Okay heres another one, I couldn't sleep last night so I wrote it at like 4am. That may say something about the quality of the writing and comedy it may not be that great.
Sequel of the sequel to drinking games with the others.
Jack stood some would say heroically, not naming any name. Cough... Kate, himself.... cough.
"I have called this meeting to address the issue we all have, its serious and becoming a problem...pale naked men shouldn't be running through the camp." He stomped his foot almost as if he was in the middle of a temper tantrum.
He looked through the crowd of his disciples... friend, he meant friends.
Charlie and Claire sat together, roughly clothed and smiling roguishly, Claries hair was messed and Charlie had red lipstick smeared over his face... which was strange because Claire didn't wear red lipstick. Juliet and Sawyer were leaning on each other both sporting equal look of annoyance and amusement, also strange because Sawyer had been the one that wanted Juliet to get lost. Jack shrugged and turned to Kate.
It was quite worrying, after last nights... attack, she hadn't quite been the same, she had yet to stop rocking, but she had stopped whispering gibberish... So Jack counted that as a plus, he could diagnose theses things see, he was a doctor after all.
"Last night, that horrible pasty man ran through the camp for a second time and scared poor Kate, I mean look at her, who else is going to feed my ego when she is like this, Rose, I think not... no offence Rose." He muttered when she shot him a death glare. It was best to stay on Roses good side.
She was a scary lady, when he had insulted Bernard's SOS sign a while back, she had chased him around the forest with a fork... but he wasn't scared, he was the main character... err doctor, that's right doctor, they needed him. Plus she insulted his live together die alone speech... that bitch, he turned his glare to Rose and found himself in a glaring war, he lost.
Clearing his throat and shaking off the loss, he turned to his people...err friends, except for the unknown ones and spoke,
"Well, I suggest a trek through the forests and confront Ben Linus with this very thought out... letter of complaint." Jack announced holding up a piece of paper.
Eyebrow raised he pretty sure he saw Juliet smother her face into Sawyers arm to stop herself from laughing, in fact everybody seemed pretty amused, this wasn't the way he speeches usually went.
"Now, if everybody just signs it we can go... who's with me." He asked cheerfully looking around at the group of traitors. "God Claire, Charlie could you give it a rest for five minutes, we all heard what you were doing last night." Jack huffed looking at Kate longingly.
That man just pay.
"Charlie's a screamer." Claire giggled and Charlie nodded his head with a wild smirk.
"I'll go with you Jack." Juliet announced standing up, Jack smiled. He knew he requited her for a reason.
Sawyer pulled her back down. "What do you think you're doing princess?" Sawyer hissed pulling her down a bit.
"Please trekking through the jungle to give Ben a letter of complaints about his nudity, who wouldn't want to be there to see that." Juliet snorted. Sawyer thought for a moment.
"Ok Doc, I'm in." He smirked Jack beamed "Great now all we need is Kate, then our group is complete he ignored the unknowns raised hands, they weren't important.
"Okay, troops lets go." Jack announced.
"Do you have the video camera?" Sawyer muttered as the began their trek.
"Of course." Juliet laughed as she attempted to hold a catatonic Kate she frowned and blew a stray strand of hair out of her face.
***
"Tell me again why it was Jacks suggestion to bring Kate, but we are the ones holding her." Sawyer asked Juliet shrugged "Because it would break tradition... dumb ass." Juliet muttered. "Doesn't Locke usually come on these trips?" Sawyer asked.
"I don't know James, I'm new." Juliet answered with an eye roll.
Sawyer nodded knowingly and limped along with the other three, truth be told he wasn't really up for a trek across the forests. Juliet use to be a gymnast see, very flexible and... Stretchy. He smirked at the thought of their little romp last night, drunken sex was the best. But drunken sex with an angry ex gymnast was better.
The three plus Kate carried on their trek through the rough Forest, Juliet had removed her shirt and was now only walking around in a tank top... not that he was complaining.
Jack completely unobvious to the sexual tension behind him continued to trek through the forests trying to locate the others. This was a life and death matter.
Kate must be avenged, he was being a hero, you see. She seemed to like that then after he saved the day he would call her freckles, and there you go, she would be his once again.
It was a foolproof plan.
