Kate's Letters
Kate's Letters
*As we are all well aware, Betty McRae went to jail for a crime she did not commit. While she was in jail Kate Andrews wrote her letters. Betty read them in prison but she never wrote back. These are the letters that Kate Andrews wrote to Betty.*
Number 1
5 Days After Betty's Confession:
Dear Betty,
I'm writing you now from the rooming house after work. I'll warn you straight off. I'm angry at you. I'm so very angry. After complaining for days, Mrs. Corbett put me back on rotation today and I spilled amatol all over the ground. They had to send me home. She called it "the shakes." When I asked her what that meant, she said it meant I was too nervous to work. Too nervous to work? How is that a legitimate excuse! You've done this to me and you had no reason. I'm so angry Betty. I just hope you're safe.
All I think about is you and what you've done and how scared I am for your safety. I tried to tell the chief that it was me who had murdered my father. He practically ignored me so I yelled it, I yelled it hard! Half the station heard me scream, "I DID IT! I PUSHED MY FATHER OVER THE RAILING! IT WAS ME!" No one listened, Betty. Not one person cared, and it was me, it actually was! I hope they're reading this! I hope they're reading! They called me hysterical, claimed I was distraught over my father's death and it was normal to act out and feel guilty. They treated me like I was a child. And all while, you're locked-up in there like you're some hard criminal. You've got soft girly arms like mine and soft hair. You smell like roses and powder. You don't own a gun, Betty. You're a good girl, like me and you should NOT be in there!
If there was anything I could have done to have stopped you I would've done it. When I got your note I knew what you meant. You were so foolish Betty! Do you have any idea how guilty I feel now, and with nothing to do about it? No matter what you may think, my freedom means nothing if you're locked up somewhere stuck and all because of something I did. I know you'll think I'm exaggerating if you read this but I've never meant anything more in my entire free life. I hate what you've done. I really hate it. I do.
I've gone to the station several times. They finally told me that you refused to have me visit. They advised that I give you time, maybe days. But it's been days, Betty! Every day feels like prison without you. I'm stuck alone with my thoughts. Gladys tried to help but what can she do? Besides, she's going away tomorrow night. We tried to get you a lawyer. Duke Angie, have you heard of him? He's in all the papers. He saved those two women from a life in jail last month, they were framed by an ex-lover, accused of robbery and kidnapping. Anyway, he told us you refused him. It's almost like you want to be in prison.
Betty, what am I even to think? You confessed to a murder you did not commit. You won't let me see you. You turn down a free lawyer who could keep you from going to prison. If you do one more crazy thing I swear I might too!
Kate
Number 2
14 Days After Betty's Confession:
Dear Betty,
It's been so long since I've seen your face. This is worse than last year when I left and went back home. I tried to go to the court for your trial but they wouldn't let me in. They said I would cause a disturbance so they barred me from even entering the building. I would've given anything to have been there for you today. The more I think about it the more helpless I feel. Oh, I wish you would write me. Please write.
Kate
Number 3
Sixteen Days After Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I read it in the paper. I wish you'd never met me at all. You must hate me. You must wish me dead. After all, I can't even blame you. I'm so so sorry. This is all my fault.
Kate
Number 4
Eighteen Days after Betty's Confession:
Hello Betty,
I'm not giving up on you. The paper said you were transferred today and I'm so sad today, so tired. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. I wish I could touch you. Wish I could hold you. You don't deserve any of this Betty. Please tell me there's something I can do? Please Betty, I need to be helping you. I love you Betty.
Kate
Number 5
Thirty Days after Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I hope you haven't noticed. I've been trying not to write. Vera accidentally told me about a letter you wrote her. I know that you can get letters, Betty. I know that you're reading this and ignoring me while I worry. Should I be upset? What do you want from me? You've given me no choice in this matter. Committed yourself to a dangerous place. I worry everyday but you haven't even written to tell me that you're okay. In my last letter I yammered on and on about wanting to hold you. That was weeks ago Betty. Do you know how that makes me feel?
Vera felt horrible. I read the letter you sent her. I'm glad your roommate isn't scary and that the prison doesn't make you do much of anything. I still miss you though. And I'm still hurt. No matter what I do I'm hurting you without trying and here you are hurting me on purpose. I can't believe you read my letters but couldn't write back. You've got nothing but time in there and I know it because people have told me, including you in Vera's letter.
What you did was wrong and you know it was wrong. You told Vera that you had to do it but that was a lie Betty. You told Vera that you needed to protect me. I can protect myself.
