The precinct is having a slow day as she sits at her desk filing the usual paperwork that Castle finds so boring. Sure he loves the excitement a dead body brings and the hunt and chases that follows but all of that must be followed up with this mundane police work or all it is all for naught. Castle usually rushes out for home when the boring day to day begins, but today is different. He comes back with latte for the both of them.
"You need a break," he says.
She rubs her eyes and runs her hands through her hair as she says, "You're right, I could use one."
She reaches for the latte he hands her as he sits down to the left of her desk. What is it about this man that makes him know just what she needs?
The banter is getting louder as Beckett and Castle see Det. Esposito enter laughing while Ryan is blushing and saying a little too loudly, "hey bro you said you wouldn't laugh!"
"ah sorry", says Esposito as he is still snickering as he sits at his desk across from Castle and Beckett.
Castle speaks first, "Ok guys, what seems to be so funny?"
Ryan talks first, "He asked me about my first love….I thought he would be sensitive!"
Beckett chimes in, "well, see that was your first mistake. Since when has Esposito been described as sensitive?"
Esposito shrugs it off, "What about you Det. Beckett, do you remember your first love?"
Kate Beckett appears caught off guard but manages a quick response, "I prefer not to share that nugget with cavemen!"
"What about you Castle" as he nods toward Rick.
Rick Castle appears very quiet now. He almost whispers, "I'll never be able to forget it, and I have tried."
This gets Kate's attention now as she turns to listen. Castle continues, "I was a freshmen at NYU and a group of buddies invited me to this fraternity mixer. I was pretty much not a social butterfly and didn't really want to go, but I stopped arguing after awhile and went. I was there maybe 30 minutes when in walks this girl, dark hair, sexy smile and eyes that were so riveting. I was staring when I noticed she was walking towards me."
"she said her name was Allison and the next thing I knew we had been talking for half of the night."
Beckett was riveted now, but trying to look casual. His story continued.
"We left the party and walked through the streets of NY just talking. We talked about everything. I wanted to become a playwright. She wanted to sing on Broadway but was modeling right now.
Beckett gets up from her chair and says a little too quickly, "Listen guys I can't sit and listen to these reminisces all day, someone has to work here."
She steps away but is still keeping an ear to Castle's story. Her insides are ready to explode. He remembers. He knows. She has worked hard for over a year now to keep that night from her mind and to never have him put it together and now it might all backfire. Part of her is mad, part of her is shocked, but another part of her is warmed so much so by the fact he not only remembers but he felt it too. Back then her world was smaller and her experience with boys er men was non-existent.
She felt so awkward when her friends wanted her to sneak into this college mixer. She was academically advanced for her age. She excelled at school so much she was accepted to NYU at an age when others were still in high school and worrying about prom. What could she possibly do at a college mixer that would make her feel better about her age or her lack of experience? Him. He did. He made her feel important and special. He made her dreams feel real and attainable. He didn't laugh when she told him about singing on Broadway. He just kept saying, "I know you can do it, Allison. You seem determined and focused. I admire you for that."
Thank God she told him her name was Allison. Where did she get that anyway? Her father would tease her growing up with her best friend Sally. He called them "Kate and Allie" like the TV show back then. She laughed.
When he asked her name she gave the first name she could think of "Allie" she said, "Allison"
The sat on the bench in central park by the band shell for hours. She was getting cold so he put his arm around her and held her closer. She leaned into him their heads touching as they talked about today and tomorrow. She had never told anyone the things she told him. He listened and looked her straight in the eyes. She loved that. It warmed her. Then he kissed her. He leaned in to her lips and ever so slowly kissed her. She had never been kissed like this before. Sure at last years prom, Adam kissed her goodnight but it was nothing like his kiss.
She pulled away smiling, as she whispered "wow." "Wow, he says and they both laugh. She wanted more….he wanted to give….they sat there in each others arms exploring each with feather light kisses that deepened their desires. He asked her if she wanted to get out of the cold and warm up at his dorm. She agreed. She knew what that meant. She knew she should be afraid, but his eyes said differently. They went to his dorm room as he led her inside. When the door closed she knew she would give herself freely to this man. She may have just met this man, but she felt as though they knew each other a lifetime.
As he slowly, sensuously trailed his kisses she felt herself moving past the point of return. When she awakened in his arms the next morning, she knew she must leave. She loved him, yes. But she was 17. He was 20. Their lives were ahead of them and she knew things would never be the same. She left, worried about pregnancy and worried about losing her dream.
She thought of him often after that night. She followed his life and his success. She wondered if he would remember. How could he. She told him her name was Allison so he could never ever find her. Her dreams had him running to find her. He would see her in the park or at a coffee shop and they would tearfully embrace and start where they left off. However, that would never happen. She would live vicariously through his success and remember when he was just Rick. She devoured his books waiting to see or read a character or a scene that would show he remembered her. It never happened.
Once she was brave enough to go to one of his book signings. Would he remember her? He smiled at her as she said her name "Kate, sign it to Kate please." She told him. His hand lingered on hers, as he handed her back the book. "Has anyone ever told you, you have gorgeous eyes?" He asks.
"Yes, yes actually they have." She says. As she walks away, she whispers where only she can hear, "you did, many years ago."
Her mind is snapped back to the present as she hears Castle's story end.
"And in the morning, she was gone. I tried to find her. I tried every Allison in the NYU college registry. I asked the guys at the mixer. No one had ever seen her. They said I dreamed her."
Ryan laughs and says, "Yeah, you all made fun of me, but at least my girl was real, not made up."
Castle speaks really quietly as he looks deeply into Beckett's eyes from across the room, "Well, as Theodore Hertzell said, "If you will it, it is no dream!"
Beckett moves back into the group as she snaps, "ok boys are we done with the little walk down memory lane? Because if we are, there are victims waiting for us to file paperwork so their killers don't go free! Anyone ready to work?"
She looks over at Castle who is very lost in his thoughts. She swallows hard and hands him a cookie she brought from the kitchen. He takes it and smiles as he shakes himself back to today. Kate smiles softly as she knows deep down the day will come, and maybe sooner than she thinks, when Castle will learn it was her. She was Allison. But until then, she would just keep her secret a bit longer.