Title: Spider in the Kitchen

Author: Plaid Voodoo Doll

Rating: T

Disclaimer: If wishes were fishes… the sea would be overflowing. And one more wish could fill a dish… I don't own One Piece.

Pairing: ZoroxSanji

Summary: Sanji, despite all of his tough guy-ness, does have a fear. And that fear come with eight legs, a furry body, and a few too many eyes. ZoroxSanji

A/N: I have no comment. Other than Aquabats rock my purple socks… You can thank them for this… I think. And Reel Big Fish…

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In the distance the crew could see the island. It loomed on the horizon. Nami frowned at it. Why hadn't Zoro said anything? Normally he was up in the crows nest and so should have been able to detect land before any of them. Suddenly a voice came over the speaker. "Oi… there's land in front of us…." This was followed by a loud yawn. Nami should have known that was the case. Behind her she heard Snaji mumble, "No shit, Sherlock."

The crew made ready to go ashore. Usopp and Chopper stayed back on the ship. Even from a distance it was easy to see that the island was not inhabited by any humans. It didn't appear to contain any signs of prior camping so it was safe. Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy went to find food. Nami and Robin went out to survey and map the island.

It wasn't long until a contest between Zoro and Sanji had started. Who ever gathered the most food would sit back while the other had to store it all. These sorts of contests were usual for the pair and so no one interfered or told them they were just being ridiculous. It would have fallen on deaf ears.

Luffy actually won the contest through some sort of strange luck. The argument between Zoro and Sanji about who had gotten more was settled by Nami. She didn't want to have anything to do with the battle, pronouncing their captain as the rightful winner despite his lack of actual involvement. Satisfied with their food supplies now, the group left. Nothing out of the ordinary, right? Very, very wrong. Something horrible was lurking amongst the freshly picked fruits and vegetables.

They, as in Sanji and Zoro, were forced to unpack. They reached unsuspecting hands into the bags of delicious perishables, all the while not suspecting the danger that waited inside, hiding. Sanji was grumbling about how Luffy hadn't been a part of the contest and how he shouldn't have to do this because he cooked it all especially with one green headed bastard. Zoro tried his best to ignore the cook. As a man he had to take responsibilities for his actions. Meaning he wouldn't complain because he had agreed to the terms.

"Stupid Marimo, this is all your fault?"

"How?"

"Because… You let Luffy come along."

"Weren't you the one who let Nami decide the winner?" Silence at this. Zoro glanced over to find Sanji with a dreamy look on his face and hearts just waiting to be let afloat all over the store room. Zoro rolled his eyes and dug further into the bag, setting aside a badly squished fruit. Sanji wouldn't let him throw them a way. Instead the cook was going to turn them into a pie or some such edible delicacy.

Across from him he heard the sudden stop of movement. Zoro turned his eyes on the blonde once again. Sanji's face had gone pale and his visible eye was wide. His lips parted and a shiver ran visibly through his body. His hand shot out of the bag, holding nothing. He took a couple paces back and pointed at the bag. "Sp-sp-sp-SPIDER!" He whimpered and forced himself against the wall.

At first Zoro had been worried, thinking something had stung or hurt Sanji. Then the exclamation. Zoro had to hide a smirk. He went to the other bag. Opening it, he dug around inside, searching for said spider. He pulled out a furry little fruit that might have been mistaken as such. He held it out for Sanji to see. "Is this your spider?" Sanji blushed and snatched the fruit away from the swordsman. "So, you're scared of spiders." The look on the cook's face was priceless. Zoro couldn't feel any more superior than he did at this particular moment.

"No…"

"Really?"

"Wh-what of it, teme?"

"Nothing…" But the smirk decorating Zoro's lips said otherwise. He got a good kick in the ass for it too.

It was later, when Sanji was cooking with the slightly smooshed or spoiled fruits, the bad parts cut off, that it happened. The danger that had been lurking in that bag appeared at the end of the counter. It stared blankly at Sanji. The blonde stared blankly back. After a few moments the huge, furry spider lifted itself up, front legs reaching into the air. Its mandibles moved threateningly, dripping clear liquid onto the counter. Sanji opened his lips to scream but no sound came out. The brown spider suddenly leapt at the cook who ducked in time for the spider to land on the opposite side of the counter. And now Sanji managed to scream.

