Losing Everything

This fic is just based on the remaining Normandy crew members and maybe a few other characters after the war and how they feel towards the loss of their beloved Commander Shepard. This will ultimately be a FemShep/Liara fic but to me, everyone loved Shepard in their own way.

I own nothing I just want to share the emotional journal that this amazing game has put me through. Please enjoy and drop a review if you like.

Garrus

Crackling fires, crumbling buildings and cheering soldiers, those were the sights and sounds that greeted us as we finally managed to repair the Normandy long enough to make it back to Earth, to London. Dare I say it, but the fires and destruction were more welcomed than the cheering soldiers: Asari, Salarians, Turians, Krogans and Humans yelled our praise in the midst of reconstruction as we disembarked the Normandy.

Without you.

However these past four years have hardened Liara, Tali and I so it was no surprise when we continued through the crowds to the only spot that mattered, our faces remained passive, allowing our senses to soak in the scale of what had happened at what Javik called: our last stand.

But as we left the noise of the crowds and approached the enormous crater left by the beam that connected to the then closed Citadel; I recalled our last moments together. Running. That's all I had to do, get to the beam with you so that we could end this, together. Shepard and Vakarian. But you were always just ahead of us, out of reach, completely focussed on the goal.

I always loved that about you, your galaxy bending determination to get everything that was necessary completed so that you could give a few more people the chance of survival, even when no one would listen. But I always listened; I hated C-Sec for all its red tape and restrictions minimalising any chance of doing anything good for the people it swore to protect. So when the galaxy's first Human Spectre came along, looking to shut down Saren, the Turian bastard. I couldn't help but be drawn to your cause, you were above the rules, and no one told you what to do. Hell, I remember laughing when you told me you hung up on the Council!

However, unlike Saren you didn't go rogue or power hungry, you directed your new found status to protecting this galaxy in every possible way. Even though there were many times I didn't think they deserved it. I kicked aside a small rock, watching it bounce off of the scarred land. The sun was sitting lazily in the sky, illuminating everything, there was nowhere to hide from the magnitude of the destruction though arguably for Liara and I, Palaven and Thessia had the same wounds. Yet here was the mark of a war, your war Shepard.

As we neared the centre of the creator I felt Liara and Tali hang back so I could...so I could do what exactly? Take stock of what had happened? Before we entered the fighting I told you to kick back these metal monstrosities into whatever dark hole of the galaxy they had crawled out of and that's exactly what you did Shepard.

I dropped onto one knee and scratched at the ground,

"I'll always have your back..." I heard you whisper and I closed my eyes as a flare of guilt and sorrow hit me.

"I know," I replied meekly to my memory, my talons visibly shaking now, but Shepard did I truly ever have yours? I mean it was right here! I pounded the ground and growled as the hot tears stabbed at my eyes. We were running, the earth shaking drones of the Reapers firing from above. The red stream of energy cutting into a Mako, flipping it backwards, towards us. You dived and successfully cleared it but Liara and I weren't so lucky, despite throwing ourselves away from the vehicle the explosion of the engine bit into us. Blue and purple added to the puddles of red smeared across the slaughtering ground that was our path. My armour instantly felt a lot heavier but my head several pounds lighter from all the new ways for my blood to escape my body. I see you, you're calling the Normandy to get us, no Shepard you can't leave us, you can't leave me behind again!

"I need to know one of us makes it out of here Garrus!" You bark as you drag Liara and I back onto the safety of our ship. The last time you stood on her and the last time I see you but your face, you're smiling knowing that'll we'll be ok and you'll be on your own as you rush away out of my life. My wish to yell at your charging figure that I needed to know if you'd make it died on my lips and I surrendered to the Cargo Hold's doors closing...

The heat of the tears disappeared as I settled into a seated position in the middle of your mark. We had one hell of a ride didn't we Commander? I felt my mandibles, one real one cybernetic twitch into a small smile as my days as Archangel flooded into the forefront of my mind. Even though you always shouted at me to duck, nothing reinforced it more than taking a rocket to the face! I snorted, I was almost as bad as you at getting hit but I never admitted it when Dr Chakwas informed me I had implants fitted that I was kinda excited at the thought. Why? Because it was another thing I could have in common with you. A foolish thought I know but Shepard from all your stories and from being privileged enough to be a member of your crew, your friend. You'd be surprised at how many of us wanted to be just like you, you may have been Humanity's first Spectre but you were a damned hero and an even better friend to everyone, regardless of species.

Hell I bet Tali never told you that the omi-tattoo she got at your party on the Citadel was your name across her ribs just over her heart!

A deep sigh escapes me as I look around the crater again; Liara and Tali have opted to sit as well in their own small part of your vast impression. But I don't want to distract them from their own inner monologues with you so I look up to the sky. I assume you're up there finally taking some R and R, well I hope so because you didn't take enough when you were here...

Shepard there isn't a soul in this galaxy that won't be affected by the choices you made, the battles you fought, the Krogan songs that are being sung and ultimately the war you won. But for me, despite my family and I making it out, this is the spot where I lost my best friend, my Commander and my hero.

This is where I lost everything.