Logic? What's 'logic'?... "Many of the greatest wizards haven't got an ounce of logic" We all know Hermione Granger loves logic, but the rest of the wizarding world sees things differently.
"I present- The Oogly-Boogly Shield Charm!"
Hermione gazed, open mouthed, at the purple, sparkly wall of slime that had sprung up at the Defense Professor's summons. For a minute, she was motionless, and then her head fell into her upturned palms even as her fellow students cheered.
Why am I even surprised any more?
~oOo~
"Err… Hermione? You alright…?" The voice was soft, hesitant.
"Ron, does it look like I'm alright?" the girl in question asked, throwing him a dirty look. Then she sighed in exasperation as Ron looked uncertainly at Harry for guidance. Throwing her hands up in the air, she continued, bristling like an angry cat as she strode down the hall.
"I don't understand why everyone was so impressed! I mean, that spell, it was complete gibberish! It wasn't even a language; it shouldn't have worked at all! And what kind of defensive wall has sparkles?" She descended into an angry murmur as she continued her rant, eyes still flashing with suppressed indignation.
"Well why not? It's all just sound, anyway." Hermione gave the speaker a look of outright disgust that showed just what she though about that comment.
"Don't be silly Ronald. All the other spells we've learnt use Latin; they correspond to verbs and phrases that describe the effect we want. Why else would pronunciation be so important? Remember Wingardium Leviosa? The professor's shield charm was just baby talk!"
"Well, sure, we use Latin now, but anything can work. You don't think that wizards have always spoken Latin, do you? And it's not as though we're using proper Latin. I mean, otherwise we might as well just speak Latin and then we could go round telling things what to do all the time."
There was another short silence at this.
"Ron, I'm not sure whether to be impressed that you actually said something mildly intelligent, or shocked that you're correcting Hermione." Harry interjected. He couldn't help but think that Ron acting intelligent was rather... awkward. It felt like the universe was out of whack, the cosmos somehow misaligned...
Throwing off his misapprehension he continued- he felt he should make some kind of contribution to the discussion. "How do you know this anyway?" he queried.
But before Ron could answer, Hermione broke in once more.
"Alright then, but they still used language- unless they used something else before Latin?" she broke off suspiciously, eyes narrowing. "More gibberish? Just random patterns of sound they happened to think sounded nice together?" Hermione was getting rather agitated again, her voice shrill and eyes wide as her hands gesticulated wildly. Ron, however, was unfazed.
"Oh no," he said, "there used to be a whole lot of different languages, anything that sounded nice really, mostly Celtic languages- Brythonic, Pictish, Gaelic, Manx, Goidelic; there was even some Cimmerian in there for a while there- a revivalist movement, you know the sort- and then there was Sphinx, of course."
"Of course…" Hermione's voice had become slightly faint by this point, and Ron stopped, peering at her concernedly.
"Wait- Sphinx?"
~oOo~
The shouts and cheers of a spell battle echoed up the corridor as they hurried to Potions. Hermione, ever the responsible one, rolled her eyes and put on what her two best friends called her I'm-a-prefect-and-if-you-don't-stop-this-right-now-then-you'll-be-sorry face. It really was quite impressive. Terrifying, even, as they assured her on a semi-regular basis.
Then, right as they were about to intrude on the competition, a suspiciously familiar pink and purple, sparkly wall burst into existence in front of them. For a second there was silence. Then, as students cheered, Hermione began to turn an impressive shade of puce.
Harry just stared for a moment, then turned slowly and began to trudge back up the hall as his friend's shrill voice rose above the chaos. Late. Again. I swear, the world must hate me.
~oOo~
"But it's only logical, Ron! That shouldn't work- it just shouldn't!"
"Hermione, I thought we got over this in first year! It's magic! It works the way it damn well wants to!"
"Oh, Honestly, Ron! Magic might work by a different set of rules, but he-"
"Yes, I know what he said! Just because you don't understand-"
"I don't understand! You listen here Ronald Weasley-…!"
Harry sighed, eyeing the door, seriously considering skipping class for the first time ever simply to escape the shrill voices and endless arguments. They hadn't stopped once since that fateful lesson where Hermione had been confronted with the latest DADA professor's 'oogly booley' charm.
Yeah. He could kind of see why Hermione had cracked- it sounded like something off a third-rate preschooler TV show. Not that he'd ever watched even a third-rate preschooler TV show. Stupid Dursleys. He sighed again.
Turning back to the argument, he wondered for the thousandth time just why he had asked to be put in Gryffindor.
I've always thought it amazing that three children raised in such different ways and cultures managed to fit together so well. So, I thought it would be fun to show them having one of those meaningless arguments you would never find in the book, but that showcase the differences in their heritage. I also find it rather annoying that people dismiss the Wizarding world as illogical and impractical without considering why- after all, if you can do pretty much anything with the flick of a wand, certain 'muggle' knowledge no longer applies. I hope that at least some people will find this mildly amusing, if nothing else.
And yes, that in the middle there, that was a gibe at fan tropes of Thickheaded!Ron and Apathetic-yet-somehow-superior!Harry. :P
Please Read and Review!