I'm Not Your Salvation
by Cryptographic DeLurk
..
AN: Covers timespan from the early manga, chapters 01-20. Also features Tsuruoka, the Domino High guidance counsellor from chapter 41.
Also, warnings for incredible amounts of misogyny. If you're sensitive to male objectification, sexual harassment, or assault of women, you might want to skip.
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Joey didn't think about her much at first, except to dislike her.
That, or be taken in by the length of her leg or the hike of her skirt. A novelty spice to add to his masturbatory fantasy, when porn stars got a little too cliché. Anzu's proportions weren't that impressive, compared to the things he'd seen in the videotapes he exchanged with Honda, but she had the benefit of being somebody he knew – and being somebody he'd like to see taken down a peg or two.
Unfortunately, that time didn't seem quick coming. She was class representative, and loved lording things over everybody's head. She got decent grades, more than decent actually, if you considered her English scores. Everybody seemed to take her bossing in good nature, and she even had a local stooge, Mutou Yuugi, to run after her and reassure her that she wasn't being too overbearing (although she was). If she'd been a guy, Joey wouldn't have hesitated to drag her out behind the school, slam a fist into her face, and hold her down until she agreed to fork over her allowance and her pride. But she wasn't a guy and – no matter where Joey's fantasies took him – he wasn't prepared to actually assault a girl a like that.
They had reached an implausible catch-22 – Joey couldn't quite push Yuugi as far as he liked, so long as Anzu was around to defend him. Anzu was an interfering biddy for interrupting his fun jerking Yuugi around – ruining his fun messing up Yuugi's perfect little game of a life. She was constantly in his way. And there were ways around this – catching Yuugi outside of school, for instance – but that would required energy on his part that he just didn't have. Joey was working two jobs outside of school, sleeping through the time he meant to do homework on his commutes, and avoiding Hirutani while trying to resist the urge to depend on Honda as much as he would have liked.
Honda clutched his shoulder, carried him when he was too beat-up to move. What had the rest of them done?
(Only what Joey had asked of them.)
But even after bullying Yuugi had lost its appeal, Anzu wasn't going anywhere. She and Yuugi stuck together like glue, even with the added grace of Joey's friendship. She seemed to trail them, impervious to any and all insinuations that guys sometimes needed time just for themselves. She didn't stop bossing Joey around, nor did she reject him, after everything he had done to Yuugi. It was a type of scrutiny he hadn't been prepared for. It seemed painfully obvious to him that he was being given a second-chance here, one he didn't actually deserve, and he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
And when the other shoe didn't drop, everything he hated about Anzu seemed to drive further into focus. The way she said his name, with the slightest hint of exasperation. The way she would cross her arms over her chest, and tap her foot impatiently. The way she kept smiling, even when Joey let one of his part time jobs slip out of his fingers. The way she volunteered him for the most humiliating position at the school festival. The way Yuugi was obviously head-over-heels for her, but she didn't seem capable of anything except mild teasing and kind smiles.
She was leading Yuugi on – the bitch.
Joey felt more determined to prove this every day. More determined to get to her before she could get to him. Which is why he glommed onto the idea of following her after school one day. If Anzu was, in fact, sneaking off after school to screw older men for money, Yuugi would know about it. He'd know about it in spite of all protests that Anzu's not that type of girl.
The fact that Joey had no idea what Anzu did after school didn't factor into it.
It had been a bit of a disappointment that Anzu just worked at Burger World. A disappointment that she doused their burgers in ketchup. A disappointment that she was so worried they'd report her. A disappointment that she offered to treat them afterwards.
It was a bit of a disappointment that she'd been taken hostage by an escaped convict and gotten a gun pointed to her head.
Okay, so, watching Anzu get taken down a peg or five hadn't been as fun as he thought it would be. Joey couldn't help but feel relieved, when the criminal managed to set himself on fire, and Yuugi managed to drag Anzu away to safety.
After that, the police had arrived, and they'd had a fun time filling in reports and being questioned. Yuugi ended up taking the longest. Poor sucker had been so freaked out, he forgot half of what happened. So Anzu and Joey had been left waiting to the side, as Yuugi flustered his way through his testimony.
Anzu's face was red. She had her arms crossed over her chest, and she was clutching her shoulder self-consciously.
He wanted to apologise. But for what?
I'm sorry some nutso pointed a gun at your head, didn't really seem to cut it.
"I've got a part-time job too," he said instead, to fill the uncomfortable silence.