No, really it was.
***
Ben sat in his house staring dreamily at Jacob lock of hair, Richard had promised and the Boxers Juliet had left for him. He sighed dreamily at the picture of Jacob he had snapped before he had woken and went all mysterious once again.
He was such a tease.
"Sir, the hostiles are moving towards our location, Juliet's with them." Tom announced before looking at his leader with raised eyebrows.
"You alright Ben." He asked taking a step towards the house, then quickly stepping back again.
"I'm peachy Tom, let us go greet the Other, Others." Ben said happily jumping up from his seat. Tom watched the retreating figure of their leader skip down the path.
"He's been like that all day, he made me pancakes and told me I was perfect, just the way I was." Alex told him, Tom cringed.
"I know, I needed like eight showers to get that feeling away." Alex announced, shivering at the memory.
"Excuse me." She said picking up a towel and hurrying to the bathroom.
"Well." Tom announced to nobody in particular. "This is going to be interesting." He chuckled to himself; he hadn't had a good laugh in a while.
***
They found themselves surrounded pretty quickly.
"Hello Jack, James... traitor." He greeted and poked his tongue at Juliet who rolled her eyes.
"Real mature Benjamin, how old are you again, five." She snorted, but couldn't resist poking her tongue back at him. "Jerk." She muttered.
"I know you said you are, but what am I." Ben announced childishly.
"A jerk." Juliet yelled back just as childishly.
"I know you are, you said you are but what am I." He yelled back childishly.
"A PASTY JERK." Juliet yelled
"Yeah, seriously man what's up with that. It's a tropical Island." Tom asked curiously. Ben glared and said nothing.
Jack looked at his clothing with worry, he wasn't wearing much, a robe for some reason, and it was nice. Jack wondered if he had one like it, his followers would be as eager to follow him with a smarmy get up like Bens.
He cleared his throat, it was loud and powerful singing he wanted attention he smiled as the group turned to him.
"We have a list of complaints." Jack announced not noticing Juliet and Sawyers smirks as she lifted the video camera.
"A list of complaints." Ben asked with raised eyebrows the others behind him snickered and giggled.
"Yes." Jack announced.
"By all means Jack; please read us your list." Ben announced clicking his fingers and sat on a chair that one of his disciples quickly placed behind him. Jack was extremely jealous; maybe he could rope Claire into that job.
"Number one, No more naked running trough the camp." He announced Ben said nothing but watched him with that scary bug eye look.
Jack watched for a reaction, but continued on.
"Number two; we would like an apology to Kate for the state you put her in."
"Number three, no more kidnapping!" Jack announced but before he could start on the next demand Ben clicked his fingers and two bulkier men lurched forward and snatched the list from his hands before handing it to Ben who read it through laughing every so often.
"Well, that's not very nice." Jack mumbled.
"Well Jack, it seems you worked quite hard on this... contract but..." Ben was about to continue but stopped at the sight of a blonde man walking through the forest in a tunic.
"Jacob." He sighed wishfully.
The man in question was currently wandering through the forest trying to find a way to have that awkward talk with the one night stand that wouldn't leave.
"Ben." Jacob startled stopping in his tracks, he began to back up a few steps at t he bug eye look Ben was giving him.
"I...err... we need to talk, Richard here now." Jacob yelled only a few moments later the tall immortal man strolled casually out of the forests and smirked at the current crowd of people.
"What do you do, just follow him around until he calls for you." Ben asked haughtily, Which Richard ignored before he asked.
"Are we expanding our drinking games?" He asked but his eyes widened at Ben's quick head shake and Juliet who was doing the universal shut the fuck up motion.
"Oh...ah....I was just joking folks." Richard laughed "medieval humour... I was around back then you know."
"We know, you brag about it all the time." Tom announced and Juliet rolled her eyes.
Richard raised his head confidently and turned to Jacob. "What do you need?" Richard asked.
"You're a good looking man Richard." Jacob began ignoring Ben's jealous glare and Juliet and Sawyers snorts of laughter.
"...Thank you?" Richard answered questioningly. Jacob raised a hand in dismissal.
"I am sure, due to your age. You have had many women...and some men." Jacob muttered the lat part to himself.
