Title: Dominatrix Can Break the Spell
Summary: Sara returns home after Lady Heather's case, and hearing about Grissom's midnight house call.
Spoilers: "Lady Heather's Box"; "The Good The Bad and The Dominatrix"
Disclaimer: I don't get anything in the profits made from this show. Just excellent viewing pleasure. And a possible restraining order from the big guys if they kill Sara in September. They'll be hearing from me, that's for sure. I can see the headline now... "ESTRANGED CSI FAN TEARS A STRIP OFF OF TPTB FOR KILLING CHARACTER FAVORITE SARA SIDLE..." Ha ha! I wish.
A/N: Another post-TGTBTD fic. I know I already have one, but this one starts like right after the screen went black. Well, maybe not right after but it starts before my other one. And this is my first sort-of-angsty fic, so let me know how I do in this sub-category. Tell me, do I suck, or am I okay, or really good or... You get what I mean. Read and enjoy!
Dominatrix Can Break the Spell
Trudging up the stairs to her apartment, Sara held back a sob and shoved her key into the lock. Stepping in, she let the door slam shut with a bang, defining her mood.
She was angry – no, pissed off was more like it – and upset. This case had taken a toll on her, and she'd let her personal issues into the case. Grissom would be disappointed, but he'd come home and they'd talk it out.
Normally.
But that was not the way it would work tonight. Her personal issue had become Grissom, therefore no discussion would follow.
There will definitely be no talking things out tonight, she thought sadly.
She walked slowly to the bedroom, feeling emotionally and physically drained. She reached the doorway and sucked in a breath. The room was a mess, with sheets and pillows thrown around the room, and their clothes from the night before scattered about.
The scene gave Sara a sick feeling of what they'd been doing the night before, when they'd been a happy yet tired couple, with every relationship snag smoothed out.
And then it all went to hell in a hand basket, Sara thought mournfully. Stupid bitch had to go and almost get killed, and then someone just HAD to call Grissom…damnit!
She thought back to the call she'd received earlier the night before…
OoOoOoO
"Sara, it's Catherine. We need you to come help us, an attempted murder…"
"Sure, I'll be right there," Sara had answered, looking forward to going to work to see Grissom, who was at the lab. She hated her nights off, especially when she was alone.
Arriving at the scene, Sara was shocked to find that the victim was none other than Lady Heather; dominatrix. Catherine, Brass and obviously Grissom had met her, but she had not. She'd heard the rumors of her and Grissom though… that they'd spent the night together years ago…
When Sara had asked Catherine what Heather was like, her words had pierced Sara's already fragile heart. "Beautiful, intelligent, intense… the only person who can beat Gil at mental chess…"
Catherine went on and on about the two of them, filling Sara's heart and mind with an aching dread. Pain filled her, and she found herself trembling slightly at her words.
"…I know that he would never tell me, but I am almost absolutely certain that they spent the night together during that case…" she trailed off, and Sara blocked her out, focusing back on her job of evidence-collecting.
OoOoOoO
Shaking the memories from her mind as she backtracked her way from the bedroom, she felt tears in her eyes and hastily wiped them away. She wouldn't cry, it did nothing for her anyway.
She moved to the couch, not being able to sleep in the bed when it smelt so much like Grissom and the love that they shared. She was alone tonight, for the first time in a long while, and the intensity of her loneliness seemed to swallow her whole as she drifted off to a restless sleep.
OoOoOoO
Grissom had seen the look in her eyes when they were alone in the layout room, and he knew that she was pissed off at him, and very likely at home, upset. He realized he had hurt her, but wasn't sure that he knew how much he had hurt her.
He knew that he should of gone straight home to her, to tell her what happened, to explain that Heather was only a friend, and that his heart belonged to her, and only her, but he hadn't. He'd gone to Heather's; wanting to bring her the one thing in life she had left: Zoë's daughter Allison, who was her granddaughter.
After making sure that they were alright, he'd headed to his townhouse, expecting to find Sara so he could apologize to her. He found that his home was empty however, with no signs that she'd been there recently.
Grissom drove straight to her apartment, and hurried up the stairs. He began to fish in his pocket for his keys, but thought better of it and replaced the chiseled piece of metal back in his pocket.
Taking a deep breath, he knocked hesitantly on the door. "Sara?"
OoOoOoO
Sara could hear someone calling her name, a deep male voice, but she didn't want to answer it. She wanted it to leave her alone, and she wanted to get some sleep, even if it was on an uncomfortable couch.
