Perduto - Perso

"In which Yuka Azumi finds something she lost a long time ago."

After everything she had sacrificed and gone through to protect Mikan Sakura, Yuka Azumi couldn't find the strength within her to go up to her daughter and hold her in her arms. It was like she was stuck in the moment – could she be so overwhelmed that she was paralyzed at the sight of her own daughter, was it because of their lack of intimacy, or maybe it was because of their lack of a relationship as mother and daughter for the past fourteen years?

When Yuka regained from shock, she curled her hand into a fist. This girl right in front of her is unmistakably theirs. It was her eyes; her brown, expressive, deep eyes and his mouth and nose. If Yuka wasn't thinking about their situation now, she would've smiled (or could even possibly tear a little). She was definitely theirs. She was a part of Yuka, a part of Izumi and some, her own. And she felt happy upon seeing her daughter; if only Izumi was alive, if only he could see how beautiful his daughter had become. But in the end, she couldn't help but feel wretched; even though she had a striking resemblance to her father and the strong similarities to herself (the strange contradictions that they both have, the way she was vulnerable and delicate all the while looking so tough.); Yuka could only see it now as flashbacks from the past, the same mistakes and the same lies that broke them apart. She was the proof of the love that they weren't able to have, the proof of the existence of their forbidden relationship. Although she wouldn't want to admit it to herself, but Mikan Sakura was the lovechild (—the existence of a love that couldn't be—) of two star-crossed lovers.

Yuka wanted to turn around, but she can't. She couldn't. She looked down a0t her feet and when she looked up, at that moment, their eyes met.

Brown with brown.

In an instant, right before Yuka could think of turning away and act as if nothing happened; Mikan rushed towards her and embraced her. She was speechless, but it was Mikan who spoke. In a little, shaky voice, she said, "Mother…"

And when Yuka looked down at her daughter, she knew.

She understood.

("As long as we're together, it doesn't matter anymore—

What's important is that you're here with me, and I'm here with you. Right here, and right now, we don't have to worry about anything.

You don't have to be sorry about anything because—

I love you.")

It's been years since she last cried for the loss of her daughter. In the fourteen years that she spent without Mikan, she taught herself to hate (and love) her daughter.

"It's for her own sake, for her own safety," she even used to assure herself so that she wouldn't break down and cry. "It's for the promise that we couldn't keep – at least, without me, she'll be free. She'll be safe. She'll be happy."

But was it possible to think the same way when she's in her arms right now? The girl whom she tried to avoid all this time, the girl she tried not to be attached to anymore. The girl she believed that wasn't her daughter.

Was it really possible?

Was it?

Yuka doubted.

It had been a long time since she thought about herself, since she had been selfish, since she cared more about what she wanted.

And forgetting about everything else; she hugged her back.

She was so overwhelmed that the emotions that she was trying so hard hide showed. And that every word that she thought about to say to her daughter came into view all at once and all that came out from her mouth was a cluster of words that didn't even make sense.

Mikan Sakura looked up and placed her hand on her mother's cheek. "It's okay…"

And Yuka Azumi was defenseless to her. She nodded her head and took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, okay?" she said, "For everything."

"I know…"

Mikan smiled.

At that moment, Yuka could only close her eyes.

And for the first time in a very long time, she let the tears fall.

Author's Notes:

If you've noticed, my past stories have the same excuses but it's kind of true. Lately, I haven't been writing and I'm not really sure if I still write as good as I did before. ;3; I feel like a mushroom, popping in and out of fanficton. If it weren't for Margalita, I wouldn't have uploaded this. (Thanks Marggs!) Anyways, this was inspired from the latest chapter of the manga. By the by, the Italian title was from my aunts. Perso means like "I lost" and perduto is "lost." I couldn't decide between the two so I just used both. :)