"What was that?" Richard asked "Nothing, nothing at all." Jacob responded quickly before turning to Ben.
"See, I need for you to explain to Ben that last night was a mistake, and he needs to stop looking at me like that." Jacob said. Richard looked over to Ben and jumped back in alarm and let out a girlish scream
"God, somebody over his eyes, they look like their about to jump out of their sockets." This was true, Ben's eye poppy smile was common knowledge but this was out of control, he wasn't even blinking.
Richard took a curious step forward and waved his had in front of Bens face... nothing.
"Creepy." Richard announced, a murmur of agreement followed.
He took a breath and was about to get into his break up speech when Ben stood suddenly.
He ripped off his robe and revealed.... his naked body.
A course of angry and disgusted voices broke through the peaceful clearing, woman fainted men turned away in disgust. Jacob vomited in his mouth a little; the crazy French woman fell from the tree she was spying on them in.
Juliet laughed manically, Sawyer smirked. Jack raised his hand to his forehead and fainted like a woman in a 1930 movie. If he expected somebody to catch him he was mistaken. He fell to the ground with a loud bang.
Kate seemed strangely unaffected by the naked man who caused her so much emotional distress.
She stood up herself and ripped off the clothes she was wearing, although this did not garner as many horrified gasps as Bens disrobing. It mostly gains confused and lustful glances.
Except for Ben, who looked away in disgust?
She walked right up to him and began to duplicate the dance he had done in her tent the night before, complete with hip and pelvic thrusts, spins and a spit that was perfectly formed, leaving Sawyer to wonder how many ex gymnast there actually were on this island.
Island living wasn't so bad after all.
"Oh hell no." Ben announced standing quickly and began to duplicate her dance moves, soon it was a fleshy mess of limps flying everywhere as the two attempted to out dance each other.
"Um Kate, what are you doing." Jack asked from the ground.
Throwing in a few more pelvic thrusts and a final breast giggle Kate smiled proudly to herself.
"Revenge is a bitch." She responded to Ben, who had fallen to the ground in attempts to beat her dancing, as well as cover his eyes from the giggling flesh of Kate's body.
"So tanned... so toned." Ben muttered in horror to himself. Tom looked at him with a cocked eye brow.
Juliet snorted and Sawyer winked at Kate. Now two ex gymnasts that would be a great threesome.
Jack stared at Kate's naked body, pools of spit gathered at the corners of his open mouth.
Juliet closed the camera happily.
"It was a good day, don't you think." She asked to Sawyer who laughed as the looked around.
Naked Ben on the ground muttering to himself, a dazed Russo rubbing her head and watching the naked man curiously, it had been a long time since she had sex... even the man who stole her baby was looking appealing to her, she licked her lips and winked at him.
Kate was causally leaning against a tree making eyes at Richard who winked back and gestured to the forest with a cocked eyebrow. Kate smirked and followed him into the forest. Jack sighed.
"Plan B then." He muttered while trying to think of a damn way to get off the island, she would have to like him then.
"Um, we should go." Tom announced awkwardly scratching his head and watched as the group of others redressed Ben and carried him back to their camp.
With the crazy French woman following closely behind.
Jacob rolled his eyes and disappeared in front of their eyes, Juliet turned to Sawyer and Jack. "Should we wait for Kate, personal experience, Richard has a lot of stamina. We may be waiting a while." She shrugged.
"What do you mean personal experience?" Sawyer glared. Juliet rolled her eyes, instead of an answer turned and began to walk through the forest with Sawyer following closely behind muttering things about ways to kill undead men.
Jack remained in the clearing until dark; until Kate finally emerged looking completely satisfied and extremely tired.
"Come on Kate lets head back to camp." Jack sighed and led the now cheerful Kate back to the camp.
The trip had not been a complete loss though; he may have lost the girl but had picked up some kick ass ways to get himself some minions to do his bidding.
And it was all thanks to that crazy naked dancing leader.
***
Juliet had done the rounds with the video camera on their return from the clearing their were equal gasps of horror and amusement as a naked Kate and Ben had a dance off. And amusement as Jack dropped like a school girl who had seen a spider.
For once, the people of the island could not wait for Jack to return.
Hoped you liked this one too.