Disclaimer: I don't own New Girl or Groundhog Day.
Thanks to Not-A-Mer-Gentleman for this awesome idea/challenge! Fun fact: most of these are actual Confucius quotes. Aaaand some of them are not.
People didn't get Tran like Nick got Tran. It took a while to really understand him, permeate the depths of his wisdom, the subtlety of his communication. What it was, you see, was the eyes. Tran spoke volumes with a glance, a smile, a slightly different glance, a barely larger smile, another slightly different glance. Nick had it down to a science. Or a pseudo-science. Or something you make up in your head that just feels so right in every part of you.
Here they were again, on the bench, Nick seeking out the wisdom of his revered elder bro. Tran, to Nick, was like a mixture of the Oracle at Delphi and Yoda. He was like a Yahoo answers that could see into your soul. Like Siri for people whose phone was taken by a Jesus-hawk on a speedboat.
"My father just died," Nick blurted. He couldn't be this open with anybody else. "I dunno, life's short, huh, it just kinda… I gotta start doing things Tran, making moves, grown up moves! I wanna, like, I don't know, mow a lawn, my lawn, in dark socks!"
Tran gave a small grin and nodded his head back, as if to say, The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Yeah. That's right. That's wisdom right there.
"What's my move with Jess? What would you do?"
This one was a bigger smile, and a glint to the eye. It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.
Ha! Nick knew what that meant. "Of course ya would, ya dirty dog!" But then, he got serious. "But in reality Tran, what would ya do if you were me?"
Tran stared back, sagely. He with whom neither slander that gradually soaks into the mind, nor statements that startle like a wound in the flesh, are successful may be called intelligent indeed. He who wants after Jessica Day should just ask her on a date already, you're killing me here Miller.
"A date?" Nick responded, not convinced that this was right. He mulled it over in his head while he walked over to a soft pretzel vendor to buy one. Actually, two. Tran looked like he was a soft pretzel man. Or, at least, he accepted the offering when Nick returned. Nick's waffling was evident as he asked, "What if that's not what she wants?"
Tran's head tilted ever so slightly as he gazed at him over a soft pretzel. With that head tilt, he was saying, Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.
Nick got the message. "Alright, you're right, no second guessing. I've gotta be confident, I've gotta be clear, women like that. Alright, I just gotta say… Jessica, you are a beautiful woman… and… my life has not been the same since I met ya, and it would mean the world to me, if you would, uh…go on a date with me."
Tran looked like he approved, so Nick thanked him, stood up, and began walking back to his car. He was ready for this.
What he missed was Tran's look, saying, Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure. This is going to be a total clusterfuck.
Nick was home in less than fifteen minutes and SO READY when he found himself knocking on Jess's door. The only problem is, she answered her door in a towel and Nick DEFINITELY wasn't accounting for this. Mildly stupefied, he struggled to get out, "Jess… ica! Dirty J! Dr. Day, my toilet sister… If so, food."
Jess, for her part, was equally stupefied by his statement. Or question? She wasn't entirely sure. "You wanna get food later?"
To which Nick responded with a very enthusiastic, if not very helpful, thumbs up. Good enough. She announced that she was going to get dressed and closed her door.
Once he was safely out of her sight, he closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and frowned heavily while the chant of idiot, idiot, idiot played in his head. If that could have gone any worse, he wasn't sure how. He let out a long rattling sigh while trying to close his eyes so tight the whole situation would disappear.
And wouldn't you know it, when he opened his eyes… he was back on the bench with Tran. And very confused.
"Tran? Did you just pull some old guy Asian magic to get me back here after I screwed up? Did you just teleport me back in time to give me another chance at doing that right?"
Tran nodded solemnly, but with a twinkle in his eye.
Nick was wide-eyed. "Tran, you really are magical! I always knew there was some Yoda in you, little buddy! I'm not gonna let you down this time Tran, I've got this!"
Tran smiled and let out a small chuckle. He wasn't sure if Tran was saying, Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall, or an equally possible alternative, I got your back, homie. Now let's see you get at that. It was definitely one of those. But Nick didn't have time to dwell.
He power-walked to his car, sped through the streets of Los Angeles, sprinted up the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator, and burst through the door twelve minutes after leaving Tran. He moved with the brisk confidence of a man on a mission from God, which, for all he knew, Tran could have been.
The problem with the speeding and the sprinting and bursting is that he arrived three minutes earlier than the first time. So instead of finding Jess in her room with a towel wrapped around her body, he found her in the hallway pulling one from the dryer.