Better than the bed right now, Sidle, she kept reminding herself bitterly. I better wash those sheets after shift tonight…
The calling of her name became more insistent, and the dull sound of fist on door was becoming louder, breaking into her thoughts.
For God's sake, who the hell is pounding on the door? Sara thought as she rose from the couch. She pulled the blanket that had been draped over her closer to her body, trying to keep the warmth.
She made her way to the door, and slowly pulled it open, not having the energy to look through the peephole. She was suddenly met with the face of the man she loved – and hated – at the moment.
"Grissom?"
"Sara?" he asked worriedly, taking in her now-tear-stained face and the fact that she was still fully clothed, but looking only moments from being asleep. "Honey, are you okay? What's wrong?"
Sara felt herself put up a wall against him, something she hadn't done in quite some time. "I'm fine. And nothing's wrong, Grissom. I'm just tired." She spoke with a cool tone, completely blowing her cover of being alright.
"Sara… I realize that you might be… confused…" he began, not wanting this to turn into a fight.
"No, Grissom, I get it. Heather was out of the hospital, so you just had to go see her, in the middle of the night. I said it before, I understand."
Grissom sucked in a breath, trying to calm himself. She was making such a big deal out of this, and he didn't know why. "Can I come in?"
"I don't care," she said, finally giving up and moving away from the door. It was entirely up to him whether he came in or not.
He stood on the threshold for a moment, contemplating if he should go in. Finally deciding that he should, he stepped over the barrier and into an apartment so familiar to him it was his second home.
Sara made her way back to the couch, and collapsed onto it, sprawling her thin form over it. "Want something to drink?" she asked bitterly.
"If I want a drink Sara, I can get one myself. Thanks anyway."
"Whatever."
Grissom moved to the couch and gingerly kneeled down in front of her. "Sara…"
She whirled on him, and was only inches from his face. He could see more built up tears there, and wanted to take them away. He knew though, that he was the cause of her tears, and her pain.
"How could you do that to me Grissom?" she asked in a whisper. "How could you just spend the night with her, and not even tell me where you were going?"
"Sara," he said calmly, "Heather is a friend. I wanted to make sure that she was alright…"
"Do you know what she does for a living?"
"She's a dominatrix," Grissom answered slowly; not at all aware as to why that was important to Sara.
"Exactly."
"What does it matter that she's a dominatrix? It's her chosen profession; I have no say in it…"
"I would hope not," Sara mumbled under her breath.
"Sara, I don't understand why this has upset you so much. Could you please explain it to me?"
"Grissom, she's a dominatrix. A woman who runs a freaking sex club, for God's sake! And you, a respected scientist – and what I thought was a faithful man – spent the night with her!" More than once, I'll bet, Sara thought coldly.
"So…?"
"Grissom. She. Is. A. Dominatrix. A fucking dominatrix!"
"Yes, she is. What does that matter? I don't care what she does for a living. She's my friend, Sara. And you get no say in who I am friends with, no matter how much I love you."
"Is that what you told her when you slept with her? That she was just a friend?"
Grissom finally saw the root of the problem.
"Sara," he said, suddenly horrorstruck as to why she was crying and angry. The reason for her anger finally made its way into his brain. "My God, you think I went to Heather's... and slept with her… and… and... cheated on you!?"
Sara didn't answer, but she didn't need to. Grissom saw the answer in her expressive brown eyes, and it was a clear, definite yes.
"Oh, honey… no, no! I would never do that to you! I love you! Why would you ever think that?" he asked, his voice strained.
"Because," she said in a small voice, startling him – he hadn't really expected her to answer. "I fell in love with you a long, long time ago. Longer than I can remember. And before we were together, you had no problem ripping my heart out and stomping all over it time and time again. You always said that you didn't know what to do about 'this' and now you've gotten bored with me. What better way to break up with a woman than to cheat on her with a dominatrix?"
Grissom felt an iron vice grip his heart as he struggled to breathe. "Sara… no, Sara… I didn't… I wouldn't... no..."
"It's okay Grissom," she said, tears finally falling. "I know I'm boring and not always the best person to be with. I just thought… well, we tried to be a couple, to be together - obviously it didn't work - but I – I still love you… I'll always love you..."
