We were supposed to last forever. Get married and have loads of children.

Now I'm sitting here, alone. It hurt so incredibly I didn't know what to do with myself. Is losing the one you love supposed to hurt this much? It's like part of me has been torn out and set on fire. I haven't a clue how I am supposed to function anymore. I've always had him by my side. To hold my hand through everything, telling me it would be alright. He was my rock, my stability. So, tell me, what am I supposed to do now?

Sounds foolish right? The head strong, know-it-all, Hermione Granger, resorting to something as foolish as relying on someone to get me through my days. Well, let me tell you, this wasn't just some random person. This was who I thought was my soul mate. I am supposed to rely on him. But today he's shown me that relying on him was a mistake and I needed him much more than he ever needed me. What's that saying? Don't make him a priority when you're just his option? That's exactly what I let happen.

I still can't believe it! How could he cheat in me? With Pansy Parkinson of all people? She's always said horrible things about him and his family. How can he just forget about all of it? I guess it doesn't matter now because he seemed perfectly content inside her…..

I found them in one of the train compartments on the way to Hogwarts. I had just spent the entire summer with him. We settled into an empty compartment with Harry and Ginny when he said he was running to the bathroom. After a half hour of his absence I went looking for him, the good girlfriend that I was. I had heard soft moaning coming from the back compartment. They hadn't been smart enough to use a 'silencio'? Stupid git. I whipped the door open to catch the culprits, not even thinking it could be Ron. Why should I have? We were happy I thought.

I didn't even have time to ask why when his excuses were sputtering out of his mouth.

"Hermione I'm sorry! B-but I'm a man and you didn't want to accept that and try to please me. I have needs! You just- you need to loosen up! I'm really sorry!"

His excuse is that I wouldn't put out? That set me off. Before I knew it I lunged at Parkinson. Hitting her anywhere and everywhere I could get at. She hit tried to defend herself but I wouldn't let that happen. There was blood on her face and shirt. Mine or hers, I couldn't tell. Finally Ron was able to pull me off. But I got a few good punches in on him too before I finally got free of his grasp and stormed out. But not before uttering a firm "Fuck you" at him.

I could not go back to Harry and Ginny like this. So I found the first empty compartment I could and threw myself in there and cried until my heart wouldn't allow me to anymore. Finally I looked up and we were getting close to school. I still was not ready to face Harry and Ginny yet. What if Ron was in there? So when we reached school slightly after, I waited promptly until everyone left the train before I got to our compartment. I waved my wand over myself and my simple jeans and a tee transformed into my Gryffindor school robes. I pinned my head Girl Badge on, grabbed my trunk and headed out. I handed my luggage to Filch when I reached the carriages. I climbed into the last one which was empty, Thank Merlin.

The welcome back feast was boring as usual. I sat at the very end away from everybody wishing it would be over so I could retreat to my dorm room. Thankfully, as a head, I had my own dorm. I had to share with the head boy but that was the least of my worries. Soon, I heard Dumbledore on the topic of prefect duties and such. I knew he would be announcing who the head boy would be.

"It's with great honor that I announce the Head Girl to be Hermione Granger-" Everyone cheered and I gave a small smile. Clearly not in the mood for too much attention.

"And the head boy to be Draco Malfoy!"

What?I guess I should have expected that. He has always been right behind me in marks since first year. Hopefully he will just pretend I don't exist and I can live in peace.

The feast wasn't over soon enough. McGonagall led me and malfoy to our dormitory explaining that we didn't have a curfew, had to patrol every few nights yadda yadda yadda.

She gave us the password (unity. Of course) and let us be. I walked in, not even bothering to look around, as I headed to my bedroom. I couldn't even make it up the steps to the door that had my name on it before he started.

"What's the hurry Granger? Going to write weasel and tell him how much you miss him already and wish he could share your bed? You're pathetic." He said with a sneer

"Shove it Ferret. I am not in the mood for you." I sneered. I really did not want to deal with him now.

"Awwww! Did you and Weasel have a little tiff?" Sarcasm dripping from his every word.

"Not that it is any of your business Malfoy but I dumped his sorry ass. So if you don't mind I'll be going." I turned to go but, of course, he wasn't done just yet.

"Not good in the sack I take it? He couldn't get you off? That's a pity really. Poor Weasely doesn't even know how to make his girlfriend cum right."

I couldn't take it anymore. "You know what Malfoy! Fuck you! Haven't you ever learned to just shut your damn mouth for once! I'm not like that and I refuse to let to stand there and insinuate that I am! But you know who is? That beloved girlfriend of yours, Parkinson! Obviously you couldn't make her cum right, as you put it, so she had to go crawling to my boyfriend! Who clearly had no problem complying! She sounded like she was enjoying him very much! Has she ever moaned like that for you Malfoy? Has she ever screamed out in pleasure because you felt so good inside of her? That's what I walked in on today. So maybe you should go speak with your whore before you make assumptions of me!"

I turned and stomped into my room leaving him there jaw open and speechless. Good. I did not want to hear anything from him the rest of the year. I finished unpacking and sat on my bed. Today had been hell. Suddenly I noticed my small pocket knife laying on my night stand. I keep in with me for good measures. My wand is much more useful but it's just a sense of security you could say.

I slowly picked it up and looked at the blade, wondering how it would feel against my skin. How could I have thought that? But it felt alright. After a long silence I slowly brought the knife to my arm, right below my elbow. I dragged it across my skin, wincing as it sliced through my skin and blood trickled down my arm. It felt like all my problems were just running down my arm and disappearing. I sat there or a few moments reveling in the feeling before finally deciding to clean it up so as to not stain my sheets.

I decided to let the cut heal the muggle way so I would have a reminder of this feeling. I never knew something meant to be so painful could feel so good. But what does this make me? Depressed? Semi-psychotic? Sure, I am a little depressed, but that's to be expected. But I am not semi-psychotic. I am just sad and I am using my own way to feel better.

So this is where I am now. Sitting on my bed, dried blood on my arm, not knowing what to do next. I guess we will have to see what tomorrow holds in store for me.

So this is my first story. I edited this chapter for a few mistakes. let me know how you like it! i really want some feedback. and if anyone has an idea of where to go with the second chapter that would be great. im suffering from writers block really bad. so any advice and guidance os greatly appreciated!

thanks!