I probably won't want to replay this in my mind, but if anyone cares; here's what happened.
When I was in the sixth grade, something unusual began to happen to me: I began talking in my sleep. Sometimes, my parents heard me, but the vast majority of the time, they didn't. It was probably best that they didn't hear me, because the sleep talking began at a very awkward juncture: my parents were in the process of moving (and to this day, I don't know the reason why) and they wanted me to go to a special school for kids with psychiatric disabilities. I, on the other hand, looked forward to going to my new school and meeting my new friends. I always imagined them as being either super athletic or (like me) mathletes that were good artists. I even imagined their names: Josée-Diane, Mairéad, Koji, Gurvinder, and Jane. All that, though, was shattered when I heard my dad saying the words adults-only condo, boarding school, and mentally ill children in a conversation about the move. My parents were going to send me to a boarding school for kids that had mental problems. Up until we moved, I was going to show them that I was indeed functional and didn't need to go to a school for crazy kids. I didn't think it was going to be too dreadfully difficult: just don't screw up at school or go nuts in front of people on bicycles and I'd be fine. Pretty straight-forward, right?
Wrong. The day I made that decision, I began talking in my sleep. The first time it happened, I was speaking pretty loudly. It was loud enough that Céline (our pet goat at the time) woke up and began bleating like crazy. Good thing goats don't repeat what you've said in your sleep, because if they did; that would be it for me. Mom said he'd heard me talking and he just (thankfully) assumed that I was dreaming. Yet, as the nights wore on, it got worse. I kept talking in my sleep, and the only difference between those subsequent somniloquies and the first one were that my parents (and the goat) didn't hear me. I didn't believe that my parents never heard me speak at night. You just got lucky, Martha I told myself, now don't do it again. Yet, despite telling myself not to do it again, I did do it again. And again, and again. Every day I was afraid my mom would hear what I'd said the previous night. And the sleep-talking continued, night after night.
I assumed the sleep talking would stop once we moved. I figured that I was doing it because I was anxious about moving (and believe me, the thought of being away from my parents and getting shipped off to what was effectively a modern day insane asylum didn't alleviate any anxiety). It didn't. Even after we moved, I kept sleep talking. I even did it on the ride up to the new house. However; I wasn't too horribly worried about my parents hearing me talk in my sleep. I figured that they knew I was functional, and that meant that I knew I wasn't getting shipped off to a special school. That was actually great. I didn't need to worry about screwing up at home/school/community service or anything like that. I was home free.
Now that you have a good scope of my sleep talking problem, here's why I told you about it: almost five years after we moved, I made a tremendous mistake. I wrote down one of my sleep talking misadventures and sent it to Nelvana. Thankfully, they sent it back without taking any further action. Here's what I said in my sleep (and wrote down) in its original, unadulterated form:
Seven Little Monsters:
Episode 50: "The Memory of Trees"
Date written: March 3, 2011
Written by: Martha Richardson
SCENE 1:
(What looks to be a business park somewhere in Pennsylvania. A bus full of kids (mainly girls) unloads, and more buses follow. A deer wanders into the parking lot as the last bus pulls in. The driver stops, kind of like the deer. A car with bright orange license plates pulls in, going around the stopped bus.)
VO: And, as the buses from Marymount school of Classical Ballet pull into Avery Center, we await, with great anticipation, tonight's gala performance.
(Inside, the kids from the buses are now in their costumes, a few are rehearsing for the final time, while a few others are on their phones. The kids from the last bus file in, talking indistinctly about the deer)
VO: Tonight's performance will not be before a live audience, but rather it will be streamed via the Internet, and the families of the dancers cannot wait to see the show that these kids have spent a year preparing for.
(Six walks in and sits down next to Renata Wigholm, one of the girls in her dance class)
Renata: Hey, Six. You nervous?
Six: Kind of
Renata: I think we all are. I mean, they're streaming this online. And I get it
Six: Messing up online and messing up in front of a crowd are two really different things
Renata: So true
(Laura Brillinger, a girl in the younger class, looks at Six and hides)
Laura: Oh, my God, she's here.