If Jess in a towel was distracting, Jess out of one was roughly, like, a bazillion times worse. They shouted simultaneous "OH MY GOD"s while Jess yanked out the towel to cover herself.
"Nick I'm sorry," she rushed out, mortified at her predicament. "Schmidt just washed all of the towels and threw them in the dryer and I didn't have one when I was coming out so I called out from the door but nobody answered and- Nick?" all came out in one breath. The only reason she had paused was because during her small monologue, Nick had not once moved or changed facial expressions or, seemingly, breathed at all, and Jess was a little freaked out at his wide open eyes and parted lips.
But if she was a little freaked out by the expression, she was a lot freaked out by the lack of motion. "Nick? Are you okay? Did you hear anything I said? I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone was home. Are you alright?" She was getting a little concerned.
The most he could manage was a small squawk and a nod. Jess pulled the towel tighter to her and scampered into her room, blushing down past where the towel covered on her chest.
Nick stood there for another few seconds, dumbfounded, before closing his eyes again. Sure enough, he opened them to find himself sitting in the park, Tran looking sympathetic, but not disappointed. Nick shook his head. "I dunno if I can do this, man. Every time I close my eyes now, I just see…I just see her, and her hair is dripping wet, and her eyes are huge like a deer in the headlights. I can't get it out of my head! Not to mention I keep screwing up. I'm just, I'm not sure."
Tran looked at him for a moment, as if pondering. Nick had never seen him look like he had to really think before, and was a little worried that he was really screwed. Finally, Tran squinted and tilted his chin down ever so slightly, as if to say, When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
Nick took this in and nodded. "Action steps. So, like, do something. I can handle that. I've got this. Thanks Tran. I'll see you soon- hopefully not too soon."
On his way back home this time, he stopped at a flower shop to get a bouquet. He took a full ten minutes- Jess dressing time- to pick out what flowers would best suit her. The problem is, every flower best suited her, so he just closed his eyes, swung his arm around, and bought the bunch it landed on. Well, in all fairness, it landed on an expensive one so he bought the equally nice but affordably priced one next to it. The cashier bagged it up for him and he was on his merry way.
He got to her door and took the flowers out of the bag. His new plan was to focus on the flowers instead of naked nymph Jess dancing through his mind. Knocking gently, he looked down at the playful multicolored bunch and started to feel a small twinge.
She opened up the door, mercifully dressed in a high-necked shirt and jeans, but Nick hardly noticed. His nose felt like it was vibrating and he held up a finger while Jess asked, "Nick? Are you alright? And what are you doing with flowers?"
And, by some miracle of god, the twitching stopped. Nick felt fine. He had this. He gathered himself and began, "Jessica, you are a beautiful—". Jessica, you are a beautiful was as far as he got before letting loose a sneeze so fierce it nearly took his feet off the ground.
He kept his eyes closed and didn't open them, not daring to look at Jess's reaction to being hit with the sneeze of the century. The words, "Stupid flowers stupid flowers stupid flowers," kept re-playing in his head until he opened his eyes and saw Tran.
"Tran, look," he started, trying to cut this off here. "Thank you so much for trying to help, but this can't be done. I just keep screwing up and feeling worse and I'm no closer to a date."
Tran shook his head, not accepting the resignation. With stern eyes and a thin-lined mouth, he seemed to exude, Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
But Nick wasn't going to give up on giving up so easily, trying, "I just can't find the right words to say!"
A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions, Tran implied with a slight head tilt, which was particularly rich coming from the mute wise man.
Nick sighed, realizing that Tran wasn't letting him throw in the towel. Feeling vulnerable and silly, he appealed, "What if this goes wrong?"
Tran shrugged and leaned back. A few moments later, he leaned forward to pat Nick's knee. Wherever you go, go with all your heart. And so Nick went.
When he walked into the apartment, Jess was in the kitchen standing on a stepladder and trying to get to the top shelf of the cabinet. His mouth went dry at the sight of her shirt riding up while she reached, revealing an inch or two of smooth, flat stomach, but he doubled down and focused.
"Hey Jess, whatcha up to?"
She sighed and looked to him. "I threw a thing of Chips Ahoy up there when Winston threatened to eat them. But now I can't get them down."
This was the perfect chance to be himself. Who was Nick, if not the helpful one? Nick was focused. He had this. "Oh, I've got this." He got behind her and she stepped off the step ladder, motioning for him to try himself. He stretched and could barely make it himself, his fingertips just clearing the top shelf.
