This Big Grand Scheme of Gods and Devils.
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Officer Tobias Zed wants.
He wants to get off this dead, screaming, hellish lump of shouldn't-be-here rock. He wants to bar himself in his room and work and never get sent off on flippin' maintenance chores again. He wants to translate this dead language, crack the code, prove himself to all the professors back home who laughed themselves sick when he told them he was going off with the Sanctuary mission. He wants it all to mean something, instead of a slow decay of earthquakes and in-fights and the endless grind of a drill going nowhere.
Officer Tobias Zed yearns.
He yearns for approval, for respect, for a tiny scrap of affection thrown his way, a kind word instead of a dismissive smirk. He wants to be part of the easy camaraderie that the rest of the crew share- the gruff friendship between Zach and Jefferson, Ida's mother-love for the whole crew, Danny and Scooti's teasing banter. Intellectually, he knows that Jefferson and Zach both feel as if they don't deserve the places they have, but at least they've hit bottom together; that Ida failed to protect her mother when she was here and now that she's gone, all Ida does is try to become her; that Danny and Scooti are both young and alive and eaten up with loneliness in this dead place, clinging desperately to the only person that can understand. In his logical moments, he knows this, and he understands. But for the first time in his life, his rational mind is starting to fail him, and these days his logical moments are fewer and further between. He yearns for them to look his way, to notice that he's the only one disconnected, that they've got each other and he's got no one. He could be a part of everything. If they'd let him.
Officer Tobias Zed craves.
He craves sex. He craves touch, and affection, but more than anything he craves sex. Pretty, smooth-faced Danny and his fickle, flirting lies, prettier Scooti and her warm smiles that seem like invitation and mean nothing, Ida's generous curves, Jefferson's broad shoulders and Zach's big hands. He's surrounded by them every moment of every day, taunting him with the whispered promise of things that he can't have. He lies awake at night, fantasies playing out behind his eyelids, fevered and desperate. The idea of it is a drug that he can't quit, can barely keep hidden behind his closed face during the day. He needs it. He can't have it. He needs it. He can't have it.
He'll never get the chance.
The laugh of the Beast rolls through the places where the corridors used to be, rumbles through the minds of the Ood. Oh, such a sweet, lovely little virgin boy. Officer Tobias Zed is really just Toby, an untouched body and an untouched mind, such a beautiful mess of frustrated desire and longing.
The Beast touches him. It reached into his head and wraps a hand around his mind, slowly closing into a fist, crushing Toby the virgin out of existence. It settles into the empty space that left behind, and smiles with Toby's pretty, untouched mouth.
I am the rage, and the bile and the ferocity. I am the Prince and the fall and the darkness. I shall never die. The thought of me is forever. In the bleeding hearts of man, in their vanity and obsession and lust. Nothing shall ever destroy me. I am the rage, and the bile, and the ferocity…