She can't breathe.
The heat of the flames is suffocating and the steam is overwhelming and she can't breathe or think except to know that she needs to see for herself. She needs to see him and know if this is really how it ends. She vaguely wonders how much of him would even be left.
Oh god please, no. Castle, no. Please.
She's on the ground now, not entirely sure how long she's been sitting there.
Castle.
It's raining.
No. Fire hoses. They're putting it out. His car is on fire and they're putting it out. He might still be in the car.
No. No. Please.
She won't think. She can't think. Her lungs fill with soot and the steam from the mostly-subdued flames as she heaves herself off the ground toward the car. She approaches the driver's side door slowly, remembering a dark alley and a dumpster and the familiar dread of walking toward a fate she didn't want to accept.
She has to know.
She peers into the shattered window – nothing. There's nothing there.
Oh god, oh god, please.
Choking on overwhelming grief and relief all at once, she grabs the car handle, rips the door open and-
screams.
On fire – shit – her hand is on fire. No, no, it's not but - oh god - she's on her knees again and suddenly she feels the residual heat pouring off the husk of the car. The flames are mostly extinguished, but the metal of the frame – and the handle – is still white-hot.
"Fuck Kate, you can't – come on, get back – it's still hot Kate, it's still on fire for Christ's sake, get back!"
Esposito is dragging her away from the car as something like sobs force themselves out of her throat. She clutches her hand to her chest, can already feel it swelling up, but it doesn't matter. Nothing else matters besides him right now.
"Espo, stop – please," She's gasping past the pain, but he's lifting her up to her feet and she needs to see, needs to check again because if he's not in the car, then maybe it's all fine.
"Javi he's not in the car, please- we need to look. He's gone. He's not in there, you gotta let me go-"
"I saw, okay Beckett?" He grabs her by the shoulders, orients her away from the car, so she can see Martha and Alexis leaning on the guardrail over his shoulder. "I saw it. It's empty, he's not there. I know, alright? But you gotta calm down, okay? You can't- shit, your hand Beckett – you can't do stuff like that."
"I didn't – I know, I- I just-" She can't think at all now. The smoke is still overwhelming and her hand is searing and tight with pain that makes her ears ring. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, just a few seconds to center herself.
Castle is not dead. He is out there and she is going to find him.
She opens her eyes and they are dark, focused furiously with purpose.
"Espo, I need to help find him. Now."
He nods and releases her shoulders. He's known her long enough to see that she's found her way back into that steel-reinforced place in her mind.
"Okay. But Lanie's taking care of that hand first, and helping you get changed. Me and Ryan will take point with the guys already here until you get back. You take a minute, do what you need to do, and come back when you're ready. Okay? We're gonna find him."
She nods resolutely, eyes focused at the crease in his forehead between his eyes. She knows if she really looks into them, she'll see pity in those deep brown pools. Or worse, doubt. She's pretty sure she's got at least a second-degree burn though, and she can't stand the feeling of the garter scratching her thigh, reminding her of what this day was supposed to be. She'll take a minute, a few minutes to bury the feeling away until she can do her job and figure out what the hell happened to her fiancé.
Esposito grabs her good hand and helps her up the hill. She'll talk to the Sargent, get Lanie to wrap up her hand, grab her badge and gun, and get to work.
What was it he said?
Terrible trials that only the worthy can transcend.
She can be worthy. For him. For their love story.
She won't give up on their happy ending.
3 months later
There's a crick in her neck from the position she's in, but she doesn't care.
He's here, in their bed, drugging her with his fingers in her hair, so she doesn't care.
"It's shorter now. I like it."
She hums, burrowing deeper into his chest as his fingers relax, cupping the back of her neck. They're both exhausted. He's been giving statements all day – statements that end in more questions than answers, and she could see just how much it frustrated him. She studied the hunch of his shoulders and the shuttering of his expression as he realized that half the precinct was waiting for an apology – waiting for him to explain himself when he didn't even know what to explain.
It's… complicated.
But she loves him. She never stopped loving him and she certainly won't now, even if she has questions about what happened and questions about who he used to be.
The answers to those questions, or lack of them, won't change things. They won't. She felt his hot tears on her neck the night after they found him, felt his love poured out in his eyes, his words, his body in the dark of their bedroom when he finally came back to her.
She feels him sigh beneath her now, lacing his fingers with hers and squeezing. She knows.
He is worthy of their love story. He hasn't given up on their happy ending.
He stretches his fingers in her grip, and she does the same, so the pads of their fingertips touch, forming a steeple above his heart. He captures her outstretched palm, and presses it to his lips.
"What happened here, Kate?"
She tilts her head up towards him as he inspects her palm.
"Hm? Happened with what?"
He brushes his thumb feather-light across the faint discoloration that runs across her palm right where it meets her fingers. Most of the burn had been minor, and there was no trouble healing with only a little bit of pulling in the new skin for a couple weeks afterward. Just a portion had been severe enough to leave a slight scar – a discoloration across the top of her palm and the lowest joint of her fingers on her right hand.
"Oh. Um, I burned it actually."
She wraps her fingers around the meat of his thumb, hiding the scar and pulling her palm back out of his view. He chuckles.
"Did you have another lasagna pan incident while I was gone?"
She wants to smile too, but it hurts. It was months ago, but she can remember all too clearly the hopelessness she felt sitting in the ruins of what was supposed to be their wedding day.
But she tries, for him.
"No, ah – something a bit more uh… dramatically stupid."
He starts to chuckle again but he sees how the smile is forced, and how her eyes refuse to meet his. Instead, he wrestles his thumb free of her grip and resumes gently brushing the pad of it across the barely visible scarring, waiting for her to speak.
"Your car was on fire. After- after you were taken out of it I guess. But, uh… I didn't know that then."
She feels him tense underneath her, gripping her palm tight as he sees the scar in a new light.
"Kate-" he chokes out, his arm tightens around her, as if he can pull her close enough that the reality of what happened won't be able to touch them. She brushes her thumb along his knuckles, reassuring him, but he presses his face into her hair, still struggling with the facts of how his disappearance affected her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry – I should have never gone along with it, I just, I thought it was safer. I thought I was doing what was best for us, but I never wanted it to be like this – I never wanted to hurt you, Kate. I just- I'm sorry."
She brushes kisses across the cords of his neck as he strains to give apologies. "It's okay babe. It's done. We're moving on, remember? We want the happy ending, we can't give up. Guess who told me that?"
He sighs and mumbles like a grumpy toddler as she turns his words on him.
"Me. I said that. Stop indulging my romantic musings."
She nuzzles the stubble on his chin and laughs at his dramatics.
"But I'm your mu-uuuuse."
He grunts his disproval of her mockery, and focuses his attention back on the scarring across her hand.
"Does it ever hurt anymore?"
"No, no. It's fine now. No residual pain or tightness."
"It must be killing you though."
She tilts her head up again and raises her eyebrows at him, confused.
"Having to wait this long to tell me how you charged into a burning car in your wedding dress?"
She grins and rolls her eyes.
This man. This wonderful, goofy, handsome, infuriating man. She burrows back into his chest. Their love story will be just fine.
"You want me to start at the beginning?"
A/N: Sorry for any errors - super hastily wrote Sunday night before the premiere! Tried to be vague about whatever happened to/with Castle because I honestly have no idea what is going to happen to/with Castle. Mostly it just killed me in the sneak peak how Beckett kept trying to reach for the car through the flames. This is my "what if she sort of actually did?" AU + fluffy follow-up. Thanks for reading, reviews are great.