Six (excitedly): You bet I am, Laura, (normal, to Renata), why wouldn't I be here? This is gonna be awesome
(Six looks up and sees a woman who looks like Jane Fonda with glasses and denim shorts)
Six (to her (Six's) ballet teacher, Manjula): Who is that?
Manjula (who is clearly lying): Oh, her? That's one of the technical people
Renata: You sure?
(Before anyone goes any further, the woman introduces herself)
Woman: Hi, I'm Leslie Lee. I work for Engineers Without Borders. (to Manjula) May I ask you something?
Majula: Yes
Leslie: I'd like to talk to Six for a bit
Six: Really?
Leslie: It's kind of important
Six: I go on pretty soon, so try and make it quick (giggles).
Leslie: Well, I don't think that we can make it quick. It's kind of about you.
Six: Well, I'd love to be interviewed, but maybe later.
Leslie: I think we should talk about this away from your classmates
Six: I don't like where this is going
Leslie: Don't be nervous, you're not in trouble
(The other girls in Manjula's class roll their eyes, Renata snickers, and Manjula sits down)
SCENE 2:
(Leslie and Six are sitting in an empty office. The walls are pristine, but there is no furniture save for a carpet, a lawn chair, and a computer. The computer is covered with dust and surrounded by caution tape that has long since fallen apart.)
Leslie: We need to talk
Six: I take it you are a fan. Did you see me in Giselle? I was astounding, not to brag, but…
Leslie: About that, it seems the day after you did that performance; there was a major earthquake in Haiti
Six: I remember that. My brother Four kept making fun of me afterwards.
Leslie: You did Swan Lake a few years ago, didn't you?
Six: Oh, yes. That was a lot of fun.
Leslie: Well, the day you danced in Swan Lake, there was an earthquake in Indonesia
Six: Uh, where's this going?
Leslie: In case I've been too subtle, every time you have a major performance, there's been a severe earthquake
Six: Oh, yeah. Wow. What a coincidence?
Leslie: There are no coincidences. That was you!
Six: So, you're telling me that I'm so fat; I cause earthquakes when I dance?
Leslie: Duh! You weight 1220 pounds! That's as much as a thoroughbred!
Six: Well, duh, I'm 10 feet tall. That makes sense.
Leslie: That's not the point
Six: The point is, that you don't know how earthquakes work. Seriously, if things that are the size of thoroughbreds running around caused earthquakes, there'd be a megaquake every time the Kentucky derby ran
(Six leaves the office and goes out into the hall. The hall is pristine, and there is a potted plant at the end of the hall)
Leslie: What's the Kentucky derby
Six: It's a horse race
Leslie: What are horses?
Six (sarcastically, with a twinge of anger): Oh, now it makes sense.
(Six storms off)
SCENE 3:
(Six is dancing. Her costume is purple and the skirt looks like an upside down flower. The bodice on the costume is sparkly and it has T-shirt sleeves and I don't think anyone cares much. Anyway, as she dances, the camera turns upside down and the music fades to "Revolution #9" by The Beatles. The video fades to an informational film about earthquakes and plate tectonics. "Revolution #9" fades out.)
Female VO (who sounds like Dr. Lesh in Poltergeist): You may have heard about earthquakes in the news. But what are earthquakes? Earthquakes are actually what people feel when energy is released from the Earth's crust. This energy comes in the form of seismic waves. There are two kinds of seismic waves: body waves and surface waves. Body waves happen underground and surface waves happen above ground.
(The video cuts to a map of the world with the boundaries of the tectonic plates drawn on it)
Female VO: The vast majority of earthquakes occur near the boundaries of tectonic plates. There are seven of these tectonic plates. The plates are the Pacific Plate, the North American Plate, the South American Plate, the Indo-Australian Plate, the Eurasian Plate, the African Plate, and the Antarctic Plate.
(The map fades to a photonegative)
Female VO (echoing): The reason that so many earthquakes happen near plate boundaries is because the predominant cause of earthquakes is the movement of these plates.