I've written this letter to you several times but never sent it. My life has become endless days of letters to you that I just cannot send.
I hope I send this one.
Kate
Number 6
Forty-Five Days After Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I wouldn't write given the circumstances but Teresa Hill came into town and she was looking for you. I had never noticed how beautiful she was until today. She was out of uniform, wearing a red dress with scarlet silk hem. She knocked on your door several times before I popped out to see who it was who could be looking for you. I almost fell over, she was so gorgeous, like a movie-star.
We had drinks and talked, mostly about you. I think it was my fault. I couldn't think of a thing to say that didn't involve you in some way. She'd talk about herself and ask me things, about Ivan and Gladys and Vera and all of our friends. No matter what she'd ask, I'd always end up talking about you. I cried a lot in front of her. She probably thinks I'm a fool and a coward. I told her everything that happened. When she left The Jewel Box I think she had "the shakes" too.
She's leaving town soon. A new assignment. At the rooming house she wanted to tell you about her vacation coming up. She said she could take it or not and it was really up to you. When I told her you were in jail she almost fainted, I had to catch her. No one had told her, Betty. I hope you're not mad. I guess you wouldn't if you didn't need to but Betty…
I don't know what I'm trying to say. Maybe Teresa deserved to be told. Either way, it's your relationship really, she's your friend not mine. I had no place telling her and I feel rather awful. I miss you.
Be safe, sunshine. Miss you always,
Kate
Number 7
2 Months After Betty's Confession:
My Betty,
Gladys has been writing me from Europe and sending me jams and teas, things I can't get here because of the rationing. She says she gets away with it because of her government clearance. I have no idea what she's doing out there but she's learned to use guns and she asks if I've heard from you every time she writes. I hate to admit it but it feels good to know that you're not writing her back either.
She told me that much and also about Carol''s new man friend Jerome. Betty, you should see him! He's huge, like a mountain. Next to Carol he's a giant and he picks her up right out there in the courtyard outside of work and carries her on his shoulders like she's a child and she just laughs. It's a dream! She's been so unladylike! I wish you could see it! Things have been so strange around here without you.
Truthfully, I wish I could see you. Everything is so dull with you far away. I miss Gladys and her letters are a riot but nothing compares to talking with you. I miss our days after work in the rooming house listening to records and having slow drinks with candlelight and no one around. This might sound crazy but I wish I was locked up with you. I'd give anything for someone to stick me in your cell and tell me I had to live with you and do nothing else for months! It's selfish to say, probably stupid. I don't mean to imply that you're having fun, I just mean that I miss you and I'd rather live with you in jail than not live with you at all. When I'm with you I don't think as much, things just feel right. It hurts to not be able to feel that with anyone else.
There goes that darn phone again! Ever since they installed that phone it rings every fifteen minutes! It's louder than a bicycle bell! Some of the girls hate it but they're the ones like me with no one to call on. If I could call you now I would. No question about it. I'd push all those girls out of the way and demand that it was my turn to call Betty since it'd been a whole month since I used that phone! They'd all laugh but I wouldn't care 'cause they'd let me call you 'cause they'd know it wouldn't be right any other way.
Last time I used that phone it was because I thought it was you. I never told you this but my heart raced. Rhonda called my name and I ran from the bathroom dripping all over the place wrapped in nothing but a towel. When I answered, I was so hopeful, so worried, so… Happy.
It wasn't you though. It was Ivan., He must've read about you in the papers and wanted to see if I had gone to prison too. When I answered he just said, "Kate?" And when I said "yes," he made an odd noise and the line went dead on my end until the operator came on and asked me who I'd like to call. I had thought it was you Betty. I swear I never felt worse than I did that night.
I hope you don't mind my rambling, it's just that I want to talk to you so badly that this actually helps just a little. You've got to be reading these, you would never just throw my letters away. As least, I hope you wouldn't. I'd ask Vera but she's scared to talk about you now because of the first time. I hope you weren't angry at her, reading that letter actually helped me a lot.
Listen to me going on about my problems while you're in cage. Please write to me Betty. I fear I'll beg for that until you've escaped. If writing helps me it has got to help you. I can't wait to hear from you!
Love Your Kate
xoxoxo
Number 8
2 Months and 17 Days after Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I think I'm over men. They buy me drinks now that I sing and they want to pamper me and put me up. I don't even know them but they tell me things like "Oh Kate, I'm your biggest fan!" How can anyone be my biggest fan if they don't even know my name and they haven't even gone to prison for me?