"Oh God," he said, letting his head fall into his hands. "Sara, please, stop. Don't do this to me, honey. I didn't cheat on you. I've never cheated on you. I wouldn't cheat on you. I… I can't cheat on you…"
"Then why were you there, Grissom?" she asked, venom creeping into her voice to mask the pain. "Just making a midnight house call?"
He lifted his head from his hands and grasped her wrists. Pulling himself up, he sat beside her on the couch and wrapped his arms around her, taking her into his warm embrace. Lifting her chin so he could look straight into her eyes, he said, "Sara, I love you. My God, I love you so much. More than anything. Heather…" he paused, gathering his thoughts so they would come out right. "Is an interesting woman. I've known her for... six years, and when she was in the hospital… she was different. Something was… not right with her. Do you know what I mean?"
She shook her head no, but said, "If you say so."
"I do say so, honey. I just wanted to make sure that she was alright. I care about her, as any friend would."
"Okay," Sara said, moving to stand, but he held onto her.
"Please Sara," he said, gently turning her around in his arms. "I need for you to believe me, and not just say that you do so you don't have to deal with it anymore."
A sad smile graced her lips as she looked up at him. "I don't know if I can believe you Grissom. I just…"
"Sara, I'm in love with you. You have no idea just how much you mean to me, and how my life revolves around you, how it's always revolved around you. You are the most amazing woman I have ever met and the only woman who has held my heart the way you do."
She shook her head, silently telling him with her eyes that he had hurt her in a way she never thought possible. "It's not that easy Griss," she whispered. "You can't just tell me you love me and expect that it all goes away. Forgiveness doesn't work that way."
"I know that Sara. Trust me, I know."
"Do you Grissom? Do you really understand that?"
"I do Sara. I really do. Is there any way I can make it up to you?"
"Yes. By promising never, ever to do it again," she said, looking up at him with her brown eyes that were filled with pain and sorrow and fear that she desperately needed him to take away.
"I promise you Sara," he said with sincerity laced in his voice. "I won't do it again. I don't cheat on women. I never have. And I am certainly not going to start with you. You're my life honey. You're perfect. And I love you."
"Yeah right," she scoffed. "Me? Perfect? I don't think so."
"Well, aside from your default of not being able to cook…" he said with a hint of a smile.
"Hey!" she exclaimed, a tiny smile forming on her lips. "I can cook."
"Not really sweetheart," he teased gently, knowing full well that her cooking skills had improved dramatically since they'd been together. Glad that she was at least smiling now, he said seriously, "We all have our defaults, Sara. Yours just happens to be cooking. Mine is bad communication. But we love each other for who we are and for all of our defaults." He gave her a wink and began to rub her back soothingly.
"Hey!" she said, slapping his chest gently. "I do not have defaults!"
"Of course not," he said, laughing lightly. "Just the cooking one. Other than that, you're perfect. In every single aspect of your being."
"You just keep on believing that," Sara said, letting her head drop onto his shoulder in an intimate gesture showing that he was on his way to becoming forgiven.
"You are perfect, Sara. And I do love you," Grissom said, the love and passion clearly evident in his eyes.
"I love you too," she answered quietly.
Grissom stood up and started to lead her down the hall to the bedroom. Stopping at the doorway, he faced her again. "Are we okay?" he asked nervously.
"Sure Griss," she mumbled, pulling on his hand to step into the room, exhaustion overtaking her senses.
He pulled on her hand and made her stop. "Really, Sara. I need to know. Are we okay?"
"Yes Grissom," she answered turning to him, her eyes bright and awake while she told him the truth. "I forgive you."
"Thank you," he whispered, tears in his eyes at her forgiveness.
She tugged on his hand again, her eyes drooping closed. "Bed, Grissom. I need sleep."
"Sure honey," he said, picking her up and carrying her the rest of the way to their bed. He put her down gently before he settled down behind her and pulled her tired body into his strong and awaiting arms.
As soon as she hit the pillows, she was out. After a long and hard emotional day, she felt the tiniest bit better knowing that the man she had entrusted with her heart long ago still held it precious in his own.
Grissom cared for it, nurtured it and loved it. She knew that as long as he was around to love her, her heart would be properly taken care of.
Now she knew that he loved her enough to stick around, even through the rough times that were sure to follow. This was only the beginning. There was comfort in the thought though that her heart would be properly taken care of forever.
Forever could now truly be believed as an eternity for Sara Sidle, and her fragile, but still-strong heart.
-End-