Anzu turned to look at him. Her face paled slightly.
"Yea-" Joey continued. "I know this guy who works in construction. He sets me up hauling rubble around the city. Mornings. And on Sunday… I used to have a job taking out the trash in this office building – but I fumbled that." He waved his hand descriptively.
Anzu stood up straight. Her shoulders relaxed.
"Oh," she said blankly.
"Yup! So-" Joey inhaled deeply. "You know I gotta job now too. So we're even. There's no way I'd tell on you. Because then you'd just tell on me."
Anzu seemed a little dazed, but then she smiled.
"Thank you, Jounouchi," she said.
And then she ruined it.
"So what are you trying to save up for?" she asked.
It was like a slap in the face. A sudden unbreachable rift.
Joey hunched defensively.
Anzu was working to save money for uni in America.
Save for what? Joey thought. If I didn't work, I wouldn't be able to afford my school fees.
"N-none of your business," he snapped defensively. He felt himself recoil visibly from her. His jaw clamped shut. He glared.
Anzu… looked a little hurt. Then it was gone, and she turned away.
Yuugi had finished with the police soon after that. He smiled equally at both of them.
Joey doubled down on his determination to flip up Anzu's skirt.
Anytime she and Yuugi weren't paying attention. Anytime he could get away with it. It was worth it just to see her angry and aggregated and coming to the increasing realisation there was nothing she could do to stop him. Her punches hurt, but nothing like Hirutani's.
He tugged at the pink fringe of her skirt. Ducked down to stare up at her crotch, and watched her face turn red and angry. One time he found enough courage to pinch her ass through the white granny-panties.
Anzu just couldn't let it go, though. One day she'd caught his hand halfway there, dragged him by it out into the hallway, and reported him to the first teacher she saw.
It was the guidance counsellor, Tsuruoka.
They somehow ended up in the teacher's lounge, standing side-by-side, as Tsuruoka lectured.
"If it isn't Jounouchi-san," he said, bored. "I know school must get a little dull for you, but learn to keep it in your pants. Think about how it reflects back on us, when we get complaints about you harassing a female student. Don't you have any self-control?"
Anzu nodded enthusiastically through this part of the lecture, but Tsuruoka couldn't just leave it at that.
Pretty soon he was ripping on Joey for his grades. Then how he slept through class. His bleached hair. His spotty record in making his school payments. The deficits in his contact information.
Joey rolled his eyes. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked up at the ceiling – pretended he wasn't listening.
But he was. He heard everything.
Anzu shuffled uncomfortably at his side.
"One wonders why you bother showing up at school," Tsuruoka tisked at him. "It doesn't seem like you'll ever amount to much. You should probably stop wast-"
Anzu cleared her throat. "Um- Sensei," she interrupted, "this seems to be getting a little off-topic. If you'll excuse me-" she flushed and bowed shortly, "this is really just about the unhealthy interest Jounouchi-kun has taken in looking up my skirt."
Tsuruoka turned to her, unimpressed.
"I wouldn't be so quick to say so, Mazaki-san," he said. "After all, you share at least part of the blame here."
Joey felt his eyes widen. The white tiled ceiling and florescent lights burned his eyes.
"Wha- Excuse me," Anzu protested, disbelievingly.
Tsuruoka crossed his arms over his chest, and regarded her, unimpressed. "The current political climate may be in your favour, Mazaki-san. But when you shorten your skirt like that, you're only deluding yourself if you think you don't invite some of this on yourself."
Joey snorted. In his expertise as first-class pervert, he knew for a fact Anzu hadn't shortened her skirt. She wore it a little higher up on her waist. And her plump ass hiked the back up a little further than most of the girls. But, no, she was following the school uniform regulations to a tee. Tsuruoka would know that, if he wasn't such a puss.
Anzu flinched. "I- I didn't-"
"But more importantly," Tsuruoka spoke over her, "what are you doing even associating with somebody like Jounouchi-san. He's a troublemaker to the bone. A leech on life and society. Not to mention-"
Joey knew it was coming. He rolled his head back down, and stared at Tsuruoka with as much hatred as he could muster.
"You can't expect someone like him to know how to behave. An outsider is an outsider, no matter how much he tries to blend in. Who knows if Wheeler-san can even comprehend what he's done wrong?"
He spat Joey's English name with a vile sneer. And Joey wanted nothing more than to topple Tsuruoka's desk, stand over the man, and pound his fist into Tsuruoka's face until it was unrecognisable.