He reached up and managed to grab the Chips Ahoy. Success! But now he felt a little unsteady on the stepladder. He pulled the cookies down in an attempt to step off quickly, but he pulled too hard and the shelf itself cracked and slid into the shelf below it. Suddenly, things were spilling out of the cabinet. A can of picked guava made contact with his forehead before he could get a chance to block it. A bottle of Teriyaki sauce followed after it, and Nick, battered and off balance, fell onto his back on the cold kitchen floor while things kept falling out of the broken kitchen storage.
More shelves started breaking under the weight of what was falling on top of them. Now everything was spilling out, more than half of it landing onto Nick's torso. He could feel the bruising already begin where a 24 pack box of ramen hit his sternum with a corner.
Jess's hands were clapped over her mouth, her eyes wide in horror while the cabinet dumped its contents onto the counter and floor and Nick. He was buried in condiments and snacks and shame. She rushed to his side and asked how he was, but her voice sounded distant to him. He could feel his body shifting into a seated position and he was again on the bench, pain free.
Nick looked despondent. He was oh for four now, each one getting progressively more terrible and awkward than the last. Finally, he muttered, "I can't do this, Tran. I can't even ask her out. And if I can't ask her out, how would I even be able to date her?"
Tran moved quicker than he had expected, grabbing him by the shoulder and giving him a stern look. He eyes seemed to smolder with power. Nick was a little bit more than intimidated. Faced with what is right, to leave it undone shows a lack of courage.
"Well that's easy enough for you to say! You use The Force or a Doctor Who box or something! I'm just Nick Miller. I'm a perpetual letdown. That's my thing. That's my sweet spot- Underachievement."
I want you to be everything that's you, deep at the center of your being, Tran said, laying his index finger on Nick's chest, above his heavily-beating heart. The object of the superior man is truth.
Nick considered this for a second, letting Tran's wisdom flow through him. He could feel where Tran's finger was still pressing onto his heart. He could hear Tran's voice resonating through his head like a gong. He could do this. He was ready.
"Ya know what Tran? You're right. That's it. I can do this. I can do this because it's Jessica Day, who has lived in my apartment for nearly two years now, who has seen the best of me and the worst of me and my naked body and still wants to have sex. There aren't a whole lot of women that fit that and there aren't any of them who are as amazing as Jess and I don't care if I stutter or harm myself or call her my toilet sister, because everything is going to work out anyway. I need it to. It's Jess. Everything will be okay."
Tran looked at him for a moment before grabbing Nick's hand in both of his. He looked him deep in the eye and intoned, It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love. This is how the whole scheme of things works. All good things are difficult to achieve; and bad things are very easy to get. Now get to it, before we accidentally mess up time or something.
Nick took a second to interpret this before nodding. "Yeah. I think I get what you mean, my Tran man. I can do this. I'm gonna do this. Thank you so much for your help. And your super powers. But most of all, for always listening."
Silence is a true friend who never betrays, Tran winked, all traces of his previous intensity gone. Nick smiled and got up. He started to walk away and looked back at Tran, who was now staring into space. He looked harmless. Only Nick knew.
Before he knew it he was knocking on Jess's door. Come to think of it, he couldn't remember getting here. Had he even come here? Was this more of Tran's juju? These were the things he contemplated while Jess opened the door. Nick took a breath and launched in.
"Jessica, you aren't naked and I haven't hurt myself recently and I like you, I really really like you, and I really like that I like you because it makes me happy, and I think these are all good reasons to celebrate. So, will you go out on a date with me?"
And then, Nick had this magical moment where he was floating outside of his body, watching a replay of what he had just said. He studied his words and her facial expression again and he realized that he had just as big a fool of himself as he ever had. And he considered, for a moment, closing his eyes and wishing it away and returning to Tran's bench again, and again, and again until he got it perfectly right and maybe he would just keep doing it for eternity just to get away from all of this being real. But he wouldn't do it. Not this time.
He blinked for a second and he was back in his body, staring into her confused looking eyes. She was clearly trying to process everything he had just blurted, trying to string it together in a way that made Nick Miller make some sense, but there was nothing. There was nothing about this man that made sense, this man that nearly died running from a kiss only to spin her around and nail her mouth, this man that chastised her for gold digging and almost nailed her on the dining room table, this man who managed to frustrate her and endear himself to her and twirl her up just to let her down. There was nothing that made sense except saying yes.
"To be perfectly honest Nick, I don't see what those things have to do with each other, but I'm really happy that you really really like me too. So yeah, definitely. I'd love to go on a date with you."
Wide-eyed Nick Miller smiled and hugged her. And somewhere in time and space, Tran was smiling too.
Smiling, and hoping that Miller wouldn't screw up the actual date.