj only knew him as Fives) joined the others while the remaining two stayed at the counter waiting for their orders. "When did you get a girlfriend, Obi-Wan?" he laughed.
Asajj bristled at that word and quickly stood. She wanted out of this place, away from these people. Kenobi hurriedly stepped in front of her with pleading, apologetic eyes. "Please don't take offense-"
"Hey, sorry if I stepped over the line," Skywalker said quickly, his tone making it sound like she was the one who had done something wrong. "Just curious who my best friend is hanging out with."
"Hey." Rex was staring at her hands as they clenched around her half-empty cup. She tried to pull her sleeves down to cover them, but it was too late. "Aren't you that chick that cut all her hair off?"
"Rex, please-"
Asajj didn't stick around to hear what Obi-Wan was going to say. She pushed past him and out the door, but not before Skywalker's laugh followed her out. "Seriously, Obi-Wan?! You bailed on us for that freak?"
Fire rushed through her veins at those words, the tone with which they were said. She knew this had been a mistake, and yet she'd gone. How stupid could she have been to think that she could have had just one night to feel normal? Damn her foolishness, and damn Kenobi. Why should he get off scott free when it was his fault in the first place? If he hadn't lured her out...
She shook her head sharply. No, he wasn't to blame. Not entirely, at least. It was her fault. She'd known nothing good would come from this, and she'd still gone. Now she'd have to endure further ridicule from Kenobi's asshat friends at school next week. And she'd probably have to bust a few teeth to get them to stop, which wouldn't make Dooku happy, but what choice did she have?
The only good thing to come out of this disastrous evening was the fact that she had free ice cream. She focused on that as she walked, trying to put her anger aside for the time being and enjoy another spoonful.
"Asajj, wait up!"
Her feet stopped at that voice. What the hell did he want now? "Go back to your friends, Kenobi," she hissed over her shoulder. "I'm sure they'd love to hear all about your pity mission so they can have more ammo for me at school."
Kenobi stepped in front of her and put a hand on her shoulder. He quickly took it back when she flinched. "I'm very sorry about that. I didn't know they were going to be there." She glared at him. "Anakin was out of line. So was Rex."
"You don't say," she scoffed, shoving past him once again.
"Asajj, I'm sorry." He never did give up, did he. She glanced at him as he fell into step beside her. "I know a place we can go where no one will bother us."
That was the last straw. She halted abruptly and looked him square in the eye. "Why are you doing this, Kenobi? What do you want from me?"
"Nothing." He surprised her with the mix of firmness and gentility in his voice. How did he manage that? "Asajj, I don't want to be your friend because I expect anything in return." She bristled at the word 'friend'. "I want to be your friend because I think it's what you want. I know I'm not ideal, but..." He hesitated, his gaze flicking off to the side. "...I like you. And you like me, as much as you hate to admit it."
"Why the hell would you think that?" She didn't like how accurate his assumption was.
"You came out with me, didn't you?" She had no answer for that. He stepped forward and lowered his voice so anyone walking by couldn't hear. "You don't have to push everyone away, Asajj. I don't know why you insist on clinging to this isolation, but you don't have to." She couldn't look at him. What did he know about her? Why did he think there was a good person underneath her coldness? There was nothing good about her anymore. All that was good died with her father. It was easier to be a bitch. That way no one got too close to her and vice versa; she'd only lose them just like her father, after all. "Asajj?"
She looked him up and down. "You're irritating, Kenobi," she said softly, concedingly. "You know that, right?"
A smile lit up his face like she'd just told the funniest joke in existence. "How can I forget when you remind me of it every time we talk?"
She didn't want to smile. She really didn't. She had to force her lips back down into her customary scowl before she started laughing. "So long as you always remember how annoying you are."
A pause settled between them then. Kenobi kept looking at her, Asajj turned back to her ice cream, which had just begun to melt. "Come with me," he said suddenly. "I want to show you something."