But he couldn't. Not if he wanted to keep coming to school every day.
But, Anzu, who had no right, nor reason, to do what she did, reached over and grabbed Joey's wrist.
"Jounouchi -kun," she said pointedly to Tsuruoka, eyes narrowing, "has as much right to be here as anyone. He was born here. He works hard. He pays his school fees, and communicates with the teachers when he needs an extra week to gather the money. He shows up to school every day. And, even with his problems, he's a loyal friend."
She dug her nails into Joey's wrist.
"Frankly, Sensei," she said. "I think you're the one who needs to re-evaluate what it means to be Japanese."
Joey felt light-headed. Tsuruoka seemed to have been stunned into silence for half-a-second.
"C'mon, Jounouchi," Anzu tugged on his sleeve, pulled him towards the door. "This was a mistake. Let's just go."
Joey hesitated for a minute, his feet stuck to the ground. But it was just starting to occur to him that he could go. He could pick up his feet. Let her lead him.
"Not so fast, Mazaki," Tsuruoka interrupted sternly. He seemed to have found his voice. "You can go," he pointed to Anzu with his pen. "But he needs to be disciplined, for sexual harassment of another student." He indicated Joey.
Anzu's cheeks puffed, but she refused to look at either of them. She squeezed Joey's wrist, one last time, and then let go – left to exit the office.
Tsuruoka kept lecturing for a while, as he took out the paperwork for student suspension. But Joey only stood there and fumed. He fumed and felt ashamed.
Anzu shouldn't have defended him.
He'd spent the last five weeks trying to lift her skirt at every available moment. He'd done his best, every moment in her presence, to be as irritating and grating and horrible to her as he could manage without tipping Yuugi off. And here Tsuruoka was acting like it was her fault. Like Joey hadn't done all of it himself. Like it was something Joey did as part of some uncontrollable hormonal impulse, instead of something he'd decided, he'd chosen, he'd taken responsibility for.
It was his! It was him! Only him! No one else!
Notice me! Dammit!
Joey should have been the one defending her! He should have told Tsuruoka he had some nerve trying to pin any of this on Anzu! But he had just let Tsuruoka try and walk all over her, and then she'd taken Joey's arm and looked Tsuruoka right in the eye and told him off.
And who did Anzu think she was?! Where did a fucking twig of a girl get off being so brave, where he was just a fucking coward?!
Anzu was waiting for him outside the office. She was crouched down, next to the door, arms encircling her legs.
Joey glared at her, the suspension paperwork flapping in his hand.
"I'm sorry," Anzu rushed out. She groaned and rubbed her forehead with one hand. "I had no idea he'd be such a… Urrgh!" she growled. "I should have gone to Minami-sensei. Or Harada-sensei… I wanted somebody to talk some sense into you," she frowned, "not… do that."
"Save it, Mazaki," Joey growled.
"Listen," she bristled, standing suddenly. "How was I supposed to know he'd get all weird on you for being half?!" she demanded.
Joey scowled. He felt incapable of moving.
"Lemme see that!" Anzu snarled, snatching the suspension paperwork out of his hand, and read over it. Her face relaxed. "It's only for one day, then? That's not too bad."
"You got me suspended, Mazaki!" Joey protested, snatching the paperwork back. "It's not only one day!" He sputtered. "Y- You got me suspended!"
Anzu looked at him, bewildered, and then realisation seemed to light in the back of her eyes. Her face scrunched up, in a bizarre portrait of disbelief and enlightenment.
"You really hate being at home, don't you?" she asked.
"Fuck you, Mazaki," Joey snarled, before storming off down the hall.
And fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her. Fuck her!
Fuck her for still caring, after he'd shouted at her in the hallway like that. Fuck her for not giving up on him when he acted like an idiot. Fuck her for coming after him when he ran into trouble with Hirutani. Fuck her for walking away, after Yuugi dragged him out of Hirutani's warehouse. Fuck her for coming back with a first aid kit that she'd bought from the local convenience store – spent her own money on – and bringing it back to him. Fuck her and Honda for fussing over him, dabbing at his face with cotton balls of hydrogen peroxide. Fuck them for lecturing him about taking care of himself, and brushing away the blood with gentle fingers. Fuck Yuugi for holding his hand and hugging his side the whole time. Fuck them all for being there when his eyes started welling up because, dammit, they cared.
They cared.
Yuugi was absent from school, along with that shithead Kaiba.
Something had gone down there, but Yuugi answered his house phone and said that everything was sorted, and that he'd be back in school tomorrow.