That was supposed to be a joke but I'm reading it back and it's still not funny. Sometimes I feel like Guinevere.
Oh well, maybe I'm not meant to meet a man. Maybe men are my curse like they were for Guinevere! For a while I thought maybe Ivan and I could actually work but I think I was more excited about the wedding than I was about the man who had asked me to be his gal. I don't know if I should marry Ivan, if he were ever to ask me again I really don't know what I would say.
Water under the bridge. We've never lived in Camelot and Ivan has never been noble like a knight!
How are you? What's it like? Vera let slip that they've got you reading novels. I'll send you The Wizard of Oz, it's my favorite. Dorothy Gale had a life just like mine, only Dorothy Gale didn't have a mean preacher father who tried to drown her in the bath.
You're the only person I've told these things too, you understand. If you tell anyone I'll just die. Also, my jokes are not funny.
Write me you wicked witch! I'm melting without you!
Kate
P.S. Those were all jokes. I bet you couldn't tell. You could never be wicked Betty, not even if you tried. Looking back I hate to even joke of it! You're like my tin-man or maybe Toto. I think you're better than all the characters in those books. And I love those books.
Good night Princess...
Number 9
3 Months and 7 Days After Betty's Confession:
Betty,
Nights are bad without you. I sit up all night and talk to you in my head. I picture you in that jail cell. I think that maybe you're thinking about me. It all makes me wonder. If I think hard enough, could you maybe hear me over there? Then I snap out of it and realize I can write to you. I know you've gotten lots of letters from me but you'd be surprised at how many times I've wanted to write and just didn't because I knew somehow you'd rather I not. Maybe you don't want me to write you because when I write to you it's all too real. Or maybe you hate me.. There's always that too...
I hope you got my book. I've been singing to fill up my time. Everyone has been pretty kind at the factory, within reason. After the trials I got hassled but Leon and Marco stopped that almost instantly. Mrs. Corbett has been so protective. She watches me like a hawk! There's so much I can tell you but every word just feels like it's not enough.
Some of the new girls will sit with me in the common room and talk my head off about soldiers from town and their lives before the factory. This one girl, Maple, she was married once but her husband died overseas. She's younger than me Betty, I can't even imagine. All I could think was what if you had died somehow? How would I live? I don't think I could live after that but people are strange. We fight through the worst of times and survive things that maybe we shouldn't survive. If you were dead and not in jail I might have ended it myself. As I get older I find that I think about death much more than I would like too. Father dying was a blessing. If you were to die it would be a curse for feeling relief at the loss of his life. Losing you, I mean really losing you, it would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.
I think the most horrible things at night when I'm alone. I'm glad you are alive but I wish you were here with me now. Talking to you this way it almost doesn't feel real.
Stay strong beautiful girl. I can't wait to hold you.
Kate
xoxo
Number 10
4 Months After Betty's Confession:
Hi Betty,
I got angry again about your refusal to write me. You've been in jail for over 3 months! And to not have a word from you? Are you trying to drive me mad? I feel like you haunt me from way over there. I've even been there you know. I've stood outside and wondered, "will she let me in this time? Will Betty let me see her today?" I still go where you are but I've stopped trying to visit you inside. You've turned me down more times than I've written. It really won't stop me from showing up so you may as well just let me in. Next time I'll go inside, I promise.
Vera had a letter from you in her pocket and I stole it and read it all in the washroom during lunch. It was just a day after I last wrote you and I was so upset I tried my hardest not to think of you all month and of course I failed. I could only hold out so long, even in my anger. I can't believe you've been writing her but not me. And even after my last letter with all that talk of how much you really mean to me! I really did feel like dying. You're the only person who ever really chose me and I can't stand to be without you. I'd never kill myself, you know. But you should know that at least. You should know that you're the only thing I really enjoy in this world besides singing.
Do you have any idea what that means and how rare you are? Sometimes I wonder if you really feel the same. When I see you I just know. I haven't seen you for so very long now. Something's missing and I know it's you.
In your letter you told Vera there's been fighting. Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do people die in women prison? I've heard awful things about the men's jail. My father used to go on and on about the many sins of man. Sadly, we got the newspaper from town each day and it had all sorts of news from all over, mostly bad. I remember once there was a triple-hanging when these three men snuck into a barn and killed a farmer's pig. The farmer hung the men up and they died for stealing. My father taught that as a lesson not to steal but I wondered why it had to be so very bad. To steal a pig because you're whole family is hungry? That just seemed natural to me but it was, of course, a deadly sin. Father was filled with jolly tales like that. Hangings in trees, beatings in prisons… I wish I could unhear them all one by one. Pluck them from my memory like you pluck the feathers from a chicken before you cook it. Wouldn't it be nice if life actually worked that way?