Zoro was sitting just outside of the kitchen. He was as bored as hell and watching Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp playing some strange game on the swing. It looked… fun. But he would never join in. He wasn't about to degrade himself with something as silly as that. It was while he was contemplating what he should do that he heard Sanji's scream. He bolted through the kitchen door. "Sanji?" He found the blonde crouched on the floor, hands over his head… and the biggest tarantula that Zoro had ever seen sitting not too far away from the cook. His first reaction was to kill the spider.

He drew his sword only to feel a slender body fall heavily against him. "Make it go away!" Sanji was trembling. So was Zoro, but for a completely different reason. Soothingly he stroke Sanji's hair as Usopp, Robin, and Chopper wandered in.

"Everything okay in… OH MY GAWD!" Chopper pointed a hoof at the gigantic spider. "What is it?" He clung to Robin's leg, facing the wrong direction to hide from the beast.

"I do believe it's a tarantula of some sort, Doctor-san," Robin replied, looking down at the little reindeer. "Shouldn't you be facing the other way?" Chopper fixed himself so that he was peeking out from behind Robin.

"Oi, Usopp, don't just stand there." Zoro gestured toward the spider with his chin, laughter hiding behind his words. Usopp nodded and started forward, the spider reared up again. Usopp backed off a few paces. There were arachnids that even Usopp couldn't handle. In the end Chopper stopped his hiding and listened quietly.

"Oh… I see…," the little doctor said. He looked up at Robin. "She says she needs to get home. Her babies are there and she needs to protect them." The tarantula calmed, settling down against the counter top. "Go on Usopp, she says she won't bite you." Gulping Usopp inched forward and then held out his hands to the spider. It crawled quickly up to his shoulder where she nestled contentedly.

"Navigator-san!" Robin closed the door behind her as she and the other tree left, leaving Zoro and Sanji alone. Zoro stopped his hand and lifted Sanji's chin up.

"It's gone." Sanji glanced back at the counter, breathed a sigh of relief and then glared at the swordsman.

"Baka, let me go."

"You're free to move, aho. I'm not holding on to you." The cook was still shaking heavily and it seemed his legs weren't working. In fact, his knees gave out, forcing Zoro to drop his sword in order to keep Sanji upright.

"Damn," the cook growled.

"Oi, are you really that afraid of spiders?" The amusement left his voice.

"So?" Zoro let his weight rest against the wall. He slid down it and positioned Sanji more comfortably in his lap, his legs let to rest over Zoro's right thigh and his upper body cradled in Zoro's left arm. The cook feebly protested. But as his legs weren't quite usable at the moment he had no choice in the matter. He hid his face against Zoro's shoulder in order to keep a furious blush hidden. "I'm afraid of one stupid little thing, so what? At least I'm not a marimo." Such harsh words were hard to believe when Sanji's slender hand clung to the front of the swordsman's shirt and his body still trembled.

"It's cute."

"It's not fucking cute. It's embarrassing!" The words were muffled. Zoro resumed gently stroking his fingers through Sanji's hair. "Oi, stop that shitty swordsman."

"No. Not until you stop shaking like a leaf."

"I'm not a woman."

"I know."

"I don't need protecting."

"I know."

"Shit!" Sanji gradually calmed after that. Soon his trembles stilled and so too did Zoro's hand. As he let I fall Sanji grabbed the hand and brought the calloused fingers back to his hair. "Don't stop." Zoro did as he was told. His hands playing idly with silky blonde hair.

"I thought you were getting up."

"Comfortable."

"There is food in need of cooking."

"It can wait."

"Mmmm…"

"Shithead what was with that tone of voice?"

"Noooothing."

"Whatever."

"Don't fall asleep, aho."

"Teme. Shouldn't I be saying that to you, marimo?" Zoro chuckled quietly and pressed a kissed to Sanji's forehead. He said nothing in return. He just held onto his little cook and wondered what would happen if the others came in and found them in this out of character, cuddly state. How ever could it be explained? He knew Sanji would come up with something. Zoro wasn't one for thinking up plans. He took things as they came. Sanji could be the smart one. It would be his fault they were in this situation anyway.

And now Zoro had some wonderful information for future use. Should he ever desire this docile Sanji to reappear, all he would have to do would be to invest in a rubber spider and some string. Oh, the possibilities were endless.