She didn't know what possessed her to get in his car, a pseudo gift from his father. As he drove he told her that instead of being given the car outright, he'd had to earn it through volunteer work, debating ethics and philosophies in order to fully understand all sides of an argument (his father was an ethics professor at the same university where Dooku taught military history), and all sorts of other character-building things. Sounds like something dad would have done, she'd thought as Kenobi finished. No sooner had she thought it than that familiar grief and guilt threatened to surge back. If he noticed the way her shoulders hunched and how she tried to disappear into her hoodie he didn't mention it.
He took her to a park on the edge of the city limits, to a cliffside that looked down over the bustling downtown section of Coruscant City. Asajj much preferred the dark, one reason she was grudgingly grateful that she lived in a manor away from the all the light and noise. But from up here the lights were almost beautiful instead of overwhelming.
She sat next to Kenobi on the hood of the car and looked down into the city. Once she was certain there was no one around to mock her, she had removed her hoodie and left it in the front seat; her skin had been especially relieved since the warm spring air had made the garment more like a torture device. Kenobi didn't say anything; he just looked down at the sprawling city with her. For the first time, his presence wasn't an annoyance. Never did she think she would feel so...comfortable around him. Around anyone, really.
Asajj's thoughts turned from the cityscape below to the boy beside her. From day one he had wormed his way into her life without even trying. He'd defended her from the insults of others, risking his own good standing with the rest of the student body with seemingly no concern for himself. He'd tried talking to her after whatever kid she was pounding into the ground had had enough, trying to temper her out-of-control anger before the teachers got involved. He'd been the only one to even attempt going near her in the cafeteria or in any of their shared classes.
And she had continuously pushed him away. They were so very different in looks, personalities, interests, everything. Yet here they were. Sitting on the hood of his car, alone, nearly-empty ice cream cup in her hands, and enjoying the peace and quiet. What did he see in her that no one else did?
"Are you alright?" he whispered suddenly. She didn't realize she'd been staring at his feet as she tried to make sense of everything. "You seem preoccupied."
A brief internal debate commenced before she decided fuck it. "I was just thinking." She turned her eyes to the remains of her dessert; it was easier to talk when she couldn't see those damnably compassionate eyes. "I know I'm not an easy person to get along with. I don't go out of my way to try to make people like me. I was always taught that if someone didn't like me for me, then they weren't worthy of my friendship. That I should never try to change myself for the sake of another."
"Sounds like something my dad would say," Kenobi said quietly.
Despite herself, Asajj smiled. "My dad taught me that."
"He sounds like a wise man."
Her smile faltered. "He was. My real dad died last year." Her brow wrinkled when she realized what she was saying. Why was she telling him all this?
"Oh," he said. "I'm very sorry, Asajj."
She nodded once. "Me too." The silence that fell on them now wasn't nearly as comfortable as it had been. She wondered if she would regret sharing so much of herself with him. Pushing aside her fears and doubts, she purposefully lightened her tone when she said, "You know I'll kill you if you repeat any of that, right?"
Instead of laughing like she'd expected, he took her hand and closed his fingers around hers. Confused, she met his eyes to find them blazing with sincerity and intensity. "I swear to you, I will not betray the trust you have shown me. I will never repeat anything you told me to anyone." He looked down at her hand where his thumb stroked over her knuckles. She was so stunned by his proclamation that she didn't notice when he lifted her hand...until his lips pressed into the back of it.
Even more perplexing than that gesture was the fact that she didn't snatch her arm back. She should have. She would have but for that spark that had ignited under her skin where his mouth touched her. She couldn't even process how wrong it was, how wrong it should have been.
He lifted his head to meet her eyes again, that intensity still burning, but brighter than before.
Asajj didn't dare think about what was happening; she just flowed with it and damned the consequences. Within a millisecond she had closed the distance between them and pressed her lips against his.
The kiss was short, but to Asajj it seemed an infinity. His mouth was just as warm as his hand still wrapped around hers, and the beginnings of a beard scratched lightly at her face. She pulled away almost as quickly as she had leaned in, but she didn't get too far before the scent of his hair, his skin, and his breath ensnared her. What made it more magnetic was that she knew he didn't douse himself in Axe or Tag or drink Listerine like a beverage like the majority of other boys at CHS; this was all him.
