I want to do a HikaXHaru drabble.

Regardless of my recent HikaOCing, they're my favourite couple along with HikaKao.

So I'm doing a HikaHaru.

And you'll have to put up with that. I own nothing. :D

Oh yeah – mention of TamaHaru, but ONLY BECAUSE IT'S CANON NOW. I dislike it greatly.

--

I suppose, after all this, I don't mind so much anymore.

After all that I struggled to say, and all that I tried to prove, and all I wanted to show, it just seems irrelevant.

No matter what I could give you, I couldn't give you what you needed.

You didn't need someone who would need you to help them grow up. You didn't need someone who already had someone they depended on. You didn't need someone to be possessive and jealous over you. You didn't need someone who came as a half. You didn't need someone to make mistakes, and leave you in the rain.

You didn't need me.

You needed someone who would be there, no matter what mood or state they had gotten themselves into. You needed someone who needed you to depend on him. You needed someone who was already grown up. You needed an optimist to bring your bluntness out.

You needed him.

And I wasn't him.

So I can accept that.

It's not like I'm alone. I have Kaoru, who when I sit up at night crying over you, will hold onto me, and lie, and tell me that in the end, it's all about growing up.

Am I growing up?

Am I maturing?

Can you see it yet?

I can't. Inside I still feel possessive and jealous, an envious beast dying to reach out and take you as my own.

But surely, you don't want that.

So I won't take you.

And that's okay.

I think I realised I was okay with it when I saw you stroking his hair so carefully and awe stricken, and although I wanted to scream, I wanted to yell, I wanted to cry and I wanted you to see what you were doing to me. But I didn't.

So as long as you don't know how much pain I'm going through, I am not going through any pain. Is that another contradiction? Am I still acting out an oxymoron? I don't know.

Do you?

You always know everything. You knew who was who. You have all the solutions.

Have I changed?

I'm dying to know, tell me. Help me. Please.

Because if I've changed – that means I'm not the person I was when I fell in love with you.

And if I'm not that person, I don't love you, and I can move on.

Because no matter what I told you, I haven't gotten over you. We both know that.

But I just want you to be happy. And he makes you happy.

So I don't mind so much anymore.

--

Poor Hikaru :(

Haruhi needs to get over Tamaki and run into the sunset with Hikaru :D Like, now.

Review?

Peace 'n' love

Lia

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