On My Own
-Based on the song by Ashes Remain
For my christmas present to all of you, I made you a Linstead One-Shot. Just as a disclaimer, I have never been in love or had any romantic feelings, so I have no real life experience with romance. If this whole one-shot seems awkward and strangely paced, that is likely why. Now this one-shot is a trial run to see how good I am at writing romance, so I know how much romance I can incorporate into my actual stories. So, in your reviews please be completely honest. If it sucks, let me know. If it's great, same deal. The feedback will help me so much.
This is a present to you though, so don't feel like you have to review (obviously you don't have to. I'm sorry, I'm rambling). Anyways, I hope you enjoy and happy holidays. Next chapter for my main story; I Dare You to Move will be out on Sunday.
"In the end I'm realizing,
I was never meant to fight on my own."
Erin Lindsay and Hank Voight were the last two people in Intelligence that night. It was midnight when Voight finally came out of his office. He threw on his jacket and stopped at Lindsay's desk.
"You don't have to hang around all night Erin," he reminded her. "I've been waiting on that paperwork for a while now. A couple more days won't be that big of a deal."
She sighed. "I know."
"Is this about the case today?"
She shook her head, but Voight saw straight through it.
"We got the guy Erin. You did good. I, more than anyone, know how a close call can mess with your head, but Halstead got you out. You're fine Erin. Go home, get some rest. It'll all feel better in the morning. I promise."
She shrugged. "I really should get this done-" she tried.
"Go home," Voight ordered.
Erin sighed and picked up her jacket. She followed Voight out of the precinct and they both got into their own cars.
She was tired. It had been a long day, casing down another drug dealer who'd killed another kid. Sure they'd caught him, but not before he was able to jump Erin and take her hostage. Jay had been able to blow the guy's brains out with his sniper rifle, but it had gotten a lot closer than Erin would've liked.
The hostage situation had lasted three hours before they were finally able to get the drug dealer to move to a spot where Jay had a clear shot.
She was about to turn right, but her hands spun the wheel to the left and before she really realized what she was doing, she was parked outside her partner's house. She turned off her car and sat there, not really sure what she was doing there. After ten minutes of silent contemplation, she spun her key and turned her car back on.
Then her phone buzzed. It was a text from Jay, reading; You going to come in?
She laughed and headed up to his apartment. He opened the door just as she was raising her hand to knock.
"Come on in," he greeted warmly.
"You always stay up until midnight watching your window for women?" She teased.
Jay laughed as he popped open a beer for the two of them. "You laugh," he joked. "But as you can see, my method works."
Erin rolled her eyes and accepted the beer, sitting down beside him on his couch.
"Seriously though," Jay added. "What're you doing here this late at night?"
"Well, I was planning on staying at the precinct and doing paperwork all night, but-"
"So it was a toss up between me and paperwork...Good to know I won."
"Only 'cause Voight made me."
"Ooh, Ouch," Jay mocked. "Way to hit a guy in the ego."
Erin laughed lightly as her partner rose to his feet.
"You want a bite to eat? I think I've got some left over pizza."
"I'm good thanks."
Jay leaned against his counter and stared at Erin. She stared back at him.
"Thanks, by the way, for saving my life. I'm sure I would've gotten out of trouble on my own eventually, but the speeding up of the process is appreciated,"She teased.
Jay's sense of humour died instantly. The smile he'd been wearing fell right off his face. His response held no humour in it. In fact it was entirely void of emotion. "That's why you have back up. Should we see what's on TV?"
Erin gave him a strange look as he sat back down on the couch and began flipping through channels.
"What?" she spat at him, confused by his sudden change.
"Huh?" he replied, still void of emotion. He didn't even bother to look away from the television.
"You're just going to avoid the elephant in the room? Something's clearly on your mind."
"You have your way of doing things Erin. I'm not going to get mad at you for doing things the way you've always done them. I don't own you. Man, there is nothing on TV right now. Want to try Netflix?"
"Jay," Erin insisted.
Jay sighed, "I'm your partner Erin, not your baby sitter, not your dad. If you want to do things all alone and risk your life, you go ahead and do that. I can't stop you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Nothing."
Erin snatched the remote from Jay's hand and turned off the TV. "Is this about the case?"
Jay turned to face his partner, "You ran off on your own."
"I was trying to catch the drug dealer," Erin snapped, getting defensive.
Jay put his hands up. "I really don't want to fight with you Erin. You're a great person and an amazing cop. You do your job to the best of your ability, but that's the problem. You do it to the best of your ability."
Erin leaned back. "I do what I have to do to catch the suspect and if that means I have to run off without you, then that's what I'll do. When I ran off I wasn't thinking about your feelings, I was thinking about the little girl he put in the ground."