"Asajj." His whisper was low, heavy, and so soft she would have missed it had she not been so close to him.
As faint as it was, it was enough to snap her out of her trance. She went back to her side of the car hood; the only reason she didn't get off it entirely was because of his fingers still laced with hers. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Why not?"
As if she hadn't had enough shocks this evening, the fact and the way that he said those two words stunned her. "You're...I'm..."
A gentle touch on her cheek silenced her stammering. Her breath forsook her lungs when he turned her head to look at him. Thought abandoned her when instead of disgust or confusion, she saw a tiny smile on his face. "I understand. We don't have to be anything you're not comfortable with. We don't even have to be friends if you don't want to be." She didn't miss the way sadness crept into his voice as he said that. "But you should know, if you're worried about what other people would think, their opinions don't matter."
She shook her head. He thought it was that easy. He just didn't understand. "It's not so simple..."
His fingers trailed down her jaw. "Why not?"
Asajj wasn't as concerned about what their classmates would think if they became friends (or something more) as she was about what Dooku would think. He wasn't the worst person she could have ended up with, but he certainly wasn't anything like her real father. He wanted her focus on her schoolwork and whatever disciplines he would make her learn over the summer break. Knowledge came first in everything to him; everything else was secondary or just plain insignificant. And given her only other option of going back into the system for another two years (which would probably involve an even worse guardian) until she aged out, she wasn't too keen on disappointing him by choosing a friend over her studies. And Durge would only become even more insufferable.
But still...
"Just..." How could she even begin to explain? Wait...did she even want any kind of relationship, with him of all people? Even just being friends would be problematic on so many levels.
"You don't have to explain, Asajj," Kenobi said quickly. "This is rather sudden, after all. I don't expect you to decide anything right now."
Once her shock wore off (did he really want to...date her?) she let out a tight laugh. "How is it you always know what to say in any given situation?"
"It's a gift," he laughed back. His hand stayed on her cheek as he looked at her. "Take as much time as you need." He kissed her hand again before releasing it. "I should probably get you home before your da...Dooku sends out the entire police force looking for you."
She smiled before sliding off the car after him. "He wouldn't need to do that. He'd just send Durge. The punk already loves being the favorite. Dragging me in after curfew would just be gravy for him."
The ride home was just as quiet as the trip to the park, but infinitely less tense. In fact, Asajj hadn't felt so comfortable since before her father was killed. She told him to let her out a couple blocks away just in case anyone was home; she didn't particularly feel like explaining her apparent and sudden closeness to the boy she had appeared to loathe above all others.
She turned back when something occurred to her. "Don't take this the wrong way, but as far as everyone at school is concerned, nothing's changed between us."
He gave her a look that was both understanding and a little bit hurt. She felt bad about that. "Of course." A nod and she turned away again, hoodie in hand. "But am I wrong for holding out hope that it might some day?"
The words stopped her in her tracks. So, he was serious about that. She thought for a moment, then walked back to the car, this time to his side. He rolled the window down and started to say something. She stopped him by covering his mouth with hers. This time when she pulled away she made sure to tug slightly on his bottom lip. The sound that bubbled up from his throat was the final nail in the coffin; there was no way he could make that sound and not be honestly attracted to her. "Maybe, but it may not be entirely a fool's hope, Kenobi," she said with a secretive smile.
"You can call me Obi-Wan, you know," he breathed, apparently still reeling from the kiss.
Feeling brave for the moment, Asajj lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. "Maybe in private...Obi-Wan."
She felt his eyes on her as she walked to her house. Knowing him and his overdeveloped sense of chivalry, he was probably watching to make sure she got in safely. For the first time since meeting him, Asajj didn't mind him staring. She didn't know if he'd keep his word when they went back to school on Monday and pretend that nothing had happened, but for now it was enough to know that at least one person looked at her as something other than a freak or a project.
When she climbed into bed and closed her eyes, that small smile was still on her face.
