A/N: Warning: This story contains suicide and some graphic imagery.
"Henry, no matter what you think, no matter what anyone tells you, I do love you." Regina smiled at Henry through tear-filled eyes. Inwardly she was praying for a response, for her son to tell her that he loved her too. His silence however, crushed any last hope she had. He would never love her again. No one would.
She almost couldn't bear to leave him. In those horrible moments when she had known Henry was never going to wake up, she had been devastated. Her wonderful, beautiful baby boy was dead and it was all her fault.
Regina backed away from him, knowing that it was now time for her to leave. She did so slowly however, so she would be able to keep him in sight for as long as possible. She was trying to memorize every detail. The curse was broken and she knew what that meant for her. She didn't know if she would ever get the chance to see him again. Finally forcing herself to tear her gaze away from his, she ran heartbrokenly from the room.
Heads turned and people watched her as she fled through the hospital, but she hardly even noticed they were there.
Finally, she burst through the front doors of the building. As she arrived outside, she slowed down and allowed herself to take in a few deep breaths. She had hoped the fresh air would help to soothe her heartache, but it only seemed to make it worse. Regina closed her eyes and placed a hand on her chest. As she did so she could feel just how quickly her heart was beating.
She couldn't help but notice how different the town felt already. It was as if the atmosphere itself had transformed. Storybrooke was no longer the pleasant and peaceful town it had always been. The air was now filled with the distant sounds of car alarms blazing and townspeople crying and calling out for the loved ones they'd just remembered they had. The entire town was being reunited with their friends and family, and everyone would have the chance to find their happy ending once more. Everyone that was, except for Regina. She had no one to run to, no one to comfort her, and no one to promise her that she would be safe.
Blinking back fresh tears, she turned around to look back up at the hospital. She yearned for Henry so much that it hurt. Right now she wanted nothing more than to simply hold her little boy close, whisper to him how much she loved him and to promise him that everything would be okay. The need was so strong that she almost went back into the building, and almost timidly, she took a step forward. However she quickly stopped herself. She knew that if she went back he would only reject her again, just like he'd been doing for so long now. Throughout her life all she had ever wanted was to have a love so strong as the kind she currently had for Henry. She had gotten her wish when she had adopted him, and she cherished that love with her entire soul. The love between a mother and her child was supposed to be everlasting and unconditional, but unfortunately what she felt for him was not mutual.
Tearing her eyes away from the building, she folded her arms to hug herself instead and began to make her way to the only place she wanted to go: home. She knew it probably wasn't the safest place for her to be right now. If citizens of Storybrooke were hunting her, angry at her for casting the curse, the obvious first place to look would be her house. She had always wondered what the townspeople's reaction would be if they ever remembered what had happened twenty-eight years ago. They would be angry with her no doubt, but just how angry? Would they simply wish to send her into exile, or would they be so angry that they would turn hostile against her? Knowing from experience in their old land that the latter was probably more likely, she began to wonder whether hiding would be the better option after all. She could go to the vaults underneath her family mausoleum, no one really knew about it and she might be safe there for a time so long as Jefferson kept his mouth shut.
But in all honesty she didn't want to hide. Besides, it wasn't practical. She wouldn't be able to stay down there for very long because she just simply wouldn't be able to survive. It would probably be a lot quicker to be murdered than to starve to death. Either way, she would die without dignity.
Regina began to make her way home, and as she did so she could feel the heavy toll this long night had had on her. She was so tired, yet she forced herself to move. The quicker she got inside the better, and she hoped that perhaps if she kept out of sight, maybe everyone would just leave her alone.
She passed a few groups of people on her lonely journey through the streets. Most of them turned to watch her. Some had fear in their eyes but most just had pure hatred. Some even stood up threateningly as she passed, as if they knew she was too distraught to challenge them. She was ashamed that her heartbeat increased at these gestures. In their old world she had been feared by all, but a major reason behind that was her magic and these people knew that here in Storybrooke with no powers, she was just like them. She was aware that she was even physically weaker than many of them. But she continued to walk as if these people weren't there. She didn't even respond when one man yelled vicious threats at her. Ever the queen, she held her head high and pretended these actions had little effect on her.