(The scene fades to stock footage of an incandescent bulb turning on and off. As the light bulb switches off the final time, the scene fades to the upside down shot of Six dancing. "Revolution #9" resumes. As the scene progresses, the footage of the dancing is interspersed with footage of the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami, the 2010 earthquake in Haiti.)
Leslie (VO): Six! What the hell?!
(Six turns around. Leslie approaches angrily)
Leslie: Get back here! Get back! NOW!
Six (exasperated, bordering on flat-out rage): Oh, now what?!
Leslie: What the hell makes you think that this isn't an issue?!
Six: Look, I'm not the problem.
Leslie: Yes, you are the problem! I just saw the news. There was a salami in Japan!
Six: What?
Leslie: A salami, you know
Renata: I think you mean a tsunami.
(the scene fades to footage of tsunamis striking Japan. The footage then cuts back and forth between the actual tsunami and a seismograph. "Revolution #9" continues)
SCENE 4:
(The footage of the tsunami cuts to a cork board. On the board, felt shapes of jungle animals bounce around. The two sloths pass a bucket to a macaw, who later dumps its contents (blood?) on a jaguar. The jaguar glares directly at the camera, and the sloth's heads explode, Scanners-style. The scene fades out to footage of a building catching fire, then zooms out to reveal a pig's head on a stick. The pig's head grins while footage of the tsunami flashes past at a rapid rate. Towards the end of "Revolution #9", the pig's head laughs.)
SCENE 5:
(The office from scene 2. It is in far worse condition than before, and the computer was on. The computer is displaying a very static-y image of a rotting pig's head suspended by a string (in other words, it's in suspended animation). Six is lying on the carpet throwing pencils into the ceiling like darts.)
Male VO (who sounds unnatural, almost robotic): Get back. Get back to the others, and forget about the whole thing.
Six: Whatever.
(She resumes throwing the pencils)
Male VO: You don't want them to think you're nuts, do you?
Six: I'm starting to think that you're nuts.
Male VO: Well, you knew that, didn't you? We're part of you; close, close, close.
(Six makes the cuckoo gesture, then resumes throwing the pencils)
Male VO (shouting): What makes you think that you're not the reason why things are no go? What makes you think you knew better than I do?
(Six jerks upright and throws the last pencil, which travels through three floors and hits a man in an expensive suit in the buttocks)
Male VO (continuing to shout): This is ridiculous! You know goddamn well you're only gonna meet me down there, so don't even think of escaping. Don't move a muscle.
Six: Uh-oh
Male VO: That's right! All your base are belong to us! You have no chance to survive make your time!
(A guy wearing a pig skull on his head and red shorts and combat boots shows up. He fires up his chainsaw)
Chainsaw guy: Welcome to die, bitch!
(Six gets up and runs away)
SCENE 6:
(Six cracks open the window at the end of a hallway and runs out. She continues to run, but falls into a sinkhole)
Six (after much thudding): Dammit!
(Six looks around, and finds a door. She opens it, and goes into a room with a single, green light at the end.)
Six: The hell is this?
(The light turns off)
Six: Uh, where'd the green light go?
Leslie (VO): Six, why isn't this done?
(Cut to Six in the office from Scene 2. The office is in pristine condition and the computer from before is functional)
SCENE 7:
Leslie: Six, this is kind of important.
Six: Lay it on me
Leslie: I got off the phone with Wendy Ellesmere, your physics teacher. She says that your TPS report is big-time overdue, and that you will sit out your recital to finish it.
(Six rolls her eyes)
Leslie: Oh, for the love of God, come on. It's not like you're in the same boat as your sister
(One is standing outside. She has two black eyes, and is heavily bruised. Also, a few of her feathers are missing)
Six: Oh, no…
Leslie: Shut up and do your goddamn TPS report!
(Six turns around and sulks. Leslie leaves)
SCENE 8:
(At first, we can see the room from Scene 6, but the green light illuminates the back of the room, which reveals some sort of tunnel. Later, we can see One walking around what appears to be an area reminiscent of the setting of ClueFinders 6th Grade Adventures.)
