"Dad."

"Lizze?"

"I… I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"I don't know how to begin… I can't tell mom…"

"What's wrong, Lizze?"

"You're gonna hate me. No. You can't hate me. That would be a double standard. You'd be a hypocrite. I guess you can hate me…"

"Lizze! What the hell are you going on about?"

"I think I'm pregnant."

"…"

"Dad?"
"The FUCK, Liz? That's not supposed to happen to you!"

"I'm no freakin' angel! It's not like I have the best example in the world for keeping it in my pants!"

"What? Who? How? When…"

"What is this? W5H?"

"Don't get smart with me. Who?"

"Just a guy from school."

"JUST a guy from school? When?"

"About a month ago… we were working on a project for school at his house. We were in the living room but it was getting really loud so we moved up to his room. I don't know… one thing led to the other, I guess."

"What's his name?"

"I'd rather not tell you."

"What does his parents do?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Well, damn it Lizzie! These are things you should know before you go around having babies!"

"It's not like I planned this! We're not even dating! I haven't even told him. I only told you because I felt that you would understand and maybe be sympathetic."

"I'm sorry. Do you know your options?"

"What? You mean like adoption?"

"That… and others."

"I AM NOT KILLING MY BABY!"

"You can't keep it."

"Maybe not, but that doesn't mean I can't find a loving home for him or her."

"Abortion is the humane thing… for both of you."

"What planet are you living on? I consider abortion murder and I'm sure my foetus won't think much of it either! Again, I am not killing my baby."

"But… you can't keep it!"

"Why do you keep saying that?'

"I can't have my daughter being a teenage mother! I need to protect my reputation."

"Oh! So after all this… all you think about is your reputation? Not your daughter's well-being or the life of your grandchild? Thanks Dad."

"That's not what I meant."

"That's what you said."

"You have school to think about! You can't raise a child and go to school!"

"I've seen it done before. There are special schools that have day care facilities that are geared just for teen moms."

"What about university?"

"That's 4 years away. The kid will be in school by then… so I'll just structure my classes to coincide with his. Or hers."

"You should talk to your mom…"

"I will. I just needed to tell you first."

"Why?"

"I needed you to know that not everyone runs from their responsibilites. Not everyone takes the easy way out. Not everyone prioritizes work over their family."

"So what are you going to do?"

"I'm keeping my baby, when I have it. Because by then I'll be married and have a strong support system."

"What?"

"I'm not pregnant, Dad. I needed to see what your reaction would be for an English assignment. I'm 14… I'm not the slut your nieces are."

"Liz… next time you do something like this… make sure I'm sitting down. And that I have a glass of wine."

"Okay…"

"Know what? Just don't let there be a next time. You're a damn good liar… or actor.

"Both Dad, both.

This is an actual conversation I had over the phone with my Dad when I was 14. There really was a school assignment to see "How your loved ones would react to shocking news." My mom was on the extension the entire time and could barely contain her laughter. To this day... I've never gotten a better rise outta my dad.

Thanks for reading!