A/N: I was drunk. Well, okay, not really, but if everyone hates it, then remember, I was drunk.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
The Diary of Miss Lily Evans,
Highly Confidential and
NOT TO BE READ!
IF YOU DO, I SHALL FIND YOU, KILL YOU, BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE, KILL YOU AGAIN, AND REPEAT THE CYCLE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF TIMES.
James laughed. "Wow, who knew Lily was so morbid, eh?"
"James, I don't think you should read it. Lily's one who means what she says." Peter warned.
"Technically, that threat has been rendered impossible since everyone knows that even magic can't bring back the dead." Remus said knowledgeably, stroking his long white beard that looked suspiciously like Dumbledore's.
"Cool beard, Remus, but it looks better on Dumbledore." Sirius said cheerfully.
"Shut up guys, look at this entry!" said James, who had been perusing the pages of the diary.
Tuesday, 7th October, Charms
I don't believe him. I really can't. Seriously, what pigheaded fool would think that shoddy excuse such as 'Sorry Professor, I had quidditch practice' could make up for missing his rounds last night? Oh right, Potter.
I can't believe McGonagall bought it either. I mean, he's the quidditch captain, he decides when there's practice, for Merlin's sake!
I wouldn't put it past him to schedule quidditch practice just so he could skip his rounds. Prick.
"In my defense," said James, "I honestly forgot I had rounds to do."
"I'm sure you did, James, it must be hard to remember, seeing as you have rounds every night at eight exactly."
"Hey! We had that big game against Slytherin coming up you know!"
"And you still lost."
"It's not our fault Lily forced James to do a double shift the next day."
"Oh look, here's another one."
Tuesday, 14th October, Head's Dorm
It's funny how a week can change everything. It turns out Kenny has been cheating on me with Lucy. Lucy, my best friend! Well, ex-best friend now. We had a big row over dinner, and I'm sure the whole of Hogwarts knows about it now. Worse, Professor McGonagall told me that if I didn't pull up my socks and really work hard for transfiguration, I might just fail my N.E.W.T.S.
The weather has been horrible lately and this morning I accidentally dropped my potions essay into a puddle of mud. The ink smudged and everything so there was no way I could have handed it in.
Today Potter annoyed me again. He asked me out. It's good to know that some things never change.
Everyone's counting on me to succeed, so I can't let them down. I must not.
Sirius let out a low whistle. "How stressful is that?"
"Way," James said cheerfully, "and I have the perfect thing to cheer Evans up."
Everyone except Sirius immediately backed away from James, as from past experience he hadn't done exceptionally well in the cheer-up-Evans department.
"Look at me, I'm such a loyal friend, the rest of you are just cowards! Chicken!" Sirius then proceeded to sound remarkably like one.
Wednesday, 15th October, Girls' Toilet
Considering yesterday, today was a pretty good day.
Except that Potter asked me out again.
After five years of asking me out (ever since second year), you would think that he'd have gotten the hint by now. But apparently I overestimated his brainpower (which has proved lacking, at most trace amount) and so I conclude that he is a supreme fat-head. Maybe his humongous ego blinds him to the fact that, I, Lily Evans, will never go out with him.
Why? Because, to put it simply, even though I'm supposedly 'the girl I dream about at night and everyday' and I quote, he has gone out with about half the female population at Hogwarts. He claims they are fill-ins until the time I finally realize that we are 'meant to be together, like Romeo and Juliet' (I don't think he's even seen Romeo and Juliet, only the best play ever). The point is, I have a feeling that I'm nothing more than a prize to him, the one girl he can't get to give him a second glance. What's to stop him from, in the unlikely event that I do say yes though I would have to be under the imperio curse to even consider that, to throw me away like some rag just like he did all the other girls?
So I conclude that James Potter and I will never date, marry, or have a beautiful baby boy named Harry with my eyes and who eventually saves the Wizarding World. No way, José.
"She has a point there." Remus commented.
James, however, was not paying attention. "Hmmm, the imperio curse, I've never considered that…" he muttered to himself.
"I have one word for you, James: Unforgivable." Remus told him sternly.
"Oh Moony, you know you'll forgive me anything… eventually." James blinked seductively at him.
"Um, how can anyone blink seductively?" Peter said.
"Only Prongs, it seems."
They all watched in awe as Remus got a glazed look in his eyes. James turned to them and grinned.
"And that, boys, is how you do it."
They applauded riotously and Peter even took notes.
"You know what, despite what she claims, Evans must at least like me a little bit. I'm in every single one of her diary entries." James said happily.
"Oh Em Gee you're right!" Remus said sarcastically.
"Of course I'm right—I'm certainly not left!" James said.
Remus banged his head on the table and caused a dent (which a house elf soon fixed, so no worries).
"Prongs, you're right!" Sirius said excitedly, grabbing the diary from James and flipping through it rapidly.
"Wow Sirius, you read so fast I can hardly see your pupils."
"Duh, I'm not a professor, Peter."
Peter banged his head on the table and caused a dent (which a house elf soon fixed, so no worries).
And that is how James Potter concluded that he still stood a chance with Lily Evans, eventually succeeded and turned Lily's prediction on its head in an embarrassing manner!
As for how he did it, now that is a whole other story.
fin.
A/N: So was I drunk or not? xD