Sorry, I got away from myself. Sometimes I get lost in my memories and then I remember you. The good thing in my life. That one person who can always make me smile. Then I think of you in jail and I know it's all my fault.
How did any of this happen? Was there ever a way I could've prevented it? I thought about calling my Mother last week. I was so distraught about the letters and not hearing from you. I thought about calling her but her whole life was my father and those nasty tales. When I think of her now I think she must have some sort of peace without him, I know it. I don't want to disturb that but she loves you too Betty. She know's how you've helped me.
No one seems to know much of what goes on in the women's prison. It's the worst to not know.
Please write me. You don't have to explain anything. I don't care about that. Really I don't. I just want to hear you again.
Always waiting for you,
Kate
xoxo
P.S. I will go inside to see you this time. Let me in please, I'm sad when you don't.
Number 11
4 Months and 22 days After Betty's Confession
My Sweet Betty,
It's the holidays again… I can't stand them this year. I've made friends but none of them are you. Holidays without family? What's the point of it all…
Vera invited me to a party so I'm going with her and Marco. There will be lots of Italians there. Lots of men. Vera seemed keen on that. Me, not so much. Truthfully, I wish you were here so that I could stay home with you and have a real Christmas. The way I imagine it, we have a tree and a few little gifts. I sing to you, all the songs I used to sing at home around Christmas time. I'd rather sing to you than anyone else. You make dinner like you used to and we laugh about things. Maybe Gladys can stop in. In my head it's all so lovely. I wish it was real.
I'm singing on Christmas Eve. The Jewel Box seems to like me, I sing there almost as much as I work at the factory. I like it fine but the crowd's the same. No one is really there to see me, not really. I have my admirers, as I've told you before. And wouldn't the world be a lot simpler without men?
Two men were fighting over me a couple of nights ago. Don, the manager, had to throw them out. He called the police and everything. Golly… Now, more than ever, I wish I could leave this town.
I'm only staying for you Betty. You've got to know that. There is nothing here that I want besides you.
I can sing anywhere.
Merry Christmas sweet bird! Perhaps we can fly away soon?
Love forever and always, and think of me, please...
Kate
xoxo
Number 12
4 Months and 27 Days After Betty's Confession:
Betty,
Merry Christmas! My last letter was so sad and I thought, "that's no way to send Betty a present!" I've wised-up since then. Forgive me, please do!
I read up on your prison in some pamphlets I found. There was a number there so I called with some questions. They said you're permitted gifts of food during the holidays! I baked a cake, first time in my life! Father never let me do fun things in the kitchen. But I'm glad now that this first cake can go to you!
Vera helped, that's why the letters look different. She had a steadier hand and she told me all about the cakes she baked for the soldiers before Marco.
I do hope the cake gets to you. I'd die if it didn't after sending you this letter that promises cake for you on Christmas Day.
I'm coming to visit you in an hour. Lorna said she would drive because she wants to see you too! And, of course she does!
Merry Christmas, if for some reason I don't see you today...
Love and hugs,
Kate
xoxox
Number 13
*Note: It's a Wonderful Life was not released until 1946 but I've added it into Kate's Letter because it's Christmas time and it was cute to think of Kate watching that film and by herself.**Thanks to everyone who has said nice things about this fic so far, you've all been great! Definitely have a few more letters to go! Love and Hugs!*
4 Months and 29 Days after Betty's Confession:
Oh Betty,
Whatever will I do with you? I wanted to write you again after you turned me away on Christmas Day but I know you're not going to budge now, I just know it! At least you took the cake…
Christmas was sad but I got to meet a lot of new people. Marco's friends are all so nice and LOUD TOO! They're rowdy boys, but fun! We all sang, most of the men sang even more than I did! They knew all these interesting songs I had never heard before. I have so much to learn, I'm reminded that so very often.
Lorna asked me over for breakfast the day after Christmas. I cried all the way home from the jail on Christmas Day. She must be worried about me but it was nice of her. She said, "If Betty couldn't see you today, I'm sure there's a good reason." Too bad, in my heart, I know that you just don't want me in your life after all that has happened. My presence in your world has caused you nothing but hardship. I've been trying to ignore it but it's the only answer, isn't it? I'm bad for you and you've realized that now. Because of me, you're locked up in jail...