Soon Regina turned a corner and arrived onto an empty street where thankfully no one had followed her. There were more tears threatening to fall from her eyes but she refused to allow herself to succumb to them. She blinked them away and began to run, wanting to get away from the tension of the town, away from all the hate and away from all the judgements. Thankfully her house was not too far and when the quaint white structure came into view at last, she resumed walking.
She was still breathing heavily when her hand finally touched the cold metal of the doorknob. She slid the key in the lock and crossed the threshold. After turning the lock back into place with a reassuring click, Regina leaned back against the door and finally gave in to her exhaustion and distress.
Quite out of the regal character she always maintained in public, Regina allowed herself to slide towards the ground. Here she wrapped her arms around her knees and rested her forehead against them. After a few minutes of sitting like this, her breathing began to come more steadily and she was able to enjoy the silence and comfort that the familiar surroundings provided. In this moment her home felt almost like a sanctuary. She knew that chaos was bound to be flooding the towns' streets by now, and right now her home was a very welcome safe haven.
This house was practically the only thing Regina had left in the world, and she would gladly give it up just to have Henry's love again.
Regina breathed a quiet sigh as she wiped a few tears from her cheeks. Her body was beginning to ache from sitting on the hard marble floor, and so she gingerly stood up and made her way upstairs. For a few moments she lingered in the doorframe of Henry's room, hardly daring to enter. A fresh wave of despair ran through her as her thoughts turned once again to him.
Why did he hate her so much? Had she really been such a horrible mother all these years? When had been younger, he truly did love her. The two of them had shared what Regina had thought was a special bond, one that could never be broken by anything. But as time went on, he had honestly begun to believe that she didn't love him. That was something that she would never be able to forgive herself for. He was her entire world. She had only ever wanted him to be happy so why hadn't she been able to do more to stop his depression? Perhaps it was because she had never been able to prevent her own unhappiness, and as a result she had never been able to learn how to help him through his. The more he pushed her away the harder it had become to reach out to him. Whatever she told him about her love for him was disregarded as lies.
Regina entered the room slowly and sat down, defeated, on the neatly made bed. Her heart ached overwhelmingly for her son, but she knew she would forever be denied his love. Regina picked up the pillow and clutched it to her chest, not even trying to hold back her sorrow any longer. She began to cry soundly as she hugged his pillow tightly, trying to gain any morsel of comfort from what she wished with all her might was her son she was holding instead.
She continued to cry as the minutes passed, she wasn't sure how many. It could have been hours for all she knew. But as time went on, she was getting more and more unable to bear the sight of Henry's empty room any longer. Regina replaced the now creased and tear soaked pillow to its previous position and left the room without looking back. She had to close the door behind her because everything in there reminded her so much of Henry it was destroying her.
She crossed the hall and entered her own bedroom instead, moving first to the window to inspect the front of the house. The street remained blissfully quiet, and void of any unwanted guests. For the time being, Regina was safe. However she knew they would come for her eventually, their only goal being her death.
As Regina tried to force herself to try to relax for a moment, she realized just how tired she had become. It had been an excruciatingly long night and she hadn't exactly been sleeping well in the past few weeks to begin with.
Regina breathed a deep sigh as she looked out across the town in the direction of the hospital. Unable to stop the pain from welling up inside her again at full force, Regina moved away from the window and allowed herself to collapse onto the bed. She kicked off her shoes and curled up against one of the pillows.
As she lay there, shivering and wiping the tears from her face, her eyes strayed to her bedside table where a photo of Henry and herself was displayed. She gazed longingly at it for a few moments before taking it in her hand. The image caused her to give a ghost of a smile. It was of the pair of them on Henry's fifth birthday; Henry was clinging to her side as she held him close. He looked so happy. It had been far too long since she had seen him smile like that.
Only a few short years after this photo had been taken he had become unhappy and withdrawn. He wouldn't confide in her as to what was bothering him so she had arranged for him to meet with Archie, just so he would have someone to talk to. Unfortunately that hadn't seemed to solve the problem either. In fact she suspected it might have made Henry's feelings for her even worse.
Her biggest regret was not being able to show Henry how much he meant to her and how much she truly cared for him. She had never even imagined that he might think she didn't love him. She felt terrible, there was nothing worse than to feel unloved and alone. Regina herself was no stranger to those feelings, and it broke her heart to know that she had allowed her own son to suffer that way.
