Legolas exhaled loudly. Although it was clear to him that there was a snow balls chance in Mount Doom of this conversation going smoothly he also knew that he couldn't avoid having it for any longer. This time he was going to stand his ground and his father was going to have to deal with what he had to say.

"Dad," Legolas started with because the readers didn't really think that the author was going to have the character speak in standard Middle Earth formatily for a crack fic. "I have something to tell you, and I know you're probably going to take it the wrong way, but just hear me out here."

To Legolas's surprise his father didn't say anything. He wasn't sure if this meant that, for the first time in his very long elvish life, Thranduil was actually going to listen to him, or if his father was simply waiting for the right moment to shoot him down.

"Alright," Legolas took a sharp breath before blurting: "I'm in love with Tauriel."

Thranduil regarded his son for a moment before simply saying: "No you're not."

"Yes I am." Legolas stated, needing his father to understand that this was not a debatable matter.

"Well, it would never work out," Thranduil informed him dismissively. "And she's in love with the dwarf anyway."

"I'll make her fall in love with me," Legolas answered back.

"And how are you going to do that?" Thranduil smirked as he asked the question.

"I don't know." This wasn't exactly true, but Legolas was more than a little hesitant to reveal his game plan to his father. However, he quickly ruled that it would be wiser to reveal his tactics than sound ignorant. "I'm planning to just kill a bunch of Ocrs in front of her and see where it goes from there."

"Hmm," Thranduil actually seemed to ponder this idea before saying: "No, that will never work, I tried it on your mother centuries ago."

"Why can't I date Tauriel?" Legolas asked with his voice full of irritation. This shouldn't be his father's decision anyway, Legolas was certainly old enough to be in charge of his own love life.

Thranduil gave Legolas the sort of look that all children dread seeing on their parents faces. The look that stated 'I don't know who you think you're fooling and you might as well just tell me the truth.' However Legolas did not know what the truth was, so he waited for his father to continue.

"Because, son, you're gay."

"How many times do I have to tell you, I am not gay!" Legolas groaned after he barked this exclamation.

"Fine," Thranduil looked utterly unconvinced, but he seemed to want to be fair at the moment. "Why don't you hang out with the Dúnedain for the next three movies and we can figure out your sexuality after that."

"Fine."

Oh the random ideas that come into my fangirling brain.

Please review! :-)