Hello. I am Kuroba Kaito, more commonly known as Phantom Thief 1412; Kaitou KID. I have a bit of a dilemma, see... I'm in love. Shocking isn't it? Anyways, the one I love, despite being immensely intelligent and charming, is, unfortunately, only 8 years of age. Of course, it is not his body but his mind - full of riddles, trivia and his wonderful personality - that I love but it is, in society, still considered unacceptable. I have two options that are both rather unappealing; act on my feelings and add pedophilia to my criminal record, or don't and live miserably knowing that someday he'll get a girlfriend and forget about me completely. Both terrible in the long run, yes? I chose, obviously, the second one as it wouldn't be an option if I'd chosen the first. This decision is temporary, though I doubt I'll ever find need to change it, I rather like my spotless criminal record.

"... KID!" My love, Edogawa Conan, though I rather enjoy calling him my Tantei-kun, yelled. He was frowning in an adorable way, and it touched me that he was worried.

"Yes, Tantei-kun?" I gave him a Poker Face smile, frowning inwardly at my stupidity at getting into a monologue in the middle of a heist. He, like always, saw right through the fake smile plastered on my otherwise blank face.

"Don't use your Poker Face on me. What's wrong? You blanked." He glared at me until I signaled that I got the message. I sent a silent prayer to the gods before pushing my Poker Face back and sighing. Heaven help me should he catch my thoughts.

"I was just thinking."

"About what?" My Tantei-kun was a curious one, but he meant well. I think.

"... A problem with my love life. I honestly get too caught up in my thoughts sometimes, but I'll be careful not to zone out on heists anymore, promise." I sent out another prayer, hoping he'd drop the conversation since during our rocky friendship we'd avoided talking about me. The whole secret identity thing kind of demanded that, even though I wouldn't mind telling Tantei-kun who I am...

"You're cheating on me?" He joked, his eyes laughing behind those too-big glasses of his. I grinned, ecstatic he'd changed the atmosphere to a more relaxed one. We could just joke around like usual instead of the mildly serious talk from a second ago.

"Never." I rolled my eyes in a playful manner, "Who would I cheat with if I already have such a wonderful boyfriend?"

Tantei-kun had a teasing, mature humor very similar to mine. We often joked of our relationship, as we really were quite focused on each other and we both admitted to not having love lives. Well, on his end it was expected, as he was a gradeschooler. Though when I told him about my nonexistent dating history, he laughed at me. Just because I was 18 and had never been on a date! The nerve of some people.

"So true, and yet I doubt you." He mumbled in a grand show of humbleness. Note my sarcasm. Note it well. "As much as I'd like to be, I'm not your boyfriend. So what love troubles does the great Kaitou KID have?"

"Well, I'm sure they aren't as taxing as yours. Do I get the honor of being your first love, Tantei-kun?" I smiled, genuinely. If my Tantei-kun actually liked me, maybe I could work up the courage to say it and then we could both move on together. I'd definitely feel much better. Though on the flip side it might make it harder to give him up...

"No, yes... It's a silly crush!" His face turned slightly red and he refused to look in my direction. "It'll go away if I ignore it. 'Cause there's no way a thief could love a mini detective like me."

"Well, I don't know, you are quite a catch." I hummed. I was going to explode, I was so happy. This was happening! "Maybe I could see past the fact that you're 8 and fall in love with that mind of yours that makes you seem so much older than you look."

"If only." He frowned. "Can I tell you a secret? You have to promise not to tell anyone. Or think I'm lying. Or insane."

"Alright, I promise." I grinned. "Go ahead, Tantei-kun."

"I'm not... 8, not a kid. Not really. About a year ago, someone tried to poison me. It turned me into a kid instead... You've probably heard of my older self, Kudo Shinichi, famous highschool detective..." He trailed off, done with his talk, to shake his head and frown. "Well, I have a friend working on an antidote that'll get me back to normal, but..."

...

My Tantei-kun was... really the same age as me? My brilliant, amazing Tantei-kun? Not jailbait, not illegal, not a child? A highschooler just like me, someone it was perfectly okay to love? I had to admit, it seemed surreal. But I promised not to think he was insane or lying, so the only option left was to believe him! He wasn't kidding, the joke was in bad taste if he was and Tantei-kun rarely told bad jokes.

"This isn't a joke is it?" I asked for confirmation. He shook his head rapidly, stunned that I'd think so, before suddenly starting in surprise. I'd started laughing a little, obviously scaring him.

"KID? Why the hell...!" He cut off when I hugged him, muttering words of amazement in his ear. "What?" I could feel his face and ears burning from where I was.

"I fell in love with you, you know, I don't even know how many months ago it was. Of course it was because I thought you were brilliant, and interesting." Tantei-kun stood stark still, listening to every word I mumbled in my joy. "I was dead set on never telling you, since you look 8 and all. But now I'm told my Tantei-kun is my age, and if you can't tell, I'm freaking out a bit."

I pulled away from him as he started to talk, "I hope this means I get to know your name, because the curiosity has been killing me." He tried to play it off with a joke but he was red from ear to ear and had a dreamy, happy smile on his face.

"Kuroba Kaito. If you promise not to turn me in, I'll even show you my school sometime." I winked, chuckling and just generally beaming.

Hello. I am Kuroba Kaito, more commonly know as Phantom Thief 1412; Kaitou KID. Dilemma? What dilemma? My life is perfect.