Staring at the picture of her perfect five year old son was only making her feel worse. It made her yearn for him even more, wishing for a time when things had been so much better. A fresh wave of tears began to fall from her lashes and she found herself suppressing heavy sobs. It took all of her remaining strength to keep from screaming out in agony from the emptiness inside her heart.
Clutching the picture frame against her chest, she closed her eyes and bowed her head as if she were hugging the object. As she grieved the loss of her son, she wondered if she would ever receive anyone's affection ever again. There were only a few things she possessed that reminded her that she hadn't always been alone. The most important one was a ring, the only token she still had from her beloved Daniel.
Regina's eyes fluttered open again as she reached into her pocket. Her fingers enclosed around the tiny box tucked away inside. After placing the picture frame on the bed, she opened the box and took the ring from its holder. As she rubbed the piece of jewellery between her thumb and forefinger, she remembered how happy and safe she had always felt in Daniel's arms. He had always made sure she felt cherished, wanted, and most of all loved. She wondered how things would have turned out had his life been spared. Would they have had a good life together? Would they have had children of their own?
She and Daniel had been the perfect match. There had never been anyone to compare to him. When he had been so horribly ripped away from her she had been destined to be alone forever.
Regina pressed the cool metal to her lips before slipping the ring onto her finger. As she admired the way her hand looked with it on, she noticed that it was trembling. She quickly clasped her other hand around her fingers to try to make the shaking stop, but since her whole body was trembling, it failed to produce any result. She nestled deeper into her pillow, hiding her face from the world. She was trying her best to keep her breathing steady, and as her heartbeat began to slow to a more normal pace her exhaustion finally got the better of her. She fell into a deep, but not so peaceful sleep.
As her surroundings came into focus, Regina noticed that she was in the garden outside of her office, the one containing her beautiful apple tree. She smiled as she approached it, reaching out for the closest apple in order to take in its delicious smell.
She sighed in appreciation. But as she was about to pick the apple she heard a voice from behind her, softly saying her name.
'It can't be...' She thought to herself incredulously. She turned around in disbelief, certain she must have imagined his voice. He was dead, he couldn't possibly be here in Storybrooke.
Yet there he was.
"Daniel!" She asked incredulously, rushing over to him and taking him into her arms. "It's really you!"
"Hello Regina."
"This can't be real, how can you be here"? Regina asked happily, though the confusion was still evident on her face.
"I'm really here." He assured her, giving her half a smile that quickly faded away.
Regina was much too shocked to notice his lack of enthusiasm. "Well, I don't care how you're here I'm just so happy that you are..." She stepped into his arms, hugging him desperately. "I've missed you so much. I never thought I would ever get to see you again." She said, feeling a few tears escape her lashes.
After a few moments, she realised Daniel wasn't returning her embrace. In fact he seemed to have stiffened at her touch. She drew away slightly to look up into his eyes.
"Daniel? What's wrong?" She asked him in concern. She reached up to touch her palm to his cheek but he flinched away.
"Don't touch me." He said angrily as he pulled her other hand away from his arm.
"What? Why, what's wrong?" Her voice trembled. There were hints of worry and fear in her eyes.
"I've seen what you've become. It's disgusting, the things you have done. You've condemned hundreds of innocent people to suffer, most of them don't even remember their own families! How could you do that Regina? You know what it's like to lose the people you love, you shouldn't inflict that pain onto other people. I've seen so many people die because of you."
"Daniel–" Regina whispered.
"You've become a monster. I never want to see you again." He turned to leave but Regina grabbed his arm, taken aback by his words.
"Please tell me you don't mean that." She softly begged him. "I'm sorry I did those things. Truly I am. But–"
"You shouldn't need to be sorry, you should never have done any of them in the first place."
A tear rolled down Regina's cheek. "Daniel my life after you was nothing. When I had the chance to escape I took it. I just wanted to be in control of myself again. I wanted a second chance at a happy ending. I just... wasn't able to find it. I thought coming here to this new world would change things but... things just didn't work out the way I hoped they would. The only way I could ever have been happy was with you. But now you're here!"
She stopped to admire him through tear filled eyes.
"We can be together again now. Isn't that what we always dreamed of?"
"Your words can't take back what you've done to the people of this town. Don't you see Regina? You've become just like your mother. I can never forgive you for everything you've done. They say magic always comes with a price, well it looks like this is it Regina. The price you paid for using dark magic was our love."