Honda was busy, too. He was babysitting for his sister, or helping his father out at the auto shop, or doing something else. Fuck Honda, anyhow.
Anzu asked him if he wanted to walk home with her. And he'd said yes. And they didn't talk much, but Joey walked with his hands crossed behind his head, and Anzu walked clutching her briefcase in both hands, and it wasn't too bad. Joey hesitated when it came time to split up. And Anzu noticed, and invited him over to her place to study, and he accepted.
Anzu's house was large, but not in as good a location as Yuugi's or Honda's houses. It was nice, but a little messy inside. Up close you could see the places where door hinges and appliances and decorations needed to be repaired or replaced, but nobody had gotten around to it yet.
Anzu's parents greeted him, and then asked Anzu in hushed voices what she was doing bringing some blond guy over. And Anzu told them off, and loudly insisted it wasn't like that. And what was wrong with them for even thinking that?!
Anzu's room had a low table, and they spread their homework across it, and sat on the carpeted floor.
"Heh~" Joey snickered. "Have you ever had a guy over before?" He grinned lasciviously.
Anzu gave him a withering look. Her face contorted in disgust. "Of course I have," she said. "Yuugi and I are childhood friends."
Anzu was scribbling with her mechanical pencil. She twirled a protractor in her other hand.
Joey leaned back, propping himself against his arms. He wasn't interested in actually doing homework.
"Why don't you have any girl friends?" he asked.
Anzu's nose wrinkled. For a minute she continued writing her notes.
"I don't know," she finally said. She sounded a little sad.
Joey felt a little sad too.
He fiddled with his pen. He twisted it in his hands and placed it on his face – squeezed it between his nose and his upper lip.
"You know Yuugi likes you… you know?" he asked.
The pen dropped off his face.
Anzu sighed. She slumped slightly against the table.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I mean- I like Yuugi, but- Sometimes he acts really different… like he's an entirely different person. It's almost like they're two of him. And it feels really different, but-" She sighed. "I don't like them both the same way… and I don't know which one I like the right way." Anzu was silent for another moment, as she worked on her homework. "I just want to study up and go dance in America," she said. "I don't want to hurt him."
Joey listened to that.
It wasn't really leading somebody on if you weren't sure, he decided. He didn't even understand how he felt about Yuugi sometimes.
"Yeah. I get that," he said.
He tried to do the reading for his literature assignment for a while, but eventually gave up. The carpet in Anzu's room was cozy. He curled up, and wondered what it would be like to live here. What would it have been like to live outside the city, with Serenity?
"Ah, would you like some ice tea?" Anzu offered, belatedly. "I think we have sencha. That or barley tea. Either, or."
"Sure," Joey agreed.
Anzu got up and padded out of the room.
Joey let himself look around in her absence.
There was a bookshelf and a desk. A lamp that looked almost industrial. A couple of teddy bears on the bed. A closet full of clothes, hung on hangers and neatly spaced. Anzu kept her room much neater than the rest of the house.
Joey felt the sudden urge to mess it up. To snoop around. To go through her things, and break them.
But the urge not to was stronger. He was starting to think that Anzu might not have a perfect little game of a life. He was starting to think nobody did.
He didn't want to be that person anymore. He didn't want to ruin things for everyone else. He didn't want to hurt people – just because.
Anzu came back, holding two glasses of tea. She set one of them down on the table, in front of him.
She looked him straight in the eye, as she sat back down.
"Why did you come over?" she asked, piercingly. And Joey realised she'd left the room to work up the courage to ask him. "You hate me," she said. "Why did you come over?"
Joey sat up, stunned. "I don't hate you."
"Yes, you do," Anzu replied. "You don't like me, at least."
Joey paused.
"You can be bossy. Sure. You're sharp and stuck up, sometimes… but I don't hate you."
He gulped.
"You're a good person," Joey admitted.
Anzu frowned.
"I mean-" he laughed nervously. "The real question is why you invited me over."
The real question is, why don't you hate me?
Anzu didn't look at him. "You're a good person," she said. Still without looking at him.
Joey didn't say anything to that. He spread his legs under the table. He reached for the glass, cold water condensing on the side, and took a drink of the tea. It was bitter.
Anzu drank some of hers, too. When she finished, she brightened.
"Oh! By the way," she said, scooting back away from the table. "It's good you came over, because I have something to give you. I didn't want to bring it to school."
She crawled over to her bed, and started reaching under the mattress. Joey tried not to watch her butt sway, as she dug around for something.