"This isn't about my feelings," Jay remarked harshly. "This about yours."
"Mine?"
"It's how you always do things Erin. Ever since I've been your partner, it's like you don't fully trust me to have your back," he confessed. "no matter how many times you talk about what backup's for."
"You," Erin hissed. "Are way out of line Halstead. I have always had your back."
"It's not about my back!" Jay screamed.
Erin stared at him in awe and confusion. He let out a heavy breath and rose from the couch. He ran a hand through his hair and set his beer down on the counter. Now facing away from Erin he spoke up again.
"It's about your back," he whispered just loud enough for Erin to hear.
The women sighed, rising to her feet. "Jay. I know what I'm doing. You don't have to worry about me. I can take care of myself."
Jay turned to face Erin once more. "When are you going to realize that you don't have to?"
Silence filled the room as the two partners stared intensely at each other. Still without speaking, Erin approached her partner, her face now only a foot away from his.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's just- It's how I've always done things. I mean...I have Voight and all of Intelligence, and I try to rely on all of them- on you, but it's hard. It's not the way I grew up."
"I know how you grew up."
Erin looked up at the ceiling as she took a large, painful break. For a moment, she thought she might let a tear fall, but she held it back. "Not all of it."
Jay took a small step, bringing their faces even closer. "Then tell me," he whispered. "You're not alone Erin."
She took a step back, shaking her head. Her breathing was ragged and panicked as she held back more tears. She didn't talk about her childhood with anyone, but Voight. She didn't want people to think less of her because of how she was when she was younger.
She went to turn away, but Jay lightly grabbed her upper arm.
"You're not alone Erin," he repeated. She looked into his eyes again. "You don't have to talk about your past Erin. I don't need to know who you were or who you used to be. I just need to know that whoever you are now, you're with me. You have to let me help you on cases, catching bad guys, no more running off without telling me where you're going or what's happening. You have my back, let me have yours."
Erin nodded slowly. "I'll try," she whispered, her eyes settling on the floor.
"Do or not," Jay replied. "There is no try."
Erin raised an eyebrow. She looked back at her partner to see him smirking. She burst out laughing. He followed suit. A couple tears rolled down her cheeks, as she stopped holding them back.
"Really? We were having a moment," she laughed.
He smiled. "And here I thought that quote would help the mood."
"That quote didn't help the mood," she joked. "It obliterated it."
He wiped the tears from her face. "So Detective Erin Lindsay," he teased. "Have we reached a consensus? You have your back and I have yours? And you let me have yours?"
"I think I can manage that," she promised.
"So...you want to watch some crappy late night television?"
She shook her head, still smiling. "I should go. We do have work tomorrow."
"Oh yeah," he teased. "I keep forgetting we're both employed."
He followed her to the door. She was about to open the door and leave his apartment when she turned back to face her partner. "I don't. Our job's the only reason I didn't kiss you back there," she said quietly.
Jay's smirked. "It doesn't have to be."
"Unless you really want to be unemployed, yes, it does."
Jay laughed lightly. "You never know. Might be worth it."
"I'm sure it'd be a great couple weeks," Erin said sarcastically.
"Why only a couple weeks?"
"That's how long I give us until Voight finds out and tosses you in the lake."
"You never know. I'm sure if you talked to him he might decide to spare me."
"You want me to plead your case?" Erin asked with a laugh. "Nah, I've been looking at new partners anyways."
Jay laughed. "You could never replace me."
"You?" she teased. Looking up and down as pretending to inspect him. "I could definitely replace you. Me on the other hand? I'm irreplaceable. You don't know how lucky you are to have me as your partner."
Jay smiled. "I think I do," he said. "And I'd hate to lose you. That's why I got so angry. I was scared today. I was really scared."
"I know. I'm sorry, I should have let you known I was casing the suspect down the alley. I'll let you know next time. I promise."
"Good. 'Cause I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."
Erin stepped towards him and placed her lips against his. The kiss only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like it could last forever. With a small smile she took a step back.
"You won't have to find out," she whispered. "You got my back now right?"
"Always," he promised.
With that Erin headed off down the hall, wearing a giant smile on her face because she was unable to control her happiness. She heard the door click behind her as it closed and turned to face it. Her smile grew.
She sat down in her car and spun the key in the ignition. She clicked on the radio and listened to the song that played.
I don't want to fight alone anymore.
She laughed at the irony. Then she looked up at the window to Jay's apartment and smiled once more.
In the end I'm realizing, I was never meant to fight on my own.
With the end of the chorus, she turned off the radio and put her car in drive. All the way home the few lines sang themselves in her head. She was never meant to fight on her own.