LA: Okay… If you don't think I'm insane, you will once I'm done writing this. Please, don't ask where any of my ideas came from, even I don't know that. Anyhoo, this is my wonderful, wonderful fanfic. And this (points at Kratos) is TEH STAR!!!1!!!111!11
Kratos: (glares) I. Hate. You.
LA: I love you too! (glomps Kratos) Oh, and I know there's this one person who keeps reporting my fics, so I'll just say this: IN YOUR FACE!!! This one won't be done in script format, so YOU CAN'T REPORT ME!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! (maniacal laughter)
Kratos: …Isn't this script?
LA: (pause) Uhhh… I-it's just the introduction! It doesn't count!
Kratos: (sigh) Fine. Whatever.
LA: What?! Everyone uses script for their intros!
Kratos: Suuuuuure…
LA: Quiet, muse! (glomps Kratos again)
Kratos: (glare) (sigh)
LA: Anyway…
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Kratos, Lloyd, Derris-Kharlan, Dirk, Welgaia, or anything else related to Tales of Symphonia. (pause) And, uh… I don't own the Tales of Symphonia game yet, either… Yes, very sad… Oh yes! I don't own the idea for the claimer, which is right there:
CLAIMER: I do own the idea of this fan fiction! And… uh… that's it…
NOTE: There is EXTREME spoilers in this fic! EXTREME!!! If you haven't beaten the game, DO NOT READ! AT ALL! EVER! Well, at least until you beat the last boss and watch the Epilogue… then it's okay. This fic takes place after the epilogue, so you have to see the epilogue to understand it, 'kay? 'Kay.
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Kratos' Magical Adventures in Derris-Kharlan
Day 1 - Kratos Makes Some Coffee
There he was, Kratos, on Derris-Kharlan, all alone, with no one to accompany him but the authoress. Yes, it was probably very lonely there, and boring. But Kratos, he's just so awesome, so he doesn't mind. So anyway, Kratos was on Derris Kharlan, and…well… nothing else really happened… So… Uh… So he decided to make some coffee. Yeah, that's it! Coffee! Can't go wrong with coffee!
Kratos sighed, then said to the author, "I'm an angel of Cruxis, I don't even need to eat. Why would I want coffee?" Quiet, you! Don't question my authority! "But it doesn't make any sense!" Well, now it does! From now on, you need eat. "But why?!" Well, why not? Go make some coffee!
So Kratos sighed, then made his way to the kitchen and began to prepare some conveniently-placed coffee. Don't even ask why there's a kitchen on a giant meteor made of mana, it was just there!
"What about the cof--" I thought I told you not to question my authority? "Fine, fine… Never mind."
Yeah, anyway, so Kratos started making coffee. And… uh… He… sat… down?
"You suck at this," Kratos said, annoyed.
Well, excuse me!… Princess…
"Wait, did you just call me a princess?!"
Uhhh… N-no, no I didn't!
"Yes you did! Where the hell did that come from?!"
Er… Oh! Look! The coffee's done! What perfect timing!
Kratos glared at LavenderAlana, then turned around and poured himself a cup of coffee. It wasn't particularly interesting, but at least Kratos had coffee now and wouldn't spontaneously fall asleep or anything like that.
"But I don't sleep!" Kratos grumbled. Well, too bad, now you do. Now, drink the damn coffee! "…There's something in it, isn't there?" What? Of course not! There's nothing in the coffee! …Although, if you really want me to… "Oh, fine!"
So Kratos drank the coffee, and there was much rejoicing. Then… uh… Hmmm… I need to think of something interesting to happen. Kratos, I need you to go to sleep so I can think of something for chapter two!
Kratos raised an eyebrow. "Why can't you just think of something now? And why do I have to go to sleep?" 'Cause I'm making each chapter a day. "What if I don't do anything for a day?" Well, I write a sentence about how you did nothing and work on the next chapter.
Kratos sighed. "Fine, fine… Just leave me alone…"
Then Kratos spontaneously fell asleep… So go away. Now.