I wish it wasn't so. You're good for me but that's not the point. I can understand if you never want to see me again, I really can. But I hate it, Betty, 'cause I want to see you more than I want the moon and the stars to always be, night-after-night.
I went to the pictures today. Do they have pictures in prison? Oh, that's a silly question. Sorry I even asked... They played this movie called, It's a Wonderful Life. Oh, Betty, I felt so much like George Bailey. Some people try all their life and in the end it's more fighting than happiness, more sorrow than joy! It's all so tragic really. I'd give anything to have you though! I'd fight to Europe and back! I'd be a soldier for you, I really would! And I hate fighting, Betty, I simply can't stand it!
Mark your calendar, say a prayer. I get it now, I really do. Today's the day Kate Andrews finally realized that Betty McRae doesn't want her anymore.
It's been a horrible Christmas. If I had made myself a cake, I couldn't eat it. I feel like Marion all over again. I'm Marion Rowley and I have no control over my life.
Marion failed Kate
xoxo
Number 14
5 Months and 25 Days after Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I stopped writing you. I knew you wanted me to stop. But don't think for a minute that I could ever stop myself thinking about you. I'm obsessed with you Betty. Really, it's rather sad.
Vera always points fun. We can't do anything at all without me saying something like "I did that with Betty once!" or "Oh, Betty would love this!" To put it simply, Betty, I'm doomed.
What right have you to push me out of your life?
I know you're in jail for something I did but I never asked you to be you silly goon!
I can't let you leave me. I've said it before. I'm only in Toronto because I'm waiting for you.
Something tells me you're not reading my letters. Vera said something about you never mentioning me. If you're not reading these I'm so angry!
It's probably easier for you to ignore me than face me head-on! Betty McRae, you are worse than a boy!
If you're reading this now YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME, I WON'T LET YOU OFF EASY! I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE AND I WILL WAIT FOR YOU 'TIL YOU GET OUT!
Don't be cold, Betty McRae! Whether you like it or not you're still hurting me no matter what you do. If you would just write me that would all come to a stop!
Sometimes I think I'll be mad at you forever...
Kate
xo
Number 15
6 Months and 18 Days after Betty's Confession:
Betty,
YOU'RE GETTING OUT! It's all anyone's talked about all week at VicMu! I'm so excited Betty, you've no idea!
Vera said they're letting you out early because you're a good kid. Did they call you a kid? Betty, you are NOT a kid!
I can't wait to see you though! Can't wait to have you back at the rooming house! It'll be all like it was before, you'll see!
I hope you're not nervous. I know I'm nervous, but in a good way! My chest is all angry, like there's a little fire under there and the wood keeps running low until I think of you and the flame jumps up into my throat and my face gets all hot and red. People keep telling me I look like I have a fever. I'm all clamy and over-excited. Even Lorna made me take breaks to try and settle-down. I don't even know what to say! How can I explain, it's just you? "It's just Betty and she's coming home and I'm so happy that I look like I'm ill!" Can you even imagine? I'm not so sure that explanation will do!
My Betty McRae is coming home to me! I've never heard better news!
I'll paint the town red! You'll be back to me in no time!
Your ill-looking Kate
xoxox
Number 16
7 Months and 3 Days after Betty's Confession:
Oh Betty!
I'm writing you now and this will be the last of my letters! I wanted to ride with Vera to pick you up but she said the car's all full and she's sorry to put me out.
I guess I can wait for you just a little bit longer. I can't wait to drop this letter off and know that this will be the last I'll have to write until I can see you and hold you at last!
You've done so much for me, Betty. So many things I never wanted you to do but you've done them. I have to thank you, I really do. Please let me thank you.
In person, of course. I'll have it no other way!
See you soon, honeybee!
Kate-Kate-Katie -Kate, Your Scat-Scattin' Queen!
xoxoxo
Number 17
7 Months and Eight Days after Betty's Confession:
Betty,
I don't know what's going on. They let you out but you never came home. I walked the whole city on foot. I've walked back and forth all weekend, looking in places I've never seen before, parks, graveyards, motels on the edge of town. I looked for you everywhere. I even went to Chet.
Vera said something about business you had to take care of?
I hate being without you. I hate that you've told Vera everything and left me in the dark.
Vera said she'd make sure this letter gets to you. I can only assume that you're okay.
I can't stand this Betty. It's all wrong. Please come home. At least write me a letter. I thought we were family. I thought you could trust me.
Please Betty, at least do me that favor. Even if it is to be the very last. I can't go on without knowing you're alright.
Love you still. I'll wait for your word.
Kate
xox