With that he wrenched his arm from her grasp and started to make his way out of the garden.
"No, Daniel please don't go!" Regina ran in front of him and placed her hands on his chest to stop him, the desperation clear in her eyes. "Please just give me another chance. I promise I can make it up to these people, please just stay with me. I can't lose you again, I love you."
"But I don't love you. Not anymore. Goodbye Regina."
He pushed past her and disappeared. Regina stood rooted to the spot, staring heartbrokenly at the gateway he had just left through. She could feel the tears rolling down her face as she collapsed to her knees. She had never believed he of all people would ever willfully abandon her. Whatever happened, he had been the one person she'd thought would always love her. She wrapped her arms around herself and allowed herself to cry. Now she truly had no one left.
As Regina woke up once more, she could feel the tears already streaming down her face. She knew the dream had been just that, it wasn't real; Daniel had never said those hurtful things to her. Yet as she recounted the dream she began to shiver again, it had felt so genuine.
It forced her to wonder that if Daniel could see how she had changed over the years, would he no longer be able to love her? As the hateful words continued to haunt her, the despair inside her reached a maximum. Regina curled in on herself, hugging herself desperately as heartbroken sobs began to consume her. She simply laid there, crying and broken. She didn't know how long she stayed like that, but she honestly didn't care.
After a while, Regina's tears began to flow less freely, and her weeping had long since calmed. She knew what she had to do. It would solve everything. It would stop the pain, the loneliness, and it would keep the townspeople from inflicting their revenge on her. They didn't know that she didn't need to be punished. Her life had been punishment enough.
She sniffled as she sat up delicately, pulling the blankets over her still trembling form. She then reached over and opened a drawer in her nightstand. After a few moments of rummaging, her hand enclosed over a smooth, thin object. After a moment's hesitation, her hand withdrew to reveal a sleek, sheathed dagger.
Regina took in a deep breath as she slid the sharp blade out of its protective case. This weapon had remained in the drawer ever since her arrival in Storybrooke twenty-eight years previously. When she was still getting used to living without magic, she had kept it there for security reasons in case the curse was faulty and someone came seeking justice when they knew her guard would be down. The dagger had been kept there to protect her, it had never been meant for use on herself in this way.
However the new purpose for the dagger had a slightly calming effect on her. She knew that once it did its job, all of her pain would soon come to an end. She would never have to feel anything ever again.
The tears began to fall more persistently again, but she had already made up her mind. She raised the blade to her wrist and after a few deep breaths to steady herself, she ran it across her skin, pressing in deeply. The searing pain was much more than she'd expected and it caused her to cry out. She dropped the blade on the bed beside her and curled back into a sitting position, cradling her heavily bleeding arm. Regina pressed her lips firmly together to muffle her cries, and as she breathed shakily, she reached for the blade again.
Curling her fingers around the handle caused her injured arm to throb and gush. She whimpered in agony and disgust as she watched, but she knew the faster she did this the sooner it would be over. She held her breath as she did the same to her other arm, and soon the blood was running freely from both wounds. She gasped, feeling quite faint as she looked at the damage. There was so much blood.
Through her pain she was beginning to hear distant voices coming from outside, but they were yelling things she couldn't make out.
So she had been right.
The people had come for her after all, but they were too late. She only hoped the darkness would welcome her before any of them got the chance to get close to her. The last thing she wanted was for them to stop her from succeeding. Especially only so they could inflict their own torture on her.
She picked up the knife again and slid further under the blankets, lying back down again. She was so cold, and the soft weight from the duvet gave her the illusion of safety. She repositioned the photograph of Henry so she could look at it once she had rendered the final blow, which she would do in a few moments. She wanted the last thing she ever saw to be her son. As she gazed at her baby boy through tear-filled eyes, she gasped and drove the dagger into her abdomen. Her thoughts and vision were starting to blur, and the coldness that was flooding her only continued to worsen. She wished there could have been a better way out. Her only comfort was knowing that no one would ever be able to hurt her again.
There was a distant crash from below as something was thrown through one of the main floor windows.
"I love you Henry..." She breathed. She closed her eyes briefly before looking at the picture of the two of them again, her vision kept swimming in and out of focus. "I'll always love you." With that she blacked out, and her very last breath escaped her lips before anyone could reach her.
A/N: Thank you for reading, please don't forget to review.