"Here!" she said, pulling a video cassette victoriously from under the mattress. "I'm returning this!" She returned to her seat at the table, and plopped it into Joey's hands.
Hard-on Paradise. The gang-bang porno he'd tried to lend Yuugi, and Anzu had confiscated.
"You shouldn't bring stuff like this to school," Anzu lectured. "You'll get in trouble… Not to mention you're too young to be watching something like this."
Joey flipped the tape in his hand.
"You… held onto it all this time?" he asked, confused.
"Well, I had to return it," Anzu huffed. "And I didn't get a chance until now."
Joey made a face.
Anzu laughed at him.
"I thought you'd be into weirder stuff," she admitted, in a hushed voice, before turning back to her homework.
"You watched it?!" he whispered furtively.
Anzu snickered.
It occurred to him that meant he had effectively exchanged pornography with Anzu. The same way he had with Honda and Yuugi. He wasn't sure how he felt about that.
"Did you… want to keep it?" he asked her, baffled.
"No, thank you," Anzu said primly. She was back to marking her homework. "You don't have to come over again, now that I've returned your tape."
Joey faltered. He stuffed the video into his bag.
"I don't hate you," he said again.
Anzu hummed dismissively. "It's okay," she placated. "We're both good friends with Yuugi, so let's continue to get along from now on."
"No, Anzu, I-" Joey insisted. "I-"
He wasn't sure what to say. But he had to get this message across.
"You know," he said. "I haven't seen my mother-" Or sister, he thought. "-in years… At least four years."
Joey cringed.
This was a stupid thing to say. It was a really stupid thing to say. The words left his throat raw, left his head cloudy.
Anzu sighed. She put down her pencil and looked at him. She seemed caught between a smile and a frown.
"I'm not your mother, Joey," she said.
"I know," Joey said.
But she kind of was. Just a little. She scolded him when he was bad, and took care of him when he was hurt, and he wanted to make sure she was safe and happy. Wasn't that kind of like a mother?
Anzu sighed, but she smiled, as she reached forward to grab his wrist.
And Joey, seized between hesitation and the absolute urgent need to be, scooted towards her and pulled her awkwardly into a hug.
"Hey!" Anzu protested. She bopped him on the head with one arm, as she pulled him closer with the other. "Watch the hands, pervert!"
"It's not like that," Joey said.
But it kind of was. Just a little. Anzu was a nice, cute girl his age. But, no, that wasn't what this was about. That would never be what this was about.
"I know," Anzu said.
She patted his head and held him for a minute. And then pushed him away and told him to get a move on his homework.
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They'd gotten split up at some point. Joey had some kind of archaeologist zombie chasing his ass around. It was pretty terrifying. Professor Yoshinori had tried to strangle him, and Anzu had knocked a bunch of the guy's teeth out with a marble globe of the world. And Joey had done his best to draw the Professor away from Yuugi and the others, so nobody got hurt.
But Mr Zombie just wasn't quitting, and Joey was terrified after he'd gotten himself shoved out a window. It was only his good reflexes that allowed him to grab hold of the window curtain and the ledge, before he'd fallen ten stories down.
It wasn't as terrifying as when he looked up, and saw Anzu standing on a plank off the roof, dangling perilously over the drop.
He hesitated only for half-a-second.
By the time he climbed up to the roof, the ropes holding the plank in place were starting to tear. The plank lurched dangerously. Anzu was immobilized.
Joey slammed his back up against the plank. He lifted his arms and strained against the wood. He'd hold her up for as long as he could.
"Mazaki!" he screamed. "Move your fatass! Before you fall!"
He choked, and wheezed. The Professor was coming after him.
"Anzu! I'm here!" he tried instead. He could be a little bit kind, a little bit gentle. "Everything – it's going to be okay!"
Joey heard Yuugi shouting from the rooftop. Anzu seemed to come to a second later.
"Aieeek!" she screamed in fear. She collapsed down on the edge of the plank. The force of her sudden movement knocked the air out of Joey's lungs. He pressed as hard as he could against her leveraged weight. He couldn't hold it.
"Anzu! Get on to the roof!" Joey urged.
She realised suddenly he was there. "Joey?" she asked. "What are you doing there?"
Joey felt himself flush with embarrassment. He grit his teeth and strained his muscles. "Shut up!" he answered. "Hell if I know!"
Really though, in light of everything they'd been through, Joey thought the answer to Anzu's question was pretty obvious.
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