One: Where the hell am I?
(A group of anthropomorphic plants are loading supplies into a non-functional truck. A plant-man that looks like a cactus inspects the operation. The song that plays in the background is Enya's "Cursum Perficio")
General: OK, lads; it won't be long now. No one, not even the homeless guys in the subway, will see this coming.
Plant guys: No mas!
General: No one will stand a chance!
Plant guys: No mas!
(One shows up, standing right behind the truck)
General: There's the bitch who dragged us into this mess!
One: I think you dragged yourselves into this mess
General: No, you did this. Thanks to your dumb cartoon, everybody knows exactly who we are now!
One: Uh, what?
General: You know, Cactus Jack! It was not funny, it was never funny! Because of you, they know!
One: And, that's a problem?
(She later mouths "whacko")
General: You bet! Nobody on the surface has ever known about us until now. We've been down here for centuries, and our existence has been kept secret. You have just let that secret out! You're in so much shit, you're-
(He explodes and spews scorpions everywhere. One (understandably) flies away as quickly as she can. The scorpions crawl around, eventually crawling on a pig skull. The remainder of the scene shows One flying away in a panic.)
SCENE 9:
[Note: this scene has no dialogue, only descriptions]
(The office from Scene 2, albeit way more dilapidated than before. Also, the carpet is gone and there is a clown statue in the far corner. We don't see One since this is supposed to be from her point of view. One walks around. When she returns to her original location, the clown statue is gone. The statue later appears hanging from the rafters, then charges at her with a chainsaw. One (again) flies off in a panic, and the remainder of the scene shows her flight path from her perspective. As the scene progresses, the background gets more and more nightmarish until the scene immediately cuts to Scene 10)
SCENE 10:
(Six is writing her TPS report)
Six: And…there. It's done (again). Seriously, I already did this! Why do I have to redo it?! I mean, it's not like the other one was crap. I don't believe that bitch Ellesmere made me redo a perfectly good TPS report.
(Six continues griping about the TPS report, while the camera pans over to One. As in Scene 7, she is bruised with two black eyes and a few feathers missing.)
One (VO): Hey, uh, Leslie Lee. You still out there? If you are, just shut up. Stop acting like such a goddamn jerk all the time. You know damn well that Six did that TPS report on earthquakes, and she got an A. You know all that. You're just doing this to pick on her. Give it a rest.
(One blinks)
One (VO): You can quit pretending that I didn't hear you before, because I did. I heard you perfectly well. What the hell were you thinking? What made you think that "Oh, come on, it's not like you're in the same boat as your sister" was an appropriate thing to say? You don't get it at all, do you? You really, really don't get it at all.
(One starts to cry)
One (VO): I'm scared out of my mind right now. I'm not even sure if that was even real. Was it real, or did I hallucinate? Is it something that's going to happen, or did it already? Worse, it could be happening right now. I could be 100% out of it. I better not be.
(One stands up, and stumbles about 30 feet to the left)
One (VO, and she sounds angry): Is a little sympathy right now too much to ask?
(She blows her nose, then curls up to go to sleep)
SCENE 11:
(Ellesmere shows up)
Ellesmere: Hi, Six.
(Six looks up)
Ellesmere: How's the TPS report coming along?
Six: Not good. Why would you make me sit out my recital to write something that I already handed in?
Ellesmere: You didn't already hand it in, it's been overdue for over a month
Six: Well, you had no idea how much I was looking forward to that recital
Ellesmere: You mean your stress-induced hallucination of a recital? There never was a recital. You never got into that ballet school. Besides, it closed about a month ago
Six: It wasn't even real?
Ellesmere: No. Your mind is powerful; powerful enough to make something fake real. Your mind was making it real the whole time. Leslie Lee doesn't exist. Manjula, Renata, none of them exist. But it felt real to you, because your mind was tricking you
Six (worried): Is One OK?
Ellesmere: Yes, she's fine. She's absolutely fine
(Cut to One standing outside)
One: What the hell was that?
End of Document